Monday, March 24, 2014
Sit down to dinner here...
(first person to third and back again)
I'm a prick.
I set a table for my son and I after I give my mother hers as she lay on on a Hospice HiTech bed before her giant Flatscreen.
Reruns of Monk, CSI and the Cooking Channel with David fill the living room with its glow. Carefully, thoughtfully, adjusting her mother to feed herself with some realm of dignity, Alex departs to fill her own wanting belly...
As she sits to eat chicken alfredo, slowly reaching forkfull to mouthful to lips, Alex gets distracted.
"Alex, I need a bedpan," the fragile, yet demanding voice states.
Swallowing Delicious food without regard she goes into 'mother mode'.
Alex's son nods, his eyes locking into his mother, Alex, as she not-so-gracefully stands and pushes the chair behind her thighs behind her. Rises.
Taking moments to place a plastic device to catch anothers shit, lifting their limp torso nearly herniating yourself in the process.
Parental ass placed professionally, firmly over equipment...
What would you do?
Alex, a veteran, heads to the dinner table.
:Looking at her son, "I am so hungry..." after hours of of working from home, shuffling her kid to work, she says readily, saliva filling mouth.
Splashing sounds both low and high fill the room as there is a lull on the TV, as Alex hovers like a fly, waiting for a windshield on a freeway, takes a gulp of food she will not remember yet lie about later about how good it was.
But I can't keep creeping sleep away.....\\
Adjusting body, my mothers,
so sorry for the PAIN,
I inflict to give you peace
with each bending to you
give you comfort
sweet Mary praise,
AS MOTHERS EYES SHOUT
GET ME OUT OF THis CAGE....
Alex, in care, treating a patient in her mind,
like all others,
though this is her MUM,
he steps into her life the smallest of molecules, as he has done with over 97 others.... Yet somehow stuck with Alex.
Weekends placing a moving hand across her back, nails coursing flesh peak and valleys to grant her escape.....\
This man in Alex's life would fail more than not. He'd stand only when her witz at end, he'd infuriate her. Make her cry more often than not.
He is a prick in the highest,
true evil in Alexs life.
Hear the CAll
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Watching another die: a parent.
The story of Alex.
"She wants to pass at home," Alex expresses a mothers feelings. Knowing her mother wishes to be with her cat. Missing her cat most profoundly during this last hospital stay, the mother agrees.
Social Worker at hand, a hospice representative present, hospital staff at the ready, things swirl sideways as well intentioned words and paperwork get shuffled around.
Alex, an LPN in the highest order, takes all passed information in, creating a new file to place this into.
At no point does Alex take into consideration the basic reality Alex should get a grasp on: MOM IS DYING AND MORE OVER, SHE WANTS TO DIE.... And I should feel something....
Yet Alex, focused on the needs of the MOM, dismisses her base emotions for the benefit of another.
Though this has its place, one must give themself the grace to break down and cry. Feel all that crashes on their doorstep. Like waters moving, let them pass from their eyes... The physical act of shedding tears has benefits few ever realize in areas of respiration, muscle tension and the freeing of the mind.
BEWARE "FUNCTIONING MODE" when dealing as the prime care taker of a loved one. Functioning Mode is great for lawyers, and general decision making, but the the fall out sucks huge down the road in regards to a loved one....
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
by Mark William Darus
I've always found the ability to create a lonely affair when it comes to art in its many forms.
Having gone back into the world of writing just over two years ago, it leading me to my love of photography, photography taking me to my love of music, it seems I never stop learning things.
What a lovely thing is that? Such a gift to be given.
Well, you've seen many of my photographs...
Here's the songs and videos I've made recently.
I hope you enjoy them.
All songs created on Magix Music Maker software by me.
my first with this:
This tribute: To Steely Dan. music only.
Tribute to Steely Dan.
Lastly this one. My music with my photography/footage.
Authors note: Never stop learning. Live each day as it could be your last. Attempt to make a difference in anothers day.
Find happiness in the simplest of forms and take it inside you...
Mark William Darus 03112014