Monday, June 3, 2013

Turning grey like a Face in the Paper:Hitting 20,000


Eyes Turning Grey Like a Face in the Paper.

Hitting 20,000 visits.

Credit where it so earned: Making a dream occur with me.


     Thank you so very much, Dearest Reader!
By Mark William Darus.

A dream of mine a year ago was to have 5000 visits on this blog by my birthday, that being July 26 2012. Well, that didn’t happen. Not by a long shot. On my birthday I had about 3,300.

Though not discouraged, I did as told and kept writing, digging deeper, asking questions endlessly about what makes us human. Developing an nonthreatening place where readers could submit emails to me about their lives for publishing here with total anonymity . Both the Predators (nonviolent Psychopaths) and the Prey (the victims of nonviolent Psychopaths) began sending me emails of what they wanted to share with others.
Somehow, Psychopathy: Another Life went global and I am profoundly it did, though I am clueless as to how this occurred…

I believe my sister Holly pushed me on a few things. Keep in mind, a pushing can be a really good thing if you have an open mind and clear line of vision. It was from her sharing with me her disliking for this blog that made the ‘Interview’ entries occur. Taking her extensive knowledge of writing into consideration, I created two questionnaires: one for the Predators and the other for the Prey and submitted them to her for her thoughts. She believed them well conceived and I ran from there. This was in Mid May 2012.
Below was my first cover
This the second.
Thanks to Ryn Cricket and Deborah Glaefke Gilbert for choosing me. I made a huge difference to me!

Things took off from there, yet they did so slowly.
Once again: I wanted 5000 reads/hits before my 07262012 B-day.

About two weeks before my fiftieth birthday, I purchased a digital Kodak Easyshare camera from Big Lots ( a store here in Ohio that gets products that just don’t sell in places like Kmart, WalMart, Best Buy and end up on their shelves about 75% off what their asking price was.) Always liking photography over the decades of my life, I got it and went digital. I soon became addicted once again to a life of capturing images of the world just I had done over the years with psychology and going over people and their situations. It was with this camera, about a month after I had it, I captured a shot that would become my first published photograph and used for a book cover. In all honesty, I did take the shot, but it was Gretchen Phillips that pointed out the anomaly to me in the first place. This shot led to a second cover shot, taken with a different camera. This second shot, eerie in its nature, is going toward other covers.

People often ask me: “What did you get paid for those first two book cover shots?”

 To that I can only answer: “Monetarily speaking? Nothing. Spiritually? They kept me alive as on August 18 2012 I was fired from Progressive Insurance. First time I was ever fired from any job. Note the time frame here. I got back into photography a mere month before the music stopped and I, left without a chair, got canned, fired, TERMINATED, SACKED (as the British would say)

Looking back, I wonder if my blog had anything to do with it? Granted, after the Progressive Insurance observed leave of absence and FMLA approved, I was diagnosed Bipolar, though when I returned, many would ask me: “Wow, what happened?” I’d either honestly tell them I was on a Mental leave or laughingly: A psycho vacation. (Let’s be honest here: What is the difference between those two statements, really? Frankly, Nothing in my opinion. Sure, some wished to know because they had their beliefs and wanted gratification, where as others sincerely wanted to know. You can seriously find those that like you and those that don’t based on their reactions.

Go on, try it and find out! If you aware, you can read them and find those you thought ‘real friends’ quickly become plastic as you view them in your rear view mirror as they fade into oblivion in your life over time.
Yet photography found a place with my thoughts.

Creating a peace that shoved me down other avenues.

Places that would cause me to experiment with drugs going further as realities driven to otherlands.

Let me state this : Heroin is a disgusting trip. Sure , moments of extreme euphoria followed by shitting your pants and dealing with it. Really? Tried it twice months ago. Not worth it. Booze is better, and even then the lack with beer as a gateway. Allergic to weed, so this avenue is a closed steel fence.

The entries after figuring how to post my photographs and words seemed to hit better.

Well, we somehow hit 20,000 reads, you and I. We did this together.

I’m so glad I’m not what others see as normal. I'm so glad I don't belong!

                 Through their words/thoughts, so many wish me to be dead. Like that won't become a reality someday. Their words, like a fire extinguisher, hoping vanquish before things spread.

                   Sorry to say this to you: You can learn from evil as easily as you can from goodness if you have a sense of the god you hold so high in your life and what it teaches you.

                   Of all the organized religions out there, Christianity and their self proclaimed servants of Christ find me most evil and a child of Satan. Most often in their emails to me, they'd misspell things and call me a child of Santa. I'd ask them if they meant The Grinch, and they'd spew their most disgusting of wishes.  I thought it cool/kewl on most lines.  

              So many of these Christians wanted me to experience castration without sedatives, alcohol and to no further infect the gene pool. They became more infuriated when I told them I had a vasectomy after my second daughter was born. It was then they attacked one I held most loyal and still do ever after over 20 years of divorce. She is stronger now as I still speak to hear periodically. Like only 3 others in my life, her being the forth quarter, I'd be totally incomplete. They called her so many names decades ago in regards to kids being with me. The further I explained this to these utter fucking idiots, they didn't get it: I explained she is finishing school, finding herself as she didn't have a chance to long ago, dig in,m grow, get strength of self,  THESE SO CALLED CHRISTIANS wanted to fry her ass like a witch in colonial Boston Mass (probably not historically correct, but you get my meaning,.)

                  Religion is what you may hold as the back stop to your heart and mind. That is a good thing as you hold it firmly in your life. Carry on, carry on.... Does your religion and faith breed Hatred against others? If it does, perhaps you should reconsider things in you heart and mind as your parents taught you otherwise. Sure, question things as they appear to you. Christ in Christianity gave us free will. Yet, take it a step further if you can.

               I have friends that are held over decades in sound standing, gay, whores, stupid and wise, serious sinners and psychopaths, drug addicts, saints, enlightened, educated and uneducated and ignorant and totally windswept of sincere guidance. Because they chose a different crossroad in their lives  as any of us, are they any less worthy  of finding  a light bulb shinning in their heads?  >> as I edited this paragraph, I had to thank an angel of my past, Winky. The first editor I ever had. She's gone on and amazing. I am grateful for the time I had with her.   One of the most truly amazing women I have ever been graced by knowing and sharing a phase of life with<<

 pPgeon hole you in relation to those you hold most high in your life, memories of them standing by you at your worst, or their disclaimers about themselves while sharing the starkest of things about themselves? And whilst they stood by your side, if their sexual preference for a mate was shared with you, would you  have wished them eternal fires of Damnation if it differed from your parents teachings/churches programmings?

          And if you did, turned your back to one so close in your life, as they shared a love you could not understand, could it be considered an honest fault on your behalf?

                    Could you have done a "LOYALTY 180" and made yourself a fucking idiot totally while feel justified for doing so if you were not a psychopath? I bet most of you did and will continue to do so.

                   Programming is the strongest tool of church backgrounds from our youth, this being a  gift from our parents. Their words, shared  ,we are taught 'mommy and and daddy' and words/phrases like: "I/we love you! and "Don't, Stop!"

                    Like it's not a MindScramble as we get older and interpret for ourselves, to explain questions further.,

                   This could  also explain the increasing number of those gaining Social Security Disability checks under the age of 25 years old in the glorious land of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Yeah, let's freely give to those that  TRULY NEVER GAVE A DIME TO A SYSTEM AND DENY EVERY SINGLE TINY LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER THAT EARNS LESS THAN 10 DOLLARS AN HOUR TO SUPPORT THOSE THAT NEVER TRIED honestly,  A RIGHT FOR IT AFTER WHILE MILLIONS WORKED 20-30-40 YEARS FEEDING IT. Yeah, when those that work for decades apply for disability, it is as they are nothing more than a dairy cow claiming their last tit fell off to prove worthy.

Think about it and email me either at my email anonymously or toss your guts out their in a facebook email. Either way, if you don't want your name out there, you know IT WON'T BE. I WILL ALWAYS RESPECT THAT WHICH YOU DO WANT DISPLAYED, YET, AT YOUR WISH, POST YOUR DESIRES WITH A FAKE NAME AND PLACE.

             You read me, my thoughts  reaching you as you continuously visit. I am amazed by this. You go deeper  as you send me your stories and happenings and questions push me further into areas I am happy to do so, of arenas both fiercely disgusting and amazingly brilliant.

              Those that take to time to read me.

                        You propel me with your visits/hits on Psychopathy: Another Life.
                       To those that comment with approval for this place created: Stand tall for what you wanted posted here and what I was able to do.  You are both Predator and Prey in this digital realm I created not much over a year ago.

            Call me an idiot, perhaps a sincere Predator thatlearned from being Prey, tell me how we do not need one another to exist completely.

             Well, I need to shut this entry down and find photographs for it.

             I did not hit over 20,000 hits without help.

             Though there is an obscure order, pay it no attention.

             To the bringer of both darkness and light to me and what I can learn from them both in every aspect of my small life. I owe everything I do to you and gifts you bring me.

             A few days ago, I had a f-book friend that described me for having 'tenacity' with my photography. I'd share that opinion in regards to my words and life in general.

                                                    My Humble Thanks:

             To the Rose family. Well, don't any of you ever hesitate to call me as Dave won't when he'd like help. He's an Alpha male. Like I care about that! I will always and continously do so help him at any point in his families life.

                     He and I are not friends.

                     David and I are not brothers.

                     I cannot say I love this man.

                     I would freely, without question, die for he or his family

                     Toss out kidney, lung, blood

                      that they could live.

                      I would have died decades ago without them.....

                      I hold he and his family highest in my life.

                    To Winky. My first editor, best friend over decades with so few in my fall-outs proving themselves worthy to me.

             To my Children: Learn things faster than I did. Expand your mind and freely ask questions. Work hard to achieve your desires and most importantly, your dreams!

                  My sister: You've always been somewhat supportive of me, yet still. Holly, I cooked a dinner for you and your man a year Feb 2012 and as a result of an email I sent to, having a Masters in Communication, I have tried and failed for months to cook for you. I know I do not suck as a cook. Still, I thank you nonetheless for the blog 20,000 reads.

                In all honesty: my sister Heidi doesn't like my blog. In truth, she really has nothing to share about this with me.

                Michelle K: you are mostly quiet on the blog. I know you don't like it.

               Dave T: Thanks for asking me questions about Tara.

               Gretchen:  You don't understand it yet you know it means something to me: THANKS FOR TELLING ME WHEN I BROKE THE 20 THOUSAND BARRIER!  \

                    Gretchen: you did this knowing full well i do not love you or anyone else. You just did as you did. You have managed to do that long enough with me that cut a hole in me.

                 You, an idiot.

                 Me with a grand immune system and also an idiot.

                You taught and hammered home something I have a difficult time with , though I freely exclaim it; Human beings are replacable!

                   In this world, we are actor and fakers to one another. We either do this willingly or foolishly, yet we do it nonetheless.,

                      I have no love in me.

                      but still i have hope...


                          I would like to thank the people of this world that have taken the time to read words and see my photographs and continuously do so. You've given me a reason to believe in humanity once again.
                     Mark William Darus 0602052013