Monday, May 5, 2014
"THE OTHERS": (Euthanasia: Hell Bound or Heaven Sent? You Decide...)
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Euthanasia: Hell Bound or Heaven Sent? You Decide...
by
Mark William Darus.
An Eighty year old man, dying slowly, painfully from cancer over the last 9 months decides he's had enough. Pain medications aren't really covering things, though what's left of his bodily actions don't clearly display this as atrophy holds sway against his once proud and strong muscles.
Stuck inside his all-too living, suffering mind, existing and living, though for the sake of others, he rides in his mind alone...
His world has devolved into a bedridden existence where the once carefree ability of taking a piss now escapes him. The thought of this causing him torment with memories of doing so in his childhood: Opening whizzing with his friends on warm summer days beside railroad tracks during adventures granted and taken.
"The Others" have to tend him.
"The Others" have to spoon feed him like a loving parent nourishes an infant.
"The Others watch closely, though like that of a negative photograph, as this loved one before them gets smaller and more feeble and unsure of each step they take as they strain to meet them eye to eye.
As they simply wish for the Angel of Death, Grim Reaper, or simply an end to the pain.
A pig-tailed bright eyed blond gets nailed by the driver of a car down a side street. She was chasing after her kids ball. She ran out between two parked cars, and due to this being a happy time, elated and unguarded, failed to look both ways and was struck down.
The doctors cannot fix her, yet can sustain her life with medications and equipment, and due to the extent of the damage, she will never walk again. She will also never have the ability to reach out and hold her children and husband again. She is unable to speak.
Laying on a bed, a mere ghost in a shell, all she can do is see what crossed her immediate field of vision.
Occasionally showing, with her eyes alone the encounters with others.
More often than not, her eyes leak tears without the ability of display facial expression.
She signed a DNR (Do not Resuscitate), yet that pales fully. Many is the time she'd told friends: " If I get paralyzed, unable to speak and respond, please kill me...
Friends and family both relaying her wishes...
Yet, day after day, hour against hours as seconds in her mind become like that of an eternity, she suffers endlessly. As she is fed with tubes, The Others changing her bag. The Others monitoring her vitals and such.
The Others.
I guess you could say many of us have been members of those I call The Others. Most of us have had in our shredded and dark histories the memories of someone we've cared for during their dying hours, days, weeks, months, perhaps years.
A legacy of suffering leading to a joyous epiphany as those we dearly tended to, like the cherished raising of our children, ends with them taking a step from the here to that which will eventually lead them beyond us.
The Others: Those of us that know others that desire an end to their suffering.
The Others: Bound by the laws of religion and moral code (oddly, that is redundant as Moral code and Law is based on religion alone, isn't it? Surely, it is not based on Human Rights and the Rights of the individual.)
The Others: Agency and Legal, Political Parties that make laws against Euthanasia.
Euthanasia:
Greek: Intentionally ending life in order to relieve pain and suffering.
So much for the original definition, yeah, kind of vague except for the 'intentional' part.
We'll get to my thoughts in time. Trust me, you know me to be of strong opinions and such.
The Area of your life and lands grows dark as the sun sets quickly. You, knowing one that prayed for death to meet their willing body head on is ever present in your mind.
Get your boots on as this will get most deep as we step into murky waters filled with tripping algae, seaweeds and thick muddy Earth during this journey.
Let's go COLDLY by the numbers, if you would.
Euthanasia is highly illegal in the USA, as it is most religious countries. That being said, it is assumed that those that chose that avenue to end their suffering a suicide.
Let's take that apart: A suffering person ends their life equals suicide. I guess that gets the Insurance companies off the hook for paying out anything, right?
How would this occur?
I will simply, and disgustingly state it this way: In the eyes where insurance companies are concerned, they'd rather perpetuate the myth of a living body being worth more dying than one that is dead. I believe this happens as the insurance world is connected to the medical and albeit the pharmaceutical world, perhaps even the technological industry as one that is dying is far more valuable than one that is dead.
In short: They lose a great deal of cash when one of their Premium Paying suffering pulls the plug on themself, albeit either by the hands of a generous of physician or that of the sincerest of hearts of loved one.
Watch a movie called Soylent Green, and ask yourself the direction of our USA as it systematically destroys the middle class and what direction we're heading toward.
Check this site out: I found it interesting.
Check this out. Interesting read.
We all know suicide is against the law.
hmmmm.
We all know murder is against the law.
hmmmmm.
And someday soon, I sincerely believe those two things will not only be sanctioned by our government but well funded by the very same many currently residing in our welfare program.
Ever seen Soylent Green?
Whether they, the willing suicidal dead become food sources for the rest of us will remain to be seen. I think Halliburton, Nestle, countless pharmaceutical companies others might be working on this though...
Huge profit in death and dying and so-called preventions offered up.
Ghastly to think that the very same corporations that sell us clothing, food, bottled water, medications for us, and weapons for our troops might support such diabolical ventures.
You should be horrified at the thought. Upset at the possibility this could be true.
Better yet, consider that the Leaders of such companies are only interested in the Share Holders wishes and how it could benefit their bottom line. Careful consideration should be placed on the Governments that are politicians that are connected to these by either having friends, associates or themselves benefiting down the road.
When a law changes saying suicide is okay.
When the sweeping pen of some judge, bound for oblivion, signs off on legal murder, does that make it okay?
Do you believe in the laws of man or the nagging of your heart?
I am sorry to place you here.
I won't ever judge you.
What it breaks down to is this:
In your mind alone: What can you live with for the rest of YOUR life?
Are you willing to accidentally wander through a room and trip a plug ending suffering, and dealing with the thoughts of either being a murderer or a bringer of peace.
Does a home health aide somehow give an accidental dose of potassium causing sudden and fatal heart issues to occur?
Sorry if you feel sadly as you wished for a suffering member of your life to wish for death.
Sorrier still if you feel guilty as a result of making their end occur by your hands to end their misery.
Most do what they do in the heat of the moment. The Human life is a place of solitude standing in a doorway, watching, taking, emotion, hurting, healing/maybe, and joy.
Last weekend I met a man of the Clergy, an Ordained Minister in all truth, that somehow stated the bible does not look at suicide as wrong in all instances..
When I interjected the bible states suicide being a sin, a woman quickly jumped to his agreeing line of logic, her saying quickly: "It's not suicide as they did not kill themself. Another party actually killed them."
I countered back with: "Sorry, but the one wanting to be dead made a contract of some area with the one that took their life, thus creating a pact of Suicide and Murder, making both guilty of such.
This didn't go over well...
My beliefs: if terminal and in either physical or emotional realms of pain and suffering, do what you do to end it.
To you, friends and the Family of the dead and dying.
Allow yourself to feel, suffer the loss. Fucking feel a sense of HURT in your life;;;;;
I implore you to feel as I no longer feel anything you'd call normal.
YOU SHOULD NEVER BECOME LIKE ME...
With eggs, grow a new lifes generation.
Mark William Darus 05052014Thursday, May 1, 2014
The Mother of a Close Companion Falls to Eternal Slumber. A Time of Celebration should be Considered.
The Mother of a Close Companion Falls to Eternal Slumber. A Time of Celebration should be Considered.
by
Mark William Darus.
The Celebration of Death....
Is that such a foreign concept in your thinking?
Tell me how the end of pain/suffering/misery is a reason to not celebrate for those closest to us...
This woman passed a few hours ago.
Imagine her souls journey as it crosses plains unknown to us yet alive.
Her soul, physical being, separates, divides, cutting a hole into the vary space between the living and the dead, and traversing its plain as her electric energy reunites with every single person on the otherside...
Think about death as a grand place of rejoicing and it should ease your burden when it comes to loved ones passing. I could qualify such qualify this with aspects of bullshit...
Instead....
Think of your recent dead in the vein of thinking like of Peter Pan: Find your memories happy place.
Carol Golias: May you be now happy and at peace. I have known you for over 13 years, and am glad to have had that. God knows you loved the Cleveland Indians: At some point in your here after being, they will win the world series....
Rest in as much peace as a fan of the Cleveland Indians would grant you. Feel free to haunt them. Glad you are now without pain....
Already missing you,
Mark
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Let's just Complete Human prophesies and merely Waste Each Other...
Let's just Complete Human prophesies and merely Waste Each Other..
by Mark William DArus.
So a Fed Ex worker goes berserk and kills a few as he strolls into work and eventually saves a community a ton of cash in legalities as he wastes himself...
I guess that fucker was considerate on several points:\
1. He killed himself;
2. He saved tons of cash in legal trials;;;\
3. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: in my meager beliefs, he spared the arresting officers a lifetimes worth of bad dreams of gunning someone down.
Did you feel anything cross into your heart as you heard about this or did you crunch it down, thus venturing into the world where I live: that being Psychopathy?
A girl of ten years of age is found lying in a ditch, weeks decomposed, ME states she was sexually abused before she passed. Her tiny, nude body, placed with arms crossing her small chest, an oak leaf covering her vaginal area.
Brilliant thirty something brunette is found dead in a wooded area , her limbs are cut off. She'd said she met a new man that seemed to know her so well.
A female body was found floating in the Cuyahoga River. Nude and blond, dead floating face up staring into things it will no longer take in, she stares, upward eternally into an area of earth and space. Blazing neon signs, stars and a vibrant moon...
What;s left of her....
CApturing....
That is.
Working Hooomans look down on her, as is their job, and do \what they must. Coldly, speculating at her green eyes.....
Until the thickest of black plastic bags incapacitate her, changing her dead perspective forever.
Perhaps we all know something, somewhere has to break.
We so easily turn on one another to maintain some area of perceived right in our life.
Gun Control in the Lands that gave us Jesse James, Colt, Smith and Wesson, the Horizontal Shot Tower (american civil war), incineration bombs that annihilated DResden Germany, atomic bombs that trashed Japan....
Sorry, But our government cannot stop us from gaining and controlling personal fire armS AS WE HAVE FUNDED COUNTRYWIDE FUNDING WITH OUR TAX DOLLARS.
A high school girl has her purse get stolen in a lunchroom. In the depths most men would never wish to venture, the thief finds a can/device of Mace in her purse and does the DickHead and fires it out. He gets arrested and she gets suspended for doing what we tell women to do: That being, defend yourself.
Apparently that d0es not work in America.
Mark William Darus 0430201
Friday, April 25, 2014
Eve of Destruction once again. Hey Ho! Let's Go!!
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Eve of Destruction. Hey Ho! Let's Go!!!
by
Mark William Darus.
Is it just me or has this world of ours really shifted sideways?
Again, really?!?!
Are we in the United States seriously going headlong into another Cold War with Russia? Are the Russians going to force our hand in defending the Ukraine? And it is my strong belief that we should defend the Ukraine at all costs.
Is China really thinking about taking some islands from Japan? Do we, as Americans, really want to go head-to-head against them to protect Japan, as we said we would?
Imagine how our economy would crash if we did not have Chinese goods to grace our retail space... That thought is truly mind-scrambling indeed as we as a nation no longer produce much of anything.
I'd be out of a job in a heartbeat if we were at odds with China, as would a great many others.
Welcome to Politics, a global economy and the outright greed that permeate every inch of our fragile existence.
Anyone else in the Jolly Olde U.S. of A notice the shift in gas prices as things are starting to take shape in Crimea in the last 36 hours? A 30 cent a gallon increase.
That's bullshit, bullshit, BULLSHIT!
How can the grand and glorious gas companies in my country continuously fuck us over time and time again without any accountability whatsoever? For Christ, Allah, (insert your higher power here), even Satan's sake: THE FUCKIN' PRODUCT WAS IN THE TANKS IN THE GROUND AT THE GODDAMNED GAS STATION BEFORE SOMETHING CHANGED IN THE WORLD! And STILL, there produced and set before us, INCREASE IT'S VALUE?!?!
Can you just imagine the look your boss would give you if you looked at them and said: "Dude, sorry but I gotta have a raise effective immediately. Things are shifty in the Gulf and yeah, I'm worth more now..."
America is a land, turning into a wasteland of Junkies.
Our main addiction?
Gasoline.
...and we just roll over, play dead and suck it up like the prostitutes most condemn.
My America take notice:
We said we would protect Japan...
We promised to defend the Ukraine...
The Russians and Chinese are allies...
Let us not forsake the lands and their people we swore to protect in the name of Capitalistic greed!
To my President: You, sir, have a rough place in what will become historic events. I do not envy you with the decisions you'll have to make in the times ahead.
You are our leader. If you were to say we go to war with Russia or China, even at my age of 51 (though I am much stronger now than I have ever been in my life. I know I could get through Basic training in any branch of our military, and do it well. I seriously think I could be a great sniper,) I would try to join up without hesitation.
Sir, I fully understand the economics going on in our country. I know we have dealings massive with China that certain lackings would cause us as a people to stumble around a bit like Old Testament characters on some dark magical mystery tour. And, Sir, I know that 'a bit' could last for years, let us not forget the big picture of what we wish for our country and our hopes for the world to be:
Holy fecal matter! (sorry, President Obama.)
I drew a total blank on what America's Big Picture is for anything except corporate greed, mass/mindless consumption of goods and a breeding ground for self-centered, techno-crazed idiots that think they're entitled to everything because they can't work at an age under 25 because some Psychiatrist filled out the paperwork that Social Security believed them worthy of a monthly paycheck via a disability.
<Mr. President, allow me to apologize for that last run-on sentence. )
For Chri-, (damn it, here I go again trying to be politically correct in our world gone mad with defining expression to be peaceful to the masses while clogging thought flow,) For Christs, Allah, Buddha, Jehovah, Church of Bob: The devine subgenious, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, Atheists (as you are your own god), Agnostics: Believers of nonbelief, Protestants, Catholics, Lutherans, Baptists, Calvinists, Whammo: The Church of Frisbee, Legoistonians: The Power behind all Creations Lego <so I made that one up. I'd join it's congregation if one existed>, Insurnarians: Believers in Protection in all aspects of Life and Bodily Limbs, and every other belief or religion based thing you hold dear to you: Seriously, what is going on here?
Set the WayBack machine, my President,,,
America: Our once proud Middle Class, (and yeah, now that I think about it, doesn't that sound seriously limiting in scope. Hmmm, "you are of middle class income. I guess that makes you worth this much in the scheme of things..." ) is being methodically killed off slowly by those that stand to gain a great deal by it's destruction. Our middle class, during the sixties and seventies, largely a result of American Manufacturing Steel and Auto working jobs became a force to be reckoned with.
Didn't the parents of the sixties and seventies tell their children they wished to make for them a better future so they didn't have to work as hard as they did?
I know my father said that to me.
These parents saw to it their kids went to college to gain that "not having to work as hard as they did' philosophy, yet something went horribly wrong, didn't it?
My guess would be the eighties.
We saw the need for both parents in a household to have to work to maintain things. This trend, ironically, saw the decline and eventual end of the Drive-In Theaters. You might ask why this occurred, though the answer is quite simple: With two parents working, the chance of privacy between teenagers grew tremendously in any given house instead of having to go to a Drive-In for such. Consider the increase in Teen Pregnancy during the eighties vs, the seventies. Take note of the vast, growing industry of abortion clinics and such.
As guess in some areas, we can quickly cover supply and demand needs.
Authors Note: I'm Pro Choice as I believe no man should ever hold power over what a woman decides to do with her body.
Mr. President: Please be different than the last self serving bastard that held your office and do the right thing. Protect those we promised to. Do this not to thump fists against chest about American Strength, the desires to end 'an evil doer', or to protect oil property somewhere.
I implore you, sir, to protect those we promised to do so because it is right and just.
Your humble, tax paying servant,
Mark William Darus: 04252014
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Authors Note: Thanks, Heidi. You asked if I'd written anything lately and I hadn't.
This one's for you, Sis.
Other areas of my mind:
Hold a place in your heart for those other life forms we share a space with as we are merely renters in this place called Earth,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SaEcCcyXgc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDHGyN_Xr50
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ_9Mf6USWg
Monday, March 24, 2014
HELLO, hello hello: PART TWO.
Sit down to dinner here...
by Alex.
and me.
(first person to third and back again)
I'm a prick.
I set a table for my son and I after I give my mother hers as she lay on on a Hospice HiTech bed before her giant Flatscreen.
Reruns of Monk, CSI and the Cooking Channel with David fill the living room with its glow. Carefully, thoughtfully, adjusting her mother to feed herself with some realm of dignity, Alex departs to fill her own wanting belly...
As she sits to eat chicken alfredo, slowly reaching forkfull to mouthful to lips, Alex gets distracted.
"Alex, I need a bedpan," the fragile, yet demanding voice states.
Swallowing Delicious food without regard she goes into 'mother mode'.
Alex's son nods, his eyes locking into his mother, Alex, as she not-so-gracefully stands and pushes the chair behind her thighs behind her. Rises.
\
Taking moments to place a plastic device to catch anothers shit, lifting their limp torso nearly herniating yourself in the process.
Parental ass placed professionally, firmly over equipment...
What would you do?
Alex, a veteran, heads to the dinner table.
:Looking at her son, "I am so hungry..." after hours of of working from home, shuffling her kid to work, she says readily, saliva filling mouth.
Splashing sounds both low and high fill the room as there is a lull on the TV, as Alex hovers like a fly, waiting for a windshield on a freeway, takes a gulp of food she will not remember yet lie about later about how good it was.
But I can't keep creeping sleep away.....\\
Adjusting body, my mothers,
so sorry for the PAIN,
I inflict to give you peace
with each bending to you
give you comfort
sweet Mary praise,
AS MOTHERS EYES SHOUT
GET ME OUT OF THis CAGE....
Alex, in care, treating a patient in her mind,
like all others,
though this is her MUM,
he steps into her life the smallest of molecules, as he has done with over 97 others.... Yet somehow stuck with Alex.
Weekends placing a moving hand across her back, nails coursing flesh peak and valleys to grant her escape.....\
This man in Alex's life would fail more than not. He'd stand only when her witz at end, he'd infuriate her. Make her cry more often than not.
He is a prick in the highest,
true evil in Alexs life.
Hear the CAll
\
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Hello?... Hello-HELLO! Is there Anybody In There? (witness two realms of Death.) P1.
Watching another die: a parent.
The story of Alex.
The beginning:
"She wants to pass at home," Alex expresses a mothers feelings. Knowing her mother wishes to be with her cat. Missing her cat most profoundly during this last hospital stay, the mother agrees.
Social Worker at hand, a hospice representative present, hospital staff at the ready, things swirl sideways as well intentioned words and paperwork get shuffled around.
Alex, an LPN in the highest order, takes all passed information in, creating a new file to place this into.
At no point does Alex take into consideration the basic reality Alex should get a grasp on: MOM IS DYING AND MORE OVER, SHE WANTS TO DIE.... And I should feel something....
Yet Alex, focused on the needs of the MOM, dismisses her base emotions for the benefit of another.
Though this has its place, one must give themself the grace to break down and cry. Feel all that crashes on their doorstep. Like waters moving, let them pass from their eyes... The physical act of shedding tears has benefits few ever realize in areas of respiration, muscle tension and the freeing of the mind.
BEWARE "FUNCTIONING MODE" when dealing as the prime care taker of a loved one. Functioning Mode is great for lawyers, and general decision making, but the the fall out sucks huge down the road in regards to a loved one....
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
The Lonely Embrace of Creation.
by Mark William Darus
I've always found the ability to create a lonely affair when it comes to art in its many forms.
Having gone back into the world of writing just over two years ago, it leading me to my love of photography, photography taking me to my love of music, it seems I never stop learning things.
What a lovely thing is that? Such a gift to be given.
Well, you've seen many of my photographs...
Here's the songs and videos I've made recently.
I hope you enjoy them.
All songs created on Magix Music Maker software by me.
my first with this:
Spring Dance
next came:
Rachel's Song
leading to:
Bex Song.
This tribute: To Steely Dan. music only.
Tribute to Steely Dan.
Lastly this one. My music with my photography/footage.
Winter Song
Authors note: Never stop learning. Live each day as it could be your last. Attempt to make a difference in anothers day.
Find happiness in the simplest of forms and take it inside you...
Mark William Darus 03112014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Rachel's Song.
Rachel's Song.
by Mark William Darus.
Rachel is my eldest daughter.
She can ferocious, can be exceptionally evil and blood thirsty. Incredibly vengeful, having a killers instinct and an uncanny ability to manipulate almost anyone around her.
That being said, I must add this.
She has perhaps the most open and accepting heart of anyone I have ever known. Willing to help anyone in need at any time to a fault. She may have gotten this from me either thru genetics, or simple time spent with me or her mother, Sue.
She may also have received her worst traits from me, possibly more from genetics than anything else.
Since she moved away from me, she has matured a great deal. She struggles, yet no different than any of us when it comes to paying things and simply having coin to do so.
While I was driving home home from work this morning at about 3AM, thoughts of Rachel flared into my head in the form of musical notes, images, phrases, notions...
Safe in my yard, I opened a New Belgium Rampant IPA (india pale ale) and thrashed out this song for my daughter, Rachel, AKA, CRASH. Using my neighbors, Dave t's (((thanks, Dave!))), wifi connection, I was able to upload this.
I think this fits my eldest daughter.
If I were in the last tossings of living, i can think of no one better to care for me than you, Rachel. You can maintain an emotionless detachment to get things done and do it without the patient feeling dignity lost on their part as you'd wipe away shit covered bed and flesh to get it done.
Rachel, you have the rarest of gifts, and yes, it will haunt you til your dying day. i know this from experiences I had hoped you wouldn't know, yet like me, you never give up on any soul God brings us. no matter their condition or the harm it will bring to us.
You have empathy to the max. This will, more often than not, make you a target for others.
Yeah, like that advice could change you anymore than it had am impact on me...
Seeing Gretchen take care of her mom day in and day out, made me know you would/could handle the same with incredible dignity and grace if you had to take care of me while dying, shitting myself, urinating on you as my father dying pissed on me while eating imaginary pork chops as he sang, albeit poorly, the song Paint your Wagons.
Yeah, Rachel.
I Narc'd on you to the cops a while ago...
You've done great since then...
I am proud of you, Rachel.
Mark William Darus 02252014
Monday, February 24, 2014
What of Zita? Murder files: part One
What of Zita?
by Mark William Darus.
Awaking slowly, her limbs registering COLD to her mind, as her splendor arms and legs are spalyed out in the tiny bathroom. Hear ears capture the sounds of that of a dripping faucet, relentlessly digging into her.
D-WOP-D=WOP-D-WAP!
Eyes open, as if from a dream while she smells the sickly sweet smell of menstrual cycle on overload.
It is iron, her mind captures. Iron.
Her memory takes her backward to the day of her first female movement.
Her first period.
The stench of blood filled the bedroom she shared with 3 brothers and its slowly dropping temperature work her inner thighs as she got suddenly colder with its movement.
Frightened, embarrassed, and lonely, she reacted like most 7 year old.
Her eyes took focus, slowly at first, though faster as her heartbeat climbed.
Looking up from the whitish cold ceramic tile flooring, her lids opening, taking in bits at a time, she began to see shapes before.
Off-white tiled walls dripping reddish stains descending to the floor.
She begins to move, brumette hair caked in blood, looking like some Russell Stover candy monstrosity, as dull brown hues mix with vibrant reds.
...to be continued....
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
With you (inside me) song
With you (inside me) a song.
by Mark William Darus
I lay awake inside my bed
Alone though you are in my head,
I think of brief times we've shared so close
Wondering if you are just a ghost,
Memories of the look in your eye -contented smile upon your face,
The way your fingers touch me soft -our sweat mixing oh so hot,
I felt you climb into my heart -as our bodies moved as one,
I hate myself for thinking ,
sometimes delusion attempt emotion against physical realities
slowly creeping in like a B-movie villian
wishing to steal me away from myself,
fighting the pain of letting go,
no pain involved
yet mind screams DANGER
as physical pleasure takes hold
torquing my flanks
gentle fingertips caressing me limbs,
Taking me inside her deeper.
So soon,
Too soon,
we moved
and took each other in,
My penis into your flesh,
Drawing my mind at your gasps...
No defenses to hide within myself
as muscled backs arch
in rhythm
dancing movement
exquisite
mutual orgasm.
Melting of individuality
taking you into me
as you took me into your body...
With you inside me
My mind racing thoughts of you,
You took away my blues and made things matter,
With you inside me (inside me)
soft hands rubbing my chest
much better than the rest
i felt you understood me,
Days talking on the phone
a sense getting closer to you
though I am without a clue
for this attraction,
With you inside me...
I am lost but yet i'm found
my head is spinnin' round
of bright tomorrows,
With you inside me...
Wanting you like no other
so far away and yet no bother
I find i need you in my life
and if scares me senseless,
You've left me
ignored
and that is all okay,
you brought me back to a stage,
of feeling
something.
Anything.....
YOu took to lands forgotten
making me realize there is more
Allowing others inside me....
Mark William DArus 02192014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE. A Personal Awakening.: DEATH: HOSTESS BAKERY AND OTHER PLACES.
PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE. A Personal Awakening.: DEATH: HOSTESS BAKERY AND OTHER PLACES.: Caption: Me?! Eat the last of the Pringles.... Death of Hostess and other American places. ...
Monday, February 3, 2014
Picture Yourself on a Boat on a River.
Picture Yourself in a Boat on a River.
by
Mark William Darus
Perhaps guilty in the stealthy, cold legal eyes you are under the radar of, though considered insane by the professionals that interviewed you from those very same professionals, you end up locked in stir for life.
Finding you guilty of murder as easily and scientifically as 1 plus 1 equal 12 and one half in a nuclear laboratory, they contradict themselves greatly. Mesmerizing jurors, baffling courtroom witness with the tongue lashings of their legal jargon and outright manipulation of valid words, emotional thoughts even, shared innocently, they extract microbes from molehills mountains become created.
Imagine each and every day is the same as the last...
Yes, most of us feel this way each and everyday of our lives as we either make breakfast while preparing lunches for others, juggling these things while getting ready to deal with what lays ahead of sending the kids, hubby, wife prepared for their day.
You awaken everyday via the time precursors that determine our lives events. Get showered, dressed, eating, forced by the pressures of income and time. You run madly. Marathon seemingly neverending with your day.
Wow, that was an utterly stupid and idiotic thing for me to write. We all have and carry things we don't wish to talk about, yet chop us in two with every encounter.
Wasn't it wrong of me to point this out to you?
Haven't wits-end ever greeted you options when your state of being has been pressed to it's limit? When a point of a 'clicking' in an audible sence rings in our ears and all things rational go sideways as you cross the terminator of light and dark . Madness profound takes hold finding a child dead before you after decades of your relentless care failed long after years predicted for this babe of your to have lived by doctors and clinicians.
Picture yourself alone on a boat on a river, caring for a child with a disease that medical professionals give about 18 years living with the best of care. Family members pitch in like a husband as well as friends to do the best they can, granting you breaks, as you, this childs mother, feels a sinking pain as they help you in your struggle, a pain that will never leave you.
The worst pain imaginable to a parent, that being you will live longer than your child.
Think about this for at a second. Imagine a future where you outlive your children. Sure, some of my readers have had cases if SID's (sudden infant death syndrome), and i am thanking for their sharings on a future entry i am working on.
Take a second and walk with me to a death space.
Repeating days like that of a skipping LP record or bad CD, things play back endlessly as minutes are hours turning days to weeks as months churn to years, decades alter thought in your life as you, THE MOTHER, face all as you welcome their aide, occasionally mustering it up to feed those that help you with a meal as a sense of obligation as they tell you to take a well needed break.
Have you ever been to this place so challenging and, perhaps dark with sadness?
You have a loved one in your charge, your loving care, knowing they are going to die while you are living.
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You do what you can for the dying one amongst you holding hopes so high in all futility against medical decision given.
Have you ever had a friend or family mermber dying of cancer before you? Have you seen them in the final stages leaving you as their body fails, crumbling frail fleshy shroud tumbling down as their mind and words greet you as they slowly pass-away on final visits with them? Decaying physical life meets your eyes as they give their final words.
In all honesty, I nearly killed myself when this happened to me. Damn right, at my mothers cold cheeked bedside, I glanced at the opened window in her room and wished myself to be dead.
At that time, I thought me better dead than alive. (Keep in mind. At that time, I had a wife that loved me and two daughters. I wish I could say that mattered looking back over nearly two and a half decades, but it didn't then.) My mind scrambled between my lips moving toward my loving mothers face met a coldness i had never known. As my hands touched her cheeks, my lips met her forehead.
COLD COLD COLD
DEAD DEAD DEAD.
Your hands touching room temp cheeks of the body that was your mother, the smell of anticeptics, fecal matter and a memories touch of Chanel number 5.
A mind runs.
No response from contact below us and our best intentions...
Be honest to yourself as you read, perhaps feel this, within yourself.
I believe the mind fractures at that point, splinters shutting down and runs for a safe place to survive with those that have an emotional base/
Reason is lost, knowing this persons death would come in our lifetime, meaningless by the sheer impact of it actually happening before your very eyes.
You get the news of death, and depending on your level of reasoning and emotion, you process it as you do. Be it your long suffering parents you and family placed in the good hands of the modern Death Farms, where like cattle they are cared for with the right amount of coin until they kick and you get a phone call.
My wishes: This woman sentenced to life get an even break or retrial.\\
I cannot release her name, but given all trial evidence she IS innocent by the clinical definition of insanity. She tested insane.
It is my belief she did not kill her son. I think she found him dead and wished to end her life a\nd calling her husband with her findings.
From that first calling, her honesty lead her down a path to oblivion.
To a life of incarceration .
I am digging in to do what I can.
I believe she did not commit murder.....
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My hands still held as i type this. by a family members wishes.
This woman is innocent of murder.
Mark WilliAM Darus.
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