Allow me to introduce myself to you. I am not so well in English writings. Be kind.

I am Irina Spektor.

I write tonight for Mark as needs rest from his blog. He has been doing much writing to make this happen and he is weary. He said to me he was fried-out and it bothered him much.

I am now in Odessa Ukraine. I was born child of Pripyat but we fled home in April 1986 after horrible mistake. I can still hear sounds of men over raspy hand horns telling us to enter buses and leave.

I thank him for trusting me to aide him. Trusting me to enter place so special and dear to him. His private secret place in his heart.

I found this place expiencing boredom and sailing web. I still have memories of day when I discovered this place of teaching. I type psychopathy in googles after reading about Andrei Chikatilo and I found here.

I felt much as I read and cried through his words. Such madness in people at people to serve self. I read stories of animals of human forms digesting others. What it was like to be digested. I thought of many men known through life and thought many terrible delights. I was captured and told friends of this place.

When he changed greenwords on blog by adding Facebook searched find. I friended him he accepted my wish to be with this man who writes of desparations.

Thinking in veins of blog, I have been used by many men over years been hurt and sad. These men liked looks of me and messed with mind to gather things that were mine. I felt grief as they left my life and said how they sorried me.

I gave earned Hryvnia to aide them in troubled times. I of gentle heart would aide with no question. I may have dumbs in emotions on this.

I have learned in past months to watch and concerns with. Follow heart still with watchfull eyes to thought provoke self.

Had many shared things with friends I shared with this place. They told me things of lifes I cannot put here whith no permissions.

So I end first entry here.

большая любовь, Марк

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzgViS4Rpf8

Moment of pause: Explanation.

                       Going forward and hopefully not in reverse.

　

                      I will over the next several pages post both reader comments and interviews I have had

               When I did the phone interviews.



                 It is my hope you do not look at this as a rip-off from original thoughts. I do need a moment of pause to recharge the batteries of the mind. I feel a tad fried at this point.



               Thank you for your understanding in this regard.

                 I hope you like the next two posts. Thank you all.

-Mark William Darus.

ANTHEMS FROM MANY LANDS. REACHING ANOTHER LIFE

Where do we all come from and what do we have tp share?

　

My blog has been visited by many a proud land, I have been touched by this joining of minds and hearts. Thanks to internet translator programs, I can get a slight glimpse os what people have to say. I am quite thankful to the homelands you have so proudly placed on my sight.\

In no particular order:

I respect everyone from every land that hit my blog

I would humbly ask for your respect going further. Turn cell phones of and such.

　

STAND PROUD: RESPECT THE PRIDE OF MANY HOMELANDS THAT MET ME HALFWAY VISITING THE BLOG OF PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE AND NAILING ME ON FACEBOOK.

We are proud people from areas of this globe we share and call Earth.

And if you never heard of this country, give these lands as much respect you would any other.



Teach me what humanity is.

Just rock to the wondrous sounds of many lands!


Please put your hands together for JIMI! The only phucker that got it right,….


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMhq1L0cJf0

　

Proud anthem of Malta:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6O-K9gbJkM

　

Anthem of Sweden:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAlu-bZLVww

Anthem of Norway: Northwestern fishing vessel:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1h_wIvwhzI

Anthem of Latvia



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxjdcvraOSM

Anthem of Malaysia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhRjCCWZ9Cc



Anthem of Bulgaria:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLSeWlqDV2c

　

　

Anthem of Australia:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCQLmteikdM

　

Anthem of china:

　

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35zfVKqjS0o

　

Anthem of Belgium::

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkS85LPQpfM

Anthem of Italy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7pmy-u1awI


Anthem of Greenland: not officially, the sounds and pictures intercourse each other makes grand sense.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7u0km5VVYYg

　

Anthem of Belize:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJa0OlHi19w

　

Anthem of Mexico:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiWGz5SBO1s

　

Anthem of Portugal :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkSQ6_XhvjQ

　

　

Anthem of Mother of many lands.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVlADGdb7ik

　

The Ukraine: Lands of my ancestors. I wish to go home to lands I have never seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzgViS4Rpf8

A Ukrainian Interview with me in the Crosshairs.

The gentle warriors of a United States gone insane through greed.

A solemn wish for the madness to stop, with the reality that wish will fail totally.



Welcome to what many of have asked for: The picking of my brain. So many of you have asked me questions about why I started a blog on such a dismal subject, sometimes going highly political and posting things both pro and con that would elate others and so bother many more.



As if I I hadn’t already covered such things in posts before…

Yet, they asked me questions of the same caliber that I had asked those during the phone interviews. Their questions had so much more personal bearing than those that I ask. As I had painted with broad strokes, the ones questioning me had more directed brushes, finely honed skills and better competency. If I fail on this post, I am quite sure I will piss off several countries far and away that what I live with here.



It is much easier to punch a cinderblock wall with bare fist in anguish than to truly face ourselves when faced with aspects of mind held so dear and precious to us. We do not wish to explore those avenues. We, those like me, walk down vast areas of darkness seeking knowledge and justify ourselves with results. Places where shadows cover lands that only the insane would travel, where the cries of women screaming, blue-to-red-white strobes bank off houses, friends faces and the trees of this once-known Gentle Earth are bathed in the light of Police cars after bullets ripped and people lay dead on mother Earth.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Let’s just get this over with…

　

Why do you choose a subject like this?

Me: because it occurred to me to do so. I began reading about psychopaths after the Chardon Killings and one thing lead to another. I had no idea I would go into nonviolent psychopathy as I had no idea such a world even existed. I started reading about childhood psychopathy, Columbine, Amish School slayings and so forth, C’mon, to me, it is easy to understand violent psychopaths. They follow a pattern, a profile if you will, that makes them easy to spot if you have enough intuition or gifts and an undying passion for the truth,

Please see a movie called: Citizen X. Where before the wall came down, one investigator worked for years, much against the USSR’s belief and propaganda that ‘serial killings’ came as a result of a decadent Western philosophy. This brave man nailed Andrei Chikatilo, who later confessed to 56 killings.

She: You keep avoiding the question, Sir.

Me: Who’s avoiding anything? I am just telling what captured my thoughts as they occurred to

Me: Wat the fuck do you want? When did I come up with the idea to start my own blog? Is that what you’re asking me? The what, the time, place?

She: Yes. What caused you to build a land of fallen dominoes?

Me: I was curious,. Okay? Nice words though: fallen dominoes. Wish I thought of that.

She: continue, please.

Me: Fine. I was at work. It was slow on a Saturday and hit the NET. I did a search for psychopaths and I hit a Google blog about psychopaths. At the upper edge, I saw the words: Start your Own Blog. I clicked the tab and began this walk with strangers. It has not been three months, and I still sense the excitement I felt when I started this. It keeps growing with each post and all the emails I get.

She: So you are OCD? Interesting…

Me: NO! I am not OCD. Keep trying.

She: Then why continue this trying of theories of things you wish to prove?

Me: You are an idiot. Do you know this?

She: I am. You fail to answer the question.

Me: Do you seek the method to the madness? What caused me to hit the worst parts of human behavior imaginable without knives, guns and bombs? Where no blood is shed besides that of a menstral period and messed sheets? I drank blood from such places from ones most trusted. Iron, accept no substitute. Aren’t we all about Green-sources here these days?

She: Gross. Keep going. You were bored at work and so forth.

Me: YES! When I got home that Saturday. I only thought of letting my dogs out, feeding them and DAS POOHYAN, and hitting my computer and learning MicroSoft Word. There was so much trial and error, so much content lost from me hitting wrong prompts and such.

\ I was the King Turd in Assholivia!

I began thinking and typing and doing this repeatedly. I posted and posted thoughts over and over. I heard music playing in my head, kept posting and writing. I just kept doing what my head kept telling to do .

She: So you heard voices, no?

Me: not in the mental-problemish realm. No, I heard no voices.

She: Yet you heard things. In your head if not your mind? What did you hear then?

Me: Songs from my childhood and growing up with two older sisters.

She: Then what did you hear?

Me: I heard the fucking Cowsills, okay? The song: rain in the park and other things smashed me in the nuts, and I played it over and over again as I wrote…

Yeah, pretty messed up, isn’t it?

She: Continue, please.

Me: I had such fine memories of my sisters and I waking up. Holly, the eldest, would crank tunes that blanketed the whole upstairs. The Cowsills, besides Yes, Elp,. Genesis, and others. With Heidi’s love of America, and fantastic bands like Second Chapter Of Acts. All these influences, not to mention the volume when Holly was around, made for a great places to embrace music the way my sisters did yet mom and dad had nothing familiar with.

When I sat down and wrote my minds chapters, I had music via the NET and the wondrous things christ would have me write about. Call it a sense of insane shores, god knows, my sisters and I knew this area where water hits mainland from many ER visits and hopes that countless/faceless nurses would tell us about hope and such. I cannot say my elder sisters began stopping of emotion, but I did.

She: What did those things make you?

Me: It made me a prick. I could understand friends when stress hit them, you know? They’d have a dad or mom or cousin, whatever, de in some state of illness not as bad as a heart-attack. I would just listen and tell them them how to beat the hospital security of the late 70’s and early 80’s. By that point, I was truly numb. I could emulate emotions and such. Know how to give a face to equal statements by others and such. I felt nothing.

You must think me a monster.

She: нет,, N0. Keep going, Mark.

Me: I could comfort those in pain. I could help them. I just couldn’t feel what they did. I don’t any of them knew or sensed this. And what is so wrong with that? I’d help them when asked and offer when they didn’t.

Sure, I can also lie like the best of used car salesman. Give people enough detail, or like Hitler said: the bigger the lie, the more the people will believe it.

She: cutting you off- does this mean you became one of what you write about back in early teens?

Me: No. Well, not completely. I had what I thought was the ‘love emotion’, but it was quite shallow in depth. Kind of like swan diving into a 2 foot pool. I had desire, though I believe this to be mostly sexually dictated looking back.

She: So, what did you hope to gain from girls you dated as a teen?

Me: To get laid? C’mon, really, what are you seriously asking?

She: You were not that shallow in depth. You made the pool that others wished to dive. You did this with patience and time. You knew they’d plunge into Markland. What did you gain from this?

Me: I gained a further understanding into the workings of females. It wasn’t so much about getting laid as it was what rituals one had to meet in order to reach such places.

She: eloquently put. So you used their emotions to teach you?

Me: yes. I did.

She: are you ashamed of this?

Me: not in the slightest.

She: why is this?

Me: How many decades does this go back?

She: to the here and now?

Me: no comment.

She: Why would you say no comment?

Me: are you dense? Read the blog…

She: I have. So, why do you write your mind in this place?

Me: to get words and thoughts of the fucking and fucked. Some with to be used and others with to be the users. Tell me! Can you find another place that caters to both sides of human life in this aspect?

She: No. This what brought me here to your, our land, from half a world away, Mark.

I just didn’t seriously asking you questions as I could. It this hurts you, my hearts weeps and I wish to embrace you.

Me: Thanks. Can we please change the subject now?

She: Yes. Shall we?

___________________________________________________________________________________

Это прибыло в результате Ирины Спектор, берущей интервью у меня.

Я пропускаю тон вашего голоса и нежного способа, которым Вы имеете

　

Я могу играть с безумием, поскольку Вы делаете?

Much Love,

Irina.

Come home.

Political, Military and Corporate psychopathy: War. a dedication to my Father.

              I dedicate this chapter to the memory of my father and Grandfather.

              Dad, you taught me the ways of the peaceful warrior. I have never forgotten the things you taught me though many times I cannot do as you did. You, as Grandpa did, told me how the country you both fought for would become obsessed with greed. How we may have won a battle in WWII, but the Japanese would win the war. I learned what you both meant over time, when America would begin to make nothing and other countries car, technological and products manufacturing power would become greater than our own.

I thank you both so very much and remember every single word on the future you said would come to be after your passing’s.

When Zenith was the last maker of TV’s in US decided to move to Mexico, around 1985: my father said: “I don’t envy your future, Mark. This country isn’t making anything anymore except debt. It's selling it self off."

My father and grandpa,

I hope my words make you proud.

Ps. Dad, when I pass, I cannot wait to bowl with you again!

-Mark

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      Let’s chat about bullets, planes and Howitzers, OH MY! And those that choose to fire, drop bombs, crank out artillery and build the toys that kill. And for most, it is not their fault that they become killers. They just did what they were told.

           How we as a society embrace, fund and train psychopaths, both the violent and nonviolent alike.

            It is very easy to understand how killers can be made. They call it Basic Training for a reason. I have personally never gone through Basic Training, but I do know plenty that have. My own father went through basic at Paris Island during WWII. Even when I was an adult with children of my own he would not share with me what he was taught. I thought that most odd until I talked to those that did similar training in many branches of our Armed Forces.

      My father was the gentlest of men I have ever known. Looking back, and it’s been 19 years since his passing, I cannot think of another soul as gentle, trusting and kind as him. His sense of conscience was beyond most.

        Frankly, I think the reason he never shared his Paris Island experiences with me was because he felt embarrassed by both what he learned and the things he’d have to do had he hit the grounds of Germany or Japan. He dropped out of high school to enlist in the Marine Corp. He must’ve wanted to go to war and why not? He felt he needed to do his part and so forth.

       Yet what caused him to never talk about the things he’d learned in Basic? What caused a pride in country and self to build a wall so thick he could not share this?

        I was about 14 when I happened on his footlocker in the attic. Of course I opened it. I went through is certifications, loves letters from mom and such. Then I found The Book. I don’t clearly remember the name of it, but it was something like: 200 ways to kill your enemy with your bare hands. I read it, fascinated by it’s content which showed graphic displays of various options to dispatch those that would kill you if you did not learn them and master them.

        This book had evil looking Germans, most with Hitler ‘staches and Japanese soldiers with overly slanted eyes and super thick glasses. It described the ‘two fingered death method’, how to kill with a simple Newspaper, and numerous ways to blind your advisory with common chemicals and fingers.

     Back when, I thought it was amazing.

     I asked him about the book and he went pale.

     I wanted to know what his Marine stuff was like.

    All he would say was this: It was horrible and I am not going to tell you anything.

    It was then we went to Bosaks dairy and got milk. He always knew I liked rides in the car with him and soon forgot what I wanted to know.

     At some point, I saw the 1970 movie Tribes, with Jan Michael Vincent. It was about Marine Basic training during the Vietnam (police action). It was fairly ghastly. It showed many ways to kill or get killed. It showed the breaking down process ordinary men would have to go through to become Unnaturally Born Killers. The forgetting of important conducts that mothers, fathers and members of religious faiths had so instilled in them in regards to respect, humanity and being unconditionally loving to all. A total and complete reversal of all most had known prior to joining up.

      Imagine, in the mere space of weeks, being trained, albeit, reprogrammed to believe just the opposite of those you love and trust had filled your head, your heart with since birth. How does one cast off those years worth of teachings? How can you so easily blow away the stern, yet gentle things your mother taught you? How do you forget the teachings of Jesus, <and many other faiths> about the importance of turning the other cheek? How do you go from the squeamish kid in Biology class at the thought of dissecting a frog to a justifiable killer of humans by shooting, bombing or gutting them?

     How?

     Is it from sense of threat to country, loved ones or life as we know that it crosses mental barriers, mental lines in the heads of those being trained? A new awakening of defense, building and expanding on shores where killing is not only right, but admirable and honorable?

      Granted, WWII was somewhat different. We were attacked by Japan. We were warned of the planes heading toward Pearl and so easily, perhaps by arrogance, disregarded those radar sightings as folly? Didn’t Roosevelt have us already helping Britain via the Lend-Lease Act way before any declarations of war happened to the USA? Didn’t he, and the powers that were back-when, know the importance it would give us as a people to join WWII? America, it’s people, wanted nothing to do with either the conflicts in Japan and China or the Germans and Britain. The subject of war most sincerely bothered Americans then. They saw the fallout of the men that came back and wanted no part of the thought of it.

        Politically speaking, praising war was a major buzz kill to any group with an agenda.

       And so, with radar sightings confirmed, we get attacked on American soil.

      Within 48 hours of this attack, Germany declared war against the USA. This is a hotly debated event. This debate comes from many sides going so far to say: Did Germany really make such a declaration and why? I will not go into this further. I will leave that for another time entirely.

      It is my belief we had to let ourselves be attacked in order to justify us going to war in the eyes of the America it was then.

      Why did the Japanese bomb Pearl? Well, we had blockades between them and China. They felt squelched and struck back.

      Enough with WWII, shall we continue?

      The Cold War between the USA and USSR:

      Patton did not trust the Russians one bit. The Allied Military damn near castrated him for his beliefs on this. Was there not a scramble to get Germanys best rocket scientists and bomb makers between both and the USSR? Was there a sense of urgency to gather them up before Russia did? Absolutely there was. So by that, why was Patton looked down on when he so clearly saw the future?

      He knew one simple truth: Kill them before they kill you.

     Sadly, what Patton didn’t see was this: There is much more profit in belief that war ‘could’ strike out at any moment than simply acting on it and stopping it before further actions are needed.

     And so a Profit-Sense-Mind is formed in the United States of America by those in power. War can make a country rich, so what would a threat be worth? How can we prevent us from being invaded again and turn bullets into gold in the process?

<<Keep this in mind: there was only one ground occupation of US soil during WWII, and that was around Dutch Harbor, Alaska. The Japanese split way before US troops responded realizing the US would waste time and material to thwart it. It was a nice diversion on their part and it worked.>>

       We do this by creating a belief in our society that there is evil in other lands and we best protect ourselves against them before they best us.

      Why did the USA get into Vietnam?

      Why did, and continuously still do, get involved in wars in the Middle East? Did we not learn the futility of such affairs from our inclusions/intrusions in both Korea and Vietnam? How many Americans know of the First Indochina War and how the French had been fighting from roughly 1946 to 1960’s? How many know we initially backed the French as a way to fight communism? We had sent troops there for over 5 years to aid them: the Cold War was alive and well and geared for profit in some circles. The first official US combat units were deployed in 1965.

      The JFK time: source: The John F. Kennedy archives. Presidential Library



       American foreign policy after World War II was based on the goal of containing Communism and the assumptions of the so-called "domino theory"—if one country fell to Communism, the surrounding countries would fall, like dominoes. In response to that threat, the Southeast Asia Treaty Organization (SEATO) was formed in 1955 to prevent Communist expansion, and President Dwight D. Eisenhower sent some 700 military personnel as well as military and economic aid to the government of South Vietnam. The effort was foundering when John F. Kennedy became president.

        Corruption, religious differences, and mounting successes by the Vietcong guerrillas weakened the South Vietnamese government of Ngo Dinh Diem. Diem was Catholic, and public protests over the repression of Buddhists threatened the stability of his regime. Kennedy accelerated the flow of American aid and gradually increased U.S. military advisers to more than 16,000. At the same time, he pressed the Diem government to clean house and institute long-overdue political and economic reforms.

      The situation did not improve. In September of 1963, President Kennedy declared in an interview, "In the final analysis, it is their war. They are the ones who have to win it or lose it. We can help them, we can give them equipment, we can send our men out there as advisers, but they have to win it, the people of Vietnam, against the Communists. . . . But I don't agree with those who say we should withdraw. That would be a great mistake. . . . [The United States] made this effort to defend Europe. Now Europe is quite secure. We also have to participate—we may not like it—in the defense of Asia.

     On 11/22/1963 JFK gets assassinated.

     United States military aid to Vietnam increased during 1964. By 1965, President Johnson authorized U.S. troops to begin military offensives and started the systematic bombing of North Vietnam. By 1968, the number of U.S. forces surpassed 500,000. During that year's presidential campaign, Americans were deeply divided by the deteriorating military and political situation in Vietnam.

     In May 1968, President Johnson announced that formal peace talks would soon begin in Paris. The talks stalled during the last eight months of Johnson's presidency, and the deadlock continued during the early years of Richard Nixon's administration. Finally, in January 1973, an agreement was reached, and President Nixon ordered an end to all U.S. offensive actions against North Vietnam.

      In January 1975, North Vietnam began massive invasions of South Vietnam. A few months later, the North Vietnamese captured the capital city of Saigon, and the last Americans were evacuated from the U.S. embassy. The American war in Vietnam was over. More than 3 million Vietnamese and 58,000 Americans had lost their lives.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

        After WWII:

     Was the threat of communism that great or was it simply what people of my fathers generation were simply fed to keep up a fear level?

      Was it to keep the war machine thriving in the wake of its economic downturn that would occur immediately after WWII ended? Granted, the steel and auto industry boomed immediately after WWII and why not? The war had annihilated both Germanys and Japans industrial complex to they point they could no longer produce simple toys, watches or clothing. Small wonder we most quickly became to major producer of virtually anything any country could want. Keep in mind, most industrial producing countries in Europe were either wasted by the Nazi’s or bombed by the US and Britain during their occupation of them.

      Did the United States rebuild Japan? Was this out of guilt for bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki and killing some estimated 400,000 people, military personnel, but mostly civilians? Was this an attempt to win the hearts and minds of a country we’d blown to bits? Of course, they did attack Pearl first, killing 2,402 and wounding some 1,282 Americans.

     Frankly, We The People, The United States Military and Congressional powers seemed to think this way: If you got a lot of knives and forks, you have to cut something. So having a new toy, we played with it, thus showing the world who their daddy truly is.

      Sure, we could’ve nuked Germany and why not? Look at the holocaust and all the exterminations that caused. We could have justified that, right? Yet we didn’t nuke them.

     And while I am at it: Why didn’t we throw German Americans into internment camps when Hitler <supposedly> declared war on the Untied States as we did the Japanese not long after Pearl? That would make sense, wouldn’t it? Why didn’t we take their US homes, businesses and strip their lives of dignity and disregard them even though they were just as much US citizens as the Japanese Americans?

      It is my sincere belief we did not do this because Germans are White people. Wouldn’t that have totally infuriated Europe as a whole?

     Racism was very much alive and well in the United States at that time. Weren’t the Blacks, Chinese and Hispanics still looked at as Second Class citizens and still to this day in many circles? Wasn’t segregation very much apparent here and more the normal than the abnormal way of life then?

     When Italy sided with the Germans, did we put Italian Americans into internment camps?

    Think about it.

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     The United States in the Middle East.



      Bottom line: Through war, there is a huge profit to be made by some. Hell, imagine what the US economy would be right now if we weren’t in the Middle East? If there was no war, could we possibly justify having a military the size we have? Could we possibly afford weapons production, research and development? Defense of the homeland? We would only think this way as our economy spirals further downward because we let US based companies move jobs abroad to benefit shareholders.

     Think about the ripple effect that would occur right here and now if we stopped it all and brought our troops home. What could we possibly pay these brave women and men for if they have no clear job at hand? There are no jobs here for them to sustain themselves and their families alive.

     And what of the companies that get government contracts to feed, entertain <satelite TV, video games, music or the tax write-offs they get as a result> ? The ones that control these companies have lots of funding money to seed future political campaigns with and keep this going on.

     I would love to say the products sent to the troops are American made, but even I could not believe such rubbish. Even I with my vast imagination could not crank a spin on it to make it remotely believable to anyone.

     Then again…

      I recently saw a billboard, laughed and said to one I was with: “Jesus Christ, I really do need to consider a future in advertising”: it said something to the effect of “buy this and will we send x-number of things to our troops. Support our troops, we will’. And this FUCKING company hasn’t had anything produced in the United States in over fifteen years! So whom are we supporting? Our troops, some country that makes the items that their people get 2, maybe 3 bucks an hour, or some huge conglomerate that makes megabucks in their quest for undying greed. Their desire to live Capitalism to its fullest to one day have their future go south at some point and have out tax dollars bail them out.

    And sadly, we will let this happen. Won’t we?



     Think about this for a moment:

     What would you call someone/company that profits from death and destruction and their ability and resources to rebuild those things destroyed for a profit? Both ends against the middle?

      Is this not Psychopathic behavior, both the violent in reference to those that do the actual killing and destroying for pay and those nonviolent psychopaths that sit back and make billions as the result and give the trained, justified killers a meager hand out? Hey, we gave you an Z-Pod! Didn’t we send your wife a case of diapers for you? Why are you grateful? Look what we’ve done for your family?



      Is this not like the days before Unions changed things. <and I do personally not like Unions>

       When an employee would work long hours for little pay and were so cowed they’d be happy to get a smile and an attaboy from the owner and maybe a turkey each thanksgiving. When said employee was killed or injured it was just too bad, his mistake, fuck your family. You lose.

      In American history, weren’t the unions the only thing that protected the individual and their families after decades of abuses?

     Didn’t corporate America (nonviolent psychopaths and their disregard for others , their lack of remorse, feelings and empathy to appease shareholders as themselves) along with the power politicians control create the mess we as a people are in right now? Those same justify it by saying: “It’s what’s best for the company/country.” The company is king and you silly workers that believe in more are fools and can easily be replaced. And the worse the economy gets, we can get two or three for the price of you. It’s nothing personal, it’s for the best of the company.

    We keep sucking it down like some beginner porn actor.



     In conclusion:

     Did we, the People of the United States, have any say or vote on the events I have written this morning?

     When was the last time we as a people ever voted for war? When did we allow our jobs to be outsourced to other countries or have any say in this matter? Why do we still believe in politicians when we know the outcomes no matter what happens?

    Is it hope?

    Is it faith in your higher powers purpose?

    Why do we as a country fail to learn from our own past?



      We, The People of the United States, from a historical stance, have not been around that long.

    Rome Fell….

Medical Professional nonviolent Psychopaths amongst us.

The Professionals that treat us and our families:

Part one: The medical Physicians:

　

Some recent studies might suggest the ones we seek for our health, both the physical and psychological, may be predatory in nature. At least two prominent psychologists have brought this up many times in their studies. <see the writings of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley>

Remember: We also trust the lives of our children with these professionals.

Their writings made me think of my own experiences and the stories of others. I mentally looked back over the decades. I pondered things that always made little sense to me as they occurred.

I’d have a friend tell me about what they tried to tell their psychiatrist about what they felt or thought when one of their meds made them feel a little ‘off’. They’d tell me they would get cut off in mid-sentience and dismissed completely. Granted, most psychiatrists care little about your thoughts, feelings and such. All they wanted to know is if you are either suicidal or homicidal.

<thank GOD my psychiatrist is not like them! Our visits usually last at least 30 minutes, sometimes much longer. I am lucky to have you Dr. S!>

Most psychiatrists, from what I have had the luck of knowing those that shared their experiences with me, seem to be like them. Five to maybe seven minute visits that always seem to happen at least sixty minutes later than the scheduled time. Sure, there always seem to be valid rationalizations for the tardiness. Good reasons, solid reasons that make sense. Tell me, how long would you last in your job if you were that tardy on regular basis? Not very long, I assure you.

What about medical doctors? The wait times, even when appointments are scheduled months in advance, tend to travel to the absurd in duration. Again, you wait, go to a room where someone takes your pulse, weight and BP. And you wait further and further still.



Are these professionals psychopathic in nature?

Not all of them.

But some of them are.

Remember: 4% of our population are psychopaths. Most are nonviolent psychopaths.



The Medical Physicians:

With medical doctors, I believe they fall into several categories, but not limited to:

A. most patients will make me rich from insurance claims.

B. I get at least 90 bucks from the insurance companies for each person I see.

C. I have a meager staff that I don’t pay that much to keep. If they believe their talents and educations are being exploited, they know where the door is.

D. I have maybe one LPN for blood draws and a few med assistants for things like weight, pulse and BP checks.

\ E: I know they’ll wait as long as it takes for me to see them. Where else are they going to go? Another DR? No sweat if they do, I’ll just as many from some other Dr.s cast-offs as they handle business the way I do.

F. I am in control. They are not and need me more than I need them. Patients come and go. They are a never ending flow that will keep me rich. Sniffles, colds, bad backs, in need of work-excuses, doesn’t matter, I still get paid. If they persist in complaining about their afflictions, I refer them to a specialist that I know. This specialist refers those to me from time to time. It’s a wash.

G. I personally see at least twelve patients an hour: via insurance, this gets me 1,140 bucks an hour. Not to mention the co pays I receive as pocket change. I pay my LPN 20 an hour, assist staff 10 an hour, supplies and electricity. Maybe $3,000 a month in rent.

H: I pay $250,000 a year in malpractice insurance.

I: “I” as in ME. Tell me what I get paid in a year? Not to mention kick-backs and trips from pharmaceutical companies for delaying your visit to gain more for me. <Maybe this may explain why pharmaceutical reps will ALWAYS just walk in when you have waited so long past your scheduled visit and always Go the Head of the Class ahead of you. Think about it.>



The true nature of the nonviolent psychopath is self serving, feeding off others and controlling all aspects of their lives. They feed off their prey and the power the prey give them to do so.

Just do the math.

Yet how do we give them the power to exploit?

We trust them, their education and our blind faith that they believe the ‘do no harm’ principal that made them doctors.

How many doctors simply dismiss you by giving you scripts you didn’t need for the common cold? When you take meds your body does not need, you gain a tolerance for them and when you do need them, they fail. When they fail, what do you do? You go back to the doctor and either he prescribes more or just tells you to shake the cold off. <<The new script just happens to be from the company that makes this med that had a REP in his office when you got pushed aside for your previous visit>>. Your body does have things that can counter your ailment and you should just trust them, they tell you. Or “ Well, you may just have the common cold and need to rough it out.” Meanwhile, didn’t you just make another insurance claim? Didn’t you just pass another co pay?

For your gods, higher powers, self reliance sake, just think for a moment.

And we, as Americans think Socialized Medicine, unlike most countries have, is so wrong and will only bring at best mediocre care for each and everyone of us. We all know, with Socialized Medicine, we lose some power over who are physicians are and how horrible that lack choice could be to us. You may not find a doctor that ‘understands your individual needs’. Tell me simply: How many of you from a major United States city has felt nothing more than a brick in a wall when it comes to doctors? A few moments jaunt that made us feel shuffled off for the next contestant in their never-ending game.



Let’s talk nonviolent psychopathy as it is alive and well in the United States.

The revolutionary and civil war physicians were wasted when the North won the Civil War. Technology and a sense of money grabbing took over. House visits by doctors dwindled from that point and died around the 1940’s to 1950’s except those of affluence. Emergency rooms took shape and form and grew vastly from the Korean and Vietnam wars and methods grown from battleground Triage methods, <<<excuse me. So sorry, those were not wars, they were called: <<<POLICE ACTIONS>>>

Before the 1940’s and 50’s, doctors held your health above all else. They did not worry about getting paid and would take a chicken or some form a vegetation for services rendered. These doctors held firm to the Hippocratic Oath, and did what they did more for the benefit of mankind than to pad their own pockets.

Why did they stroll down this path of money/insurance before all else? When did they get so corrupted and worry more about themselves over what their studies, experiences and took a sacred oath to maintain? To not do house calls nor sincerely care for the people of their lands?

I blame this on the ‘Jones have and I therefore must have’ liking toward consumption and its leap in the United States after WWII and cascading into the Korean and Vietnam Police Actions. I believe it was then that materialistic ideology took hold on the USA. When everyone else saw what others had, we so embraced Capitalism. <<<and this whole belief should have died when we bailed out Wall Street, being a total failure of the beliefs of Capitalism.




Think about who you go to when physically ill. Think about how long it takes you to get seen by them. If you have children feverish and feeling bad, and how this only should amplify your emotions toward a meeting and its urgency. And how much longer you suffer further, nerves growing thinner and some drug REP blows by you with huge smile and hand stretched for a shake.

And yet you wait.

For an audience by a god of study and by your embrace as you luckily found them in the Health Care Plans list of affiliated doctors.

Yeah, you are so lucky.

Can you please tell me why this is so versus what you should be allowed?

I have given you the ‘A’ thru ‘I’. Given what you have read and learned about the avenues and natures of the nonviolent psychopathic professionals, it is my sincere hope you have gone beyond this blog and read further into certain actions, attitudes and gains made off of you and yours in their never-ending hunger for self advancement well over what you hold dear to you. You give them your trust and cold hard cash. They owe you, not the other way around.

Don’t we all make livelihoods possible?

From wishing rot and going forward: Reader Comments part two.

Reader Comments: Part Two.



Let me say this: I cannot keep up with the emails I have been receiving from across this tiny planet we share. I simply do not have the time to post all comments from everyone. What I have been able to do is come up with a second installment to meagerly cover this. As said before, I will periodically post comments every several entries or so. I ask for you understanding on this.

I randomly selected these this way: every thirtieth email.

I changed all names whether asked to do so or not. Bottom line: you know who you are and have the ‘sent’ email to back it up. Take no offense to this. You do have the power to post anonymously via the comment tab at the bottom of each entry and put in what you wish, name and all.

Some of these are most profane and quite nasty. If you have a weak stomach, heart condition or low level of handling stress, you might not want to exit this ride.

To those that took the time: Thank you!

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Dear Sir,

You are an asshole!

I have no idea for what reason or why you choose to write such utter nonsense.

It is no more than rubbish one would place in a mental wastebasket. Your mind is a cesspool of despair and verbal toilet paper. I wipe my ass with your blog.



Sincerely,

Franklyn,

Calgary, Canada.

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Can I give birth to your children? I so wish to meet you. I can’t imagine you look like a nerd. Consider my question to you.

Tess,

A Katrina reject from the French Quarter.

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Mark,

I wish to say you have broadened my knowledge on a subject I have been curious about for many years. Your entries are fresh and full of information.

Have you ever considered being an instructor? You could seriously do well in this. Any man that can continue to write on the subject of nonviolent psychopathy has much to give this tired world. Have you thought about self-help books or videos?

Keep up the truly noble work you pursue with this. Make no mistake on this, you truly have a talent and freely share it.

With thanks and hopes you continue,

Louise,

Prattville, Alabama

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Mr. Darus,

I wish to know what makes you ask ‘what is human’? I believe you have a better grip on this than anyone I know. You are right: we are animals and why are so many deluded into thinking otherwise?

Every time you state observations you have witnessed further makes me ponder thoughts along similar avenues. Thought provoking to say the very least to anyone with active mind and curiosity.

You keep things moving, each post better than the last. I tell my friends you are some sort of dryer sheet for the soul and mind: making dirty clothing smell better, fresher, newer.

I cannot fathom why you do this but am most happy you do so.

Should our journeys ever bring us together, I’ll cover the coffee.

Marianna,

Rivne Oblast, Ukraine.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

　

Dear Mr. Darus,

So pleased to see one of my books listed in your reference section. I am always glad to see who I have reached and where from. Recommendations are always welcome!

Nice to know you are not a trained professional. I have no doubt this is why you have reached the vast audience you have. Great idea for adding the Translator function to your site. Most ingenious. Hats off to you on this one.

A life outside of work and thoughts toward this blog: bowling. Congratulations on your 297 game! My best was a 120. You, in my mind, have a balance in living that gives you an edge over most professionals in the areas of one-on-one therapy. This is what keeps you from going insane, unlike so many in my field that do so on a too frequent basis. They have so little separation from things they cannot understand, and truthfully, none of us totally can. Like corporate execs, they bring their work home and in so doing, alienate wives, husbands and their children as they get obsessed. They get drawn into what you call ’the whirlpool’ and go down as those closest leave them. For few, this in totally expected and they push on. For others, they suffer mental breaks, migraines and a host of other ailments.

You are different: in mind, spirituality and undying hope for humanities sake is what keeps you going toward those theories you will convince others of in time.

Freud’s success did not happen over night, you know this. You strike me as having the patience, intelligence, the grit and steadfastness to persevere.

I think you to be a new breed in psychological research. One that has no valid credentials, no major education other than the books you’ve read, understood from sheer curiosity and how you apply this to human experience on the most common areas of life. In short, you reach people on the base level, placing firm thoughts into words, placing objectivity above all else. Your ability to explain the complex workings of the mind without getting too windy and full of yourself is the fresh air my profession is so sorely lacking.

Can you imagine what Freud would have accomplished had the internet been available during his time here?

As you so kindly stated my book is worth reading, I can only offer the same about your Psychopathy: Another Life in return.

Keep Studying, keep writing and most of all: Never stop thinking about most would dismiss as folly.



Dr. Anthony Simmons.

New Zealand.

AN <authors note>: Sorry to not publish your real name on this, Dr. I know you know this, yet I felt I needed to apologize nonetheless. My humblest of thanks.

　

　

　

　

　

___________________________________________________________________________________

　

　

Mark,

It is my wishes you suffer from erectile dysfunction and no longer mess with the gene pool of this earth. You surely must be the result of parents that dove into the shallow end of it, conceived at impact and made you from a billion to one shot of poor semen and rotten eggs.

Small wonder no newspaper would ever have you on their staff or magazine would ever publish what you call your ‘objective works’.

Pompous ass, you really think you make any difference whatsoever?

Be so proud of what you and others would have you post for them. You all suck and are worthless and sadly those of inferior self-worth.



May your penis, and the females that toss their filth here have their vaginas rot the hell off.

I wish you all suffering and pain.



Fuck all of you,

Cutthroat Bitch

American Fork, Utah

　

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Authors Note:

I wish to give thanks to all that took the time to email me. Your comments and thoughts go a long way with me.

Both positive and negative alike. Where would life be without those two polarities? Okay, we would not have electricity, modern locomotives powered by diesel generators, or the sheer essence of life itself. We cannot be the same in all aspects of being and if we were, how intrinsically monotonous would it be?

I thank those and will further post comments periodically.



-Mark William Darus.

My Manifesto: Mission Statement: Pink Floyd Division Belll

              
Call this my mission statement: My manifesto:



I am:



Not a college degree person in either psychology or counseling.

Good at both the above on a person to person basis: unconditionally, without prejudice, gaining nothing financial, and making no judgment on the person telling me their concerns.

Helping to those, finding places, associations, connections, to aide them. Be it either curiosity or sheer wits-end desperation, both are equal to me as the one needing assistance is my prime concern.

A fool where personal regards are concerned. Through Psych-meds and blood pressure pills I appear to be getting better. Make your own conclusions on this one.

Emotionless: I did nail a 297 bowling last Thursday and did not have trembling knees, shaky nerves and such. I guess I was numb to some extent. To me: that is okay. always has been. I shot a 265 Monday in practice with a 238 and a 172. Again: emotionless.

(not part of my Manifesto)

<When in true need of truthful response, wouldn't you truly rather have the thoughts and mind of one that tells you their truth as you ask for help or guidance? This can only be done absent emotions. Emotions cloud what we would say or ask of those seeking help with what concerns them. Those with emotions hold back more often than not, not wishing to inflict more pain and suffering to the friend/ family member before them in dire need. Subjective family/friends hold back. Objective friends and family do not. To me, it is that cut-and-dried. And I never give anything less. Sure, call me a bastard, fucker and what you will. I have always been this way and am tired of hiding.>

back to the 'I am' part:

I AM:

One that will take the time and listen and read what you have to say. Post what you wish and email you help if given locations, ie, zip codes and general whereabouts.

One that will respect your right to remain anonymous regardless of what you say and what you send me. Call it journalistic integrity, I simply call it loyalty to anyone that opens their mouth, shares their thoughts hopes and fears to me. Is this not the what many religions call unconditional love and what the atheists proclaim as seeking truth? So more often than not, it is the story and not its dissected origins that matter.

One that believes we are not all created equal.

If we were, explain this to me: There are many with Aspersers syndrome, autism, MS, ADD< ADHD, ALZ (Alzheimer's), Lou Gehrig's disease, DYEBEETUZ - intentional misspelling for the benefit of the one. Syphilis from birth, Crack withdrawal at birth, SZ

The weak, disabled, the dying or our parents we so readily plant to the Death Farms when we no longer wish to take care of those that gave us so much from birth:. <the Death Farms term is one I created when explaining to a friend what Hospice, Assisted living facilities and old age homes translate to most Americans. Unlike most other countries, we Americans do not wish to be burdened by failing and fragile parents: If Medicaid and Benefits can work, we will so deal with our dying parents on a two to three hours a week basis. The least we can do, right, fellow Americans?

One that thinks the single purpose of humanity is to kill itself. Seriously, look at the history of mankind. When haven't we constantly tried to waste each other over religion, ideology, or when some United States President decided a decade ago to go after a power that pissed off his father (also a president of the USA).

One that believes our votes mean less than zero while the Electoral College vote means more than we, the people can change anything about.

One that seriously thinks the Republicans didn’t even try to win the last presidential election. If that had tried to win it, why would they pick a Vice Presidential Candidate with the lowest Electoral College vote next to that of Hawaii? Last presidential tossed to the curb.

I, after asking many in lines at grocery stores, department stores and fast food chains a few questions: Who bailed out the Airlines? Who caused you and I to fix Wallstreet and who wasted so much of our cash on the Hoover Dam? About 89% of those said: It was that goddamned nigger in the Whitehouse.

I did tell them to check their history, recent history, and if they knew who Hoover really was and his place in history. Okay, got punched a few times and so what? Those that resort to physical forms of intimidation obviously have nothing more intelligent to say. Their girlfriends did apologize, to which I asked them how often they get an upper-cut, punch to the breast and so forth. They’d look down and split.

I did laugh at the blows. Funny how that bothers more than an expression of pain. I have to truly appreciate so many aspects of my life where pain,my sheer lack of acknowledging such is concerned. Mind over matter, as in: if you don’t mind, it won’t matter. Or better: If you have a headache, just tap your foot with a hammer. You will soon forget about you headache.

I AM:

One that continues to ask a single question, seeking an answer to a continuously asked question: What makes us human?

I am one who continuously ponders questions as to what we are and why.

I am Mark William Darus, grandkid of Orlon and Jenny, son of Marion and Ted.

Like Popeye, I am what I am.

The Phone Interviews: Prey and Predator alike.

                      WELCOME BACK MY FRIENDS TO THE SHOW\
                       THAT NEVER ENDS. SO GLAD YOU COULD ATTEND.
                        COME INSIDE COME INSIDE.


                        PHONE INTERVIEWS: VOLUME ONE.

                      
                      When sent emails with phone numbers from those that wished to speak with me, I was compelled to either dismiss them, or actually call them. I opted for a PrePaid Burner. What harm in talking to people in pain or creating such for others?. I do this all day long and have for over 16 years across two jobs.
                     These emails came from across our small planet.

                      I was quite surprised with what they had to share with me. An openness of both heart and mind, fragility and hunger. The white and the black, oddly getting more  obscured with each ones words and tonal inflections.
                     Keeping objectivity.
                     Respecting what they had to say.
                     Doing the best I can: Giving them equal ground.

                     Please take into mind from my previous entry: The first question principal.


                      Here is Volume One: Phone Interviews.


THE QUESTIONS FOR THE PREY)

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>



General Information.

Sex: Female

Current Age: 37

Race: Caucasian

Body Style: Tall and skinny

Highest level of education at the time of incident: College Grad.

Location: Midwestern USA

“JESSICA”

　

　

1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)

Jessica: Huh? That’s a bit rough, don’t you think? Well, I guess I was naïve. I didn’t date much in high school. Went to a lot of parties in college and was so wasted, it’s hard to say who used who, ya know? I guess I thought what being used was. I was stupid.

2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:

Jessica: It was normal, ya know. I trusted men much easier then. I was a fool for a hard luck story, but it was nothing major.

3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?

Jessica: No, not at all. Things seemed normal. He bought me things, ya know, pewter dragons and stuff. Sometimes flowers, but never roses until much later if he was sorry for standing me up or something. Like he’d say he had to work late, car troubles, visit a sick family member. We’d go out on dates, sometimes he’d forget his wallet at home and I cover dinner, movies, baseballs games, whatever. I’d give him gas money if he was low on cash because his check was short from some company foul up.

I guess it pretty normal. It’s not like guys hadn’t me out when dating them.

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?

Jessica: 26

5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?

Jessica: About three years. Looking back, seems like it was longer.

6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)

Jessica: Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I thought I had the real one, ya know?

6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?

Jessica: We all met at this seafood place. God, that place had the best damn lobster!

　

　

7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?

Jessica: He seemed, I don’t know? Bigger, more outgoing. Friendlier. He was always quite charming, but even that, looking back, seemed amplified. Exaggerated. I even asked him about it later that night after we had sex and he said he was just trying to make a good impression.

8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT? (if yes, proceed to the questions below)

Jessica: Some did, some didn’t.

8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?

Jessica: Some thought he was the best thing to happen to me. Good looking, smart and a good talker.

Others just said they didn’t know, but they had a funny feeling and something wasn’t right with him.



8b. DID THEY LOOK CONCERNED?

Jessica: Again, some did and some didn’t. Fuck, what’s your next question: did you check their pulse? Jeez.

　

8c. DID THEY, AT ANY POINT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THEY WERE WRONG, EITHER SAY YOU WERE CRAZY OR IN NEED OF HELP?

Jessica: One actually did. My friend <Jeff> said he got the creeps when he met him. He felt worried for me, scared. He couldn’t say anything specific though, so I blew him off.

9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

Jessica: About two and half years into it. His stories just didn’t make sense after a while, ya know? In all that time I never did know where he worked. I never met his family or friends no matter how many times I pressed him to. When he moved in after we’d been dating a few months, he never said where we moved from.

10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?

Jessica: Toward the end, I felt weak and sick most of the time. My stomach always hurt, tons of headaches and muscle pain. Didn’t sleep much and when I did, I got no real rest at all. Depressed. I became a zombie at work. I’d catch people staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess maybe a little paranoid. I felt like I was dying. Saw my doc a lot, but he didn’t find anything wrong with me.

11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)

Jessica: Yes, I did. I thought about it many times when extremely exhausted.

11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?

Jessica: I felt so tired. Drained. Like I had no energy at all, ya know.

11b. DID YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND IF NOT, WHY?

Jessica: I tried calling Jeff, but his girlfriend always said he was busy.

12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?

Jessica: No. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about it.

13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?

Jessica: Maybe four years after he left. After two years with a psych who pushed me to break through and see it as it was, ya know. He made me think, dig deep. Make me see? Not sure if that’s the right words.

14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

Jessica: To never trust anyone that hasn’t earned it first. Never just toss out money. Move slower, ya know. Keep my eyes open. To question shit that just doesn’t make sense as soon as something arises. To be more firm. And if some guy forgets his wallet after dinner, make him scrub dishes and look like a fool.

I guess the biggest thing I leared was to no be so damned blind and listen to friends.

15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.

Jessica: I don’t know? Don’t let love make an ass out of you? Find out where they work? Trust no one?

　

16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?

Jessica: Definitely. Some of the entries made perfect sense to me. I looked back over that time and things seemed clearer. Hearing others talk about their lives made a big difference. I wasn’t alone. The predators and prey that told their stories were like lessons to be learned. This type of thing should be taught in high school. I mean, shit, they teach us math, how to cook, even what it’s like to have a baby to take care of 24/7 for a week or so. But how not to be used by another? Yeah, right.

At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.

Jessica: So what, besides writing about psychos do you like to do?

Me: I like to bowl and write a lot. I get a kick out of cooking for people.

Jessica: What do you do you cook?

Me: pretty much anything. I got into cooking chicken friend steak from scratch. Owww, it came out great every time! Way better than restaurant cooking.

Jessica: What would you suggest for me in the future?

Me: good question. Find a man that cooks for you? Ask him for references before things get too serious? Just kidding on that one.

Jessica: I do not think you were kidding at all. Makes sense to me.

Me: I wish you well, Jessica and don’t hesitate to email me again..

Jessica: I shall! Thank you.

__________________________________________________________

QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>

　

General Information.

Sex: Female

Age: 48

Race: Causation

Body Style: BBW: Busty

Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED

Location: West Coast USA

“CARRIE”

　

　

1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?

Carrie: Fuck you! It’s not like I’m Columbine Kid or something. I just used the sad assholes that let me!

　

2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?

Carrie: Pretty young, actually. I was about 15. I so learned to pout real good. I got what I wanted, and learned to get it every time. Gave family and friends the big’cow’eyes, they’d feel sorry for me. When that failed, I gave them the ‘nobody likes me cuz I’m overweight bullshit, not worth a damn. Can’t get a date cuz I’m fat and ugly. <I knew I was fat, but I was not ugly. I knew I could get layed and did many times most satisfactory for me.> They’d crater, man. Weaklings that they were.

3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?

Carrie: Bother me? You must be joking, man. I got what I wanted, like almost every time, and learned from mistakes when I messed up.

3a: WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?

Carrie: Well, I overplayed my hand. Like I’d get too dramatic way too soon and blow it. As soon as I saw their expressions, I knew it was over.

3b: SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF?

Carrie: I’d simply pawn it off on PMS or a really bad period. Shit, man! People always fell for that crap.

4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?

Carrie: Uh, didn’t I already answer that already? C’mon. Enough with the canned questions, Mark. You’re starting to sound like some mid-level psych book. Really, you do need to challenge me.

5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?

Carrie: Nice one! There you go! I learned this at the second job I had. I was working for ******** fast food. Sucky place to work. Hated it. I saw what got the bosses attention. Coworkers, with better bodies than mine, would go to clock in and walk by him. I saw the way he watched their asses. I can add and put two and two together. I started going to work in street clothes and change in the john. I’d get there about 20 minutes before my shift started. I’d say hi to him and coworkers as I walked by. I’d then head out the back door for a smoke. He always followed right after me. Why? I’d wear low-cut tops and give out my awesome cleavage. Men are such assholes for big tits! Seriously, to this day, that never fails to amaze me. Show them the crack of jogs and they will be yours.

5a: HOW DID THIS WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?

Carrie: Ow, man. It was so easy. I told my family, friends and a few teachers about the way this turd would stare at my tits., and that I needed this job and all. They were so angry and outraged by this. One of my teachers suggested setting him up in front of witnesses. That being said, and I so knew someone would, I ran with it. I told them when I worked next and told them to watch out back, the area were we smoked. Maybe watch what happens when I ran the front line in full puritan dress. They came out in total. Two of them even had camcorders.

The next day I worked, I told him I had his ass on tape and he best cough up some cash. He thought me a fool and just laughed. Dumbfuck even had the nerve to fire me! Well, I thought that was a possibility, so I sent copies of the tapes to the headquarters. At first, they thought I was bluffing, like: ’what does a 17 yr old know?’ I had my dad call them and say I would hit the media and sue them. Still, those macho assholes in Chicago thought I was bluffing. A teacher said I should take my tapes to a feminist group and let them run with it. They ran with it and had their Chicago branch take it. Still, and I could not believe it, they dismissed me. Fuckers! With the financial help of friends and family, I went to the corporate headquarters and stormed a board meeting. I wore semi revealing clothes, nice high heals and a wire the fine dyke ladies in Chicago clad me with. They looked at me and asked who the fuck I was. I told them my name and why I was there. Got to love a room full of males, staring at tits and ass, making fat 7-figure greenbacks and how it makes their egos rise their worthless, tiny dicks. ‘Oh, you’re that bitch!’ The chairman laughed and said ‘ you are so trailer trash, looking for check, aren’t you slut?’.

Two of the lower end of their food chain stood up and walked toward me. <I so felt I was so close I could taste it. It was electric, man. I knew one of them would do what ego full males would do.>

He put a hand on me. I smiled and screamed: RAPE!

That’s all it took for the sisterhood to crash the building.

I pulled away from the slimy fuck, smiling, and pulled out the wire I had under my right boob.

The chairman got really white, like paper white, and said: We’ll settle with you!

Sorry, too late! I gave you how many chances?

It only saw the filed suit go to the courts. They cratered.

I made just under two million to not mention the name of their company. The sweetest of gag-settlements! I know you will not publish the company name. You are a smart guy, Mark. You know I’d sue your ass in a heartbeat if you did.

6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to questions below)

Carrie: not at all. They just wrote me off as the chunky girl of hard luck: can’t get a steady date, problems at work. They had no clue.

　

　

7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP? (If yes, proceed to questions below)

Carrie: Not in the slightest. I wasn’t born in West Virginia! I was fat. Unless a fat girl puts herself out there, she will not get a fuck no matter what.

　

　

　

8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?

Carrie: I was a quick learner. I saw what worked and what didn’t and simply adjusted.

It happened fast. After years of being laughed at: Fat Carrie, ugly Carrie, four eyes. I got tired of feeling hurt, man. I thought: I will fuck all of you!

9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?

Carrie: Nice, Mark. No click. I did hear some odd-ass hissing sound. You know, like a steam heat system venting. It wasn’t loud or nothing major. Maybe like a snake hissing, like in the movies. Not huge, just messed up cuz I looked all over when it happened and didn’t see a thing. It messed with me for few hours and I sent it out my head.

10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?

Carrie: Yeah, I did! (she laughs, sincerely) I thought you were lame as hell in the beginning of this, man.

I saw people, lots of people. Like hordes! They were being walked into places called showers. Herded like animals to the slaughter houses that make steaks and beef and veal. Man, I could not just see it, I could fucking smell it. I smelled the iron of blood, burning hair. I threw up! Seriously, I heaved my guts out. I remembered my parents saying I had big, wide, brown cow eyes.

Gas chambers like the Jews.

I puked for god knows how long. My stomach muscles seemed to be coming out my mouth with each hurl. A good night at Olive Garden followed by Baskin Robbins splashing into the toilet.

I thought: whatta fuckin waste! Good food getting chucked. At that point, laughing in my head, I believed I was going insane. What the fuck makes someone think about Baskin Robbins and gas chambers at the same time, right?

I turned when getting a drink of water and saw myself in the mirror.

Boom! I would be a cow going to slaughter. I am not Jewish and this may seem like Nazi Germany when it comes to fat people, but I AM better than this.

11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?

Carrie: I saw that after the fast food thing. After puking my soul into oblivion, I thought emotions are the fallbacks of the weak and trusting. Weaknesses, really. I knew I was stronger than most of them, mentally. They’d so easily think of me with a sad, wanting to be desperately to be fucked and used, they’d give their asses up to me.

Keep this in mind: I had all the money in the world to work with.

Males became my playground. I had slides, monkey bars, spinning things. And I took them for a ride. I still do.

Me: okay. When did you catch this? What age? C’mon, when?

Carrie: I was about 20 then. I bombed high school and what kid wouldn’t have? I had long green. Didn’t need for anything. My parents were bummed, so I made them happy by buying myself a GED for just under 2 grand.

Fucker, you are pushy aren’t you? When did you do something of worth?

Me: Let’s continue, shall we?



12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?

Carrie: Stupid question! Again, you need to think before you come up with these freshman questions. Mark, you let me down. What was your childhood like? Did you wear glasses, if so, were you picked on?

Me: Sweet, nice deflection. Truly, grand evade. Why would you evade a simple question?

Carrie: OF COURSE I FELT AND AM MORE SUPERIOR THAN OTHERS! WHY? <low toned chuckle going into brash and loud laughter> AND DON’T YOU WRITE THIS OFF AS SOME WEAKLING POOR SELF-ESTEEM BULLSHIT, COCKSUCKER! I AM BETTER! I AM POWERFUL!

Me: <giving her time to settle after many explicative’s, she calmly came back.>

Carrie: Sorry, man. Sort of lost it there. I won’t do that again. Must be PMS.

Me: like you conned others? Won’t work with me. Keep going. You failed to answer the ‘WHY’ part of the question.

Carrie: Cuz people want to be used, that’s why! They are so easily struck by appearances that they fuckin’ want to be deceived. They are asking for it. Suck up to me, give me lines that work on others and I will twist you and make you smile til your balls get crushed by the ‘sad little lady you bought a few drinks for.’ One slow dance and you will be mine, prick!

13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>

Carrie. Cat and toy thing? Yeah, right, like means donut hole to me. They were more than toys. Call these men a toy like by brothers had, except I’d call them Erection Sets. Build them up and I would make them rust and decay. Toys? I guess. They’d so think they were in charge. I’d let them think this, draw them in with my body and screw them blind. I’d screw them alright. They never knew what hit them when I was done and bored with them. In front of their friends I would crush them. They had a small dick, cum too quick, and sucked in bed. I’d knock them down so bad they’d wished they’d never met me.

With that, either they’d pull me aside and break up with me or I’d break up with them in front of their friends.

Either way, I won. Gotta love that. Months worth of good dates, a fair amount of decent sex and bills they’d pay for me. I have to salute the men of this country. Get a chunky woman with a pretty face and you will be so fucked by those us that saw you coming way before you’d cum in us!

14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?

Carrie: Duh! Did you not hear my previous answers? Did I not make tons of cash and didn’t have idiots pay my bills for me?

You are making me sleepy.

15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?

Carrie: Why would I? I would have nothing legal with any man.

16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?

Carrie: Do you read these questions before you ask them? Are you trying to catch me in a lie?

17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?

Carrie: Absolutely I am! I have made more money than anyone I know. I continue to do so to this day. Sex is good or great. Bills being paid are better than me paying for myself.

I am most content.

18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?

Carrie: I am content. But I don’t see a day when I won’t be hungry. Every bar is a buffet for me. Yeah, okay, cut the fat jokes. I see men that are weak. I see idiots. I have bills to pay, though I can do this myself. It is so much sweeter taking some guy for a ride.

Stiff dick has no conscious? I not only live on that, I eat on it!

19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:

Carrie: I do. You gave me a chance to talk plainly. I thought some of your questions most tiresome, sort of dumming down the massive subject you write about. I still like your counters. I also like the way you didn’t let me derail you.

You give us a chance to take the time and smell the roses. Or <with a deep chuckle> a chance to remember about the ones we’ve wasted and trashed and how they had it coming.

You go to both sides though. I’m not sure how you do that. I think you must be sick in the head but smart, intelligent about it. I read your Brief Introduction and Beginning entries on March 3. March? I gotta laugh. You march alright. I do believe you are not shrink or psych. I do think you are someone gaining speed and picking up altitude. I’ll Friend you on FaceBook when you post this. I want to see what you do with it.

　

<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>

Me: So what’s your favorite colour? Mines purple and blue.

Carrie: <laughing, she does Mick> and I want it painted bla-ack! No, I actually favor hot pink. It seems to fit me, both in blush and halters. Can I ask you a question?

Me: Of course. I am not saying you will get an answer though.

Carrie: I understand your interests in psychopaths with school killings and stuff, god knows I’d never kill anyone physically, but what made you start a blog about us nonviolent types?

Me: Well, being able to read again, I was curious about the Chardon Ohio shootings. I thought of that with both Columbine and the Amish Country Ohio slayings. I delved into psychopathy and learned about others that fell into that realm but weren’t killers. I remembered an episode of HOUSE called REMORSE. His team hit on a psychopath that was nonviolent. Through reading, studying, research and personal counseling for bipolar and the questions given to me, I became aware of the other, Another Life, where psychopaths coexist with people of everyday lives.

I began to read the works of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley and found this ‘other life’. To me, found their writings and theories amazing.

I ran with that, and have never looked back or second guessed myself.

Carrie: And what did your family, friends and coworkers think about this?

Me: You are as subtle as a chainsaw, aren’t you? <I laugh. She has me with my own questions. You have to love manipulators. Well, maybe you don‘t. I do though.>

Carrie: Stop Deflecting, House!

Me: Fine! It bothered them. It was like, we’d talk for a while. I’d bring up the blog and the countries it was read at, and they’d have a serious change in their tone. To me it was like I had said something like: I ripped off Walmart off! They scanned a 20 buck game and it came up 5 to them. I told them the scan was wrong and they’d robotically tell me the system is never wrong <with an almost contemptuous tone> “yeah, that’s nice.” : adding a long sigh, followed with: “and how are you really?”

I thought: END OF LINE and went on to lesser aspects of life knowing they were disturbed by this passion I felt.

Carrie: All of them? Sorry, don’t believe you on this.

Me: No, not all of them. There are two that won’t judge me. One that knows me well enough to know that I mean no harm major harm and other that simply takes me as I am. These are friends that have known me for 18 and 37 years. I have nothing but respect for them.

Carrie: 18 and 37 years? Odd to me. Nothing with a recent or middle ground?

Me: working on this. Building relationships with people is not that easy for me. I’ve got this thing when it comes to sensing being used. I sense that and you are history to me. Period.

I learned to build relationships with friends.

I became a part of a team. When I crashed, I did not let them know anything . I did not want concern or sympathy. I wanted to earn my place in their eyes. This started last August and it’s been building ever since. They didn’t even know I was on leave from work until I went back to it. Some three and half months later. They earned my respect and in that humble process, I earned theirs, going from a 141 average to a 182 after a 12 yr absence from bowling.

Carrie. Wow. You have both good friends and the makings off. Building, as you say. Mark, you have made many cyber friends across the country and the globe.

Me: thanks.

　

We talked for a bit about favorite foods and such. Told each other to email each other at any time and if needs be, to call one another.


____________________________________________________________



THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>

　

General Information.

Sex: male

Age: 31

Race: black

Body Style: athletic

Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED

Location: Ohio, USA <his stipulation that the state be said>

“Adam”

　

　

1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)

Adam: Fuckin’ bastard! Did you call me to ridicule me? I trusted you. I gave you my number for Christ’s sake.

Me: You can hang up on me if you like. Always an option for you. I told you this before we started.

Adam: It’s embarrassing. I know you won’t use my real name and all, but still. Harsh.

Me: I understand you’re still raw about it. Sorry if I side-swiped you, ‘Adam’.

Adam: it’so kay. I was dumb, okay? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, as my father would tell me. Time and time again he’d say this to me. Glad he’s dead.

2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:

Adam: Normal. Well as normal a boy could be with an overbearing cocksucker like my dad was.

Me: You paused. How bad was it, Adam?

Adam: Did you watch The Breakfast Club? I was the Judd Nelson guy.

Me: Cigars burns and shit?

Adam: Yeah. And I did good in shop classes. He was an accountant, oh so smart. Like I’d fix his car and save him tons in repair charges. You know what he’d say to? “ at least you’re good at something.”

3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?

Adam: No. I spent most of the time ragging on my dad. She listened to me and never cut me off. She’s the only one that was like that. She listened and hugged me. Man, that sounds so fuckin’ sad. But everyone needs someone to talk to right?

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?

Adam: I try real hard not to remember. Maybe 20.

5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?

Adam: 6 months.

6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated

Adam: Friends only. Shit, like I’d have my dad or mom there.

6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?

Adam: no.

6b. DID YOU MEET THEM AT A BAR, NIGHTCLUB, BASEBALL GAME, BOWLING ALLEY OR OTHER PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS SERVED?

Adam: Bar. I figured it would be a good way to loosen people up. Nothing makes people more accepting that booze, right?

　

7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?

Adam: Not at all. Like, if I went to the john or hit the bar for more drinks, she’d tell my friends what a nice guy I was. Given my upbringing, to her this was amazing.

8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT?

Adam: No. She snowed them bigtime!

8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?

Adam: They thought she was great. Must’ve been the booze talking.



9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

Adam: I didn’t til it was over. And even then, it took two weeks for it to sink in.

10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?

Adam: Suicidal.

11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF?

Adam: Fuck! Didn’t I just tell you that?

11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?

Adam: I was so ashamed. I gave her my PIN numbers, gave her my Credit Cards. Cosigned on a car loan.

12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?

Adam: Why? That would only draw more attention to my dumbness.

13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?

Adam: About 27 or so. <lowering voice> Dad did say I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the pack.

14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

Adam: That I’m a fuckin’ asshole.

Yeah, it changed everything. I learned to never trust women again. Ever! And I am so glad my dad it dead.

　

15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.

Adam: I went gay after that. It was good for me. I was a fool to think women would be the end all and be all.

16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?

Adam: It did. Not sure why though. I must’ve been depressed or something when I found your blog.

At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.

Me: Do you have any questions you’d like to ask of me?

Adam: Are you single? You got a nice voice, Mark.

Me: No comment.

Adam: You fuckin’ tease! <Laughing>

Me: Do you like to cook?

Adam: Nah, he does that. I fix the cars though. Tend the garden. He works harder than me. I red about four Chiltons to service his cars.

What do you like to do? I mean, when you aren’t gathering intel on the worst of humanity?

Me: I cook, bowl and pretty much study and write.

Adam: Thanks for talking to me, man.

Me: You are most welcome.

Adam: Keep in touch, brother!

Me. I will.

Authors note: <hence the AN>

AN:if there could be such a thing as a handshake over the phone, I think Adam and I had this at the end of this interview.

_____________________________________________________________


QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>

　

General Information.

Sex: Female

Age: 40

Race: Caucasian

Body Style: 5’ 10’, 142lbs

Highest level of education at the time of incident: Technical School Grad

Location: Odessa Ukraine (currently on holiday in Alaska)

“Katerina”

　

　

　

1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?

Katerina: Just because you’re American does not mean you can speak to me that way! I do not look at myself as sick. If you call me a ‘fucker’ again, I will disconnect you. Others view me as they do. I have no power over what masses think and do not give it thought.

2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?

Katerina: I was not the different one, they were. If they do not behave and do as I do, that’s their weakness, not mine.

3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?

Katerina: Why should it bother me? What does ‘bother me’ mean? To be bothered is to feel irritated. I get bored with people a great deal and just move on.

4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?

Katerina: I was very good at sports, which are taught young in my country. Boys were easy to play with me. I would challenge them to something, like, I race you and if you best me, I give you sex. If I win I want gifts. It was easier to let them win, give them best sex and hook them. They helped me cheat on tests all through school and university. I still got gifts when I threatened to leave them. I made them forget friends to be with me. I’d want to play sports with friends and I’d pout and say I will spend time with someone I knew they not like. They always saw things my way. Always.

5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?

Katerina: If I did not get my way, I would have something to extort them with. In my country, boys and men are much afraid of their mothers or grandmothers. I would say I would tell mother and she would tell their mother or grandmothers.

6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?

Katerina: If parents want you to be labeled defective and spend much time in sanitarium, make themselves look inferior, bad citizen, they’d take notice. People in my country do not do such things. Unlike other countries afraid of shame, here as in most Soviet countries say nothing out of fear.

　

　

　

　

　

　

7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?

Katerina: No. I understand this happens much in your country though. Very sad and horrible. And you call me sick in your first line of interrogation! Are parents like those called psychopaths? They should be so.

8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?

Katerina: I think I was always this way. In my country, if you were stupid female, you got pregnant fast and stuck. My older sisters through their misbehaviors and terrible lives that came taught me. They would say: ’Katerina, don’t make same mistake made like me.’ Both were married by 18 and most sad. I was 9 or 10 then.

9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?

Katerina: Yes, voices when I head toward sleep. My sisters voices, most scary, every night for weeks. Each night, same thing in before sleep and whole during dreams. I learned well from those.

10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER? (let them answer fully. Let them form their own answers with NO GUIDANCE or leading.)

Katerina: DA! (yes). Sisters faces tears. I would see them during school when they weren’t there and when sleep came. So many times I would wake, sweat during winter when normally cold from inferior heat and meager bed coverings.

During holidays I would see them, sad smiles, fake eyes. Their husbands ordering them like time spent in military, calling sisters names not their own. Unclean, filthy, disgusting. I would see them and. Mind no further.

I could not stop things seen with eyes open and away from them and things with closed eyes.

11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?

Katerina: I do not understand question?


Me: AT WHAT AGE DID YOU SEE YOU WERE NOT LIKE OTHERS IN YOUR LAND? THAT THEY WERE SMALLER IN MIND THAN YOU?

Katerina: I answer that two (answers) ago. 9 or 10.

12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?

Katerina: DA! Much power over them. Don’t you mean ‘how’?

Me: Yes, sorry. How?

Katerina: They had hearts and thoughts of sadness weakness and sense of pain. Not to self but to others. They fear God. Most fear mothers look at them. Unlike your country all looking for themselves, caring not what family think, most care in my land. What your peoples would call ‘keep face’ to their closest means much in my land.

Me: Yet you didn’t care what your family thought of you?

Katerina: Momma did not secretly in her heart want me to be as my sisters. Not bold enough to trouble dad with such trivial matters said nothing. I believe she saw me as she wanted to visit on her self in memory. Momma saw I had no true heart toward others. She saw me unlike her getting my way. You’d say she was jealous. She love me and I still embrace her grave. From deaths land she sees me, feels much pride.

13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>

Katerina: Most da! American males are most dumb in mind and big conscious of groin. I was like panther to young sheep. (she laughs with the glee of child opening a Christmas present)

I was taken from Ukraine with marriage to American. Given American rights and such. I live in nice place in outside Baltimore for one year. I then go home with much dollars and he could do nothing.

Me: So you whored yourself for citizenship?

Katerina: No! He gave this to me. I only slept with him 22 times after marriage. Many sucks before marriage. Why Americans believes this means something? He much satisfied with my cooking and cleaning things. Why is it American men love dusted television before friends come over? I got much tired of bringing beer to him with friends? Beer, most vile. Give me vodka!

14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?

Katerina: In United States of Amerika most yes! He had great moneys I took when I left America. My English was not so good them but banks in Baltimore had many interpreters. I had papers to close accounts and visa to go home. Like your California leader would say in movies: ostilluh visa baby!

Me: How much was your take?

Katerina: I do not understand?

Me: How much money did you take from him?

Katerina: Much! Over a million in dollars.

Me: What is that in the Ukraine?

Katerina: Huge house with good heat and much land. Houses for family and comrades on land. Queen being with much generosity.

15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?

Katerina: Did I not answer this?

Me:? Allow me to humbly rephrase. Given your previous answer, did you remarry in the Ukraine?

Katerina: Why? No need for such things. Money much, I could buy sex when wanted. A man is worth little else.

16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?

Katerina: Nyet, no children. Embraced American doctors for this. Your pill is most powerful. I told you why I got married already.

17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?

Katerina: Of course After pappa died, I gave mom pleasant land to live. I tried to have sisters abandon husbands, but I failed in this. Past friends did move on my land in dwellings I had made. Peace with pond, heat with winter and internet. Grand fields to grow and have meat from animals. What Americans call a cult, it is home to them. What you call a paradise, we call living and working for the collective good of us.

Americans only care about their selves. Put sick parents into camps for dying without being troubled and seeing them weaken. Money makes them blind.

18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?

Katerina: I control my lands. Do what I say or be gone from here.

Me: How is that any different from dictator or Czar?

Katerina: Did I say I was different? I do not believe so. Are your so called elected leaders any different than me? Nyet. They lie to peoples of your land. Biggest ones, your president. You have no control of who is elected. College vote controls all in your land. Your vote means nothing!

Me: So you command all you see?

Katerina: I see far beyond my lands and extorted officials here. Find officials weakness, picture this from angles with many cameras and as you Americans love to say: have them by balls. Give those of my land digital cameras set them to task. Target to follow and they discover much.

My lands grow in size all the time.

　

19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:

Katerina: Your site is much discussion here. Your last name, much shrunken, hit us here. I send you emails and you respond. Those emails said your pappas family came from here. You say you not know what his last name truly was. Where from? What land in my country? You said this was before Germany took Austria much like Russia took Ukraine. Documents of none from that time. Most got burned through revolts.



CONVERSATIONS AFTER INTERVIEWS:

Katerina: I think you wish visit here. I think you desire spend time in lands grandparents saw before big war crossed world in 1930’s.

Da! You hit lands with blog. Never seeing victims in ways I read in blog, I think I could be generous to underlings in my lands. They work for keep, pay me nothing and do bidding as summoned to them.

Me: I have been thinking along those lines. I have often wondered what my fathers people saw. Most of white Americans Americanized here prior to the occupations that occurred before the early 1940’s have so little knowledge of our pasts and lands known by grandparents. Most of us simply conclude things worrying more about the here and now, the status quo, than where our people came from. My moms family came from many lands. She was a mutt, if you will with no disrespect to her and hers: Scottish, Irish, German, Holland Dutch and England.

In short, I am at least 50% Ukrainian and know so little about it. I could venture to Parma Ohio and solicit more knowledge, and perhaps I will. My knowledge of the Ukraine is Easter eggs and perrrogies (sp?) . I am using an IM Translator to FaceBook you and friends amongst others from Russia and the Czech republic and probably failing epically.

Katerina: But you attempt. We contacted you from your blog and expect not perfections. We decipher meanings and words you place.

Why did you start such blog?

Me: Why do you think?

Katerina: You trying to find place. I do not believe you to be typical American ass going for shameless self promotion. You must be outcast in your land and peoples. I had time your lands to know things frowned at. You bother many close to you. Cause them to see motives created by them. Look at things done by hands they own and not admit to.



Me: I think I have.

Katerina: You, like most Canadian and American psychologists like to place things into orders for dissection. Unlike most, you give place to speak mind and cleanse spirit. I like you, what you have done. I am in Canada, do you have a visa to meet me?

/ Me: Nope. And I really don’t wish to have one while my country chooses to be asses to the borders of a people that got many of our hostages out of Iran prior to Reagan being put into the Whitehouse. Hey, you, technically are an American citizen, right? If you truly are, come here and meet me.

Katerina: You could take me to this Parma place, no? Eat Americanized food from my land?

Me: I’d be glad to. Honored to do so. Hell, you could be my translator.

Katerina: I would fell your belly after going to market and make stomach happy.

Me: I am sorry. I am running out of minutes. I have to stop on an embracing moment.

Katerina: I have your email. You get proper phone and I will call you from home, Mother Ukraine. She is calling you, Mark Wilhelm Daruzsch.

Me: Thank you for being part of my Life at this point. I bow to you.

Katerina: No, it is I and comrades that gesture with bended backs to you. Nice to place voice to blank words with meaning.

Me: I embrace you with minds eye.

　

AN: out of minutes, the call hit oblivion. Glad for the KORG company and their fine line of digital recorders.


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            AUTHORS NOTE:
    
             I found these interviews to be most enlightening. Placing sounds to words  is always interesting, in my opinion. Do the voices match the written word they sent me? High or low tones? Simply put: What do the emailers sound like?
             Hearing raw emotions in memories past, hunger of the insatiable  in the present, and the mixture of the two throughout each. I sincerely got more drawn into the subject of my blog.
            To my theory of Another Life.

              I can also see why learned psychologists and psychiatrist alike do not wish to treat both forms of  psychopaths:  the nonviolent and homicidal alike.
              There is a major fascination to those that live outside the  normal guidelines 96% of people adhere to. The minds of some of the most educated swim into this whirlpool and get sucked down. Changing their own thought patterns to get a better glimpse, and thus, lose themselves in the process. Many of them wind up in therapy themselves. They become little more than a moth being drawn toward the light, heat, to have their wings get torched and die. They become Nomads. (see the movie Nomads, starring Pierce Brosnan and Adam Ant: great movie that fits this scenario to a  tee).

             Where do I fit in this subject?
             Why do I continue to write about this?

            Because I can, that's why. I do not care who it bothers.