I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better.
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better. They<screwed below when I say thy>
thy also screwed Holly when they asked her to leave as a mentor in the UMYF: United Methodist Youth Fellowship. Why? Something about car washes, fundraising or her handling of a situation. A girl of about 15 started her period at the house of a fellow counselor, Shearing I think his name was. She handled this cleaning, by the standards that were then, professionally. . This girl and though I clearly remember her name, wore white pants. Holly and the other guy handled this.
Through this, I truly believe my sister Holly lost her faith in the United Methodist Church.
Can’t say I blamed her. She found no church after this, and did not talk about it much
At this church I was known as Heidis brother…
I dived into Psych books. Why did those of religion and faith of iant proportions do such things? Why did their god, Jesus, father of unconditional love, so held dear to their hearts, think my sister holly was so bad? She stood up to them, said what she felt, and God forbid, asked questions.
Religion, though how I tried amongst many faiths of many realms of Christianity and that of my Jesus’ father, The Jews, could not find some home and feel comfortable with.
Some learned of lives might say I felt some personal inadequacy, not living up and so forth.
I was fucking twelve or thirteen when these things came to pass.
Sure, I so failed. I should’ve wasted some school. Right?
I went docile for many years. I stepped in the world of poetry fiction. A woman named Sue taught me there was more, introducing me to Monte Python and Stephen King,.
KNOW THIS ALL OF Y0U! This woman named Sue, thought enough of me, to read to me, both phones and drive-in theatres the novel of The Stand by Stephen King. This woman fired me like no other. Taught me such things about smells, backgrounds and where did your characters come from, GIVE SOME BACKGROUND, DAMNIT.
But what inspired me?
These songs held me as I started my BLOG:
Their close rhythms ,melodies and emotions felt when they were recorded, encompass me. Many decibels and thumping bass, cut into me like placing your hand appendage into a band saw.
I cannot feel,but I can sense what those around me feel, respond to them, not much different than Spock on Star Trek, in his way, comforting Captain Kirk.
Again, I do not feel what most of you do. No regret, remorse.
The songs that worked me as I work My Blog: Most of these may surprise you:
NOTE this: some of these tunes came about from readers around the world this blog has hit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw
This next tune followed me over radio. Causing senses to leave the skin that is us via goose pimples.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdLovAaYzM
Step by step, fall apart, the battle wages on, for Toy Soldiers.
Bit by bit, never win, we fall apart, we all fall down,
Battle wages on, like toy soldies.
From Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, showing me this song fails in the real world. Emotions fail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH1CMCtV4to&ob=av2n
Getting to other shadows that helped me to keep on writing, this tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
I am lost, and the shadows keep on fading.
Finland hears you: Take this from out land, Mark. Keep this web world going:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFaK7UFGcNo
Thanks Abigail: great tune and you posted this on my wall. face book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSvSXz18K4&feature=fvst
this one hold big:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA2q5CxLDm4
This in my first entry to for this night