I start this on 03/03/012.
Perhaps it was the 150mg of Lamictal (for bipolar) that leveled me out enough to be able to concentrate long enough to think clearly. I found the ability to read again, and far more importantly, to write again.
What got me so interested in Psychopaths? Sorry, everyone must draw their own conclusions as they see fit. It may have had something to do with the Chardon, Ohio school shootings that happened that week. It may have been the Amish school shootings that took place a few years ago or even Columbine.
I became curious as to why these kids went on killing sprees. Let's be serious here; there have always been bullies and cliques that messed with the outcasts. Hell, they had them when I was a kid and none of us plotted, weaponed-up and performed a massacre. We had the weapons, mind you, but something was different. We had Heavy Metal music and preachers yodeling how bands like Black Sabbath, Judas Priest and Deep Purple would fuck up our brains, make us do drugs and end up in hell.
We were different than the societal norms at that time: male kids had long hair, girls cut their hair short, and god forbid, some even got their ears pierced. We did our share of blowing things up. Be it a model car, stuffed animals, a rubber frog (like The Ghoul used to do on tv) and even picnic tables were fair game for a blastfest.
Never once, regardless how bullied we were, ever considered wasting people for their wrongs to us. I even had a friend when I was twelve get blown in half by a guy with a shotgun. The shooter was 23 and became jealous when my friend befriended his girl. She was 15. We simply didn't wish to kill anyone and a fear of hell didn't even play into that.
And so it goes...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
My Manifesto: Mission Statement: Pink Floyd Division Belll
Call this my mission statement: My manifesto:
Not a college degree person in either psychology or counseling.
Good at both the above on a person to person basis: unconditionally, without prejudice, gaining nothing financial, and making no judgment on the person telling me their concerns.
Helping to those, finding places, associations, connections, to aide them. Be it either curiosity or sheer wits-end desperation, both are equal to me as the one needing assistance is my prime concern.
A fool where personal regards are concerned. Through Psych-meds and blood pressure pills I appear to be getting better. Make your own conclusions on this one.
Emotionless: I did nail a 297 bowling last Thursday and did not have trembling knees, shaky nerves and such. I guess I was numb to some extent. To me: that is okay. always has been. I shot a 265 Monday in practice with a 238 and a 172. Again: emotionless.
(not part of my Manifesto)
<When in true need of truthful response, wouldn't you truly rather have the thoughts and mind of one that tells you their truth as you ask for help or guidance? This can only be done absent emotions. Emotions cloud what we would say or ask of those seeking help with what concerns them. Those with emotions hold back more often than not, not wishing to inflict more pain and suffering to the friend/ family member before them in dire need. Subjective family/friends hold back. Objective friends and family do not. To me, it is that cut-and-dried. And I never give anything less. Sure, call me a bastard, fucker and what you will. I have always been this way and am tired of hiding.>
back to the 'I am' part:
One that will take the time and listen and read what you have to say. Post what you wish and email you help if given locations, ie, zip codes and general whereabouts.
One, that if given those 'general areas where you live' will find resources that may help you.
One that will respect your right to remain anonymous regardless of what you say and what you send me. Call it journalistic integrity, I simply call it loyalty to anyone that opens their mouth, shares their thoughts hopes and fears to me. Is this not the what many religions call unconditional love and what the atheists proclaim as seeking truth? So more often than not, it is the story one shares and not its dissected origins that matter.
One that believes we are not all created equal.
(If we were, explain this to me: There are many with Aspersers syndrome, autism, MS, ADD< ADHD, ALZ (Alzheimer's), Lou Gehrig's disease, DYEBEETUZ - intentional misspelling for the benefit of the one. Syphilis from birth, Crack withdrawal at birth, SZ and the host other ailments created from simply being born from that which creted you.
The weak, disabled, the dying or our parents we so readily plant to the Death Farms when we no longer wish to take care of those that gave us so much from birth:. <the Death Farms term is one I created when explaining to a friend what Hospice, Assisted living facilities and old age homes translate to most Americans. Unlike most other countries, we Americans do not wish to be burdened by failing and fragile parents: If Medicaid and Benefits can work, we will so deal with our dying parents on a two to three hours a week basis. The least we can do, right, fellow Americans?
Hell, haven't we created an industry for Death Farms? One that makes a few billion dollars a year? :sidenote ends.
One that thinks the single purpose of humanity is to kill itself. Seriously, look at the history of mankind. When haven't we constantly tried to waste each other over religion, ideology, or when some United States President decided a decade ago to go after a power that pissed off his father (also a president of the USA), that made him look like a complete asshole.
One that believes our votes mean less than zero while the Electoral College vote means more than, We The People, can do to change anything.
One that seriously thinks the Republicans didn’t even try to win the last presidential election. If that had tried to win it, why would they pick a Vice Presidential Candidate from a State with the lowest Electoral College vote next to that of Hawaii? Last presidential tossed to the curb.
I, after asking many in lines at grocery stores, department stores and fast food chains a few questions: Who bailed out the Airlines? Who caused you and I to fix Wallstreet and who wasted so much of our cash on the Hoover Dam? About 89% of those said: It was that goddamned nigger in the Whitehouse.
I did tell them to check their history, recent history, and if they knew who Hoover really was and his place in history. Okay, got punched a few times and so what? Those that resort to physical forms of intimidation obviously have nothing more intelligent to say. Their girlfriends did apologize, to which I asked them how often they get an upper-cut, punch to the breast and so forth. They’d look down and split.
I did laugh at the blows. Funny how that bothers more than an expression of pain. I have to truly appreciate so many aspects of my life where pain,my sheer lack of acknowledging such is concerned. Mind over matter, as in: if you don’t mind, it won’t matter. Or better: If you have a headache, just tap your foot with a hammer. You will soon forget about you headache.
One that continues to ask a single question, seeking an answer to a continuously asked question: What makes us human?
I am one who continuously ponders questions as to what we are and why.
I am Mark William Darus, grandkid of Orlon and Jenny, son of Marion and Ted.
Like Popeye, I am what I am.