An Email to Family and close Friends.
by Mark William Darus.
I send this to Gretchen, Holly, Heidi
(and their Davids as I forward this to two other Davids besides David T, and a
few others.
Tomorrow: well, my tomorrow which will be Sat at anywhere between 2-5 AM
will be busy after work as I place an entry to my blog I've worked on for many
seasons. This entry, albeit about Prostitution, was a mind-fuck to capture the
way I wished to describe it. Even in my wildest dreams I didn't think I'd get
the enlightenment I recieved.
Gretchen, when I am very late to see you Saturday, you can either forgive
or not. I can accept either response from you and deal with it. I am not tossing
you to the curb by any means. Our schedules, based on my employment, make things
tough. I understand this. I am not sure why you accept my explanations for
seeing you late on Saturdays. I have tried to call both Heidi and Holly to set
up a cook time (I'd like to make them dinner at either of their houses, but they
don't call me back. I even have a difficult time seeing Dave T next door in the
last two months or so. Go figure where some are concerned: look at my work
schedule differing from thier lives. I understand this totally. Yet, why no
callbacks from others? Has the last twelve months caused them so much strain as
I found myself that they feel a sense of revulsion? That I have to leave about
10 messages to get one response from them surely says somethings over a period
of weeks.
I have come to one conclusion: The more you tell those that percieve
themselves closest to you that you're okay, the less they believe you. In its
heart and soul, that is pretty cool when you seriously look at it, dissasemble
it, and search their hearts possible thought processes for believing it.
To Holly: An anniversary is coming up for you and I. That was the last
weekend of Feb of 2012. I cooked for you and your great man, David. Holly,
amongst hours of talking between us and other things, you better than anyone
must know what started my blog and my understanding of myself. I would like to
cook for you both, and any others you'd wish to invite like we did a year ago.
To my sister Holly: To me, this is more important/meaningful to me than
anything else I can think of. I can cook, we could rock to Yes: Tales of the
Topographic Oceans or early Todd. It was from our conversation mixed with
evaluations that helped me come to grips with myself and what I am.
You even said when I sent you a huge email several hours after I got home
how somehow I felt at peace with myself in your opinion.
Holly: The last Saturday of this Feb, please let me cook for you and YOURS
in your kitchen.
Holly: I know you hate, dislike, are
disgusted by my writings/Psycopathy blog more than anyone else, yet iroinically
had the largest single hand in creating it. I cannot thank you enough as it has
fired an aspect in me long lost in decades of hibernation to once again feel
the heat of life and meet it Full-Mind-thought-to-expression areas causing my
wheels to turn once again.
Sorry I caused you a sense of Disney's Fantasia with the mops...
If Holly declines me, I hope she doesn't, will any of you take me up on
my offer to cook for you?
-Mark
Mark William Darus 02082013
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