Friday, February 8, 2013

An email sent by me to the physically closest around me.

                         An Email to Family and close Friends.
                                by Mark William Darus.

                  I send this to Gretchen, Holly, Heidi (and their Davids as I forward this to two other Davids besides David T, and a few others.

Tomorrow: well, my tomorrow which will be Sat at anywhere between 2-5 AM will be busy after work as I place an entry to my blog I've worked on for many seasons. This entry, albeit about Prostitution, was a mind-fuck to capture the way I wished to describe it. Even in my wildest dreams I didn't think I'd get the enlightenment I recieved.

Gretchen, when I am very late to see you Saturday, you can either forgive or not. I can accept either response from you and deal with it. I am not tossing you to the curb by any means. Our schedules, based on my employment, make things tough. I understand this. I am not sure why you accept my explanations for seeing you late on Saturdays. I have tried to call both Heidi and Holly to set up a cook time (I'd like to make them dinner at either of their houses, but they don't call me back. I even have a difficult time seeing Dave T next door in the last two months or so. Go figure where some are concerned: look at my work schedule differing from thier lives. I understand this totally. Yet, why no callbacks from others? Has the last twelve months caused them so much strain as I found myself that they feel a sense of revulsion? That I have to leave about 10 messages to get one response from them surely says somethings over a period of weeks.

I have come to one conclusion: The more you tell those that percieve themselves closest to you that you're okay, the less they believe you. In its heart and soul, that is pretty cool when you seriously look at it, dissasemble it, and search their hearts possible thought processes for believing it.

To Holly: An anniversary is coming up for you and I. That was the last weekend of Feb of 2012. I cooked for you and your great man, David. Holly, amongst hours of talking between us and other things, you better than anyone must know what started my blog and my understanding of myself. I would like to cook for you both, and any others you'd wish to invite like we did a year ago.

To my sister Holly: To me, this is more important/meaningful to me than anything else I can think of. I can cook, we could rock to Yes: Tales of the Topographic Oceans or early Todd. It was from our conversation mixed with evaluations that helped me come to grips with myself and what I am.

You even said when I sent you a huge email several hours after I got home how somehow I felt at peace with myself in your opinion.

Holly: The last Saturday of this Feb, please let me cook for you and YOURS in your kitchen.

Holly: I know you hate, dislike, are disgusted by my writings/Psycopathy blog more than anyone else, yet iroinically had the largest single hand in creating it. I cannot thank you enough as it has fired an aspect in me long lost in decades of hibernation to once again feel the heat of life and meet it Full-Mind-thought-to-expression areas causing my wheels to turn once again.

Sorry I caused you a sense of Disney's Fantasia with the mops...

If Holly declines me, I hope she doesn't, will any of you take me up on my offer to cook for you?

Mark William Darus 02082013