The Professionals that treat us and our families:
Part one: The medical Physicians:
Some recent studies might suggest the ones we seek for our health, both the physical and psychological, may be predatory in nature. At least two prominent psychologists have brought this up many times in their studies. <see the writings of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley>
Remember: We also trust the lives of our children with these professionals.
Their writings made me think of my own experiences and the stories of others. I mentally looked back over the decades. I pondered things that always made little sense to me as they occurred.
I’d have a friend tell me about what they tried to tell their psychiatrist about what they felt or thought when one of their meds made them feel a little ‘off’. They’d tell me they would get cut off in mid-sentience and dismissed completely. Granted, most psychiatrists care little about your thoughts, feelings and such. All they wanted to know is if you are either suicidal or homicidal.
<thank GOD my psychiatrist is not like them! Our visits usually last at least 30 minutes, sometimes much longer. I am lucky to have you Dr. S!>
Most psychiatrists, from what I have had the luck of knowing those that shared their experiences with me, seem to be like them. Five to maybe seven minute visits that always seem to happen at least sixty minutes later than the scheduled time. Sure, there always seem to be valid rationalizations for the tardiness. Good reasons, solid reasons that make sense. Tell me, how long would you last in your job if you were that tardy on regular basis? Not very long, I assure you.
What about medical doctors? The wait times, even when appointments are scheduled months in advance, tend to travel to the absurd in duration. Again, you wait, go to a room where someone takes your pulse, weight and BP. And you wait further and further still.
Are these professionals psychopathic in nature?
Not all of them.
But some of them are.
Remember: 4% of our population are psychopaths. Most are nonviolent psychopaths.
The Medical Physicians:
With medical doctors, I believe they fall into several categories, but not limited to:
A. most patients will make me rich from insurance claims.
B. I get at least 90 bucks from the insurance companies for each person I see.
C. I have a meager staff that I don’t pay that much to keep. If they believe their talents and educations are being exploited, they know where the door is.
D. I have maybe one LPN for blood draws and a few med assistants for things like weight, pulse and BP checks.
\ E: I know they’ll wait as long as it takes for me to see them. Where else are they going to go? Another DR? No sweat if they do, I’ll just as many from some other Dr.s cast-offs as they handle business the way I do.
F. I am in control. They are not and need me more than I need them. Patients come and go. They are a never ending flow that will keep me rich. Sniffles, colds, bad backs, in need of work-excuses, doesn’t matter, I still get paid. If they persist in complaining about their afflictions, I refer them to a specialist that I know. This specialist refers those to me from time to time. It’s a wash.
G. I personally see at least twelve patients an hour: via insurance, this gets me 1,140 bucks an hour. Not to mention the co pays I receive as pocket change. I pay my LPN 20 an hour, assist staff 10 an hour, supplies and electricity. Maybe $3,000 a month in rent.
H: I pay $250,000 a year in malpractice insurance.
I: “I” as in ME. Tell me what I get paid in a year? Not to mention kick-backs and trips from pharmaceutical companies for delaying your visit to gain more for me. <Maybe this may explain why pharmaceutical reps will ALWAYS just walk in when you have waited so long past your scheduled visit and always Go the Head of the Class ahead of you. Think about it.>
The true nature of the nonviolent psychopath is self serving, feeding off others and controlling all aspects of their lives. They feed off their prey and the power the prey give them to do so.
Just do the math.
Yet how do we give them the power to exploit?
We trust them, their education and our blind faith that they believe the ‘do no harm’ principal that made them doctors.
How many doctors simply dismiss you by giving you scripts you didn’t need for the common cold? When you take meds your body does not need, you gain a tolerance for them and when you do need them, they fail. When they fail, what do you do? You go back to the doctor and either he prescribes more or just tells you to shake the cold off. <<The new script just happens to be from the company that makes this med that had a REP in his office when you got pushed aside for your previous visit>>. Your body does have things that can counter your ailment and you should just trust them, they tell you. Or “ Well, you may just have the common cold and need to rough it out.” Meanwhile, didn’t you just make another insurance claim? Didn’t you just pass another co pay?
For your gods, higher powers, self reliance sake, just think for a moment.
And we, as Americans think Socialized Medicine, unlike most countries have, is so wrong and will only bring at best mediocre care for each and everyone of us. We all know, with Socialized Medicine, we lose some power over who are physicians are and how horrible that lack choice could be to us. You may not find a doctor that ‘understands your individual needs’. Tell me simply: How many of you from a major United States city has felt nothing more than a brick in a wall when it comes to doctors? A few moments jaunt that made us feel shuffled off for the next contestant in their never-ending game.
Let’s talk nonviolent psychopathy as it is alive and well in the United States.
The revolutionary and civil war physicians were wasted when the North won the Civil War. Technology and a sense of money grabbing took over. House visits by doctors dwindled from that point and died around the 1940’s to 1950’s except those of affluence. Emergency rooms took shape and form and grew vastly from the Korean and Vietnam wars and methods grown from battleground Triage methods, <<<excuse me. So sorry, those were not wars, they were called: <<<POLICE ACTIONS>>>
Before the 1940’s and 50’s, doctors held your health above all else. They did not worry about getting paid and would take a chicken or some form a vegetation for services rendered. These doctors held firm to the Hippocratic Oath, and did what they did more for the benefit of mankind than to pad their own pockets.
Why did they stroll down this path of money/insurance before all else? When did they get so corrupted and worry more about themselves over what their studies, experiences and took a sacred oath to maintain? To not do house calls nor sincerely care for the people of their lands?
I blame this on the ‘Jones have and I therefore must have’ liking toward consumption and its leap in the United States after WWII and cascading into the Korean and Vietnam Police Actions. I believe it was then that materialistic ideology took hold on the USA. When everyone else saw what others had, we so embraced Capitalism. <<<and this whole belief should have died when we bailed out Wall Street, being a total failure of the beliefs of Capitalism.
Think about who you go to when physically ill. Think about how long it takes you to get seen by them. If you have children feverish and feeling bad, and how this only should amplify your emotions toward a meeting and its urgency. And how much longer you suffer further, nerves growing thinner and some drug REP blows by you with huge smile and hand stretched for a shake.
And yet you wait.
For an audience by a god of study and by your embrace as you luckily found them in the Health Care Plans list of affiliated doctors.
Yeah, you are so lucky.
Can you please tell me why this is so versus what you should be allowed?
I have given you the ‘A’ thru ‘I’. Given what you have read and learned about the avenues and natures of the nonviolent psychopathic professionals, it is my sincere hope you have gone beyond this blog and read further into certain actions, attitudes and gains made off of you and yours in their never-ending hunger for self advancement well over what you hold dear to you. You give them your trust and cold hard cash. They owe you, not the other way around.
Don’t we all make livelihoods possible?
This site is to inform people about the 4% of our population that are nonviolent-Psychopaths. It will also go into areas of those suffering various and serious mental illness' that share the Earth with all of us. Going into areas of human depression, hopelessness and happiness seen over time. Email me: Socialsniperzzz@gmail.com Or find me as Mark William Darus on FaceBook with questions or concerns.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
From wishing rot and going forward: Reader Comments part two.
Reader Comments: Part Two.
Let me say this: I cannot keep up with the emails I have been receiving from across this tiny planet we share. I simply do not have the time to post all comments from everyone. What I have been able to do is come up with a second installment to meagerly cover this. As said before, I will periodically post comments every several entries or so. I ask for you understanding on this.
I randomly selected these this way: every thirtieth email.
I changed all names whether asked to do so or not. Bottom line: you know who you are and have the ‘sent’ email to back it up. Take no offense to this. You do have the power to post anonymously via the comment tab at the bottom of each entry and put in what you wish, name and all.
Some of these are most profane and quite nasty. If you have a weak stomach, heart condition or low level of handling stress, you might not want to exit this ride.
To those that took the time: Thank you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
You are an asshole!
I have no idea for what reason or why you choose to write such utter nonsense.
It is no more than rubbish one would place in a mental wastebasket. Your mind is a cesspool of despair and verbal toilet paper. I wipe my ass with your blog.
Sincerely,
Franklyn,
Calgary, Canada.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can I give birth to your children? I so wish to meet you. I can’t imagine you look like a nerd. Consider my question to you.
Tess,
A Katrina reject from the French Quarter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark,
I wish to say you have broadened my knowledge on a subject I have been curious about for many years. Your entries are fresh and full of information.
Have you ever considered being an instructor? You could seriously do well in this. Any man that can continue to write on the subject of nonviolent psychopathy has much to give this tired world. Have you thought about self-help books or videos?
Keep up the truly noble work you pursue with this. Make no mistake on this, you truly have a talent and freely share it.
With thanks and hopes you continue,
Louise,
Prattville, Alabama
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Darus,
I wish to know what makes you ask ‘what is human’? I believe you have a better grip on this than anyone I know. You are right: we are animals and why are so many deluded into thinking otherwise?
Every time you state observations you have witnessed further makes me ponder thoughts along similar avenues. Thought provoking to say the very least to anyone with active mind and curiosity.
You keep things moving, each post better than the last. I tell my friends you are some sort of dryer sheet for the soul and mind: making dirty clothing smell better, fresher, newer.
I cannot fathom why you do this but am most happy you do so.
Should our journeys ever bring us together, I’ll cover the coffee.
Marianna,
Rivne Oblast, Ukraine.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mr. Darus,
So pleased to see one of my books listed in your reference section. I am always glad to see who I have reached and where from. Recommendations are always welcome!
Nice to know you are not a trained professional. I have no doubt this is why you have reached the vast audience you have. Great idea for adding the Translator function to your site. Most ingenious. Hats off to you on this one.
A life outside of work and thoughts toward this blog: bowling. Congratulations on your 297 game! My best was a 120. You, in my mind, have a balance in living that gives you an edge over most professionals in the areas of one-on-one therapy. This is what keeps you from going insane, unlike so many in my field that do so on a too frequent basis. They have so little separation from things they cannot understand, and truthfully, none of us totally can. Like corporate execs, they bring their work home and in so doing, alienate wives, husbands and their children as they get obsessed. They get drawn into what you call ’the whirlpool’ and go down as those closest leave them. For few, this in totally expected and they push on. For others, they suffer mental breaks, migraines and a host of other ailments.
You are different: in mind, spirituality and undying hope for humanities sake is what keeps you going toward those theories you will convince others of in time.
Freud’s success did not happen over night, you know this. You strike me as having the patience, intelligence, the grit and steadfastness to persevere.
I think you to be a new breed in psychological research. One that has no valid credentials, no major education other than the books you’ve read, understood from sheer curiosity and how you apply this to human experience on the most common areas of life. In short, you reach people on the base level, placing firm thoughts into words, placing objectivity above all else. Your ability to explain the complex workings of the mind without getting too windy and full of yourself is the fresh air my profession is so sorely lacking.
Can you imagine what Freud would have accomplished had the internet been available during his time here?
As you so kindly stated my book is worth reading, I can only offer the same about your Psychopathy: Another Life in return.
Keep Studying, keep writing and most of all: Never stop thinking about most would dismiss as folly.
Dr. Anthony Simmons.
New Zealand.
AN <authors note>: Sorry to not publish your real name on this, Dr. I know you know this, yet I felt I needed to apologize nonetheless. My humblest of thanks.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Mark,
It is my wishes you suffer from erectile dysfunction and no longer mess with the gene pool of this earth. You surely must be the result of parents that dove into the shallow end of it, conceived at impact and made you from a billion to one shot of poor semen and rotten eggs.
Small wonder no newspaper would ever have you on their staff or magazine would ever publish what you call your ‘objective works’.
Pompous ass, you really think you make any difference whatsoever?
Be so proud of what you and others would have you post for them. You all suck and are worthless and sadly those of inferior self-worth.
May your penis, and the females that toss their filth here have their vaginas rot the hell off.
I wish you all suffering and pain.
Fuck all of you,
Cutthroat Bitch
American Fork, Utah
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors Note:
I wish to give thanks to all that took the time to email me. Your comments and thoughts go a long way with me.
Both positive and negative alike. Where would life be without those two polarities? Okay, we would not have electricity, modern locomotives powered by diesel generators, or the sheer essence of life itself. We cannot be the same in all aspects of being and if we were, how intrinsically monotonous would it be?
I thank those and will further post comments periodically.
-Mark William Darus.
Let me say this: I cannot keep up with the emails I have been receiving from across this tiny planet we share. I simply do not have the time to post all comments from everyone. What I have been able to do is come up with a second installment to meagerly cover this. As said before, I will periodically post comments every several entries or so. I ask for you understanding on this.
I randomly selected these this way: every thirtieth email.
I changed all names whether asked to do so or not. Bottom line: you know who you are and have the ‘sent’ email to back it up. Take no offense to this. You do have the power to post anonymously via the comment tab at the bottom of each entry and put in what you wish, name and all.
Some of these are most profane and quite nasty. If you have a weak stomach, heart condition or low level of handling stress, you might not want to exit this ride.
To those that took the time: Thank you!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Sir,
You are an asshole!
I have no idea for what reason or why you choose to write such utter nonsense.
It is no more than rubbish one would place in a mental wastebasket. Your mind is a cesspool of despair and verbal toilet paper. I wipe my ass with your blog.
Sincerely,
Franklyn,
Calgary, Canada.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can I give birth to your children? I so wish to meet you. I can’t imagine you look like a nerd. Consider my question to you.
Tess,
A Katrina reject from the French Quarter.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mark,
I wish to say you have broadened my knowledge on a subject I have been curious about for many years. Your entries are fresh and full of information.
Have you ever considered being an instructor? You could seriously do well in this. Any man that can continue to write on the subject of nonviolent psychopathy has much to give this tired world. Have you thought about self-help books or videos?
Keep up the truly noble work you pursue with this. Make no mistake on this, you truly have a talent and freely share it.
With thanks and hopes you continue,
Louise,
Prattville, Alabama
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mr. Darus,
I wish to know what makes you ask ‘what is human’? I believe you have a better grip on this than anyone I know. You are right: we are animals and why are so many deluded into thinking otherwise?
Every time you state observations you have witnessed further makes me ponder thoughts along similar avenues. Thought provoking to say the very least to anyone with active mind and curiosity.
You keep things moving, each post better than the last. I tell my friends you are some sort of dryer sheet for the soul and mind: making dirty clothing smell better, fresher, newer.
I cannot fathom why you do this but am most happy you do so.
Should our journeys ever bring us together, I’ll cover the coffee.
Marianna,
Rivne Oblast, Ukraine.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Mr. Darus,
So pleased to see one of my books listed in your reference section. I am always glad to see who I have reached and where from. Recommendations are always welcome!
Nice to know you are not a trained professional. I have no doubt this is why you have reached the vast audience you have. Great idea for adding the Translator function to your site. Most ingenious. Hats off to you on this one.
A life outside of work and thoughts toward this blog: bowling. Congratulations on your 297 game! My best was a 120. You, in my mind, have a balance in living that gives you an edge over most professionals in the areas of one-on-one therapy. This is what keeps you from going insane, unlike so many in my field that do so on a too frequent basis. They have so little separation from things they cannot understand, and truthfully, none of us totally can. Like corporate execs, they bring their work home and in so doing, alienate wives, husbands and their children as they get obsessed. They get drawn into what you call ’the whirlpool’ and go down as those closest leave them. For few, this in totally expected and they push on. For others, they suffer mental breaks, migraines and a host of other ailments.
You are different: in mind, spirituality and undying hope for humanities sake is what keeps you going toward those theories you will convince others of in time.
Freud’s success did not happen over night, you know this. You strike me as having the patience, intelligence, the grit and steadfastness to persevere.
I think you to be a new breed in psychological research. One that has no valid credentials, no major education other than the books you’ve read, understood from sheer curiosity and how you apply this to human experience on the most common areas of life. In short, you reach people on the base level, placing firm thoughts into words, placing objectivity above all else. Your ability to explain the complex workings of the mind without getting too windy and full of yourself is the fresh air my profession is so sorely lacking.
Can you imagine what Freud would have accomplished had the internet been available during his time here?
As you so kindly stated my book is worth reading, I can only offer the same about your Psychopathy: Another Life in return.
Keep Studying, keep writing and most of all: Never stop thinking about most would dismiss as folly.
Dr. Anthony Simmons.
New Zealand.
AN <authors note>: Sorry to not publish your real name on this, Dr. I know you know this, yet I felt I needed to apologize nonetheless. My humblest of thanks.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Mark,
It is my wishes you suffer from erectile dysfunction and no longer mess with the gene pool of this earth. You surely must be the result of parents that dove into the shallow end of it, conceived at impact and made you from a billion to one shot of poor semen and rotten eggs.
Small wonder no newspaper would ever have you on their staff or magazine would ever publish what you call your ‘objective works’.
Pompous ass, you really think you make any difference whatsoever?
Be so proud of what you and others would have you post for them. You all suck and are worthless and sadly those of inferior self-worth.
May your penis, and the females that toss their filth here have their vaginas rot the hell off.
I wish you all suffering and pain.
Fuck all of you,
Cutthroat Bitch
American Fork, Utah
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Authors Note:
I wish to give thanks to all that took the time to email me. Your comments and thoughts go a long way with me.
Both positive and negative alike. Where would life be without those two polarities? Okay, we would not have electricity, modern locomotives powered by diesel generators, or the sheer essence of life itself. We cannot be the same in all aspects of being and if we were, how intrinsically monotonous would it be?
I thank those and will further post comments periodically.
-Mark William Darus.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
My Manifesto: Mission Statement: Pink Floyd Division Belll
Call this my mission statement: My manifesto:
I am:
Not a college degree person in either psychology or counseling.
Good at both the above on a person to person basis: unconditionally, without prejudice, gaining nothing financial, and making no judgment on the person telling me their concerns.
Helping to those, finding places, associations, connections, to aide them. Be it either curiosity or sheer wits-end desperation, both are equal to me as the one needing assistance is my prime concern.
A fool where personal regards are concerned. Through Psych-meds and blood pressure pills I appear to be getting better. Make your own conclusions on this one.
Emotionless: I did nail a 297 bowling last Thursday and did not have trembling knees, shaky nerves and such. I guess I was numb to some extent. To me: that is okay. always has been. I shot a 265 Monday in practice with a 238 and a 172. Again: emotionless.
(not part of my Manifesto)
<When in true need of truthful response, wouldn't you truly rather have the thoughts and mind of one that tells you their truth as you ask for help or guidance? This can only be done absent emotions. Emotions cloud what we would say or ask of those seeking help with what concerns them. Those with emotions hold back more often than not, not wishing to inflict more pain and suffering to the friend/ family member before them in dire need. Subjective family/friends hold back. Objective friends and family do not. To me, it is that cut-and-dried. And I never give anything less. Sure, call me a bastard, fucker and what you will. I have always been this way and am tired of hiding.>
back to the 'I am' part:
I AM:
One that will take the time and listen and read what you have to say. Post what you wish and email you help if given locations, ie, zip codes and general whereabouts.
One that will respect your right to remain anonymous regardless of what you say and what you send me. Call it journalistic integrity, I simply call it loyalty to anyone that opens their mouth, shares their thoughts hopes and fears to me. Is this not the what many religions call unconditional love and what the atheists proclaim as seeking truth? So more often than not, it is the story and not its dissected origins that matter.
One that believes we are not all created equal.
If we were, explain this to me: There are many with Aspersers syndrome, autism, MS, ADD< ADHD, ALZ (Alzheimer's), Lou Gehrig's disease, DYEBEETUZ - intentional misspelling for the benefit of the one. Syphilis from birth, Crack withdrawal at birth, SZ
The weak, disabled, the dying or our parents we so readily plant to the Death Farms when we no longer wish to take care of those that gave us so much from birth:. <the Death Farms term is one I created when explaining to a friend what Hospice, Assisted living facilities and old age homes translate to most Americans. Unlike most other countries, we Americans do not wish to be burdened by failing and fragile parents: If Medicaid and Benefits can work, we will so deal with our dying parents on a two to three hours a week basis. The least we can do, right, fellow Americans?
One that thinks the single purpose of humanity is to kill itself. Seriously, look at the history of mankind. When haven't we constantly tried to waste each other over religion, ideology, or when some United States President decided a decade ago to go after a power that pissed off his father (also a president of the USA).
One that believes our votes mean less than zero while the Electoral College vote means more than we, the people can change anything about.
One that seriously thinks the Republicans didn’t even try to win the last presidential election. If that had tried to win it, why would they pick a Vice Presidential Candidate with the lowest Electoral College vote next to that of Hawaii? Last presidential tossed to the curb.
I, after asking many in lines at grocery stores, department stores and fast food chains a few questions: Who bailed out the Airlines? Who caused you and I to fix Wallstreet and who wasted so much of our cash on the Hoover Dam? About 89% of those said: It was that goddamned nigger in the Whitehouse.
I did tell them to check their history, recent history, and if they knew who Hoover really was and his place in history. Okay, got punched a few times and so what? Those that resort to physical forms of intimidation obviously have nothing more intelligent to say. Their girlfriends did apologize, to which I asked them how often they get an upper-cut, punch to the breast and so forth. They’d look down and split.
I did laugh at the blows. Funny how that bothers more than an expression of pain. I have to truly appreciate so many aspects of my life where pain,my sheer lack of acknowledging such is concerned. Mind over matter, as in: if you don’t mind, it won’t matter. Or better: If you have a headache, just tap your foot with a hammer. You will soon forget about you headache.
I AM:
One that continues to ask a single question, seeking an answer to a continuously asked question: What makes us human?
I am one who continuously ponders questions as to what we are and why.
I am Mark William Darus, grandkid of Orlon and Jenny, son of Marion and Ted.
Like Popeye, I am what I am.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
The Phone Interviews: Prey and Predator alike.
WELCOME BACK MY FRIENDS TO THE SHOW\
THAT NEVER ENDS. SO GLAD YOU COULD ATTEND.
COME INSIDE COME INSIDE.
PHONE INTERVIEWS: VOLUME ONE.
When sent emails with phone numbers from those that wished to speak with me, I was compelled to either dismiss them, or actually call them. I opted for a PrePaid Burner. What harm in talking to people in pain or creating such for others?. I do this all day long and have for over 16 years across two jobs.
These emails came from across our small planet.
I was quite surprised with what they had to share with me. An openness of both heart and mind, fragility and hunger. The white and the black, oddly getting more obscured with each ones words and tonal inflections.
Keeping objectivity.
Respecting what they had to say.
Doing the best I can: Giving them equal ground.
Please take into mind from my previous entry: The first question principal.
Here is Volume One: Phone Interviews.
THE QUESTIONS FOR THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Current Age: 37
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: Tall and skinny
Highest level of education at the time of incident: College Grad.
Location: Midwestern USA
“JESSICA”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Jessica: Huh? That’s a bit rough, don’t you think? Well, I guess I was naïve. I didn’t date much in high school. Went to a lot of parties in college and was so wasted, it’s hard to say who used who, ya know? I guess I thought what being used was. I was stupid.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Jessica: It was normal, ya know. I trusted men much easier then. I was a fool for a hard luck story, but it was nothing major.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Jessica: No, not at all. Things seemed normal. He bought me things, ya know, pewter dragons and stuff. Sometimes flowers, but never roses until much later if he was sorry for standing me up or something. Like he’d say he had to work late, car troubles, visit a sick family member. We’d go out on dates, sometimes he’d forget his wallet at home and I cover dinner, movies, baseballs games, whatever. I’d give him gas money if he was low on cash because his check was short from some company foul up.
I guess it pretty normal. It’s not like guys hadn’t me out when dating them.
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Jessica: 26
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Jessica: About three years. Looking back, seems like it was longer.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)
Jessica: Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I thought I had the real one, ya know?
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Jessica: We all met at this seafood place. God, that place had the best damn lobster!
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Jessica: He seemed, I don’t know? Bigger, more outgoing. Friendlier. He was always quite charming, but even that, looking back, seemed amplified. Exaggerated. I even asked him about it later that night after we had sex and he said he was just trying to make a good impression.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT? (if yes, proceed to the questions below)
Jessica: Some did, some didn’t.
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Jessica: Some thought he was the best thing to happen to me. Good looking, smart and a good talker.
Others just said they didn’t know, but they had a funny feeling and something wasn’t right with him.
8b. DID THEY LOOK CONCERNED?
Jessica: Again, some did and some didn’t. Fuck, what’s your next question: did you check their pulse? Jeez.
8c. DID THEY, AT ANY POINT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THEY WERE WRONG, EITHER SAY YOU WERE CRAZY OR IN NEED OF HELP?
Jessica: One actually did. My friend <Jeff> said he got the creeps when he met him. He felt worried for me, scared. He couldn’t say anything specific though, so I blew him off.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Jessica: About two and half years into it. His stories just didn’t make sense after a while, ya know? In all that time I never did know where he worked. I never met his family or friends no matter how many times I pressed him to. When he moved in after we’d been dating a few months, he never said where we moved from.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Jessica: Toward the end, I felt weak and sick most of the time. My stomach always hurt, tons of headaches and muscle pain. Didn’t sleep much and when I did, I got no real rest at all. Depressed. I became a zombie at work. I’d catch people staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess maybe a little paranoid. I felt like I was dying. Saw my doc a lot, but he didn’t find anything wrong with me.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)
Jessica: Yes, I did. I thought about it many times when extremely exhausted.
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Jessica: I felt so tired. Drained. Like I had no energy at all, ya know.
11b. DID YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND IF NOT, WHY?
Jessica: I tried calling Jeff, but his girlfriend always said he was busy.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Jessica: No. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about it.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Jessica: Maybe four years after he left. After two years with a psych who pushed me to break through and see it as it was, ya know. He made me think, dig deep. Make me see? Not sure if that’s the right words.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Jessica: To never trust anyone that hasn’t earned it first. Never just toss out money. Move slower, ya know. Keep my eyes open. To question shit that just doesn’t make sense as soon as something arises. To be more firm. And if some guy forgets his wallet after dinner, make him scrub dishes and look like a fool.
I guess the biggest thing I leared was to no be so damned blind and listen to friends.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Jessica: I don’t know? Don’t let love make an ass out of you? Find out where they work? Trust no one?
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Jessica: Definitely. Some of the entries made perfect sense to me. I looked back over that time and things seemed clearer. Hearing others talk about their lives made a big difference. I wasn’t alone. The predators and prey that told their stories were like lessons to be learned. This type of thing should be taught in high school. I mean, shit, they teach us math, how to cook, even what it’s like to have a baby to take care of 24/7 for a week or so. But how not to be used by another? Yeah, right.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Jessica: So what, besides writing about psychos do you like to do?
Me: I like to bowl and write a lot. I get a kick out of cooking for people.
Jessica: What do you do you cook?
Me: pretty much anything. I got into cooking chicken friend steak from scratch. Owww, it came out great every time! Way better than restaurant cooking.
Jessica: What would you suggest for me in the future?
Me: good question. Find a man that cooks for you? Ask him for references before things get too serious? Just kidding on that one.
Jessica: I do not think you were kidding at all. Makes sense to me.
Me: I wish you well, Jessica and don’t hesitate to email me again..
Jessica: I shall! Thank you.
__________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 48
Race: Causation
Body Style: BBW: Busty
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: West Coast USA
“CARRIE”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Carrie: Fuck you! It’s not like I’m Columbine Kid or something. I just used the sad assholes that let me!
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Carrie: Pretty young, actually. I was about 15. I so learned to pout real good. I got what I wanted, and learned to get it every time. Gave family and friends the big’cow’eyes, they’d feel sorry for me. When that failed, I gave them the ‘nobody likes me cuz I’m overweight bullshit, not worth a damn. Can’t get a date cuz I’m fat and ugly. <I knew I was fat, but I was not ugly. I knew I could get layed and did many times most satisfactory for me.> They’d crater, man. Weaklings that they were.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Carrie: Bother me? You must be joking, man. I got what I wanted, like almost every time, and learned from mistakes when I messed up.
3a: WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?
Carrie: Well, I overplayed my hand. Like I’d get too dramatic way too soon and blow it. As soon as I saw their expressions, I knew it was over.
3b: SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF?
Carrie: I’d simply pawn it off on PMS or a really bad period. Shit, man! People always fell for that crap.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Uh, didn’t I already answer that already? C’mon. Enough with the canned questions, Mark. You’re starting to sound like some mid-level psych book. Really, you do need to challenge me.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Nice one! There you go! I learned this at the second job I had. I was working for ******** fast food. Sucky place to work. Hated it. I saw what got the bosses attention. Coworkers, with better bodies than mine, would go to clock in and walk by him. I saw the way he watched their asses. I can add and put two and two together. I started going to work in street clothes and change in the john. I’d get there about 20 minutes before my shift started. I’d say hi to him and coworkers as I walked by. I’d then head out the back door for a smoke. He always followed right after me. Why? I’d wear low-cut tops and give out my awesome cleavage. Men are such assholes for big tits! Seriously, to this day, that never fails to amaze me. Show them the crack of jogs and they will be yours.
5a: HOW DID THIS WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?
Carrie: Ow, man. It was so easy. I told my family, friends and a few teachers about the way this turd would stare at my tits., and that I needed this job and all. They were so angry and outraged by this. One of my teachers suggested setting him up in front of witnesses. That being said, and I so knew someone would, I ran with it. I told them when I worked next and told them to watch out back, the area were we smoked. Maybe watch what happens when I ran the front line in full puritan dress. They came out in total. Two of them even had camcorders.
The next day I worked, I told him I had his ass on tape and he best cough up some cash. He thought me a fool and just laughed. Dumbfuck even had the nerve to fire me! Well, I thought that was a possibility, so I sent copies of the tapes to the headquarters. At first, they thought I was bluffing, like: ’what does a 17 yr old know?’ I had my dad call them and say I would hit the media and sue them. Still, those macho assholes in Chicago thought I was bluffing. A teacher said I should take my tapes to a feminist group and let them run with it. They ran with it and had their Chicago branch take it. Still, and I could not believe it, they dismissed me. Fuckers! With the financial help of friends and family, I went to the corporate headquarters and stormed a board meeting. I wore semi revealing clothes, nice high heals and a wire the fine dyke ladies in Chicago clad me with. They looked at me and asked who the fuck I was. I told them my name and why I was there. Got to love a room full of males, staring at tits and ass, making fat 7-figure greenbacks and how it makes their egos rise their worthless, tiny dicks. ‘Oh, you’re that bitch!’ The chairman laughed and said ‘ you are so trailer trash, looking for check, aren’t you slut?’.
Two of the lower end of their food chain stood up and walked toward me. <I so felt I was so close I could taste it. It was electric, man. I knew one of them would do what ego full males would do.>
He put a hand on me. I smiled and screamed: RAPE!
That’s all it took for the sisterhood to crash the building.
I pulled away from the slimy fuck, smiling, and pulled out the wire I had under my right boob.
The chairman got really white, like paper white, and said: We’ll settle with you!
Sorry, too late! I gave you how many chances?
It only saw the filed suit go to the courts. They cratered.
I made just under two million to not mention the name of their company. The sweetest of gag-settlements! I know you will not publish the company name. You are a smart guy, Mark. You know I’d sue your ass in a heartbeat if you did.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: not at all. They just wrote me off as the chunky girl of hard luck: can’t get a steady date, problems at work. They had no clue.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP? (If yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: Not in the slightest. I wasn’t born in West Virginia! I was fat. Unless a fat girl puts herself out there, she will not get a fuck no matter what.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Carrie: I was a quick learner. I saw what worked and what didn’t and simply adjusted.
It happened fast. After years of being laughed at: Fat Carrie, ugly Carrie, four eyes. I got tired of feeling hurt, man. I thought: I will fuck all of you!
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Carrie: Nice, Mark. No click. I did hear some odd-ass hissing sound. You know, like a steam heat system venting. It wasn’t loud or nothing major. Maybe like a snake hissing, like in the movies. Not huge, just messed up cuz I looked all over when it happened and didn’t see a thing. It messed with me for few hours and I sent it out my head.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?
Carrie: Yeah, I did! (she laughs, sincerely) I thought you were lame as hell in the beginning of this, man.
I saw people, lots of people. Like hordes! They were being walked into places called showers. Herded like animals to the slaughter houses that make steaks and beef and veal. Man, I could not just see it, I could fucking smell it. I smelled the iron of blood, burning hair. I threw up! Seriously, I heaved my guts out. I remembered my parents saying I had big, wide, brown cow eyes.
Gas chambers like the Jews.
I puked for god knows how long. My stomach muscles seemed to be coming out my mouth with each hurl. A good night at Olive Garden followed by Baskin Robbins splashing into the toilet.
I thought: whatta fuckin waste! Good food getting chucked. At that point, laughing in my head, I believed I was going insane. What the fuck makes someone think about Baskin Robbins and gas chambers at the same time, right?
I turned when getting a drink of water and saw myself in the mirror.
Boom! I would be a cow going to slaughter. I am not Jewish and this may seem like Nazi Germany when it comes to fat people, but I AM better than this.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Carrie: I saw that after the fast food thing. After puking my soul into oblivion, I thought emotions are the fallbacks of the weak and trusting. Weaknesses, really. I knew I was stronger than most of them, mentally. They’d so easily think of me with a sad, wanting to be desperately to be fucked and used, they’d give their asses up to me.
Keep this in mind: I had all the money in the world to work with.
Males became my playground. I had slides, monkey bars, spinning things. And I took them for a ride. I still do.
Me: okay. When did you catch this? What age? C’mon, when?
Carrie: I was about 20 then. I bombed high school and what kid wouldn’t have? I had long green. Didn’t need for anything. My parents were bummed, so I made them happy by buying myself a GED for just under 2 grand.
Fucker, you are pushy aren’t you? When did you do something of worth?
Me: Let’s continue, shall we?
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Stupid question! Again, you need to think before you come up with these freshman questions. Mark, you let me down. What was your childhood like? Did you wear glasses, if so, were you picked on?
Me: Sweet, nice deflection. Truly, grand evade. Why would you evade a simple question?
Carrie: OF COURSE I FELT AND AM MORE SUPERIOR THAN OTHERS! WHY? <low toned chuckle going into brash and loud laughter> AND DON’T YOU WRITE THIS OFF AS SOME WEAKLING POOR SELF-ESTEEM BULLSHIT, COCKSUCKER! I AM BETTER! I AM POWERFUL!
Me: <giving her time to settle after many explicative’s, she calmly came back.>
Carrie: Sorry, man. Sort of lost it there. I won’t do that again. Must be PMS.
Me: like you conned others? Won’t work with me. Keep going. You failed to answer the ‘WHY’ part of the question.
Carrie: Cuz people want to be used, that’s why! They are so easily struck by appearances that they fuckin’ want to be deceived. They are asking for it. Suck up to me, give me lines that work on others and I will twist you and make you smile til your balls get crushed by the ‘sad little lady you bought a few drinks for.’ One slow dance and you will be mine, prick!
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Carrie. Cat and toy thing? Yeah, right, like means donut hole to me. They were more than toys. Call these men a toy like by brothers had, except I’d call them Erection Sets. Build them up and I would make them rust and decay. Toys? I guess. They’d so think they were in charge. I’d let them think this, draw them in with my body and screw them blind. I’d screw them alright. They never knew what hit them when I was done and bored with them. In front of their friends I would crush them. They had a small dick, cum too quick, and sucked in bed. I’d knock them down so bad they’d wished they’d never met me.
With that, either they’d pull me aside and break up with me or I’d break up with them in front of their friends.
Either way, I won. Gotta love that. Months worth of good dates, a fair amount of decent sex and bills they’d pay for me. I have to salute the men of this country. Get a chunky woman with a pretty face and you will be so fucked by those us that saw you coming way before you’d cum in us!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Carrie: Duh! Did you not hear my previous answers? Did I not make tons of cash and didn’t have idiots pay my bills for me?
You are making me sleepy.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Why would I? I would have nothing legal with any man.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Carrie: Do you read these questions before you ask them? Are you trying to catch me in a lie?
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Carrie: Absolutely I am! I have made more money than anyone I know. I continue to do so to this day. Sex is good or great. Bills being paid are better than me paying for myself.
I am most content.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Carrie: I am content. But I don’t see a day when I won’t be hungry. Every bar is a buffet for me. Yeah, okay, cut the fat jokes. I see men that are weak. I see idiots. I have bills to pay, though I can do this myself. It is so much sweeter taking some guy for a ride.
Stiff dick has no conscious? I not only live on that, I eat on it!
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Carrie: I do. You gave me a chance to talk plainly. I thought some of your questions most tiresome, sort of dumming down the massive subject you write about. I still like your counters. I also like the way you didn’t let me derail you.
You give us a chance to take the time and smell the roses. Or <with a deep chuckle> a chance to remember about the ones we’ve wasted and trashed and how they had it coming.
You go to both sides though. I’m not sure how you do that. I think you must be sick in the head but smart, intelligent about it. I read your Brief Introduction and Beginning entries on March 3. March? I gotta laugh. You march alright. I do believe you are not shrink or psych. I do think you are someone gaining speed and picking up altitude. I’ll Friend you on FaceBook when you post this. I want to see what you do with it.
<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>
Me: So what’s your favorite colour? Mines purple and blue.
Carrie: <laughing, she does Mick> and I want it painted bla-ack! No, I actually favor hot pink. It seems to fit me, both in blush and halters. Can I ask you a question?
Me: Of course. I am not saying you will get an answer though.
Carrie: I understand your interests in psychopaths with school killings and stuff, god knows I’d never kill anyone physically, but what made you start a blog about us nonviolent types?
Me: Well, being able to read again, I was curious about the Chardon Ohio shootings. I thought of that with both Columbine and the Amish Country Ohio slayings. I delved into psychopathy and learned about others that fell into that realm but weren’t killers. I remembered an episode of HOUSE called REMORSE. His team hit on a psychopath that was nonviolent. Through reading, studying, research and personal counseling for bipolar and the questions given to me, I became aware of the other, Another Life, where psychopaths coexist with people of everyday lives.
I began to read the works of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley and found this ‘other life’. To me, found their writings and theories amazing.
I ran with that, and have never looked back or second guessed myself.
Carrie: And what did your family, friends and coworkers think about this?
Me: You are as subtle as a chainsaw, aren’t you? <I laugh. She has me with my own questions. You have to love manipulators. Well, maybe you don‘t. I do though.>
Carrie: Stop Deflecting, House!
Me: Fine! It bothered them. It was like, we’d talk for a while. I’d bring up the blog and the countries it was read at, and they’d have a serious change in their tone. To me it was like I had said something like: I ripped off Walmart off! They scanned a 20 buck game and it came up 5 to them. I told them the scan was wrong and they’d robotically tell me the system is never wrong <with an almost contemptuous tone> “yeah, that’s nice.” : adding a long sigh, followed with: “and how are you really?”
I thought: END OF LINE and went on to lesser aspects of life knowing they were disturbed by this passion I felt.
Carrie: All of them? Sorry, don’t believe you on this.
Me: No, not all of them. There are two that won’t judge me. One that knows me well enough to know that I mean no harm major harm and other that simply takes me as I am. These are friends that have known me for 18 and 37 years. I have nothing but respect for them.
Carrie: 18 and 37 years? Odd to me. Nothing with a recent or middle ground?
Me: working on this. Building relationships with people is not that easy for me. I’ve got this thing when it comes to sensing being used. I sense that and you are history to me. Period.
I learned to build relationships with friends.
I became a part of a team. When I crashed, I did not let them know anything . I did not want concern or sympathy. I wanted to earn my place in their eyes. This started last August and it’s been building ever since. They didn’t even know I was on leave from work until I went back to it. Some three and half months later. They earned my respect and in that humble process, I earned theirs, going from a 141 average to a 182 after a 12 yr absence from bowling.
Carrie. Wow. You have both good friends and the makings off. Building, as you say. Mark, you have made many cyber friends across the country and the globe.
Me: thanks.
We talked for a bit about favorite foods and such. Told each other to email each other at any time and if needs be, to call one another.
____________________________________________________________
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: male
Age: 31
Race: black
Body Style: athletic
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: Ohio, USA <his stipulation that the state be said>
“Adam”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Adam: Fuckin’ bastard! Did you call me to ridicule me? I trusted you. I gave you my number for Christ’s sake.
Me: You can hang up on me if you like. Always an option for you. I told you this before we started.
Adam: It’s embarrassing. I know you won’t use my real name and all, but still. Harsh.
Me: I understand you’re still raw about it. Sorry if I side-swiped you, ‘Adam’.
Adam: it’so kay. I was dumb, okay? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, as my father would tell me. Time and time again he’d say this to me. Glad he’s dead.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Adam: Normal. Well as normal a boy could be with an overbearing cocksucker like my dad was.
Me: You paused. How bad was it, Adam?
Adam: Did you watch The Breakfast Club? I was the Judd Nelson guy.
Me: Cigars burns and shit?
Adam: Yeah. And I did good in shop classes. He was an accountant, oh so smart. Like I’d fix his car and save him tons in repair charges. You know what he’d say to? “ at least you’re good at something.”
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Adam: No. I spent most of the time ragging on my dad. She listened to me and never cut me off. She’s the only one that was like that. She listened and hugged me. Man, that sounds so fuckin’ sad. But everyone needs someone to talk to right?
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Adam: I try real hard not to remember. Maybe 20.
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Adam: 6 months.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated
Adam: Friends only. Shit, like I’d have my dad or mom there.
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Adam: no.
6b. DID YOU MEET THEM AT A BAR, NIGHTCLUB, BASEBALL GAME, BOWLING ALLEY OR OTHER PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS SERVED?
Adam: Bar. I figured it would be a good way to loosen people up. Nothing makes people more accepting that booze, right?
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Adam: Not at all. Like, if I went to the john or hit the bar for more drinks, she’d tell my friends what a nice guy I was. Given my upbringing, to her this was amazing.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT?
Adam: No. She snowed them bigtime!
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Adam: They thought she was great. Must’ve been the booze talking.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Adam: I didn’t til it was over. And even then, it took two weeks for it to sink in.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Adam: Suicidal.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF?
Adam: Fuck! Didn’t I just tell you that?
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Adam: I was so ashamed. I gave her my PIN numbers, gave her my Credit Cards. Cosigned on a car loan.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Adam: Why? That would only draw more attention to my dumbness.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Adam: About 27 or so. <lowering voice> Dad did say I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the pack.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Adam: That I’m a fuckin’ asshole.
Yeah, it changed everything. I learned to never trust women again. Ever! And I am so glad my dad it dead.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Adam: I went gay after that. It was good for me. I was a fool to think women would be the end all and be all.
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Adam: It did. Not sure why though. I must’ve been depressed or something when I found your blog.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Me: Do you have any questions you’d like to ask of me?
Adam: Are you single? You got a nice voice, Mark.
Me: No comment.
Adam: You fuckin’ tease! <Laughing>
Me: Do you like to cook?
Adam: Nah, he does that. I fix the cars though. Tend the garden. He works harder than me. I red about four Chiltons to service his cars.
What do you like to do? I mean, when you aren’t gathering intel on the worst of humanity?
Me: I cook, bowl and pretty much study and write.
Adam: Thanks for talking to me, man.
Me: You are most welcome.
Adam: Keep in touch, brother!
Me. I will.
Authors note: <hence the AN>
AN:if there could be such a thing as a handshake over the phone, I think Adam and I had this at the end of this interview.
_____________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 40
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: 5’ 10’, 142lbs
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Technical School Grad
Location: Odessa Ukraine (currently on holiday in Alaska)
“Katerina”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Katerina: Just because you’re American does not mean you can speak to me that way! I do not look at myself as sick. If you call me a ‘fucker’ again, I will disconnect you. Others view me as they do. I have no power over what masses think and do not give it thought.
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Katerina: I was not the different one, they were. If they do not behave and do as I do, that’s their weakness, not mine.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Katerina: Why should it bother me? What does ‘bother me’ mean? To be bothered is to feel irritated. I get bored with people a great deal and just move on.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Katerina: I was very good at sports, which are taught young in my country. Boys were easy to play with me. I would challenge them to something, like, I race you and if you best me, I give you sex. If I win I want gifts. It was easier to let them win, give them best sex and hook them. They helped me cheat on tests all through school and university. I still got gifts when I threatened to leave them. I made them forget friends to be with me. I’d want to play sports with friends and I’d pout and say I will spend time with someone I knew they not like. They always saw things my way. Always.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Katerina: If I did not get my way, I would have something to extort them with. In my country, boys and men are much afraid of their mothers or grandmothers. I would say I would tell mother and she would tell their mother or grandmothers.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?
Katerina: If parents want you to be labeled defective and spend much time in sanitarium, make themselves look inferior, bad citizen, they’d take notice. People in my country do not do such things. Unlike other countries afraid of shame, here as in most Soviet countries say nothing out of fear.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?
Katerina: No. I understand this happens much in your country though. Very sad and horrible. And you call me sick in your first line of interrogation! Are parents like those called psychopaths? They should be so.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Katerina: I think I was always this way. In my country, if you were stupid female, you got pregnant fast and stuck. My older sisters through their misbehaviors and terrible lives that came taught me. They would say: ’Katerina, don’t make same mistake made like me.’ Both were married by 18 and most sad. I was 9 or 10 then.
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Katerina: Yes, voices when I head toward sleep. My sisters voices, most scary, every night for weeks. Each night, same thing in before sleep and whole during dreams. I learned well from those.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER? (let them answer fully. Let them form their own answers with NO GUIDANCE or leading.)
Katerina: DA! (yes). Sisters faces tears. I would see them during school when they weren’t there and when sleep came. So many times I would wake, sweat during winter when normally cold from inferior heat and meager bed coverings.
During holidays I would see them, sad smiles, fake eyes. Their husbands ordering them like time spent in military, calling sisters names not their own. Unclean, filthy, disgusting. I would see them and. Mind no further.
I could not stop things seen with eyes open and away from them and things with closed eyes.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Katerina: I do not understand question?
Me: AT WHAT AGE DID YOU SEE YOU WERE NOT LIKE OTHERS IN YOUR LAND? THAT THEY WERE SMALLER IN MIND THAN YOU?
Katerina: I answer that two (answers) ago. 9 or 10.
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: DA! Much power over them. Don’t you mean ‘how’?
Me: Yes, sorry. How?
Katerina: They had hearts and thoughts of sadness weakness and sense of pain. Not to self but to others. They fear God. Most fear mothers look at them. Unlike your country all looking for themselves, caring not what family think, most care in my land. What your peoples would call ‘keep face’ to their closest means much in my land.
Me: Yet you didn’t care what your family thought of you?
Katerina: Momma did not secretly in her heart want me to be as my sisters. Not bold enough to trouble dad with such trivial matters said nothing. I believe she saw me as she wanted to visit on her self in memory. Momma saw I had no true heart toward others. She saw me unlike her getting my way. You’d say she was jealous. She love me and I still embrace her grave. From deaths land she sees me, feels much pride.
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Katerina: Most da! American males are most dumb in mind and big conscious of groin. I was like panther to young sheep. (she laughs with the glee of child opening a Christmas present)
I was taken from Ukraine with marriage to American. Given American rights and such. I live in nice place in outside Baltimore for one year. I then go home with much dollars and he could do nothing.
Me: So you whored yourself for citizenship?
Katerina: No! He gave this to me. I only slept with him 22 times after marriage. Many sucks before marriage. Why Americans believes this means something? He much satisfied with my cooking and cleaning things. Why is it American men love dusted television before friends come over? I got much tired of bringing beer to him with friends? Beer, most vile. Give me vodka!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Katerina: In United States of Amerika most yes! He had great moneys I took when I left America. My English was not so good them but banks in Baltimore had many interpreters. I had papers to close accounts and visa to go home. Like your California leader would say in movies: ostilluh visa baby!
Me: How much was your take?
Katerina: I do not understand?
Me: How much money did you take from him?
Katerina: Much! Over a million in dollars.
Me: What is that in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Huge house with good heat and much land. Houses for family and comrades on land. Queen being with much generosity.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: Did I not answer this?
Me:? Allow me to humbly rephrase. Given your previous answer, did you remarry in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Why? No need for such things. Money much, I could buy sex when wanted. A man is worth little else.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Katerina: Nyet, no children. Embraced American doctors for this. Your pill is most powerful. I told you why I got married already.
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Katerina: Of course After pappa died, I gave mom pleasant land to live. I tried to have sisters abandon husbands, but I failed in this. Past friends did move on my land in dwellings I had made. Peace with pond, heat with winter and internet. Grand fields to grow and have meat from animals. What Americans call a cult, it is home to them. What you call a paradise, we call living and working for the collective good of us.
Americans only care about their selves. Put sick parents into camps for dying without being troubled and seeing them weaken. Money makes them blind.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Katerina: I control my lands. Do what I say or be gone from here.
Me: How is that any different from dictator or Czar?
Katerina: Did I say I was different? I do not believe so. Are your so called elected leaders any different than me? Nyet. They lie to peoples of your land. Biggest ones, your president. You have no control of who is elected. College vote controls all in your land. Your vote means nothing!
Me: So you command all you see?
Katerina: I see far beyond my lands and extorted officials here. Find officials weakness, picture this from angles with many cameras and as you Americans love to say: have them by balls. Give those of my land digital cameras set them to task. Target to follow and they discover much.
My lands grow in size all the time.
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Katerina: Your site is much discussion here. Your last name, much shrunken, hit us here. I send you emails and you respond. Those emails said your pappas family came from here. You say you not know what his last name truly was. Where from? What land in my country? You said this was before Germany took Austria much like Russia took Ukraine. Documents of none from that time. Most got burned through revolts.
CONVERSATIONS AFTER INTERVIEWS:
Katerina: I think you wish visit here. I think you desire spend time in lands grandparents saw before big war crossed world in 1930’s.
Da! You hit lands with blog. Never seeing victims in ways I read in blog, I think I could be generous to underlings in my lands. They work for keep, pay me nothing and do bidding as summoned to them.
Me: I have been thinking along those lines. I have often wondered what my fathers people saw. Most of white Americans Americanized here prior to the occupations that occurred before the early 1940’s have so little knowledge of our pasts and lands known by grandparents. Most of us simply conclude things worrying more about the here and now, the status quo, than where our people came from. My moms family came from many lands. She was a mutt, if you will with no disrespect to her and hers: Scottish, Irish, German, Holland Dutch and England.
In short, I am at least 50% Ukrainian and know so little about it. I could venture to Parma Ohio and solicit more knowledge, and perhaps I will. My knowledge of the Ukraine is Easter eggs and perrrogies (sp?) . I am using an IM Translator to FaceBook you and friends amongst others from Russia and the Czech republic and probably failing epically.
Katerina: But you attempt. We contacted you from your blog and expect not perfections. We decipher meanings and words you place.
Why did you start such blog?
Me: Why do you think?
Katerina: You trying to find place. I do not believe you to be typical American ass going for shameless self promotion. You must be outcast in your land and peoples. I had time your lands to know things frowned at. You bother many close to you. Cause them to see motives created by them. Look at things done by hands they own and not admit to.
Me: I think I have.
Katerina: You, like most Canadian and American psychologists like to place things into orders for dissection. Unlike most, you give place to speak mind and cleanse spirit. I like you, what you have done. I am in Canada, do you have a visa to meet me?
/ Me: Nope. And I really don’t wish to have one while my country chooses to be asses to the borders of a people that got many of our hostages out of Iran prior to Reagan being put into the Whitehouse. Hey, you, technically are an American citizen, right? If you truly are, come here and meet me.
Katerina: You could take me to this Parma place, no? Eat Americanized food from my land?
Me: I’d be glad to. Honored to do so. Hell, you could be my translator.
Katerina: I would fell your belly after going to market and make stomach happy.
Me: I am sorry. I am running out of minutes. I have to stop on an embracing moment.
Katerina: I have your email. You get proper phone and I will call you from home, Mother Ukraine. She is calling you, Mark Wilhelm Daruzsch.
Me: Thank you for being part of my Life at this point. I bow to you.
Katerina: No, it is I and comrades that gesture with bended backs to you. Nice to place voice to blank words with meaning.
Me: I embrace you with minds eye.
AN: out of minutes, the call hit oblivion. Glad for the KORG company and their fine line of digital recorders.
____________________________________________________________
AUTHORS NOTE:
I found these interviews to be most enlightening. Placing sounds to words is always interesting, in my opinion. Do the voices match the written word they sent me? High or low tones? Simply put: What do the emailers sound like?
Hearing raw emotions in memories past, hunger of the insatiable in the present, and the mixture of the two throughout each. I sincerely got more drawn into the subject of my blog.
To my theory of Another Life.
I can also see why learned psychologists and psychiatrist alike do not wish to treat both forms of psychopaths: the nonviolent and homicidal alike.
There is a major fascination to those that live outside the normal guidelines 96% of people adhere to. The minds of some of the most educated swim into this whirlpool and get sucked down. Changing their own thought patterns to get a better glimpse, and thus, lose themselves in the process. Many of them wind up in therapy themselves. They become little more than a moth being drawn toward the light, heat, to have their wings get torched and die. They become Nomads. (see the movie Nomads, starring Pierce Brosnan and Adam Ant: great movie that fits this scenario to a tee).
Where do I fit in this subject?
Why do I continue to write about this?
Because I can, that's why. I do not care who it bothers.
THAT NEVER ENDS. SO GLAD YOU COULD ATTEND.
COME INSIDE COME INSIDE.
PHONE INTERVIEWS: VOLUME ONE.
When sent emails with phone numbers from those that wished to speak with me, I was compelled to either dismiss them, or actually call them. I opted for a PrePaid Burner. What harm in talking to people in pain or creating such for others?. I do this all day long and have for over 16 years across two jobs.
These emails came from across our small planet.
I was quite surprised with what they had to share with me. An openness of both heart and mind, fragility and hunger. The white and the black, oddly getting more obscured with each ones words and tonal inflections.
Keeping objectivity.
Respecting what they had to say.
Doing the best I can: Giving them equal ground.
Please take into mind from my previous entry: The first question principal.
Here is Volume One: Phone Interviews.
THE QUESTIONS FOR THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Current Age: 37
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: Tall and skinny
Highest level of education at the time of incident: College Grad.
Location: Midwestern USA
“JESSICA”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Jessica: Huh? That’s a bit rough, don’t you think? Well, I guess I was naïve. I didn’t date much in high school. Went to a lot of parties in college and was so wasted, it’s hard to say who used who, ya know? I guess I thought what being used was. I was stupid.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Jessica: It was normal, ya know. I trusted men much easier then. I was a fool for a hard luck story, but it was nothing major.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Jessica: No, not at all. Things seemed normal. He bought me things, ya know, pewter dragons and stuff. Sometimes flowers, but never roses until much later if he was sorry for standing me up or something. Like he’d say he had to work late, car troubles, visit a sick family member. We’d go out on dates, sometimes he’d forget his wallet at home and I cover dinner, movies, baseballs games, whatever. I’d give him gas money if he was low on cash because his check was short from some company foul up.
I guess it pretty normal. It’s not like guys hadn’t me out when dating them.
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Jessica: 26
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Jessica: About three years. Looking back, seems like it was longer.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)
Jessica: Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I thought I had the real one, ya know?
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Jessica: We all met at this seafood place. God, that place had the best damn lobster!
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Jessica: He seemed, I don’t know? Bigger, more outgoing. Friendlier. He was always quite charming, but even that, looking back, seemed amplified. Exaggerated. I even asked him about it later that night after we had sex and he said he was just trying to make a good impression.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT? (if yes, proceed to the questions below)
Jessica: Some did, some didn’t.
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Jessica: Some thought he was the best thing to happen to me. Good looking, smart and a good talker.
Others just said they didn’t know, but they had a funny feeling and something wasn’t right with him.
8b. DID THEY LOOK CONCERNED?
Jessica: Again, some did and some didn’t. Fuck, what’s your next question: did you check their pulse? Jeez.
8c. DID THEY, AT ANY POINT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THEY WERE WRONG, EITHER SAY YOU WERE CRAZY OR IN NEED OF HELP?
Jessica: One actually did. My friend <Jeff> said he got the creeps when he met him. He felt worried for me, scared. He couldn’t say anything specific though, so I blew him off.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Jessica: About two and half years into it. His stories just didn’t make sense after a while, ya know? In all that time I never did know where he worked. I never met his family or friends no matter how many times I pressed him to. When he moved in after we’d been dating a few months, he never said where we moved from.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Jessica: Toward the end, I felt weak and sick most of the time. My stomach always hurt, tons of headaches and muscle pain. Didn’t sleep much and when I did, I got no real rest at all. Depressed. I became a zombie at work. I’d catch people staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess maybe a little paranoid. I felt like I was dying. Saw my doc a lot, but he didn’t find anything wrong with me.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)
Jessica: Yes, I did. I thought about it many times when extremely exhausted.
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Jessica: I felt so tired. Drained. Like I had no energy at all, ya know.
11b. DID YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND IF NOT, WHY?
Jessica: I tried calling Jeff, but his girlfriend always said he was busy.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Jessica: No. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about it.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Jessica: Maybe four years after he left. After two years with a psych who pushed me to break through and see it as it was, ya know. He made me think, dig deep. Make me see? Not sure if that’s the right words.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Jessica: To never trust anyone that hasn’t earned it first. Never just toss out money. Move slower, ya know. Keep my eyes open. To question shit that just doesn’t make sense as soon as something arises. To be more firm. And if some guy forgets his wallet after dinner, make him scrub dishes and look like a fool.
I guess the biggest thing I leared was to no be so damned blind and listen to friends.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Jessica: I don’t know? Don’t let love make an ass out of you? Find out where they work? Trust no one?
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Jessica: Definitely. Some of the entries made perfect sense to me. I looked back over that time and things seemed clearer. Hearing others talk about their lives made a big difference. I wasn’t alone. The predators and prey that told their stories were like lessons to be learned. This type of thing should be taught in high school. I mean, shit, they teach us math, how to cook, even what it’s like to have a baby to take care of 24/7 for a week or so. But how not to be used by another? Yeah, right.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Jessica: So what, besides writing about psychos do you like to do?
Me: I like to bowl and write a lot. I get a kick out of cooking for people.
Jessica: What do you do you cook?
Me: pretty much anything. I got into cooking chicken friend steak from scratch. Owww, it came out great every time! Way better than restaurant cooking.
Jessica: What would you suggest for me in the future?
Me: good question. Find a man that cooks for you? Ask him for references before things get too serious? Just kidding on that one.
Jessica: I do not think you were kidding at all. Makes sense to me.
Me: I wish you well, Jessica and don’t hesitate to email me again..
Jessica: I shall! Thank you.
__________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 48
Race: Causation
Body Style: BBW: Busty
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: West Coast USA
“CARRIE”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Carrie: Fuck you! It’s not like I’m Columbine Kid or something. I just used the sad assholes that let me!
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Carrie: Pretty young, actually. I was about 15. I so learned to pout real good. I got what I wanted, and learned to get it every time. Gave family and friends the big’cow’eyes, they’d feel sorry for me. When that failed, I gave them the ‘nobody likes me cuz I’m overweight bullshit, not worth a damn. Can’t get a date cuz I’m fat and ugly. <I knew I was fat, but I was not ugly. I knew I could get layed and did many times most satisfactory for me.> They’d crater, man. Weaklings that they were.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Carrie: Bother me? You must be joking, man. I got what I wanted, like almost every time, and learned from mistakes when I messed up.
3a: WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?
Carrie: Well, I overplayed my hand. Like I’d get too dramatic way too soon and blow it. As soon as I saw their expressions, I knew it was over.
3b: SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF?
Carrie: I’d simply pawn it off on PMS or a really bad period. Shit, man! People always fell for that crap.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Uh, didn’t I already answer that already? C’mon. Enough with the canned questions, Mark. You’re starting to sound like some mid-level psych book. Really, you do need to challenge me.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Nice one! There you go! I learned this at the second job I had. I was working for ******** fast food. Sucky place to work. Hated it. I saw what got the bosses attention. Coworkers, with better bodies than mine, would go to clock in and walk by him. I saw the way he watched their asses. I can add and put two and two together. I started going to work in street clothes and change in the john. I’d get there about 20 minutes before my shift started. I’d say hi to him and coworkers as I walked by. I’d then head out the back door for a smoke. He always followed right after me. Why? I’d wear low-cut tops and give out my awesome cleavage. Men are such assholes for big tits! Seriously, to this day, that never fails to amaze me. Show them the crack of jogs and they will be yours.
5a: HOW DID THIS WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?
Carrie: Ow, man. It was so easy. I told my family, friends and a few teachers about the way this turd would stare at my tits., and that I needed this job and all. They were so angry and outraged by this. One of my teachers suggested setting him up in front of witnesses. That being said, and I so knew someone would, I ran with it. I told them when I worked next and told them to watch out back, the area were we smoked. Maybe watch what happens when I ran the front line in full puritan dress. They came out in total. Two of them even had camcorders.
The next day I worked, I told him I had his ass on tape and he best cough up some cash. He thought me a fool and just laughed. Dumbfuck even had the nerve to fire me! Well, I thought that was a possibility, so I sent copies of the tapes to the headquarters. At first, they thought I was bluffing, like: ’what does a 17 yr old know?’ I had my dad call them and say I would hit the media and sue them. Still, those macho assholes in Chicago thought I was bluffing. A teacher said I should take my tapes to a feminist group and let them run with it. They ran with it and had their Chicago branch take it. Still, and I could not believe it, they dismissed me. Fuckers! With the financial help of friends and family, I went to the corporate headquarters and stormed a board meeting. I wore semi revealing clothes, nice high heals and a wire the fine dyke ladies in Chicago clad me with. They looked at me and asked who the fuck I was. I told them my name and why I was there. Got to love a room full of males, staring at tits and ass, making fat 7-figure greenbacks and how it makes their egos rise their worthless, tiny dicks. ‘Oh, you’re that bitch!’ The chairman laughed and said ‘ you are so trailer trash, looking for check, aren’t you slut?’.
Two of the lower end of their food chain stood up and walked toward me. <I so felt I was so close I could taste it. It was electric, man. I knew one of them would do what ego full males would do.>
He put a hand on me. I smiled and screamed: RAPE!
That’s all it took for the sisterhood to crash the building.
I pulled away from the slimy fuck, smiling, and pulled out the wire I had under my right boob.
The chairman got really white, like paper white, and said: We’ll settle with you!
Sorry, too late! I gave you how many chances?
It only saw the filed suit go to the courts. They cratered.
I made just under two million to not mention the name of their company. The sweetest of gag-settlements! I know you will not publish the company name. You are a smart guy, Mark. You know I’d sue your ass in a heartbeat if you did.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: not at all. They just wrote me off as the chunky girl of hard luck: can’t get a steady date, problems at work. They had no clue.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP? (If yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: Not in the slightest. I wasn’t born in West Virginia! I was fat. Unless a fat girl puts herself out there, she will not get a fuck no matter what.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Carrie: I was a quick learner. I saw what worked and what didn’t and simply adjusted.
It happened fast. After years of being laughed at: Fat Carrie, ugly Carrie, four eyes. I got tired of feeling hurt, man. I thought: I will fuck all of you!
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Carrie: Nice, Mark. No click. I did hear some odd-ass hissing sound. You know, like a steam heat system venting. It wasn’t loud or nothing major. Maybe like a snake hissing, like in the movies. Not huge, just messed up cuz I looked all over when it happened and didn’t see a thing. It messed with me for few hours and I sent it out my head.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?
Carrie: Yeah, I did! (she laughs, sincerely) I thought you were lame as hell in the beginning of this, man.
I saw people, lots of people. Like hordes! They were being walked into places called showers. Herded like animals to the slaughter houses that make steaks and beef and veal. Man, I could not just see it, I could fucking smell it. I smelled the iron of blood, burning hair. I threw up! Seriously, I heaved my guts out. I remembered my parents saying I had big, wide, brown cow eyes.
Gas chambers like the Jews.
I puked for god knows how long. My stomach muscles seemed to be coming out my mouth with each hurl. A good night at Olive Garden followed by Baskin Robbins splashing into the toilet.
I thought: whatta fuckin waste! Good food getting chucked. At that point, laughing in my head, I believed I was going insane. What the fuck makes someone think about Baskin Robbins and gas chambers at the same time, right?
I turned when getting a drink of water and saw myself in the mirror.
Boom! I would be a cow going to slaughter. I am not Jewish and this may seem like Nazi Germany when it comes to fat people, but I AM better than this.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Carrie: I saw that after the fast food thing. After puking my soul into oblivion, I thought emotions are the fallbacks of the weak and trusting. Weaknesses, really. I knew I was stronger than most of them, mentally. They’d so easily think of me with a sad, wanting to be desperately to be fucked and used, they’d give their asses up to me.
Keep this in mind: I had all the money in the world to work with.
Males became my playground. I had slides, monkey bars, spinning things. And I took them for a ride. I still do.
Me: okay. When did you catch this? What age? C’mon, when?
Carrie: I was about 20 then. I bombed high school and what kid wouldn’t have? I had long green. Didn’t need for anything. My parents were bummed, so I made them happy by buying myself a GED for just under 2 grand.
Fucker, you are pushy aren’t you? When did you do something of worth?
Me: Let’s continue, shall we?
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Stupid question! Again, you need to think before you come up with these freshman questions. Mark, you let me down. What was your childhood like? Did you wear glasses, if so, were you picked on?
Me: Sweet, nice deflection. Truly, grand evade. Why would you evade a simple question?
Carrie: OF COURSE I FELT AND AM MORE SUPERIOR THAN OTHERS! WHY? <low toned chuckle going into brash and loud laughter> AND DON’T YOU WRITE THIS OFF AS SOME WEAKLING POOR SELF-ESTEEM BULLSHIT, COCKSUCKER! I AM BETTER! I AM POWERFUL!
Me: <giving her time to settle after many explicative’s, she calmly came back.>
Carrie: Sorry, man. Sort of lost it there. I won’t do that again. Must be PMS.
Me: like you conned others? Won’t work with me. Keep going. You failed to answer the ‘WHY’ part of the question.
Carrie: Cuz people want to be used, that’s why! They are so easily struck by appearances that they fuckin’ want to be deceived. They are asking for it. Suck up to me, give me lines that work on others and I will twist you and make you smile til your balls get crushed by the ‘sad little lady you bought a few drinks for.’ One slow dance and you will be mine, prick!
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Carrie. Cat and toy thing? Yeah, right, like means donut hole to me. They were more than toys. Call these men a toy like by brothers had, except I’d call them Erection Sets. Build them up and I would make them rust and decay. Toys? I guess. They’d so think they were in charge. I’d let them think this, draw them in with my body and screw them blind. I’d screw them alright. They never knew what hit them when I was done and bored with them. In front of their friends I would crush them. They had a small dick, cum too quick, and sucked in bed. I’d knock them down so bad they’d wished they’d never met me.
With that, either they’d pull me aside and break up with me or I’d break up with them in front of their friends.
Either way, I won. Gotta love that. Months worth of good dates, a fair amount of decent sex and bills they’d pay for me. I have to salute the men of this country. Get a chunky woman with a pretty face and you will be so fucked by those us that saw you coming way before you’d cum in us!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Carrie: Duh! Did you not hear my previous answers? Did I not make tons of cash and didn’t have idiots pay my bills for me?
You are making me sleepy.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Why would I? I would have nothing legal with any man.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Carrie: Do you read these questions before you ask them? Are you trying to catch me in a lie?
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Carrie: Absolutely I am! I have made more money than anyone I know. I continue to do so to this day. Sex is good or great. Bills being paid are better than me paying for myself.
I am most content.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Carrie: I am content. But I don’t see a day when I won’t be hungry. Every bar is a buffet for me. Yeah, okay, cut the fat jokes. I see men that are weak. I see idiots. I have bills to pay, though I can do this myself. It is so much sweeter taking some guy for a ride.
Stiff dick has no conscious? I not only live on that, I eat on it!
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Carrie: I do. You gave me a chance to talk plainly. I thought some of your questions most tiresome, sort of dumming down the massive subject you write about. I still like your counters. I also like the way you didn’t let me derail you.
You give us a chance to take the time and smell the roses. Or <with a deep chuckle> a chance to remember about the ones we’ve wasted and trashed and how they had it coming.
You go to both sides though. I’m not sure how you do that. I think you must be sick in the head but smart, intelligent about it. I read your Brief Introduction and Beginning entries on March 3. March? I gotta laugh. You march alright. I do believe you are not shrink or psych. I do think you are someone gaining speed and picking up altitude. I’ll Friend you on FaceBook when you post this. I want to see what you do with it.
<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>
Me: So what’s your favorite colour? Mines purple and blue.
Carrie: <laughing, she does Mick> and I want it painted bla-ack! No, I actually favor hot pink. It seems to fit me, both in blush and halters. Can I ask you a question?
Me: Of course. I am not saying you will get an answer though.
Carrie: I understand your interests in psychopaths with school killings and stuff, god knows I’d never kill anyone physically, but what made you start a blog about us nonviolent types?
Me: Well, being able to read again, I was curious about the Chardon Ohio shootings. I thought of that with both Columbine and the Amish Country Ohio slayings. I delved into psychopathy and learned about others that fell into that realm but weren’t killers. I remembered an episode of HOUSE called REMORSE. His team hit on a psychopath that was nonviolent. Through reading, studying, research and personal counseling for bipolar and the questions given to me, I became aware of the other, Another Life, where psychopaths coexist with people of everyday lives.
I began to read the works of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley and found this ‘other life’. To me, found their writings and theories amazing.
I ran with that, and have never looked back or second guessed myself.
Carrie: And what did your family, friends and coworkers think about this?
Me: You are as subtle as a chainsaw, aren’t you? <I laugh. She has me with my own questions. You have to love manipulators. Well, maybe you don‘t. I do though.>
Carrie: Stop Deflecting, House!
Me: Fine! It bothered them. It was like, we’d talk for a while. I’d bring up the blog and the countries it was read at, and they’d have a serious change in their tone. To me it was like I had said something like: I ripped off Walmart off! They scanned a 20 buck game and it came up 5 to them. I told them the scan was wrong and they’d robotically tell me the system is never wrong <with an almost contemptuous tone> “yeah, that’s nice.” : adding a long sigh, followed with: “and how are you really?”
I thought: END OF LINE and went on to lesser aspects of life knowing they were disturbed by this passion I felt.
Carrie: All of them? Sorry, don’t believe you on this.
Me: No, not all of them. There are two that won’t judge me. One that knows me well enough to know that I mean no harm major harm and other that simply takes me as I am. These are friends that have known me for 18 and 37 years. I have nothing but respect for them.
Carrie: 18 and 37 years? Odd to me. Nothing with a recent or middle ground?
Me: working on this. Building relationships with people is not that easy for me. I’ve got this thing when it comes to sensing being used. I sense that and you are history to me. Period.
I learned to build relationships with friends.
I became a part of a team. When I crashed, I did not let them know anything . I did not want concern or sympathy. I wanted to earn my place in their eyes. This started last August and it’s been building ever since. They didn’t even know I was on leave from work until I went back to it. Some three and half months later. They earned my respect and in that humble process, I earned theirs, going from a 141 average to a 182 after a 12 yr absence from bowling.
Carrie. Wow. You have both good friends and the makings off. Building, as you say. Mark, you have made many cyber friends across the country and the globe.
Me: thanks.
We talked for a bit about favorite foods and such. Told each other to email each other at any time and if needs be, to call one another.
____________________________________________________________
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: male
Age: 31
Race: black
Body Style: athletic
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: Ohio, USA <his stipulation that the state be said>
“Adam”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Adam: Fuckin’ bastard! Did you call me to ridicule me? I trusted you. I gave you my number for Christ’s sake.
Me: You can hang up on me if you like. Always an option for you. I told you this before we started.
Adam: It’s embarrassing. I know you won’t use my real name and all, but still. Harsh.
Me: I understand you’re still raw about it. Sorry if I side-swiped you, ‘Adam’.
Adam: it’so kay. I was dumb, okay? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, as my father would tell me. Time and time again he’d say this to me. Glad he’s dead.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Adam: Normal. Well as normal a boy could be with an overbearing cocksucker like my dad was.
Me: You paused. How bad was it, Adam?
Adam: Did you watch The Breakfast Club? I was the Judd Nelson guy.
Me: Cigars burns and shit?
Adam: Yeah. And I did good in shop classes. He was an accountant, oh so smart. Like I’d fix his car and save him tons in repair charges. You know what he’d say to? “ at least you’re good at something.”
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Adam: No. I spent most of the time ragging on my dad. She listened to me and never cut me off. She’s the only one that was like that. She listened and hugged me. Man, that sounds so fuckin’ sad. But everyone needs someone to talk to right?
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Adam: I try real hard not to remember. Maybe 20.
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Adam: 6 months.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated
Adam: Friends only. Shit, like I’d have my dad or mom there.
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Adam: no.
6b. DID YOU MEET THEM AT A BAR, NIGHTCLUB, BASEBALL GAME, BOWLING ALLEY OR OTHER PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS SERVED?
Adam: Bar. I figured it would be a good way to loosen people up. Nothing makes people more accepting that booze, right?
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Adam: Not at all. Like, if I went to the john or hit the bar for more drinks, she’d tell my friends what a nice guy I was. Given my upbringing, to her this was amazing.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT?
Adam: No. She snowed them bigtime!
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Adam: They thought she was great. Must’ve been the booze talking.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Adam: I didn’t til it was over. And even then, it took two weeks for it to sink in.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Adam: Suicidal.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF?
Adam: Fuck! Didn’t I just tell you that?
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Adam: I was so ashamed. I gave her my PIN numbers, gave her my Credit Cards. Cosigned on a car loan.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Adam: Why? That would only draw more attention to my dumbness.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Adam: About 27 or so. <lowering voice> Dad did say I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the pack.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Adam: That I’m a fuckin’ asshole.
Yeah, it changed everything. I learned to never trust women again. Ever! And I am so glad my dad it dead.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Adam: I went gay after that. It was good for me. I was a fool to think women would be the end all and be all.
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Adam: It did. Not sure why though. I must’ve been depressed or something when I found your blog.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Me: Do you have any questions you’d like to ask of me?
Adam: Are you single? You got a nice voice, Mark.
Me: No comment.
Adam: You fuckin’ tease! <Laughing>
Me: Do you like to cook?
Adam: Nah, he does that. I fix the cars though. Tend the garden. He works harder than me. I red about four Chiltons to service his cars.
What do you like to do? I mean, when you aren’t gathering intel on the worst of humanity?
Me: I cook, bowl and pretty much study and write.
Adam: Thanks for talking to me, man.
Me: You are most welcome.
Adam: Keep in touch, brother!
Me. I will.
Authors note: <hence the AN>
AN:if there could be such a thing as a handshake over the phone, I think Adam and I had this at the end of this interview.
_____________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 40
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: 5’ 10’, 142lbs
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Technical School Grad
Location: Odessa Ukraine (currently on holiday in Alaska)
“Katerina”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Katerina: Just because you’re American does not mean you can speak to me that way! I do not look at myself as sick. If you call me a ‘fucker’ again, I will disconnect you. Others view me as they do. I have no power over what masses think and do not give it thought.
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Katerina: I was not the different one, they were. If they do not behave and do as I do, that’s their weakness, not mine.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Katerina: Why should it bother me? What does ‘bother me’ mean? To be bothered is to feel irritated. I get bored with people a great deal and just move on.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Katerina: I was very good at sports, which are taught young in my country. Boys were easy to play with me. I would challenge them to something, like, I race you and if you best me, I give you sex. If I win I want gifts. It was easier to let them win, give them best sex and hook them. They helped me cheat on tests all through school and university. I still got gifts when I threatened to leave them. I made them forget friends to be with me. I’d want to play sports with friends and I’d pout and say I will spend time with someone I knew they not like. They always saw things my way. Always.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Katerina: If I did not get my way, I would have something to extort them with. In my country, boys and men are much afraid of their mothers or grandmothers. I would say I would tell mother and she would tell their mother or grandmothers.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?
Katerina: If parents want you to be labeled defective and spend much time in sanitarium, make themselves look inferior, bad citizen, they’d take notice. People in my country do not do such things. Unlike other countries afraid of shame, here as in most Soviet countries say nothing out of fear.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?
Katerina: No. I understand this happens much in your country though. Very sad and horrible. And you call me sick in your first line of interrogation! Are parents like those called psychopaths? They should be so.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Katerina: I think I was always this way. In my country, if you were stupid female, you got pregnant fast and stuck. My older sisters through their misbehaviors and terrible lives that came taught me. They would say: ’Katerina, don’t make same mistake made like me.’ Both were married by 18 and most sad. I was 9 or 10 then.
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Katerina: Yes, voices when I head toward sleep. My sisters voices, most scary, every night for weeks. Each night, same thing in before sleep and whole during dreams. I learned well from those.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER? (let them answer fully. Let them form their own answers with NO GUIDANCE or leading.)
Katerina: DA! (yes). Sisters faces tears. I would see them during school when they weren’t there and when sleep came. So many times I would wake, sweat during winter when normally cold from inferior heat and meager bed coverings.
During holidays I would see them, sad smiles, fake eyes. Their husbands ordering them like time spent in military, calling sisters names not their own. Unclean, filthy, disgusting. I would see them and. Mind no further.
I could not stop things seen with eyes open and away from them and things with closed eyes.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Katerina: I do not understand question?
Me: AT WHAT AGE DID YOU SEE YOU WERE NOT LIKE OTHERS IN YOUR LAND? THAT THEY WERE SMALLER IN MIND THAN YOU?
Katerina: I answer that two (answers) ago. 9 or 10.
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: DA! Much power over them. Don’t you mean ‘how’?
Me: Yes, sorry. How?
Katerina: They had hearts and thoughts of sadness weakness and sense of pain. Not to self but to others. They fear God. Most fear mothers look at them. Unlike your country all looking for themselves, caring not what family think, most care in my land. What your peoples would call ‘keep face’ to their closest means much in my land.
Me: Yet you didn’t care what your family thought of you?
Katerina: Momma did not secretly in her heart want me to be as my sisters. Not bold enough to trouble dad with such trivial matters said nothing. I believe she saw me as she wanted to visit on her self in memory. Momma saw I had no true heart toward others. She saw me unlike her getting my way. You’d say she was jealous. She love me and I still embrace her grave. From deaths land she sees me, feels much pride.
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Katerina: Most da! American males are most dumb in mind and big conscious of groin. I was like panther to young sheep. (she laughs with the glee of child opening a Christmas present)
I was taken from Ukraine with marriage to American. Given American rights and such. I live in nice place in outside Baltimore for one year. I then go home with much dollars and he could do nothing.
Me: So you whored yourself for citizenship?
Katerina: No! He gave this to me. I only slept with him 22 times after marriage. Many sucks before marriage. Why Americans believes this means something? He much satisfied with my cooking and cleaning things. Why is it American men love dusted television before friends come over? I got much tired of bringing beer to him with friends? Beer, most vile. Give me vodka!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Katerina: In United States of Amerika most yes! He had great moneys I took when I left America. My English was not so good them but banks in Baltimore had many interpreters. I had papers to close accounts and visa to go home. Like your California leader would say in movies: ostilluh visa baby!
Me: How much was your take?
Katerina: I do not understand?
Me: How much money did you take from him?
Katerina: Much! Over a million in dollars.
Me: What is that in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Huge house with good heat and much land. Houses for family and comrades on land. Queen being with much generosity.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: Did I not answer this?
Me:? Allow me to humbly rephrase. Given your previous answer, did you remarry in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Why? No need for such things. Money much, I could buy sex when wanted. A man is worth little else.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Katerina: Nyet, no children. Embraced American doctors for this. Your pill is most powerful. I told you why I got married already.
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Katerina: Of course After pappa died, I gave mom pleasant land to live. I tried to have sisters abandon husbands, but I failed in this. Past friends did move on my land in dwellings I had made. Peace with pond, heat with winter and internet. Grand fields to grow and have meat from animals. What Americans call a cult, it is home to them. What you call a paradise, we call living and working for the collective good of us.
Americans only care about their selves. Put sick parents into camps for dying without being troubled and seeing them weaken. Money makes them blind.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Katerina: I control my lands. Do what I say or be gone from here.
Me: How is that any different from dictator or Czar?
Katerina: Did I say I was different? I do not believe so. Are your so called elected leaders any different than me? Nyet. They lie to peoples of your land. Biggest ones, your president. You have no control of who is elected. College vote controls all in your land. Your vote means nothing!
Me: So you command all you see?
Katerina: I see far beyond my lands and extorted officials here. Find officials weakness, picture this from angles with many cameras and as you Americans love to say: have them by balls. Give those of my land digital cameras set them to task. Target to follow and they discover much.
My lands grow in size all the time.
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Katerina: Your site is much discussion here. Your last name, much shrunken, hit us here. I send you emails and you respond. Those emails said your pappas family came from here. You say you not know what his last name truly was. Where from? What land in my country? You said this was before Germany took Austria much like Russia took Ukraine. Documents of none from that time. Most got burned through revolts.
CONVERSATIONS AFTER INTERVIEWS:
Katerina: I think you wish visit here. I think you desire spend time in lands grandparents saw before big war crossed world in 1930’s.
Da! You hit lands with blog. Never seeing victims in ways I read in blog, I think I could be generous to underlings in my lands. They work for keep, pay me nothing and do bidding as summoned to them.
Me: I have been thinking along those lines. I have often wondered what my fathers people saw. Most of white Americans Americanized here prior to the occupations that occurred before the early 1940’s have so little knowledge of our pasts and lands known by grandparents. Most of us simply conclude things worrying more about the here and now, the status quo, than where our people came from. My moms family came from many lands. She was a mutt, if you will with no disrespect to her and hers: Scottish, Irish, German, Holland Dutch and England.
In short, I am at least 50% Ukrainian and know so little about it. I could venture to Parma Ohio and solicit more knowledge, and perhaps I will. My knowledge of the Ukraine is Easter eggs and perrrogies (sp?) . I am using an IM Translator to FaceBook you and friends amongst others from Russia and the Czech republic and probably failing epically.
Katerina: But you attempt. We contacted you from your blog and expect not perfections. We decipher meanings and words you place.
Why did you start such blog?
Me: Why do you think?
Katerina: You trying to find place. I do not believe you to be typical American ass going for shameless self promotion. You must be outcast in your land and peoples. I had time your lands to know things frowned at. You bother many close to you. Cause them to see motives created by them. Look at things done by hands they own and not admit to.
Me: I think I have.
Katerina: You, like most Canadian and American psychologists like to place things into orders for dissection. Unlike most, you give place to speak mind and cleanse spirit. I like you, what you have done. I am in Canada, do you have a visa to meet me?
/ Me: Nope. And I really don’t wish to have one while my country chooses to be asses to the borders of a people that got many of our hostages out of Iran prior to Reagan being put into the Whitehouse. Hey, you, technically are an American citizen, right? If you truly are, come here and meet me.
Katerina: You could take me to this Parma place, no? Eat Americanized food from my land?
Me: I’d be glad to. Honored to do so. Hell, you could be my translator.
Katerina: I would fell your belly after going to market and make stomach happy.
Me: I am sorry. I am running out of minutes. I have to stop on an embracing moment.
Katerina: I have your email. You get proper phone and I will call you from home, Mother Ukraine. She is calling you, Mark Wilhelm Daruzsch.
Me: Thank you for being part of my Life at this point. I bow to you.
Katerina: No, it is I and comrades that gesture with bended backs to you. Nice to place voice to blank words with meaning.
Me: I embrace you with minds eye.
AN: out of minutes, the call hit oblivion. Glad for the KORG company and their fine line of digital recorders.
____________________________________________________________
AUTHORS NOTE:
I found these interviews to be most enlightening. Placing sounds to words is always interesting, in my opinion. Do the voices match the written word they sent me? High or low tones? Simply put: What do the emailers sound like?
Hearing raw emotions in memories past, hunger of the insatiable in the present, and the mixture of the two throughout each. I sincerely got more drawn into the subject of my blog.
To my theory of Another Life.
I can also see why learned psychologists and psychiatrist alike do not wish to treat both forms of psychopaths: the nonviolent and homicidal alike.
There is a major fascination to those that live outside the normal guidelines 96% of people adhere to. The minds of some of the most educated swim into this whirlpool and get sucked down. Changing their own thought patterns to get a better glimpse, and thus, lose themselves in the process. Many of them wind up in therapy themselves. They become little more than a moth being drawn toward the light, heat, to have their wings get torched and die. They become Nomads. (see the movie Nomads, starring Pierce Brosnan and Adam Ant: great movie that fits this scenario to a tee).
Where do I fit in this subject?
Why do I continue to write about this?
Because I can, that's why. I do not care who it bothers.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Walking with Strangers: Intro to Interviews.
WALKING WITH STRANGERS: PHONE INTERVIEWS; PART I.
FAIR WARNING TO THOSE ABOUT TO BE INTERVIEWED.
(the incredible value of a prepaid burner)
I was sent phone numbers by several readers. They were curious if I’d be willing to talk with them about their experiences, both past and present, and if I would add these interviews into the BLOG.
I was quite excited by the opportunity. I sent emails back to them indicating I’d be happy to talk to them.
I haven’t done interviews since about 1993. For a social work class, we were asked to interview 5 people with greatly diverse backgrounds, fields and incomes. We had a list of about 40 questions to choose from, having to pick 5 for each subject to answer.
The completed paper had to be no less than 5 single space pages typed.
In my paper I interviewed 10 people, asking them around 10 questions each. I covered a spectrum of people: A Catholic priest, Methodist Minister, Regional Manager of a large Fast Food Chain, an hourly worker for the same restaurant, Teacher, professor, prostitute (that I gladly paid her 15 bucks for her time and info) and several others.
My paper ended at just over 20 pages, single spaced. I nailed an ‘A’ on it, getting 100-100 point scale.
I can only say that so many missed the single fact this instructor posted and stated each class, so prominently displayed on the blackboard : minimum 5 pages single space typed. He failed all but four of us in a class of 75 that gave him papers that were four pages double spaced and so forth. Collegiate selection in full gear. They so deserved to fail. The four of us that didn’t? The smallest paper amongst all of us was 12 pages singled.
I remember the importance of having specific questions to solicit responses, noting how those questioned spoke their answers in regards to the body language they expressed. The tilt of a shoulder, hands clinched at hips, lips clinched with no display of parted lips opposing words given and emotional responses to be attained.
Remembering those things, knowing I would not have physical expressions to fall back on during telephone conversations, I would close my eyes and remember average expressions. From those things I would gather a sense.
Never having done interviews like the ones I would be doing, I had to work on creating questions relating to the subject matter of the BLOG. I contacted two of my former professors in the hopes they could give me a few starting points. I gave them the link to the BLOG. Three days later they called me back and gave me two questions to throw in the middle of each one. They suggested to start each interview with a strong question to provoke a difficult to answer. One that would get either thoughts or emotions pumped up.
The subject being what it is, I knew I’d have my work cut out for me. Gearing questions that would equally cater to the predators and prey alike posed the biggest challenge. They are such opposing parts in the spectrum of light, that in my minds eye, it would be similar to that of interviewing a hawk and possum about their eating habits and how not become another animals dinner.
Again, I had my work cut out for me.
Thinking the prey would be more sensitive to direct questioning, I toned things down a bit, arming myself with as many verbal valiums as possible. I expected highly emotional answers, charged with electric profanity, hostility and I frankly believed if they were pushed too hard, I’d get a lot of hang ups.
Oh, well: NEXT!
With the NV-P’s, I knew I could go balls-to-the-wall and they would not be offended in the slightest. Knowing their ability to be both masters at pathological liars and manipulators, I was most curious to see how long it would be before they took over the whole interview. How many minutes would it take for me to become their subject of interest? Would they open both barrels, one barrel or have the accuracy of a sniper rifle while aiming their retorts like bullets squared directly at my head?
I somehow thought they wouldn’t. They being like that of Zodiac signs that so acclaimed extroversion and grand egos, have little problem telling me of their conquests and how they did it. Their motivations and perversions in the process to attain their goal. Their single minded obsessions and mindless self indulgence.
To eat and never feel a fullness that sets them apart from 96% of the population.
SO WHY WOULD I DO THIS AND HAVE INTERVIEWS?
In my opinion, I could not pass this up.
Be it either for my attempt at finding an obscure truth or to simply find what is human, an element that holds a segment of fact or one that holds an emotion that covers all races and nationalities as true and unyielding. The place where so many tribes would like to agree on yet seldom find in accord.
I am going to other places. I have and will hurt many around me in this desire to prove theories about what makes us human.
A chance like this can only find its humble beginnings as a result of cell phones and blind happenings that occur in our communication age. The full breathe of emotion, lack there of and pure thought through complete anonymity that can be displayed on the black and white world of text.
That we can further journey into a land of the utter bleak and despair to the contrasting brightest sunrises and the smelling of flowers.
To take a travel into ANOTHER LIFE.
To the Predator and Prey: The Nonviolent Psychopath
Note this: I have already made these questions and will post them and their answers when ready to be completed. No time like the present, and i have a great deal of transcribing to do.
Teaser? Yeah, i guess this is....
FAIR WARNING TO THOSE ABOUT TO BE INTERVIEWED.
(the incredible value of a prepaid burner)
I was sent phone numbers by several readers. They were curious if I’d be willing to talk with them about their experiences, both past and present, and if I would add these interviews into the BLOG.
I was quite excited by the opportunity. I sent emails back to them indicating I’d be happy to talk to them.
I haven’t done interviews since about 1993. For a social work class, we were asked to interview 5 people with greatly diverse backgrounds, fields and incomes. We had a list of about 40 questions to choose from, having to pick 5 for each subject to answer.
The completed paper had to be no less than 5 single space pages typed.
In my paper I interviewed 10 people, asking them around 10 questions each. I covered a spectrum of people: A Catholic priest, Methodist Minister, Regional Manager of a large Fast Food Chain, an hourly worker for the same restaurant, Teacher, professor, prostitute (that I gladly paid her 15 bucks for her time and info) and several others.
My paper ended at just over 20 pages, single spaced. I nailed an ‘A’ on it, getting 100-100 point scale.
I can only say that so many missed the single fact this instructor posted and stated each class, so prominently displayed on the blackboard : minimum 5 pages single space typed. He failed all but four of us in a class of 75 that gave him papers that were four pages double spaced and so forth. Collegiate selection in full gear. They so deserved to fail. The four of us that didn’t? The smallest paper amongst all of us was 12 pages singled.
I remember the importance of having specific questions to solicit responses, noting how those questioned spoke their answers in regards to the body language they expressed. The tilt of a shoulder, hands clinched at hips, lips clinched with no display of parted lips opposing words given and emotional responses to be attained.
Remembering those things, knowing I would not have physical expressions to fall back on during telephone conversations, I would close my eyes and remember average expressions. From those things I would gather a sense.
Never having done interviews like the ones I would be doing, I had to work on creating questions relating to the subject matter of the BLOG. I contacted two of my former professors in the hopes they could give me a few starting points. I gave them the link to the BLOG. Three days later they called me back and gave me two questions to throw in the middle of each one. They suggested to start each interview with a strong question to provoke a difficult to answer. One that would get either thoughts or emotions pumped up.
The subject being what it is, I knew I’d have my work cut out for me. Gearing questions that would equally cater to the predators and prey alike posed the biggest challenge. They are such opposing parts in the spectrum of light, that in my minds eye, it would be similar to that of interviewing a hawk and possum about their eating habits and how not become another animals dinner.
Again, I had my work cut out for me.
Thinking the prey would be more sensitive to direct questioning, I toned things down a bit, arming myself with as many verbal valiums as possible. I expected highly emotional answers, charged with electric profanity, hostility and I frankly believed if they were pushed too hard, I’d get a lot of hang ups.
Oh, well: NEXT!
With the NV-P’s, I knew I could go balls-to-the-wall and they would not be offended in the slightest. Knowing their ability to be both masters at pathological liars and manipulators, I was most curious to see how long it would be before they took over the whole interview. How many minutes would it take for me to become their subject of interest? Would they open both barrels, one barrel or have the accuracy of a sniper rifle while aiming their retorts like bullets squared directly at my head?
I somehow thought they wouldn’t. They being like that of Zodiac signs that so acclaimed extroversion and grand egos, have little problem telling me of their conquests and how they did it. Their motivations and perversions in the process to attain their goal. Their single minded obsessions and mindless self indulgence.
To eat and never feel a fullness that sets them apart from 96% of the population.
SO WHY WOULD I DO THIS AND HAVE INTERVIEWS?
In my opinion, I could not pass this up.
Be it either for my attempt at finding an obscure truth or to simply find what is human, an element that holds a segment of fact or one that holds an emotion that covers all races and nationalities as true and unyielding. The place where so many tribes would like to agree on yet seldom find in accord.
I am going to other places. I have and will hurt many around me in this desire to prove theories about what makes us human.
A chance like this can only find its humble beginnings as a result of cell phones and blind happenings that occur in our communication age. The full breathe of emotion, lack there of and pure thought through complete anonymity that can be displayed on the black and white world of text.
That we can further journey into a land of the utter bleak and despair to the contrasting brightest sunrises and the smelling of flowers.
To take a travel into ANOTHER LIFE.
To the Predator and Prey: The Nonviolent Psychopath
Note this: I have already made these questions and will post them and their answers when ready to be completed. No time like the present, and i have a great deal of transcribing to do.
Teaser? Yeah, i guess this is....
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Psychological Reference Books and Self Help Guides
Articles, Books and Links, Oh MY!
At the request of several people that have their works posted here, it was suggested that I throw a list of books, magazines and links. These resources span a great many decades, from a wide variety of places both from the United States and Abroad.
This list compiled is the result of my studies and that of the loyal posters that have taken their time to share their thoughts and experiences.
Though it does not exclusively delve strictly into the world of Nonviolent Psychopathy, it is nonetheless, a great list to learn psychology from. To, perhaps, gain some knowledge into the world of human behavior: breed some understanding of one another, shed some light on murky places. To learn and maybe be inspired.
This list is the result of many people. Those that cared enough to share things that made a difference to them.
Books: *hopefully by subject)
>>>>>>>>GENERAL PSYCHOLOGY<<<<<<<<<<<<
UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOR (24 volume set) 1974
PUBLISHER: Columbia House.
ASIN: B000oTPH78
This series is sometimes still available on Amazon at anywhere between $29.00 and $99.00.
AN: I was twelve when I ate this series up. It was fantastic reading. It opened doors for me, as I am sure it did many. I’ll have to read it again and see what theories have changed and what has held the test of time.
Thank you my dear sister Holly: you allowed me to read these books. Not sure what you thought of a much younger brother taking such an interest way before his time. I will always be indebted to you for this. <if I could only remember the text books you brought back from your time at CWRU, which I always read with great eagerness.>
BENEATH THE MASK - AN INTRODUCTION TO THEORIES OF PERSONALITY- (EDITION SEVEN) 2003 by Christopher Monte and Robert N. Sollod
ASIN: B001BCJN6
AMAZON: prices vary.
THE STANDARD EDITION OF THE COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKS OF SIGMUND FREUD (24 volumes) 1986. By Sigmund Freud and James Strachey.
PUBLISHER: London the Hogarth Press (August 17 1986)
ISBN-10: 0701200677 and ISBN-13: 978-0701200671
AMAZON: NEW: $5036.95 AND USED: $29.95
THE SCIENCE OF HUMAN NATURE: A PSYCHOLOGY FOR BEGINNERS. 2010
By William Henry Pyle
PUBLISHER: Kessinger Publishing, LLC (September 10, 2010
ISBN-10: 1163488607
ISBN-13: 978-1163488607
DREAM PSYCHOLOGY: 2012 by Sigmund Freud.
PUBLISHER: Empire Books (March 15, 2012)
ISBN-10: 1619491311
ISBN-13: 978-1619491311
AMAZON: ABOUT $9.99
PSYCHOLOGY, THEOLOGY, AND SPIRITUALITY IN CHRISTIAN COUNSELING (AACC LIBRARY) 1996 by Mark R. McMinn
PUBLISHER: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. (June 25, 1996)
ISBN-10: 0844235252X
ISBN-13: 978-0842352529
>>>>>>BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS<<<<<<<
STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS. 2010 by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger.
PUBLISHER: New Harbinger Publications; Second Edition (January 2, 2010)
ISBN-10: 1572246901
ISBN-13: 978-1572246904
HOW TO SPOT A BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. 2011 by Joe Navarro
PUBLISHER: (SOLD BY AMAZON DIGITAL SERVICES)
ASIN: B00550HPTK
>>>>>>>>PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
THE ANGRY SMILE: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IN FAMILIES, SCHOOLS, AND WORKPLACES. 2008 by Nicholas James Long, Jodi E. Long and Signe Whitson
PUBLISHER: Pro ed; second edition (December 31. 2008)
ISBN-10: 1416404236
ISBN-13: 978-1416404231
LIVING WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN: COPING WITH HIDDEN AGGRESSION- FROM BEDROOM TO BOARDROOM. 1993. By Scott Wetzler
PUBLISHER: Touchstone (October 1, 1993)
ISBN-10: 0671870742
ISBN-13: 978-0671870744
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>EATING DISORDERS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
GOODBYE ED, HELLO ME: RECOVER FROM EATING DISORDERS AND FALL IN LOVE WITH LIFE. 2009 By Jenni Schaefer
PUBLISHER: McGraw-Hill (August 5, 2009)
ISBN-10: 0071608877
ISBN-13: 978-0071608879
BULIMIA: A GUIDE TO RECOVERY. 2010 By Lindsey Hall and Leigh Cohn M.A.T
PUBLISHER: Gurze Books; 25 anniversary edition (November 1, 2010)
ISBN-10: 0936077514
ISBN-13: 978-0936077512
YOUNG DIETING DAUGHTER…IS SHE DYING FOR ATTENTION? 1996 by Carolyn Costin
PUBLISHER: Routledge (October 1, 1996)
ISBN-10: 0876308361
ISBN-13: 978-0876308363
>>>>>>>>ON CHILD ABUSE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
BEHOLD THE CHILD. 2010 by Harry Shannon
PUBLISHER: (Amazon Digital Services)
THE GIRL NOBODY WANTS- A SHOCKING TRUE STORY OF CHILD ABUSE IN IRELAND. 2012 by Lily O’Brien
PUBLISHER: Troubador Publishing Ltd (February 1, 2012)
ISBN-10: 1780880332
ISBN-13: 978-1780880334
SHE WASN’T ALLOWED TO GIGGLE. 2011 by Lavinia Thompson
PUBLISHER: Self-published (September 28, 2011)
ASIN: B005QTX282
CHILD MOLESTATION STORIES: VOICES OF SURVIVORS OF CHILD ABUSE (MOLESTATION, RAPE AND INCEST) 2010 by Lynn Daugherty
PUBLISHER: Cleanan Press Inc. (January 28, 2011
ASIN: B004LGRSAE
INVISIBLE TEARS: THE ABUSE THE REBELLION THE SURVIVAL AGAINST ALL ODDS. 2010 by Abigail Lawrence
PUBLISHER: Author house (April 19, 2010)
ISBN-10: 1449070027
ISBN-13: 978-1449070021
MEMOIRS OF A STRANGE LITTLE GIRL. 2007 by Sara McGrath
PUBLISHER: Sara McGrath (December 20, 2007)
ASIN: B001I912SG
Amazon Digital Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>SCHIZOPHRENIA<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
CLINICAL HANDBOOK OF SCHIZOPRENIA. 2011 by Kim T. Mueser PhD and Dilip V. Jeste MD
PUBLISHER: The Guilford Press (January 31, 2011)
ISBN-10: 1609182375
ISBN-13: 978-16091872373
GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. 2002 by Roberta Temes
PUBLISHER: New Harbinger Publications (January 10, 2002)
ISBN-10: 1572242736
ISBN-13 978-1572242739
SZ MAGAZINE: current and still publishing.
A MAGAZINE ABOUT THOSE THAT ARE AND THOSE THAT KNOW SCHIZOPHRENICS:
( I do this in broken links. Whenever I do add links, it shrinks the text of entries that follow)
VISIT : WWW (DOT) MENTALWELLNESSTODAY (DOT) COM.
AN: I have borrowed, and I use that term loosely, several copies of this magazine when waiting for my Psychiatrist appointments. Fascinating reading. Though I do not know any that suffer from SZ, or know of anyone that would admit to knowing or having a relationship with one, I kind of like having some knowledge of this subject.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>INTIMIDATION<<<<<<<<<<<<<
WINNING THROUGH INTIMIDATION. 1975 by Robert J. Ringer (author), Jack Medoff (illustrator)
PUBLISHER: Funk and Wagnalls Co; (August 1975)
ISBN-10: 0308102290
ISBN-13: 978-0309102293
AN: I was 13 when I read this book. Courtesy of my sister Holly. I so remember the chapter titled ” NIGYSOB:” <now I got you, son of a bitch> 37 years later and I still remember the principals of this book. My opinion: a must read.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE INTIMIDATED? THAT IS THE QUESTION. 2003 by Robert J. Ringer
PUBLISHER: M. Evans & Company (December 18, 2003)
ISBN-10: 1590770358
ISBN-13: 978-1590770351
THE SECRET POWER OF WORDS. 2011 by Roy Masters.
PUBLISHER: Foundation of Human Understanding (August 3, 2011)
ASIN: B005FYYEGW
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>SELF HELP BOOKS<<<<<<<<<<<
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE: SELF HELP FOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY DISORDERS, CONFIDENCE, SUCCESS AND MORE. 2011 by Dan Jones
PUBLISHER: LULU . COM (April 8, 2011)
ISBN-10: 1447546342
ISBN-13: 978-1447546344
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL. 2001 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
PUBLISHER: HCI (July 1, 2001)
ISBN-10: 1558749209
ISBN-13: 978-15587
(THIS BOOK WENT HUGE! MANY COPIES AVAILIBLE FROM MANY SOURCES)
FRIGIDITY: AN INTELLECTUAL HISTORY (GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES IN HISTORY) 2012. By Peter Cryle and Alison Moore
PUBLISHER: Palgrave McMillan (January 17, 2012)
ISBN-10: 0230303455
ISBN-13: 978-0230303454
FRIGIDITY IN WOMAN: IN RELATION TO HER LOVE LIFE. 1953 AND 1965 (volume two) by Wilhelm Stekel
PUBLISHER: Vision Press: first UK edition (1953)
IMPOTENCE & FRIGIDITY. 1963 by Donald W. Hastings MD
PUBLISHER: Little, Brown & Co (3-printing) (1963)
>>>>>>>PSYCHOPATHY<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
WITHOUT CONSCIENCE: THE DISTRUBING WORLD OF THE PSYCHOPATHS AMOUNG US. 1999 By Robert D. Hare.
PUBLISHER: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (January 8, 1999)
ISBN-10 1572304510
ISBN-13 978-1572304512
<<<<this one was recommended by over 14 people. I have not read it yet.>>>>
MASK OF SANITY. 1982 by Hervey Cleckley
PUBLISHER: Plume; revised (May 1, 1982
ISBN-10: 0452253411
ISBN-13: 978-0452253414
<There is a PDF out there for this book> FANTASTIC READING.
THE SOCIOPATH NEXTDOOR. 2006 By Martha Stout
PUBLISHER: Three Rivers Press. (march 14, 2006)
ISBN-10: 0767915828
ISBN-13: 978-0767915823
________________________________________________________
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE: ONLINE AND SUBSCRIPTION.
Fantastic source of information on both self help and the vast topography that is the human mind.
www (dot) psychologytodat (dot) com
_____________________________________________________________________________________
WE HERE AT PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HOPE YOU CHECK THE ABOVE OUT.
The above is the list that the people of Psychopathy: Another Life have thrown down.
It is with sincere thoughts and hopes that people gain knowledge from using these books as guides, aids and useful information for the help of others in need. And maybe yourselves.
Mind-felt thanks to: Jonathon, Nancy, Donut Bitch, Sid, Amy, Aimee, Lynette-Sue, Peter the B-man, Kristie, Angie, Frankie, Johan, Kreigs-Dominion, Esperanza, Danya, Irina, Maarit, Adalgisa, Hans, Jorunn, Elise, LA-GirlZ, Barberton Punk Moms, UCLA Vandettes, MIT Midgets with HUGE FAT HEADS!, The IRA (yeah, you heard of us…), DOPH (daughters of Patty Hearst), and Jesus. (probably pronounced Hey-sues.)
Special thanks to Abigail and Catherine. They were my blogs firsts contributors. They sent me the first emails, stories and reference books. It was both Abigail and Catherine that pushed me to post this section.
To the new reader: check out the books listed here. Make a difference, learn much and most of all, GROW!
-Mark William Darus
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Songs that powered me to write
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better.
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better. They<screwed below when I say thy>
thy also screwed Holly when they asked her to leave as a mentor in the UMYF: United Methodist Youth Fellowship. Why? Something about car washes, fundraising or her handling of a situation. A girl of about 15 started her period at the house of a fellow counselor, Shearing I think his name was. She handled this cleaning, by the standards that were then, professionally. . This girl and though I clearly remember her name, wore white pants. Holly and the other guy handled this.
They fixed this girls horror. None of us kids of 13-14 laughed at her like some Stephen king novel. The blue-haired ladies of the BROOKLYN MEMORIAL UNITED METHODIST CHURCH had a different view.
Through this, I truly believe my sister Holly lost her faith in the United Methodist Church.
Can’t say I blamed her. She found no church after this, and did not talk about it much
At this church I was known as Heidis brother…
Not soon to follow, I left that place.
I dived into Psych books. Why did those of religion and faith of iant proportions do such things? Why did their god, Jesus, father of unconditional love, so held dear to their hearts, think my sister holly was so bad? She stood up to them, said what she felt, and God forbid, asked questions.
Religion, though how I tried amongst many faiths of many realms of Christianity and that of my Jesus’ father, The Jews, could not find some home and feel comfortable with.
Some learned of lives might say I felt some personal inadequacy, not living up and so forth.
I was fucking twelve or thirteen when these things came to pass.
Sure, I so failed. I should’ve wasted some school. Right?
I went docile for many years. I stepped in the world of poetry fiction. A woman named Sue taught me there was more, introducing me to Monte Python and Stephen King,.
KNOW THIS ALL OF Y0U! This woman named Sue, thought enough of me, to read to me, both phones and drive-in theatres the novel of The Stand by Stephen King. This woman fired me like no other. Taught me such things about smells, backgrounds and where did your characters come from, GIVE SOME BACKGROUND, DAMNIT.
But what inspired me?
These songs held me as I started my BLOG:
Their close rhythms ,melodies and emotions felt when they were recorded, encompass me. Many decibels and thumping bass, cut into me like placing your hand appendage into a band saw.
I cannot feel,but I can sense what those around me feel, respond to them, not much different than Spock on Star Trek, in his way, comforting Captain Kirk.
Again, I do not feel what most of you do. No regret, remorse.
The songs that worked me as I work My Blog: Most of these may surprise you:
NOTE this: some of these tunes came about from readers around the world this blog has hit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB7lt36u-w8&ob=av2e
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw
This next tune followed me over radio. Causing senses to leave the skin that is us via goose pimples.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdLovAaYzM
Step by step, fall apart, the battle wages on, for Toy Soldiers.
Bit by bit, never win, we fall apart, we all fall down,
Battle wages on, like toy soldies.
From Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, showing me this song fails in the real world. Emotions fail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH1CMCtV4to&ob=av2n
Getting to other shadows that helped me to keep on writing, this tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
I am lost, and the shadows keep on fading.
Finland hears you: Take this from out land, Mark. Keep this web world going:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFaK7UFGcNo
Thanks Abigail: great tune and you posted this on my wall. face book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSvSXz18K4&feature=fvst
this one hold big:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA2q5CxLDm4
This in my first entry to for this night
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better.
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better. They<screwed below when I say thy>
thy also screwed Holly when they asked her to leave as a mentor in the UMYF: United Methodist Youth Fellowship. Why? Something about car washes, fundraising or her handling of a situation. A girl of about 15 started her period at the house of a fellow counselor, Shearing I think his name was. She handled this cleaning, by the standards that were then, professionally. . This girl and though I clearly remember her name, wore white pants. Holly and the other guy handled this.
Through this, I truly believe my sister Holly lost her faith in the United Methodist Church.
Can’t say I blamed her. She found no church after this, and did not talk about it much
At this church I was known as Heidis brother…
I dived into Psych books. Why did those of religion and faith of iant proportions do such things? Why did their god, Jesus, father of unconditional love, so held dear to their hearts, think my sister holly was so bad? She stood up to them, said what she felt, and God forbid, asked questions.
Religion, though how I tried amongst many faiths of many realms of Christianity and that of my Jesus’ father, The Jews, could not find some home and feel comfortable with.
Some learned of lives might say I felt some personal inadequacy, not living up and so forth.
I was fucking twelve or thirteen when these things came to pass.
Sure, I so failed. I should’ve wasted some school. Right?
I went docile for many years. I stepped in the world of poetry fiction. A woman named Sue taught me there was more, introducing me to Monte Python and Stephen King,.
KNOW THIS ALL OF Y0U! This woman named Sue, thought enough of me, to read to me, both phones and drive-in theatres the novel of The Stand by Stephen King. This woman fired me like no other. Taught me such things about smells, backgrounds and where did your characters come from, GIVE SOME BACKGROUND, DAMNIT.
But what inspired me?
These songs held me as I started my BLOG:
Their close rhythms ,melodies and emotions felt when they were recorded, encompass me. Many decibels and thumping bass, cut into me like placing your hand appendage into a band saw.
I cannot feel,but I can sense what those around me feel, respond to them, not much different than Spock on Star Trek, in his way, comforting Captain Kirk.
Again, I do not feel what most of you do. No regret, remorse.
The songs that worked me as I work My Blog: Most of these may surprise you:
NOTE this: some of these tunes came about from readers around the world this blog has hit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw
This next tune followed me over radio. Causing senses to leave the skin that is us via goose pimples.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdLovAaYzM
Step by step, fall apart, the battle wages on, for Toy Soldiers.
Bit by bit, never win, we fall apart, we all fall down,
Battle wages on, like toy soldies.
From Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, showing me this song fails in the real world. Emotions fail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH1CMCtV4to&ob=av2n
Getting to other shadows that helped me to keep on writing, this tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
I am lost, and the shadows keep on fading.
Finland hears you: Take this from out land, Mark. Keep this web world going:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFaK7UFGcNo
Thanks Abigail: great tune and you posted this on my wall. face book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSvSXz18K4&feature=fvst
this one hold big:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA2q5CxLDm4
This in my first entry to for this night
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