WELCOME BACK MY FRIENDS TO THE SHOW\
THAT NEVER ENDS. SO GLAD YOU COULD ATTEND.
COME INSIDE COME INSIDE.
PHONE INTERVIEWS: VOLUME ONE.
When sent emails with phone numbers from those that wished to speak with me, I was compelled to either dismiss them, or actually call them. I opted for a PrePaid Burner. What harm in talking to people in pain or creating such for others?. I do this all day long and have for over 16 years across two jobs.
These emails came from across our small planet.
I was quite surprised with what they had to share with me. An openness of both heart and mind, fragility and hunger. The white and the black, oddly getting more obscured with each ones words and tonal inflections.
Keeping objectivity.
Respecting what they had to say.
Doing the best I can: Giving them equal ground.
Please take into mind from my previous entry: The first question principal.
Here is Volume One: Phone Interviews.
THE QUESTIONS FOR THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Current Age: 37
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: Tall and skinny
Highest level of education at the time of incident: College Grad.
Location: Midwestern USA
“JESSICA”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Jessica: Huh? That’s a bit rough, don’t you think? Well, I guess I was naïve. I didn’t date much in high school. Went to a lot of parties in college and was so wasted, it’s hard to say who used who, ya know? I guess I thought what being used was. I was stupid.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Jessica: It was normal, ya know. I trusted men much easier then. I was a fool for a hard luck story, but it was nothing major.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Jessica: No, not at all. Things seemed normal. He bought me things, ya know, pewter dragons and stuff. Sometimes flowers, but never roses until much later if he was sorry for standing me up or something. Like he’d say he had to work late, car troubles, visit a sick family member. We’d go out on dates, sometimes he’d forget his wallet at home and I cover dinner, movies, baseballs games, whatever. I’d give him gas money if he was low on cash because his check was short from some company foul up.
I guess it pretty normal. It’s not like guys hadn’t me out when dating them.
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Jessica: 26
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Jessica: About three years. Looking back, seems like it was longer.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)
Jessica: Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I thought I had the real one, ya know?
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Jessica: We all met at this seafood place. God, that place had the best damn lobster!
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Jessica: He seemed, I don’t know? Bigger, more outgoing. Friendlier. He was always quite charming, but even that, looking back, seemed amplified. Exaggerated. I even asked him about it later that night after we had sex and he said he was just trying to make a good impression.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT? (if yes, proceed to the questions below)
Jessica: Some did, some didn’t.
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Jessica: Some thought he was the best thing to happen to me. Good looking, smart and a good talker.
Others just said they didn’t know, but they had a funny feeling and something wasn’t right with him.
8b. DID THEY LOOK CONCERNED?
Jessica: Again, some did and some didn’t. Fuck, what’s your next question: did you check their pulse? Jeez.
8c. DID THEY, AT ANY POINT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THEY WERE WRONG, EITHER SAY YOU WERE CRAZY OR IN NEED OF HELP?
Jessica: One actually did. My friend <Jeff> said he got the creeps when he met him. He felt worried for me, scared. He couldn’t say anything specific though, so I blew him off.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Jessica: About two and half years into it. His stories just didn’t make sense after a while, ya know? In all that time I never did know where he worked. I never met his family or friends no matter how many times I pressed him to. When he moved in after we’d been dating a few months, he never said where we moved from.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Jessica: Toward the end, I felt weak and sick most of the time. My stomach always hurt, tons of headaches and muscle pain. Didn’t sleep much and when I did, I got no real rest at all. Depressed. I became a zombie at work. I’d catch people staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess maybe a little paranoid. I felt like I was dying. Saw my doc a lot, but he didn’t find anything wrong with me.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)
Jessica: Yes, I did. I thought about it many times when extremely exhausted.
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Jessica: I felt so tired. Drained. Like I had no energy at all, ya know.
11b. DID YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND IF NOT, WHY?
Jessica: I tried calling Jeff, but his girlfriend always said he was busy.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Jessica: No. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about it.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Jessica: Maybe four years after he left. After two years with a psych who pushed me to break through and see it as it was, ya know. He made me think, dig deep. Make me see? Not sure if that’s the right words.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Jessica: To never trust anyone that hasn’t earned it first. Never just toss out money. Move slower, ya know. Keep my eyes open. To question shit that just doesn’t make sense as soon as something arises. To be more firm. And if some guy forgets his wallet after dinner, make him scrub dishes and look like a fool.
I guess the biggest thing I leared was to no be so damned blind and listen to friends.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Jessica: I don’t know? Don’t let love make an ass out of you? Find out where they work? Trust no one?
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Jessica: Definitely. Some of the entries made perfect sense to me. I looked back over that time and things seemed clearer. Hearing others talk about their lives made a big difference. I wasn’t alone. The predators and prey that told their stories were like lessons to be learned. This type of thing should be taught in high school. I mean, shit, they teach us math, how to cook, even what it’s like to have a baby to take care of 24/7 for a week or so. But how not to be used by another? Yeah, right.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Jessica: So what, besides writing about psychos do you like to do?
Me: I like to bowl and write a lot. I get a kick out of cooking for people.
Jessica: What do you do you cook?
Me: pretty much anything. I got into cooking chicken friend steak from scratch. Owww, it came out great every time! Way better than restaurant cooking.
Jessica: What would you suggest for me in the future?
Me: good question. Find a man that cooks for you? Ask him for references before things get too serious? Just kidding on that one.
Jessica: I do not think you were kidding at all. Makes sense to me.
Me: I wish you well, Jessica and don’t hesitate to email me again..
Jessica: I shall! Thank you.
__________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 48
Race: Causation
Body Style: BBW: Busty
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: West Coast USA
“CARRIE”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Carrie: Fuck you! It’s not like I’m Columbine Kid or something. I just used the sad assholes that let me!
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Carrie: Pretty young, actually. I was about 15. I so learned to pout real good. I got what I wanted, and learned to get it every time. Gave family and friends the big’cow’eyes, they’d feel sorry for me. When that failed, I gave them the ‘nobody likes me cuz I’m overweight bullshit, not worth a damn. Can’t get a date cuz I’m fat and ugly. <I knew I was fat, but I was not ugly. I knew I could get layed and did many times most satisfactory for me.> They’d crater, man. Weaklings that they were.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Carrie: Bother me? You must be joking, man. I got what I wanted, like almost every time, and learned from mistakes when I messed up.
3a: WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?
Carrie: Well, I overplayed my hand. Like I’d get too dramatic way too soon and blow it. As soon as I saw their expressions, I knew it was over.
3b: SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF?
Carrie: I’d simply pawn it off on PMS or a really bad period. Shit, man! People always fell for that crap.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Uh, didn’t I already answer that already? C’mon. Enough with the canned questions, Mark. You’re starting to sound like some mid-level psych book. Really, you do need to challenge me.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Nice one! There you go! I learned this at the second job I had. I was working for ******** fast food. Sucky place to work. Hated it. I saw what got the bosses attention. Coworkers, with better bodies than mine, would go to clock in and walk by him. I saw the way he watched their asses. I can add and put two and two together. I started going to work in street clothes and change in the john. I’d get there about 20 minutes before my shift started. I’d say hi to him and coworkers as I walked by. I’d then head out the back door for a smoke. He always followed right after me. Why? I’d wear low-cut tops and give out my awesome cleavage. Men are such assholes for big tits! Seriously, to this day, that never fails to amaze me. Show them the crack of jogs and they will be yours.
5a: HOW DID THIS WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?
Carrie: Ow, man. It was so easy. I told my family, friends and a few teachers about the way this turd would stare at my tits., and that I needed this job and all. They were so angry and outraged by this. One of my teachers suggested setting him up in front of witnesses. That being said, and I so knew someone would, I ran with it. I told them when I worked next and told them to watch out back, the area were we smoked. Maybe watch what happens when I ran the front line in full puritan dress. They came out in total. Two of them even had camcorders.
The next day I worked, I told him I had his ass on tape and he best cough up some cash. He thought me a fool and just laughed. Dumbfuck even had the nerve to fire me! Well, I thought that was a possibility, so I sent copies of the tapes to the headquarters. At first, they thought I was bluffing, like: ’what does a 17 yr old know?’ I had my dad call them and say I would hit the media and sue them. Still, those macho assholes in Chicago thought I was bluffing. A teacher said I should take my tapes to a feminist group and let them run with it. They ran with it and had their Chicago branch take it. Still, and I could not believe it, they dismissed me. Fuckers! With the financial help of friends and family, I went to the corporate headquarters and stormed a board meeting. I wore semi revealing clothes, nice high heals and a wire the fine dyke ladies in Chicago clad me with. They looked at me and asked who the fuck I was. I told them my name and why I was there. Got to love a room full of males, staring at tits and ass, making fat 7-figure greenbacks and how it makes their egos rise their worthless, tiny dicks. ‘Oh, you’re that bitch!’ The chairman laughed and said ‘ you are so trailer trash, looking for check, aren’t you slut?’.
Two of the lower end of their food chain stood up and walked toward me. <I so felt I was so close I could taste it. It was electric, man. I knew one of them would do what ego full males would do.>
He put a hand on me. I smiled and screamed: RAPE!
That’s all it took for the sisterhood to crash the building.
I pulled away from the slimy fuck, smiling, and pulled out the wire I had under my right boob.
The chairman got really white, like paper white, and said: We’ll settle with you!
Sorry, too late! I gave you how many chances?
It only saw the filed suit go to the courts. They cratered.
I made just under two million to not mention the name of their company. The sweetest of gag-settlements! I know you will not publish the company name. You are a smart guy, Mark. You know I’d sue your ass in a heartbeat if you did.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: not at all. They just wrote me off as the chunky girl of hard luck: can’t get a steady date, problems at work. They had no clue.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP? (If yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: Not in the slightest. I wasn’t born in West Virginia! I was fat. Unless a fat girl puts herself out there, she will not get a fuck no matter what.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Carrie: I was a quick learner. I saw what worked and what didn’t and simply adjusted.
It happened fast. After years of being laughed at: Fat Carrie, ugly Carrie, four eyes. I got tired of feeling hurt, man. I thought: I will fuck all of you!
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Carrie: Nice, Mark. No click. I did hear some odd-ass hissing sound. You know, like a steam heat system venting. It wasn’t loud or nothing major. Maybe like a snake hissing, like in the movies. Not huge, just messed up cuz I looked all over when it happened and didn’t see a thing. It messed with me for few hours and I sent it out my head.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?
Carrie: Yeah, I did! (she laughs, sincerely) I thought you were lame as hell in the beginning of this, man.
I saw people, lots of people. Like hordes! They were being walked into places called showers. Herded like animals to the slaughter houses that make steaks and beef and veal. Man, I could not just see it, I could fucking smell it. I smelled the iron of blood, burning hair. I threw up! Seriously, I heaved my guts out. I remembered my parents saying I had big, wide, brown cow eyes.
Gas chambers like the Jews.
I puked for god knows how long. My stomach muscles seemed to be coming out my mouth with each hurl. A good night at Olive Garden followed by Baskin Robbins splashing into the toilet.
I thought: whatta fuckin waste! Good food getting chucked. At that point, laughing in my head, I believed I was going insane. What the fuck makes someone think about Baskin Robbins and gas chambers at the same time, right?
I turned when getting a drink of water and saw myself in the mirror.
Boom! I would be a cow going to slaughter. I am not Jewish and this may seem like Nazi Germany when it comes to fat people, but I AM better than this.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Carrie: I saw that after the fast food thing. After puking my soul into oblivion, I thought emotions are the fallbacks of the weak and trusting. Weaknesses, really. I knew I was stronger than most of them, mentally. They’d so easily think of me with a sad, wanting to be desperately to be fucked and used, they’d give their asses up to me.
Keep this in mind: I had all the money in the world to work with.
Males became my playground. I had slides, monkey bars, spinning things. And I took them for a ride. I still do.
Me: okay. When did you catch this? What age? C’mon, when?
Carrie: I was about 20 then. I bombed high school and what kid wouldn’t have? I had long green. Didn’t need for anything. My parents were bummed, so I made them happy by buying myself a GED for just under 2 grand.
Fucker, you are pushy aren’t you? When did you do something of worth?
Me: Let’s continue, shall we?
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Stupid question! Again, you need to think before you come up with these freshman questions. Mark, you let me down. What was your childhood like? Did you wear glasses, if so, were you picked on?
Me: Sweet, nice deflection. Truly, grand evade. Why would you evade a simple question?
Carrie: OF COURSE I FELT AND AM MORE SUPERIOR THAN OTHERS! WHY? <low toned chuckle going into brash and loud laughter> AND DON’T YOU WRITE THIS OFF AS SOME WEAKLING POOR SELF-ESTEEM BULLSHIT, COCKSUCKER! I AM BETTER! I AM POWERFUL!
Me: <giving her time to settle after many explicative’s, she calmly came back.>
Carrie: Sorry, man. Sort of lost it there. I won’t do that again. Must be PMS.
Me: like you conned others? Won’t work with me. Keep going. You failed to answer the ‘WHY’ part of the question.
Carrie: Cuz people want to be used, that’s why! They are so easily struck by appearances that they fuckin’ want to be deceived. They are asking for it. Suck up to me, give me lines that work on others and I will twist you and make you smile til your balls get crushed by the ‘sad little lady you bought a few drinks for.’ One slow dance and you will be mine, prick!
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Carrie. Cat and toy thing? Yeah, right, like means donut hole to me. They were more than toys. Call these men a toy like by brothers had, except I’d call them Erection Sets. Build them up and I would make them rust and decay. Toys? I guess. They’d so think they were in charge. I’d let them think this, draw them in with my body and screw them blind. I’d screw them alright. They never knew what hit them when I was done and bored with them. In front of their friends I would crush them. They had a small dick, cum too quick, and sucked in bed. I’d knock them down so bad they’d wished they’d never met me.
With that, either they’d pull me aside and break up with me or I’d break up with them in front of their friends.
Either way, I won. Gotta love that. Months worth of good dates, a fair amount of decent sex and bills they’d pay for me. I have to salute the men of this country. Get a chunky woman with a pretty face and you will be so fucked by those us that saw you coming way before you’d cum in us!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Carrie: Duh! Did you not hear my previous answers? Did I not make tons of cash and didn’t have idiots pay my bills for me?
You are making me sleepy.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Why would I? I would have nothing legal with any man.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Carrie: Do you read these questions before you ask them? Are you trying to catch me in a lie?
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Carrie: Absolutely I am! I have made more money than anyone I know. I continue to do so to this day. Sex is good or great. Bills being paid are better than me paying for myself.
I am most content.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Carrie: I am content. But I don’t see a day when I won’t be hungry. Every bar is a buffet for me. Yeah, okay, cut the fat jokes. I see men that are weak. I see idiots. I have bills to pay, though I can do this myself. It is so much sweeter taking some guy for a ride.
Stiff dick has no conscious? I not only live on that, I eat on it!
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Carrie: I do. You gave me a chance to talk plainly. I thought some of your questions most tiresome, sort of dumming down the massive subject you write about. I still like your counters. I also like the way you didn’t let me derail you.
You give us a chance to take the time and smell the roses. Or <with a deep chuckle> a chance to remember about the ones we’ve wasted and trashed and how they had it coming.
You go to both sides though. I’m not sure how you do that. I think you must be sick in the head but smart, intelligent about it. I read your Brief Introduction and Beginning entries on March 3. March? I gotta laugh. You march alright. I do believe you are not shrink or psych. I do think you are someone gaining speed and picking up altitude. I’ll Friend you on FaceBook when you post this. I want to see what you do with it.
<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>
Me: So what’s your favorite colour? Mines purple and blue.
Carrie: <laughing, she does Mick> and I want it painted bla-ack! No, I actually favor hot pink. It seems to fit me, both in blush and halters. Can I ask you a question?
Me: Of course. I am not saying you will get an answer though.
Carrie: I understand your interests in psychopaths with school killings and stuff, god knows I’d never kill anyone physically, but what made you start a blog about us nonviolent types?
Me: Well, being able to read again, I was curious about the Chardon Ohio shootings. I thought of that with both Columbine and the Amish Country Ohio slayings. I delved into psychopathy and learned about others that fell into that realm but weren’t killers. I remembered an episode of HOUSE called REMORSE. His team hit on a psychopath that was nonviolent. Through reading, studying, research and personal counseling for bipolar and the questions given to me, I became aware of the other, Another Life, where psychopaths coexist with people of everyday lives.
I began to read the works of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley and found this ‘other life’. To me, found their writings and theories amazing.
I ran with that, and have never looked back or second guessed myself.
Carrie: And what did your family, friends and coworkers think about this?
Me: You are as subtle as a chainsaw, aren’t you? <I laugh. She has me with my own questions. You have to love manipulators. Well, maybe you don‘t. I do though.>
Carrie: Stop Deflecting, House!
Me: Fine! It bothered them. It was like, we’d talk for a while. I’d bring up the blog and the countries it was read at, and they’d have a serious change in their tone. To me it was like I had said something like: I ripped off Walmart off! They scanned a 20 buck game and it came up 5 to them. I told them the scan was wrong and they’d robotically tell me the system is never wrong <with an almost contemptuous tone> “yeah, that’s nice.” : adding a long sigh, followed with: “and how are you really?”
I thought: END OF LINE and went on to lesser aspects of life knowing they were disturbed by this passion I felt.
Carrie: All of them? Sorry, don’t believe you on this.
Me: No, not all of them. There are two that won’t judge me. One that knows me well enough to know that I mean no harm major harm and other that simply takes me as I am. These are friends that have known me for 18 and 37 years. I have nothing but respect for them.
Carrie: 18 and 37 years? Odd to me. Nothing with a recent or middle ground?
Me: working on this. Building relationships with people is not that easy for me. I’ve got this thing when it comes to sensing being used. I sense that and you are history to me. Period.
I learned to build relationships with friends.
I became a part of a team. When I crashed, I did not let them know anything . I did not want concern or sympathy. I wanted to earn my place in their eyes. This started last August and it’s been building ever since. They didn’t even know I was on leave from work until I went back to it. Some three and half months later. They earned my respect and in that humble process, I earned theirs, going from a 141 average to a 182 after a 12 yr absence from bowling.
Carrie. Wow. You have both good friends and the makings off. Building, as you say. Mark, you have made many cyber friends across the country and the globe.
Me: thanks.
We talked for a bit about favorite foods and such. Told each other to email each other at any time and if needs be, to call one another.
____________________________________________________________
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: male
Age: 31
Race: black
Body Style: athletic
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: Ohio, USA <his stipulation that the state be said>
“Adam”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Adam: Fuckin’ bastard! Did you call me to ridicule me? I trusted you. I gave you my number for Christ’s sake.
Me: You can hang up on me if you like. Always an option for you. I told you this before we started.
Adam: It’s embarrassing. I know you won’t use my real name and all, but still. Harsh.
Me: I understand you’re still raw about it. Sorry if I side-swiped you, ‘Adam’.
Adam: it’so kay. I was dumb, okay? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, as my father would tell me. Time and time again he’d say this to me. Glad he’s dead.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Adam: Normal. Well as normal a boy could be with an overbearing cocksucker like my dad was.
Me: You paused. How bad was it, Adam?
Adam: Did you watch The Breakfast Club? I was the Judd Nelson guy.
Me: Cigars burns and shit?
Adam: Yeah. And I did good in shop classes. He was an accountant, oh so smart. Like I’d fix his car and save him tons in repair charges. You know what he’d say to? “ at least you’re good at something.”
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Adam: No. I spent most of the time ragging on my dad. She listened to me and never cut me off. She’s the only one that was like that. She listened and hugged me. Man, that sounds so fuckin’ sad. But everyone needs someone to talk to right?
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Adam: I try real hard not to remember. Maybe 20.
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Adam: 6 months.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated
Adam: Friends only. Shit, like I’d have my dad or mom there.
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Adam: no.
6b. DID YOU MEET THEM AT A BAR, NIGHTCLUB, BASEBALL GAME, BOWLING ALLEY OR OTHER PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS SERVED?
Adam: Bar. I figured it would be a good way to loosen people up. Nothing makes people more accepting that booze, right?
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Adam: Not at all. Like, if I went to the john or hit the bar for more drinks, she’d tell my friends what a nice guy I was. Given my upbringing, to her this was amazing.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT?
Adam: No. She snowed them bigtime!
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Adam: They thought she was great. Must’ve been the booze talking.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Adam: I didn’t til it was over. And even then, it took two weeks for it to sink in.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Adam: Suicidal.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF?
Adam: Fuck! Didn’t I just tell you that?
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Adam: I was so ashamed. I gave her my PIN numbers, gave her my Credit Cards. Cosigned on a car loan.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Adam: Why? That would only draw more attention to my dumbness.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Adam: About 27 or so. <lowering voice> Dad did say I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the pack.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Adam: That I’m a fuckin’ asshole.
Yeah, it changed everything. I learned to never trust women again. Ever! And I am so glad my dad it dead.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Adam: I went gay after that. It was good for me. I was a fool to think women would be the end all and be all.
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Adam: It did. Not sure why though. I must’ve been depressed or something when I found your blog.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Me: Do you have any questions you’d like to ask of me?
Adam: Are you single? You got a nice voice, Mark.
Me: No comment.
Adam: You fuckin’ tease! <Laughing>
Me: Do you like to cook?
Adam: Nah, he does that. I fix the cars though. Tend the garden. He works harder than me. I red about four Chiltons to service his cars.
What do you like to do? I mean, when you aren’t gathering intel on the worst of humanity?
Me: I cook, bowl and pretty much study and write.
Adam: Thanks for talking to me, man.
Me: You are most welcome.
Adam: Keep in touch, brother!
Me. I will.
Authors note: <hence the AN>
AN:if there could be such a thing as a handshake over the phone, I think Adam and I had this at the end of this interview.
_____________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 40
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: 5’ 10’, 142lbs
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Technical School Grad
Location: Odessa Ukraine (currently on holiday in Alaska)
“Katerina”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Katerina: Just because you’re American does not mean you can speak to me that way! I do not look at myself as sick. If you call me a ‘fucker’ again, I will disconnect you. Others view me as they do. I have no power over what masses think and do not give it thought.
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Katerina: I was not the different one, they were. If they do not behave and do as I do, that’s their weakness, not mine.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Katerina: Why should it bother me? What does ‘bother me’ mean? To be bothered is to feel irritated. I get bored with people a great deal and just move on.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Katerina: I was very good at sports, which are taught young in my country. Boys were easy to play with me. I would challenge them to something, like, I race you and if you best me, I give you sex. If I win I want gifts. It was easier to let them win, give them best sex and hook them. They helped me cheat on tests all through school and university. I still got gifts when I threatened to leave them. I made them forget friends to be with me. I’d want to play sports with friends and I’d pout and say I will spend time with someone I knew they not like. They always saw things my way. Always.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Katerina: If I did not get my way, I would have something to extort them with. In my country, boys and men are much afraid of their mothers or grandmothers. I would say I would tell mother and she would tell their mother or grandmothers.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?
Katerina: If parents want you to be labeled defective and spend much time in sanitarium, make themselves look inferior, bad citizen, they’d take notice. People in my country do not do such things. Unlike other countries afraid of shame, here as in most Soviet countries say nothing out of fear.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?
Katerina: No. I understand this happens much in your country though. Very sad and horrible. And you call me sick in your first line of interrogation! Are parents like those called psychopaths? They should be so.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Katerina: I think I was always this way. In my country, if you were stupid female, you got pregnant fast and stuck. My older sisters through their misbehaviors and terrible lives that came taught me. They would say: ’Katerina, don’t make same mistake made like me.’ Both were married by 18 and most sad. I was 9 or 10 then.
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Katerina: Yes, voices when I head toward sleep. My sisters voices, most scary, every night for weeks. Each night, same thing in before sleep and whole during dreams. I learned well from those.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER? (let them answer fully. Let them form their own answers with NO GUIDANCE or leading.)
Katerina: DA! (yes). Sisters faces tears. I would see them during school when they weren’t there and when sleep came. So many times I would wake, sweat during winter when normally cold from inferior heat and meager bed coverings.
During holidays I would see them, sad smiles, fake eyes. Their husbands ordering them like time spent in military, calling sisters names not their own. Unclean, filthy, disgusting. I would see them and. Mind no further.
I could not stop things seen with eyes open and away from them and things with closed eyes.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Katerina: I do not understand question?
Me: AT WHAT AGE DID YOU SEE YOU WERE NOT LIKE OTHERS IN YOUR LAND? THAT THEY WERE SMALLER IN MIND THAN YOU?
Katerina: I answer that two (answers) ago. 9 or 10.
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: DA! Much power over them. Don’t you mean ‘how’?
Me: Yes, sorry. How?
Katerina: They had hearts and thoughts of sadness weakness and sense of pain. Not to self but to others. They fear God. Most fear mothers look at them. Unlike your country all looking for themselves, caring not what family think, most care in my land. What your peoples would call ‘keep face’ to their closest means much in my land.
Me: Yet you didn’t care what your family thought of you?
Katerina: Momma did not secretly in her heart want me to be as my sisters. Not bold enough to trouble dad with such trivial matters said nothing. I believe she saw me as she wanted to visit on her self in memory. Momma saw I had no true heart toward others. She saw me unlike her getting my way. You’d say she was jealous. She love me and I still embrace her grave. From deaths land she sees me, feels much pride.
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Katerina: Most da! American males are most dumb in mind and big conscious of groin. I was like panther to young sheep. (she laughs with the glee of child opening a Christmas present)
I was taken from Ukraine with marriage to American. Given American rights and such. I live in nice place in outside Baltimore for one year. I then go home with much dollars and he could do nothing.
Me: So you whored yourself for citizenship?
Katerina: No! He gave this to me. I only slept with him 22 times after marriage. Many sucks before marriage. Why Americans believes this means something? He much satisfied with my cooking and cleaning things. Why is it American men love dusted television before friends come over? I got much tired of bringing beer to him with friends? Beer, most vile. Give me vodka!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Katerina: In United States of Amerika most yes! He had great moneys I took when I left America. My English was not so good them but banks in Baltimore had many interpreters. I had papers to close accounts and visa to go home. Like your California leader would say in movies: ostilluh visa baby!
Me: How much was your take?
Katerina: I do not understand?
Me: How much money did you take from him?
Katerina: Much! Over a million in dollars.
Me: What is that in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Huge house with good heat and much land. Houses for family and comrades on land. Queen being with much generosity.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: Did I not answer this?
Me:? Allow me to humbly rephrase. Given your previous answer, did you remarry in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Why? No need for such things. Money much, I could buy sex when wanted. A man is worth little else.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Katerina: Nyet, no children. Embraced American doctors for this. Your pill is most powerful. I told you why I got married already.
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Katerina: Of course After pappa died, I gave mom pleasant land to live. I tried to have sisters abandon husbands, but I failed in this. Past friends did move on my land in dwellings I had made. Peace with pond, heat with winter and internet. Grand fields to grow and have meat from animals. What Americans call a cult, it is home to them. What you call a paradise, we call living and working for the collective good of us.
Americans only care about their selves. Put sick parents into camps for dying without being troubled and seeing them weaken. Money makes them blind.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Katerina: I control my lands. Do what I say or be gone from here.
Me: How is that any different from dictator or Czar?
Katerina: Did I say I was different? I do not believe so. Are your so called elected leaders any different than me? Nyet. They lie to peoples of your land. Biggest ones, your president. You have no control of who is elected. College vote controls all in your land. Your vote means nothing!
Me: So you command all you see?
Katerina: I see far beyond my lands and extorted officials here. Find officials weakness, picture this from angles with many cameras and as you Americans love to say: have them by balls. Give those of my land digital cameras set them to task. Target to follow and they discover much.
My lands grow in size all the time.
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Katerina: Your site is much discussion here. Your last name, much shrunken, hit us here. I send you emails and you respond. Those emails said your pappas family came from here. You say you not know what his last name truly was. Where from? What land in my country? You said this was before Germany took Austria much like Russia took Ukraine. Documents of none from that time. Most got burned through revolts.
CONVERSATIONS AFTER INTERVIEWS:
Katerina: I think you wish visit here. I think you desire spend time in lands grandparents saw before big war crossed world in 1930’s.
Da! You hit lands with blog. Never seeing victims in ways I read in blog, I think I could be generous to underlings in my lands. They work for keep, pay me nothing and do bidding as summoned to them.
Me: I have been thinking along those lines. I have often wondered what my fathers people saw. Most of white Americans Americanized here prior to the occupations that occurred before the early 1940’s have so little knowledge of our pasts and lands known by grandparents. Most of us simply conclude things worrying more about the here and now, the status quo, than where our people came from. My moms family came from many lands. She was a mutt, if you will with no disrespect to her and hers: Scottish, Irish, German, Holland Dutch and England.
In short, I am at least 50% Ukrainian and know so little about it. I could venture to Parma Ohio and solicit more knowledge, and perhaps I will. My knowledge of the Ukraine is Easter eggs and perrrogies (sp?) . I am using an IM Translator to FaceBook you and friends amongst others from Russia and the Czech republic and probably failing epically.
Katerina: But you attempt. We contacted you from your blog and expect not perfections. We decipher meanings and words you place.
Why did you start such blog?
Me: Why do you think?
Katerina: You trying to find place. I do not believe you to be typical American ass going for shameless self promotion. You must be outcast in your land and peoples. I had time your lands to know things frowned at. You bother many close to you. Cause them to see motives created by them. Look at things done by hands they own and not admit to.
Me: I think I have.
Katerina: You, like most Canadian and American psychologists like to place things into orders for dissection. Unlike most, you give place to speak mind and cleanse spirit. I like you, what you have done. I am in Canada, do you have a visa to meet me?
/ Me: Nope. And I really don’t wish to have one while my country chooses to be asses to the borders of a people that got many of our hostages out of Iran prior to Reagan being put into the Whitehouse. Hey, you, technically are an American citizen, right? If you truly are, come here and meet me.
Katerina: You could take me to this Parma place, no? Eat Americanized food from my land?
Me: I’d be glad to. Honored to do so. Hell, you could be my translator.
Katerina: I would fell your belly after going to market and make stomach happy.
Me: I am sorry. I am running out of minutes. I have to stop on an embracing moment.
Katerina: I have your email. You get proper phone and I will call you from home, Mother Ukraine. She is calling you, Mark Wilhelm Daruzsch.
Me: Thank you for being part of my Life at this point. I bow to you.
Katerina: No, it is I and comrades that gesture with bended backs to you. Nice to place voice to blank words with meaning.
Me: I embrace you with minds eye.
AN: out of minutes, the call hit oblivion. Glad for the KORG company and their fine line of digital recorders.
____________________________________________________________
AUTHORS NOTE:
I found these interviews to be most enlightening. Placing sounds to words is always interesting, in my opinion. Do the voices match the written word they sent me? High or low tones? Simply put: What do the emailers sound like?
Hearing raw emotions in memories past, hunger of the insatiable in the present, and the mixture of the two throughout each. I sincerely got more drawn into the subject of my blog.
To my theory of Another Life.
I can also see why learned psychologists and psychiatrist alike do not wish to treat both forms of psychopaths: the nonviolent and homicidal alike.
There is a major fascination to those that live outside the normal guidelines 96% of people adhere to. The minds of some of the most educated swim into this whirlpool and get sucked down. Changing their own thought patterns to get a better glimpse, and thus, lose themselves in the process. Many of them wind up in therapy themselves. They become little more than a moth being drawn toward the light, heat, to have their wings get torched and die. They become Nomads. (see the movie Nomads, starring Pierce Brosnan and Adam Ant: great movie that fits this scenario to a tee).
Where do I fit in this subject?
Why do I continue to write about this?
Because I can, that's why. I do not care who it bothers.