The Holiday Ex's: Undying love.
by Mark William Darus.
Tonight you spoke to me of areas where past men said things to you that made little or no sense. You expressed a concern over their stating an undying love for you, while only two of them used the love word while you were together.
First off: I tried writing this while blasting Lionel Richies Endless Love. I thought it fitting. Failed miserably in all aspects. Made me nauseous, my cat ran upstairs and the dogs began to urinate all over the place. Sorry, Lionel, I loved Dancing on the Ceiling, but this song isn’t working.
Second: I switched to old school metal bands: WASP, Scorpions and Judas Priest. Most quickly, the cat came down, the dogs stopped peeing and I stopped barfing. Pretty cool if I say so myself.
Sorry for the sidetrack shit, but that is me in all regards.
I have some knowledge of you. A sense of you and what makes you what you are. You said that ’and that Makes me a target.” Well, sadly, it does. I don’t say this in an attempt to provoke change on your part. I cannot caution you against such a thing. What you are is what you have learned to be, and at your age, do not change the direction of your heart for anything. You have the biggest of hearts to help, aide, sooth others and teach others. That is a gift from somewhere that was created in you before you were born. A gift of spirit, if you will. Tender, kind and knowing while being understanding. This is something one should never toss away no matter how hard life hits them nor the relentless hits from those that acted caring for you for their own gain.
Undying Love: Well, when it comes to ex’s in our lives, this can take on many meanings, most of which are both sick and disgusting to the thinking mind.
Problem is, most people are emotionally based. When they hear such proclamations aimed at them, especially when they were the ones left by the other, their brain swims into waters best left alone.
People seem to have some bizarre drive for acceptance that propels them blindly down dark alleys. The average person would rather try to regain the attention of the ones that left them versus a brighter hope in going forward and taking a stroll down different pathways.
When encountered by ex’s, they hold, depending on the duration of the relationship, an arsenal of devices to attract the ones they’ve hurt. They say the right things: “ you remember when we went to…” triggering a place of a happier time, solid memory, causing you to fall backward before their breaking with you. “you know, no one understood me like you…” “Wow, did I make a mistake..” and my personal favorite: “ Baby, I’ve grown so much since then…”
Married men that are ex’s can be for worse. The smart ones begin asking how your life is going. They respond accordingly while adding bits of married life and its downside while tossing in elements of how things were better when with you. On this they attempt to provoke a predatory response in you. This starts with you beginning to feel superior to their wives. Over time, usually very short >a few hours to a few days< in duration, you open a door and let them into your life once again. This is a mistake.
As said so well in the movie The Lost Boys: “Never let a Vampire in your house, silly boy! It makes you powerless.
The more you listen to their words and fake emotion, the further you suck them back into you. Oddly, you let your own heart (emotionally speaking) become your prison. You trap yourself in a web your emotions and mind create.
And that sucks to high heaven if you’ve ever been there.
I’m not slamming you though. We all fall into the traps of others where pasts are concerned. Maybe it’s their gentle stroking of our egos, memories they share we thought they’d forgotten or simply just our own wanting to be wanted. We will fall many times in our life where love is concerned. We do this with open hearts and open legs, longing for some desire to be unique in anothers eyes and mind.
Why do men tend to do this more than women?
Well, we do it for many reasons.
When a man chucks a woman (or another man for that matter) they more often than not do this for a ‘greener pasture’ syndrome. They believe they can go further, get farther or to say the very least, have a less boring and predicable relationship with a shiny/newer partner. Women can be the same way, though their motives seem to be more economically/status based if their good at it.
With some, they wish to go after an ex because of their sheer desires for conquest over one they hurt in the past if for no other reason, to see if they can do it and succeed. When accomplishing this goal, they get a rush likened to main-lining heroin or a good snort of coke. To them, the rush is all they want. The time leading to it is merely needed foreplay to stroke their victim into submission.
With married men looking to their ex’s: They do this because they feel some sense of neglect or unworthiness. C’mon, when they say sex dies with marriage, it generally does. Men, being physical and visual in nature, base their lives on their prowess in bed and lifting heavy garden objects that once made their women sigh as muscles bulged moving heavy pots and fertilizer bags, that now make say they need to strike less poses and move faster.
I am not justifying unfaithful men. This is just the way it is.
This is one of the reasons men do contact ex gf’s while married. I find this odd though I think a mans mind is more prone to ‘greener pasture’ syndrome when wanting to hunt again.
Why do ex’s so freely use the word: Love?
Because it works in their favor. Besides a six week old puppy, a newborn baby with a sniffly nose, what else can make an ex melt faster than the word love?
They use this single word to play on your weaknesses.
The word love is so twisted, I hate you using it.
Do not let this time in your life make you cynical on account of others. You need to stay yourself and be true to it. This is your life and your very being above all else.
Ask yourself this question: Is it worth changing myself to feel less targeted?
Bottom line: You do not have to change yourself. Just learn to deflect shit that would cause you to change your life to a bad course.
Hope this helps you.
Mark William Darus 12142012