Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Crawling takes on Stretching Legs. Beginning to walk again...
Spending Saturday/Sunday with you was incredibly special to me for so many reasons. It's nice to be around one whom doesn't mince words, isn't afraid to say something totally wrong for the sake of a laugh, and simply be themself (or) themselves.
When I first looked into your eyes as you exited your Grand Am, I felt something 'thud' in my heart that I haven't known in such a very long time. So long in fact I'd thought being able to feel for anyone that way was a lost cause, and dare to think, they feeling the same way.
We embraced so quickly, so fully, drawing each other closer into a oneness from two separate lands. Neither of us hesitated in the least. Such a wondrous body-mind-sharing, it lasting a good span.
As our time grew, you gave of yourself, showing me areas of your lands offerings. Seriously, that was awesome Prime-Rib! The band was good.
One of the many things remember is you when you talk. In this area you have answered a prayer I thought was never heard: To be with someone who speaks with the energy, attitude and sheer excitement that I do! You have so much LIFE and POSITIVE vibes that like me, you let it spill from you as freely as exhaled air.
I like the way you carry yourself. You have confidence, unbridled.
I have to say you tested me on something in regards to our level of nudity/pureness to one another. I hope I didn't disappoint you on this. You sent me signals in many directions, so I quickly backed off repeatedly. I hope you understand this.
Relax: You layed me flat on my back, resting my head in your lap. Your firm fingers moved over me. My shoulders and neck and arms, your clay. I was poor clay, and kept tensing up. Sorry, this ground has become so unfamiliar to me that going rigid has become a way of life. Opening my eyes, I see you looking down at me: Your necklace weaving about between your beautiful breasts. "You need to relax, William." I am trying, I tell her, yet actions don't always match words as I fail. I had to ask myself: Why is it so hard to relax at the request of another that is touching me in a way I have so wished for? Fear of the unknown? Fear of giving up control? Take your pick and I'm sure you'd be correct. To her credit, she didn't give up and snapped my neck chiropractic. Christ, did that feel good!!! I'm learning, though very slowly...
On the Shores of your Voices:though you never really said anything, I believe they must be suspicious of me. I can understand this. When we let another into our truer selves, there is always a threat to the NORM of how things run within us. Voices heard in the head and mind, are to some, the nudging of reason and conscience. To others, can be looked at as Instinctual Warnings that most fail to heed. Hell, my blog is full of stories that fail to heed these warnings and world is littered with the wasted and damaged souls that travel it blindly.
BTW: I am going to use: On the Shores of your Voices for a working title as I begin to write, if that's okay with you. Please let me know ASAP.
I want to help you with your memory gaps-fragments. Please send me your name/location history and dates and I'll dig into it. The next time we meet, I want to try something with you to see if that does anything to help. I will not tell what I am planning, but it does not involve drugs, swinging shiny metal/diamond objects or anything forced.
I want your Voices to not fear me as I do not mean to hurt or kill them. You've accepted them as they are, making them as much a part of you as your physical body. I respect that.
On Swapping Spit: The look on your face was priceless when I pulled out the Oral gel for your bitten lip! Yeah, you did get me when you removed your top in the room, so turnabout's fair play! :)
A Horse is a horse: Eating toast while watching Mr. ED, shaking my head and smiling. What a totally absurd thing to make us smile together after so many hours of smiling! Precious gift from somewhere else given to us. Here's you: they used peanut butter to make him do that. (that is such a Mark-Line if ever there was one. YOu beat me to it!)
As Silence takes hold, She sleeps: You looked so incredibly at peace as you let your soul-batteries recharge. I will never forget the gentle lines of your face as you allowed sleep to take hold, if only for a few moments in comparison. An angel contented, limbs unmoving, chest rising and lowering slowly. Eyelids gently pressing together like familiar lovers in soft embrace.
Stepping to the Old with someone New: Antique Store. So fucking nice! Talking, walking, sharing pasts as a few items brought back memories to lives past. Have you ever placed your hands on something in an antique store and got a psychic flash to its history? I'm not sure if you caught it or not, but did you see me sometimes touching various things with the back of my hand and looking away from it as I did this? (oh yeah, I'm sure you're thinking I'm a total headcase. Then again, You might not.) Walking out of the store, arm in arm, as snow-beads fell upon us, bouncing off our heads. You pointing out how they've accumulated on my Trailblazers bumper, giving me the gift of your a smile crossing your lips and kissing your eyes. You began to realize just how tired I was getting and I appreciate this.
As Cells Divide: Parting company. It was not easy leaving you at your place, though I knew it was needed. You suggested a two week lack of phone talking, emailing and such the night before. I told you then I didn't think I could do it. I'm a Leo with a Scorpio rising sigh, a Tiger on the Chinese/Japanese calendar, I can bend, but do you really want me to become a contortionist? I don't think so. But hey, I could be wrong. Been there, done that. I'll try to respect your wishes and I'm sure you'll make me understand yours. I think we understand each other quite well. I ask you this: Do you really want me to be something I am not?
My thoughts: I believe you to be a predator in some aspects. It takes one to know one and I have no problem saying that about myself in many areas of my life.
My truth: I have never had a first time physical encounter with anyone that lasted as long as the one we shared. Perhaps you have, but I haven't, and to me that means much. A first date crossing and reaffirming that meeting those in the digital world CAN make for a satisfying face to face.
As we, together, bodies willingly pressed against, minds full open and eating each other, contented. So long, beaten and battered after trying endlessly and never losing hope...
Mark William Darus 05142013