WELCOME BACK MY FRIENDS TO THE SHOW\
THAT NEVER ENDS. SO GLAD YOU COULD ATTEND.
COME INSIDE COME INSIDE.
PHONE INTERVIEWS: VOLUME ONE.
When sent emails with phone numbers from those that wished to speak with me, I was compelled to either dismiss them, or actually call them. I opted for a PrePaid Burner. What harm in talking to people in pain or creating such for others?. I do this all day long and have for over 16 years across two jobs.
These emails came from across our small planet.
I was quite surprised with what they had to share with me. An openness of both heart and mind, fragility and hunger. The white and the black, oddly getting more obscured with each ones words and tonal inflections.
Keeping objectivity.
Respecting what they had to say.
Doing the best I can: Giving them equal ground.
Please take into mind from my previous entry: The first question principal.
Here is Volume One: Phone Interviews.
THE QUESTIONS FOR THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Current Age: 37
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: Tall and skinny
Highest level of education at the time of incident: College Grad.
Location: Midwestern USA
“JESSICA”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Jessica: Huh? That’s a bit rough, don’t you think? Well, I guess I was naïve. I didn’t date much in high school. Went to a lot of parties in college and was so wasted, it’s hard to say who used who, ya know? I guess I thought what being used was. I was stupid.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Jessica: It was normal, ya know. I trusted men much easier then. I was a fool for a hard luck story, but it was nothing major.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Jessica: No, not at all. Things seemed normal. He bought me things, ya know, pewter dragons and stuff. Sometimes flowers, but never roses until much later if he was sorry for standing me up or something. Like he’d say he had to work late, car troubles, visit a sick family member. We’d go out on dates, sometimes he’d forget his wallet at home and I cover dinner, movies, baseballs games, whatever. I’d give him gas money if he was low on cash because his check was short from some company foul up.
I guess it pretty normal. It’s not like guys hadn’t me out when dating them.
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Jessica: 26
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Jessica: About three years. Looking back, seems like it was longer.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)
Jessica: Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I thought I had the real one, ya know?
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Jessica: We all met at this seafood place. God, that place had the best damn lobster!
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Jessica: He seemed, I don’t know? Bigger, more outgoing. Friendlier. He was always quite charming, but even that, looking back, seemed amplified. Exaggerated. I even asked him about it later that night after we had sex and he said he was just trying to make a good impression.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT? (if yes, proceed to the questions below)
Jessica: Some did, some didn’t.
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Jessica: Some thought he was the best thing to happen to me. Good looking, smart and a good talker.
Others just said they didn’t know, but they had a funny feeling and something wasn’t right with him.
8b. DID THEY LOOK CONCERNED?
Jessica: Again, some did and some didn’t. Fuck, what’s your next question: did you check their pulse? Jeez.
8c. DID THEY, AT ANY POINT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THEY WERE WRONG, EITHER SAY YOU WERE CRAZY OR IN NEED OF HELP?
Jessica: One actually did. My friend <Jeff> said he got the creeps when he met him. He felt worried for me, scared. He couldn’t say anything specific though, so I blew him off.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Jessica: About two and half years into it. His stories just didn’t make sense after a while, ya know? In all that time I never did know where he worked. I never met his family or friends no matter how many times I pressed him to. When he moved in after we’d been dating a few months, he never said where we moved from.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Jessica: Toward the end, I felt weak and sick most of the time. My stomach always hurt, tons of headaches and muscle pain. Didn’t sleep much and when I did, I got no real rest at all. Depressed. I became a zombie at work. I’d catch people staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess maybe a little paranoid. I felt like I was dying. Saw my doc a lot, but he didn’t find anything wrong with me.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)
Jessica: Yes, I did. I thought about it many times when extremely exhausted.
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Jessica: I felt so tired. Drained. Like I had no energy at all, ya know.
11b. DID YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND IF NOT, WHY?
Jessica: I tried calling Jeff, but his girlfriend always said he was busy.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Jessica: No. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about it.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Jessica: Maybe four years after he left. After two years with a psych who pushed me to break through and see it as it was, ya know. He made me think, dig deep. Make me see? Not sure if that’s the right words.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Jessica: To never trust anyone that hasn’t earned it first. Never just toss out money. Move slower, ya know. Keep my eyes open. To question shit that just doesn’t make sense as soon as something arises. To be more firm. And if some guy forgets his wallet after dinner, make him scrub dishes and look like a fool.
I guess the biggest thing I leared was to no be so damned blind and listen to friends.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Jessica: I don’t know? Don’t let love make an ass out of you? Find out where they work? Trust no one?
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Jessica: Definitely. Some of the entries made perfect sense to me. I looked back over that time and things seemed clearer. Hearing others talk about their lives made a big difference. I wasn’t alone. The predators and prey that told their stories were like lessons to be learned. This type of thing should be taught in high school. I mean, shit, they teach us math, how to cook, even what it’s like to have a baby to take care of 24/7 for a week or so. But how not to be used by another? Yeah, right.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Jessica: So what, besides writing about psychos do you like to do?
Me: I like to bowl and write a lot. I get a kick out of cooking for people.
Jessica: What do you do you cook?
Me: pretty much anything. I got into cooking chicken friend steak from scratch. Owww, it came out great every time! Way better than restaurant cooking.
Jessica: What would you suggest for me in the future?
Me: good question. Find a man that cooks for you? Ask him for references before things get too serious? Just kidding on that one.
Jessica: I do not think you were kidding at all. Makes sense to me.
Me: I wish you well, Jessica and don’t hesitate to email me again..
Jessica: I shall! Thank you.
__________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 48
Race: Causation
Body Style: BBW: Busty
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: West Coast USA
“CARRIE”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Carrie: Fuck you! It’s not like I’m Columbine Kid or something. I just used the sad assholes that let me!
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Carrie: Pretty young, actually. I was about 15. I so learned to pout real good. I got what I wanted, and learned to get it every time. Gave family and friends the big’cow’eyes, they’d feel sorry for me. When that failed, I gave them the ‘nobody likes me cuz I’m overweight bullshit, not worth a damn. Can’t get a date cuz I’m fat and ugly. <I knew I was fat, but I was not ugly. I knew I could get layed and did many times most satisfactory for me.> They’d crater, man. Weaklings that they were.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Carrie: Bother me? You must be joking, man. I got what I wanted, like almost every time, and learned from mistakes when I messed up.
3a: WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?
Carrie: Well, I overplayed my hand. Like I’d get too dramatic way too soon and blow it. As soon as I saw their expressions, I knew it was over.
3b: SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF?
Carrie: I’d simply pawn it off on PMS or a really bad period. Shit, man! People always fell for that crap.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Uh, didn’t I already answer that already? C’mon. Enough with the canned questions, Mark. You’re starting to sound like some mid-level psych book. Really, you do need to challenge me.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Carrie: Nice one! There you go! I learned this at the second job I had. I was working for ******** fast food. Sucky place to work. Hated it. I saw what got the bosses attention. Coworkers, with better bodies than mine, would go to clock in and walk by him. I saw the way he watched their asses. I can add and put two and two together. I started going to work in street clothes and change in the john. I’d get there about 20 minutes before my shift started. I’d say hi to him and coworkers as I walked by. I’d then head out the back door for a smoke. He always followed right after me. Why? I’d wear low-cut tops and give out my awesome cleavage. Men are such assholes for big tits! Seriously, to this day, that never fails to amaze me. Show them the crack of jogs and they will be yours.
5a: HOW DID THIS WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?
Carrie: Ow, man. It was so easy. I told my family, friends and a few teachers about the way this turd would stare at my tits., and that I needed this job and all. They were so angry and outraged by this. One of my teachers suggested setting him up in front of witnesses. That being said, and I so knew someone would, I ran with it. I told them when I worked next and told them to watch out back, the area were we smoked. Maybe watch what happens when I ran the front line in full puritan dress. They came out in total. Two of them even had camcorders.
The next day I worked, I told him I had his ass on tape and he best cough up some cash. He thought me a fool and just laughed. Dumbfuck even had the nerve to fire me! Well, I thought that was a possibility, so I sent copies of the tapes to the headquarters. At first, they thought I was bluffing, like: ’what does a 17 yr old know?’ I had my dad call them and say I would hit the media and sue them. Still, those macho assholes in Chicago thought I was bluffing. A teacher said I should take my tapes to a feminist group and let them run with it. They ran with it and had their Chicago branch take it. Still, and I could not believe it, they dismissed me. Fuckers! With the financial help of friends and family, I went to the corporate headquarters and stormed a board meeting. I wore semi revealing clothes, nice high heals and a wire the fine dyke ladies in Chicago clad me with. They looked at me and asked who the fuck I was. I told them my name and why I was there. Got to love a room full of males, staring at tits and ass, making fat 7-figure greenbacks and how it makes their egos rise their worthless, tiny dicks. ‘Oh, you’re that bitch!’ The chairman laughed and said ‘ you are so trailer trash, looking for check, aren’t you slut?’.
Two of the lower end of their food chain stood up and walked toward me. <I so felt I was so close I could taste it. It was electric, man. I knew one of them would do what ego full males would do.>
He put a hand on me. I smiled and screamed: RAPE!
That’s all it took for the sisterhood to crash the building.
I pulled away from the slimy fuck, smiling, and pulled out the wire I had under my right boob.
The chairman got really white, like paper white, and said: We’ll settle with you!
Sorry, too late! I gave you how many chances?
It only saw the filed suit go to the courts. They cratered.
I made just under two million to not mention the name of their company. The sweetest of gag-settlements! I know you will not publish the company name. You are a smart guy, Mark. You know I’d sue your ass in a heartbeat if you did.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: not at all. They just wrote me off as the chunky girl of hard luck: can’t get a steady date, problems at work. They had no clue.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP? (If yes, proceed to questions below)
Carrie: Not in the slightest. I wasn’t born in West Virginia! I was fat. Unless a fat girl puts herself out there, she will not get a fuck no matter what.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Carrie: I was a quick learner. I saw what worked and what didn’t and simply adjusted.
It happened fast. After years of being laughed at: Fat Carrie, ugly Carrie, four eyes. I got tired of feeling hurt, man. I thought: I will fuck all of you!
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Carrie: Nice, Mark. No click. I did hear some odd-ass hissing sound. You know, like a steam heat system venting. It wasn’t loud or nothing major. Maybe like a snake hissing, like in the movies. Not huge, just messed up cuz I looked all over when it happened and didn’t see a thing. It messed with me for few hours and I sent it out my head.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?
Carrie: Yeah, I did! (she laughs, sincerely) I thought you were lame as hell in the beginning of this, man.
I saw people, lots of people. Like hordes! They were being walked into places called showers. Herded like animals to the slaughter houses that make steaks and beef and veal. Man, I could not just see it, I could fucking smell it. I smelled the iron of blood, burning hair. I threw up! Seriously, I heaved my guts out. I remembered my parents saying I had big, wide, brown cow eyes.
Gas chambers like the Jews.
I puked for god knows how long. My stomach muscles seemed to be coming out my mouth with each hurl. A good night at Olive Garden followed by Baskin Robbins splashing into the toilet.
I thought: whatta fuckin waste! Good food getting chucked. At that point, laughing in my head, I believed I was going insane. What the fuck makes someone think about Baskin Robbins and gas chambers at the same time, right?
I turned when getting a drink of water and saw myself in the mirror.
Boom! I would be a cow going to slaughter. I am not Jewish and this may seem like Nazi Germany when it comes to fat people, but I AM better than this.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Carrie: I saw that after the fast food thing. After puking my soul into oblivion, I thought emotions are the fallbacks of the weak and trusting. Weaknesses, really. I knew I was stronger than most of them, mentally. They’d so easily think of me with a sad, wanting to be desperately to be fucked and used, they’d give their asses up to me.
Keep this in mind: I had all the money in the world to work with.
Males became my playground. I had slides, monkey bars, spinning things. And I took them for a ride. I still do.
Me: okay. When did you catch this? What age? C’mon, when?
Carrie: I was about 20 then. I bombed high school and what kid wouldn’t have? I had long green. Didn’t need for anything. My parents were bummed, so I made them happy by buying myself a GED for just under 2 grand.
Fucker, you are pushy aren’t you? When did you do something of worth?
Me: Let’s continue, shall we?
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Stupid question! Again, you need to think before you come up with these freshman questions. Mark, you let me down. What was your childhood like? Did you wear glasses, if so, were you picked on?
Me: Sweet, nice deflection. Truly, grand evade. Why would you evade a simple question?
Carrie: OF COURSE I FELT AND AM MORE SUPERIOR THAN OTHERS! WHY? <low toned chuckle going into brash and loud laughter> AND DON’T YOU WRITE THIS OFF AS SOME WEAKLING POOR SELF-ESTEEM BULLSHIT, COCKSUCKER! I AM BETTER! I AM POWERFUL!
Me: <giving her time to settle after many explicative’s, she calmly came back.>
Carrie: Sorry, man. Sort of lost it there. I won’t do that again. Must be PMS.
Me: like you conned others? Won’t work with me. Keep going. You failed to answer the ‘WHY’ part of the question.
Carrie: Cuz people want to be used, that’s why! They are so easily struck by appearances that they fuckin’ want to be deceived. They are asking for it. Suck up to me, give me lines that work on others and I will twist you and make you smile til your balls get crushed by the ‘sad little lady you bought a few drinks for.’ One slow dance and you will be mine, prick!
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Carrie. Cat and toy thing? Yeah, right, like means donut hole to me. They were more than toys. Call these men a toy like by brothers had, except I’d call them Erection Sets. Build them up and I would make them rust and decay. Toys? I guess. They’d so think they were in charge. I’d let them think this, draw them in with my body and screw them blind. I’d screw them alright. They never knew what hit them when I was done and bored with them. In front of their friends I would crush them. They had a small dick, cum too quick, and sucked in bed. I’d knock them down so bad they’d wished they’d never met me.
With that, either they’d pull me aside and break up with me or I’d break up with them in front of their friends.
Either way, I won. Gotta love that. Months worth of good dates, a fair amount of decent sex and bills they’d pay for me. I have to salute the men of this country. Get a chunky woman with a pretty face and you will be so fucked by those us that saw you coming way before you’d cum in us!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Carrie: Duh! Did you not hear my previous answers? Did I not make tons of cash and didn’t have idiots pay my bills for me?
You are making me sleepy.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Carrie: Why would I? I would have nothing legal with any man.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Carrie: Do you read these questions before you ask them? Are you trying to catch me in a lie?
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Carrie: Absolutely I am! I have made more money than anyone I know. I continue to do so to this day. Sex is good or great. Bills being paid are better than me paying for myself.
I am most content.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Carrie: I am content. But I don’t see a day when I won’t be hungry. Every bar is a buffet for me. Yeah, okay, cut the fat jokes. I see men that are weak. I see idiots. I have bills to pay, though I can do this myself. It is so much sweeter taking some guy for a ride.
Stiff dick has no conscious? I not only live on that, I eat on it!
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Carrie: I do. You gave me a chance to talk plainly. I thought some of your questions most tiresome, sort of dumming down the massive subject you write about. I still like your counters. I also like the way you didn’t let me derail you.
You give us a chance to take the time and smell the roses. Or <with a deep chuckle> a chance to remember about the ones we’ve wasted and trashed and how they had it coming.
You go to both sides though. I’m not sure how you do that. I think you must be sick in the head but smart, intelligent about it. I read your Brief Introduction and Beginning entries on March 3. March? I gotta laugh. You march alright. I do believe you are not shrink or psych. I do think you are someone gaining speed and picking up altitude. I’ll Friend you on FaceBook when you post this. I want to see what you do with it.
<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>
Me: So what’s your favorite colour? Mines purple and blue.
Carrie: <laughing, she does Mick> and I want it painted bla-ack! No, I actually favor hot pink. It seems to fit me, both in blush and halters. Can I ask you a question?
Me: Of course. I am not saying you will get an answer though.
Carrie: I understand your interests in psychopaths with school killings and stuff, god knows I’d never kill anyone physically, but what made you start a blog about us nonviolent types?
Me: Well, being able to read again, I was curious about the Chardon Ohio shootings. I thought of that with both Columbine and the Amish Country Ohio slayings. I delved into psychopathy and learned about others that fell into that realm but weren’t killers. I remembered an episode of HOUSE called REMORSE. His team hit on a psychopath that was nonviolent. Through reading, studying, research and personal counseling for bipolar and the questions given to me, I became aware of the other, Another Life, where psychopaths coexist with people of everyday lives.
I began to read the works of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley and found this ‘other life’. To me, found their writings and theories amazing.
I ran with that, and have never looked back or second guessed myself.
Carrie: And what did your family, friends and coworkers think about this?
Me: You are as subtle as a chainsaw, aren’t you? <I laugh. She has me with my own questions. You have to love manipulators. Well, maybe you don‘t. I do though.>
Carrie: Stop Deflecting, House!
Me: Fine! It bothered them. It was like, we’d talk for a while. I’d bring up the blog and the countries it was read at, and they’d have a serious change in their tone. To me it was like I had said something like: I ripped off Walmart off! They scanned a 20 buck game and it came up 5 to them. I told them the scan was wrong and they’d robotically tell me the system is never wrong <with an almost contemptuous tone> “yeah, that’s nice.” : adding a long sigh, followed with: “and how are you really?”
I thought: END OF LINE and went on to lesser aspects of life knowing they were disturbed by this passion I felt.
Carrie: All of them? Sorry, don’t believe you on this.
Me: No, not all of them. There are two that won’t judge me. One that knows me well enough to know that I mean no harm major harm and other that simply takes me as I am. These are friends that have known me for 18 and 37 years. I have nothing but respect for them.
Carrie: 18 and 37 years? Odd to me. Nothing with a recent or middle ground?
Me: working on this. Building relationships with people is not that easy for me. I’ve got this thing when it comes to sensing being used. I sense that and you are history to me. Period.
I learned to build relationships with friends.
I became a part of a team. When I crashed, I did not let them know anything . I did not want concern or sympathy. I wanted to earn my place in their eyes. This started last August and it’s been building ever since. They didn’t even know I was on leave from work until I went back to it. Some three and half months later. They earned my respect and in that humble process, I earned theirs, going from a 141 average to a 182 after a 12 yr absence from bowling.
Carrie. Wow. You have both good friends and the makings off. Building, as you say. Mark, you have made many cyber friends across the country and the globe.
Me: thanks.
We talked for a bit about favorite foods and such. Told each other to email each other at any time and if needs be, to call one another.
____________________________________________________________
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: male
Age: 31
Race: black
Body Style: athletic
Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED
Location: Ohio, USA <his stipulation that the state be said>
“Adam”
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Adam: Fuckin’ bastard! Did you call me to ridicule me? I trusted you. I gave you my number for Christ’s sake.
Me: You can hang up on me if you like. Always an option for you. I told you this before we started.
Adam: It’s embarrassing. I know you won’t use my real name and all, but still. Harsh.
Me: I understand you’re still raw about it. Sorry if I side-swiped you, ‘Adam’.
Adam: it’so kay. I was dumb, okay? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, as my father would tell me. Time and time again he’d say this to me. Glad he’s dead.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Adam: Normal. Well as normal a boy could be with an overbearing cocksucker like my dad was.
Me: You paused. How bad was it, Adam?
Adam: Did you watch The Breakfast Club? I was the Judd Nelson guy.
Me: Cigars burns and shit?
Adam: Yeah. And I did good in shop classes. He was an accountant, oh so smart. Like I’d fix his car and save him tons in repair charges. You know what he’d say to? “ at least you’re good at something.”
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Adam: No. I spent most of the time ragging on my dad. She listened to me and never cut me off. She’s the only one that was like that. She listened and hugged me. Man, that sounds so fuckin’ sad. But everyone needs someone to talk to right?
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Adam: I try real hard not to remember. Maybe 20.
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Adam: 6 months.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated
Adam: Friends only. Shit, like I’d have my dad or mom there.
6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?
Adam: no.
6b. DID YOU MEET THEM AT A BAR, NIGHTCLUB, BASEBALL GAME, BOWLING ALLEY OR OTHER PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS SERVED?
Adam: Bar. I figured it would be a good way to loosen people up. Nothing makes people more accepting that booze, right?
7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?
Adam: Not at all. Like, if I went to the john or hit the bar for more drinks, she’d tell my friends what a nice guy I was. Given my upbringing, to her this was amazing.
8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT?
Adam: No. She snowed them bigtime!
8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?
Adam: They thought she was great. Must’ve been the booze talking.
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Adam: I didn’t til it was over. And even then, it took two weeks for it to sink in.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Adam: Suicidal.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF?
Adam: Fuck! Didn’t I just tell you that?
11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?
Adam: I was so ashamed. I gave her my PIN numbers, gave her my Credit Cards. Cosigned on a car loan.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Adam: Why? That would only draw more attention to my dumbness.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Adam: About 27 or so. <lowering voice> Dad did say I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the pack.
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Adam: That I’m a fuckin’ asshole.
Yeah, it changed everything. I learned to never trust women again. Ever! And I am so glad my dad it dead.
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Adam: I went gay after that. It was good for me. I was a fool to think women would be the end all and be all.
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Adam: It did. Not sure why though. I must’ve been depressed or something when I found your blog.
At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.
Me: Do you have any questions you’d like to ask of me?
Adam: Are you single? You got a nice voice, Mark.
Me: No comment.
Adam: You fuckin’ tease! <Laughing>
Me: Do you like to cook?
Adam: Nah, he does that. I fix the cars though. Tend the garden. He works harder than me. I red about four Chiltons to service his cars.
What do you like to do? I mean, when you aren’t gathering intel on the worst of humanity?
Me: I cook, bowl and pretty much study and write.
Adam: Thanks for talking to me, man.
Me: You are most welcome.
Adam: Keep in touch, brother!
Me. I will.
Authors note: <hence the AN>
AN:if there could be such a thing as a handshake over the phone, I think Adam and I had this at the end of this interview.
_____________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 40
Race: Caucasian
Body Style: 5’ 10’, 142lbs
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Technical School Grad
Location: Odessa Ukraine (currently on holiday in Alaska)
“Katerina”
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Katerina: Just because you’re American does not mean you can speak to me that way! I do not look at myself as sick. If you call me a ‘fucker’ again, I will disconnect you. Others view me as they do. I have no power over what masses think and do not give it thought.
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Katerina: I was not the different one, they were. If they do not behave and do as I do, that’s their weakness, not mine.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Katerina: Why should it bother me? What does ‘bother me’ mean? To be bothered is to feel irritated. I get bored with people a great deal and just move on.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Katerina: I was very good at sports, which are taught young in my country. Boys were easy to play with me. I would challenge them to something, like, I race you and if you best me, I give you sex. If I win I want gifts. It was easier to let them win, give them best sex and hook them. They helped me cheat on tests all through school and university. I still got gifts when I threatened to leave them. I made them forget friends to be with me. I’d want to play sports with friends and I’d pout and say I will spend time with someone I knew they not like. They always saw things my way. Always.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Katerina: If I did not get my way, I would have something to extort them with. In my country, boys and men are much afraid of their mothers or grandmothers. I would say I would tell mother and she would tell their mother or grandmothers.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?
Katerina: If parents want you to be labeled defective and spend much time in sanitarium, make themselves look inferior, bad citizen, they’d take notice. People in my country do not do such things. Unlike other countries afraid of shame, here as in most Soviet countries say nothing out of fear.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?
Katerina: No. I understand this happens much in your country though. Very sad and horrible. And you call me sick in your first line of interrogation! Are parents like those called psychopaths? They should be so.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Katerina: I think I was always this way. In my country, if you were stupid female, you got pregnant fast and stuck. My older sisters through their misbehaviors and terrible lives that came taught me. They would say: ’Katerina, don’t make same mistake made like me.’ Both were married by 18 and most sad. I was 9 or 10 then.
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Katerina: Yes, voices when I head toward sleep. My sisters voices, most scary, every night for weeks. Each night, same thing in before sleep and whole during dreams. I learned well from those.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER? (let them answer fully. Let them form their own answers with NO GUIDANCE or leading.)
Katerina: DA! (yes). Sisters faces tears. I would see them during school when they weren’t there and when sleep came. So many times I would wake, sweat during winter when normally cold from inferior heat and meager bed coverings.
During holidays I would see them, sad smiles, fake eyes. Their husbands ordering them like time spent in military, calling sisters names not their own. Unclean, filthy, disgusting. I would see them and. Mind no further.
I could not stop things seen with eyes open and away from them and things with closed eyes.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Katerina: I do not understand question?
Me: AT WHAT AGE DID YOU SEE YOU WERE NOT LIKE OTHERS IN YOUR LAND? THAT THEY WERE SMALLER IN MIND THAN YOU?
Katerina: I answer that two (answers) ago. 9 or 10.
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: DA! Much power over them. Don’t you mean ‘how’?
Me: Yes, sorry. How?
Katerina: They had hearts and thoughts of sadness weakness and sense of pain. Not to self but to others. They fear God. Most fear mothers look at them. Unlike your country all looking for themselves, caring not what family think, most care in my land. What your peoples would call ‘keep face’ to their closest means much in my land.
Me: Yet you didn’t care what your family thought of you?
Katerina: Momma did not secretly in her heart want me to be as my sisters. Not bold enough to trouble dad with such trivial matters said nothing. I believe she saw me as she wanted to visit on her self in memory. Momma saw I had no true heart toward others. She saw me unlike her getting my way. You’d say she was jealous. She love me and I still embrace her grave. From deaths land she sees me, feels much pride.
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Katerina: Most da! American males are most dumb in mind and big conscious of groin. I was like panther to young sheep. (she laughs with the glee of child opening a Christmas present)
I was taken from Ukraine with marriage to American. Given American rights and such. I live in nice place in outside Baltimore for one year. I then go home with much dollars and he could do nothing.
Me: So you whored yourself for citizenship?
Katerina: No! He gave this to me. I only slept with him 22 times after marriage. Many sucks before marriage. Why Americans believes this means something? He much satisfied with my cooking and cleaning things. Why is it American men love dusted television before friends come over? I got much tired of bringing beer to him with friends? Beer, most vile. Give me vodka!
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Katerina: In United States of Amerika most yes! He had great moneys I took when I left America. My English was not so good them but banks in Baltimore had many interpreters. I had papers to close accounts and visa to go home. Like your California leader would say in movies: ostilluh visa baby!
Me: How much was your take?
Katerina: I do not understand?
Me: How much money did you take from him?
Katerina: Much! Over a million in dollars.
Me: What is that in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Huge house with good heat and much land. Houses for family and comrades on land. Queen being with much generosity.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Katerina: Did I not answer this?
Me:? Allow me to humbly rephrase. Given your previous answer, did you remarry in the Ukraine?
Katerina: Why? No need for such things. Money much, I could buy sex when wanted. A man is worth little else.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Katerina: Nyet, no children. Embraced American doctors for this. Your pill is most powerful. I told you why I got married already.
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Katerina: Of course After pappa died, I gave mom pleasant land to live. I tried to have sisters abandon husbands, but I failed in this. Past friends did move on my land in dwellings I had made. Peace with pond, heat with winter and internet. Grand fields to grow and have meat from animals. What Americans call a cult, it is home to them. What you call a paradise, we call living and working for the collective good of us.
Americans only care about their selves. Put sick parents into camps for dying without being troubled and seeing them weaken. Money makes them blind.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Katerina: I control my lands. Do what I say or be gone from here.
Me: How is that any different from dictator or Czar?
Katerina: Did I say I was different? I do not believe so. Are your so called elected leaders any different than me? Nyet. They lie to peoples of your land. Biggest ones, your president. You have no control of who is elected. College vote controls all in your land. Your vote means nothing!
Me: So you command all you see?
Katerina: I see far beyond my lands and extorted officials here. Find officials weakness, picture this from angles with many cameras and as you Americans love to say: have them by balls. Give those of my land digital cameras set them to task. Target to follow and they discover much.
My lands grow in size all the time.
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:
Katerina: Your site is much discussion here. Your last name, much shrunken, hit us here. I send you emails and you respond. Those emails said your pappas family came from here. You say you not know what his last name truly was. Where from? What land in my country? You said this was before Germany took Austria much like Russia took Ukraine. Documents of none from that time. Most got burned through revolts.
CONVERSATIONS AFTER INTERVIEWS:
Katerina: I think you wish visit here. I think you desire spend time in lands grandparents saw before big war crossed world in 1930’s.
Da! You hit lands with blog. Never seeing victims in ways I read in blog, I think I could be generous to underlings in my lands. They work for keep, pay me nothing and do bidding as summoned to them.
Me: I have been thinking along those lines. I have often wondered what my fathers people saw. Most of white Americans Americanized here prior to the occupations that occurred before the early 1940’s have so little knowledge of our pasts and lands known by grandparents. Most of us simply conclude things worrying more about the here and now, the status quo, than where our people came from. My moms family came from many lands. She was a mutt, if you will with no disrespect to her and hers: Scottish, Irish, German, Holland Dutch and England.
In short, I am at least 50% Ukrainian and know so little about it. I could venture to Parma Ohio and solicit more knowledge, and perhaps I will. My knowledge of the Ukraine is Easter eggs and perrrogies (sp?) . I am using an IM Translator to FaceBook you and friends amongst others from Russia and the Czech republic and probably failing epically.
Katerina: But you attempt. We contacted you from your blog and expect not perfections. We decipher meanings and words you place.
Why did you start such blog?
Me: Why do you think?
Katerina: You trying to find place. I do not believe you to be typical American ass going for shameless self promotion. You must be outcast in your land and peoples. I had time your lands to know things frowned at. You bother many close to you. Cause them to see motives created by them. Look at things done by hands they own and not admit to.
Me: I think I have.
Katerina: You, like most Canadian and American psychologists like to place things into orders for dissection. Unlike most, you give place to speak mind and cleanse spirit. I like you, what you have done. I am in Canada, do you have a visa to meet me?
/ Me: Nope. And I really don’t wish to have one while my country chooses to be asses to the borders of a people that got many of our hostages out of Iran prior to Reagan being put into the Whitehouse. Hey, you, technically are an American citizen, right? If you truly are, come here and meet me.
Katerina: You could take me to this Parma place, no? Eat Americanized food from my land?
Me: I’d be glad to. Honored to do so. Hell, you could be my translator.
Katerina: I would fell your belly after going to market and make stomach happy.
Me: I am sorry. I am running out of minutes. I have to stop on an embracing moment.
Katerina: I have your email. You get proper phone and I will call you from home, Mother Ukraine. She is calling you, Mark Wilhelm Daruzsch.
Me: Thank you for being part of my Life at this point. I bow to you.
Katerina: No, it is I and comrades that gesture with bended backs to you. Nice to place voice to blank words with meaning.
Me: I embrace you with minds eye.
AN: out of minutes, the call hit oblivion. Glad for the KORG company and their fine line of digital recorders.
____________________________________________________________
AUTHORS NOTE:
I found these interviews to be most enlightening. Placing sounds to words is always interesting, in my opinion. Do the voices match the written word they sent me? High or low tones? Simply put: What do the emailers sound like?
Hearing raw emotions in memories past, hunger of the insatiable in the present, and the mixture of the two throughout each. I sincerely got more drawn into the subject of my blog.
To my theory of Another Life.
I can also see why learned psychologists and psychiatrist alike do not wish to treat both forms of psychopaths: the nonviolent and homicidal alike.
There is a major fascination to those that live outside the normal guidelines 96% of people adhere to. The minds of some of the most educated swim into this whirlpool and get sucked down. Changing their own thought patterns to get a better glimpse, and thus, lose themselves in the process. Many of them wind up in therapy themselves. They become little more than a moth being drawn toward the light, heat, to have their wings get torched and die. They become Nomads. (see the movie Nomads, starring Pierce Brosnan and Adam Ant: great movie that fits this scenario to a tee).
Where do I fit in this subject?
Why do I continue to write about this?
Because I can, that's why. I do not care who it bothers.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Walking with Strangers: Intro to Interviews.
WALKING WITH STRANGERS: PHONE INTERVIEWS; PART I.
FAIR WARNING TO THOSE ABOUT TO BE INTERVIEWED.
(the incredible value of a prepaid burner)
I was sent phone numbers by several readers. They were curious if I’d be willing to talk with them about their experiences, both past and present, and if I would add these interviews into the BLOG.
I was quite excited by the opportunity. I sent emails back to them indicating I’d be happy to talk to them.
I haven’t done interviews since about 1993. For a social work class, we were asked to interview 5 people with greatly diverse backgrounds, fields and incomes. We had a list of about 40 questions to choose from, having to pick 5 for each subject to answer.
The completed paper had to be no less than 5 single space pages typed.
In my paper I interviewed 10 people, asking them around 10 questions each. I covered a spectrum of people: A Catholic priest, Methodist Minister, Regional Manager of a large Fast Food Chain, an hourly worker for the same restaurant, Teacher, professor, prostitute (that I gladly paid her 15 bucks for her time and info) and several others.
My paper ended at just over 20 pages, single spaced. I nailed an ‘A’ on it, getting 100-100 point scale.
I can only say that so many missed the single fact this instructor posted and stated each class, so prominently displayed on the blackboard : minimum 5 pages single space typed. He failed all but four of us in a class of 75 that gave him papers that were four pages double spaced and so forth. Collegiate selection in full gear. They so deserved to fail. The four of us that didn’t? The smallest paper amongst all of us was 12 pages singled.
I remember the importance of having specific questions to solicit responses, noting how those questioned spoke their answers in regards to the body language they expressed. The tilt of a shoulder, hands clinched at hips, lips clinched with no display of parted lips opposing words given and emotional responses to be attained.
Remembering those things, knowing I would not have physical expressions to fall back on during telephone conversations, I would close my eyes and remember average expressions. From those things I would gather a sense.
Never having done interviews like the ones I would be doing, I had to work on creating questions relating to the subject matter of the BLOG. I contacted two of my former professors in the hopes they could give me a few starting points. I gave them the link to the BLOG. Three days later they called me back and gave me two questions to throw in the middle of each one. They suggested to start each interview with a strong question to provoke a difficult to answer. One that would get either thoughts or emotions pumped up.
The subject being what it is, I knew I’d have my work cut out for me. Gearing questions that would equally cater to the predators and prey alike posed the biggest challenge. They are such opposing parts in the spectrum of light, that in my minds eye, it would be similar to that of interviewing a hawk and possum about their eating habits and how not become another animals dinner.
Again, I had my work cut out for me.
Thinking the prey would be more sensitive to direct questioning, I toned things down a bit, arming myself with as many verbal valiums as possible. I expected highly emotional answers, charged with electric profanity, hostility and I frankly believed if they were pushed too hard, I’d get a lot of hang ups.
Oh, well: NEXT!
With the NV-P’s, I knew I could go balls-to-the-wall and they would not be offended in the slightest. Knowing their ability to be both masters at pathological liars and manipulators, I was most curious to see how long it would be before they took over the whole interview. How many minutes would it take for me to become their subject of interest? Would they open both barrels, one barrel or have the accuracy of a sniper rifle while aiming their retorts like bullets squared directly at my head?
I somehow thought they wouldn’t. They being like that of Zodiac signs that so acclaimed extroversion and grand egos, have little problem telling me of their conquests and how they did it. Their motivations and perversions in the process to attain their goal. Their single minded obsessions and mindless self indulgence.
To eat and never feel a fullness that sets them apart from 96% of the population.
SO WHY WOULD I DO THIS AND HAVE INTERVIEWS?
In my opinion, I could not pass this up.
Be it either for my attempt at finding an obscure truth or to simply find what is human, an element that holds a segment of fact or one that holds an emotion that covers all races and nationalities as true and unyielding. The place where so many tribes would like to agree on yet seldom find in accord.
I am going to other places. I have and will hurt many around me in this desire to prove theories about what makes us human.
A chance like this can only find its humble beginnings as a result of cell phones and blind happenings that occur in our communication age. The full breathe of emotion, lack there of and pure thought through complete anonymity that can be displayed on the black and white world of text.
That we can further journey into a land of the utter bleak and despair to the contrasting brightest sunrises and the smelling of flowers.
To take a travel into ANOTHER LIFE.
To the Predator and Prey: The Nonviolent Psychopath
Note this: I have already made these questions and will post them and their answers when ready to be completed. No time like the present, and i have a great deal of transcribing to do.
Teaser? Yeah, i guess this is....
FAIR WARNING TO THOSE ABOUT TO BE INTERVIEWED.
(the incredible value of a prepaid burner)
I was sent phone numbers by several readers. They were curious if I’d be willing to talk with them about their experiences, both past and present, and if I would add these interviews into the BLOG.
I was quite excited by the opportunity. I sent emails back to them indicating I’d be happy to talk to them.
I haven’t done interviews since about 1993. For a social work class, we were asked to interview 5 people with greatly diverse backgrounds, fields and incomes. We had a list of about 40 questions to choose from, having to pick 5 for each subject to answer.
The completed paper had to be no less than 5 single space pages typed.
In my paper I interviewed 10 people, asking them around 10 questions each. I covered a spectrum of people: A Catholic priest, Methodist Minister, Regional Manager of a large Fast Food Chain, an hourly worker for the same restaurant, Teacher, professor, prostitute (that I gladly paid her 15 bucks for her time and info) and several others.
My paper ended at just over 20 pages, single spaced. I nailed an ‘A’ on it, getting 100-100 point scale.
I can only say that so many missed the single fact this instructor posted and stated each class, so prominently displayed on the blackboard : minimum 5 pages single space typed. He failed all but four of us in a class of 75 that gave him papers that were four pages double spaced and so forth. Collegiate selection in full gear. They so deserved to fail. The four of us that didn’t? The smallest paper amongst all of us was 12 pages singled.
I remember the importance of having specific questions to solicit responses, noting how those questioned spoke their answers in regards to the body language they expressed. The tilt of a shoulder, hands clinched at hips, lips clinched with no display of parted lips opposing words given and emotional responses to be attained.
Remembering those things, knowing I would not have physical expressions to fall back on during telephone conversations, I would close my eyes and remember average expressions. From those things I would gather a sense.
Never having done interviews like the ones I would be doing, I had to work on creating questions relating to the subject matter of the BLOG. I contacted two of my former professors in the hopes they could give me a few starting points. I gave them the link to the BLOG. Three days later they called me back and gave me two questions to throw in the middle of each one. They suggested to start each interview with a strong question to provoke a difficult to answer. One that would get either thoughts or emotions pumped up.
The subject being what it is, I knew I’d have my work cut out for me. Gearing questions that would equally cater to the predators and prey alike posed the biggest challenge. They are such opposing parts in the spectrum of light, that in my minds eye, it would be similar to that of interviewing a hawk and possum about their eating habits and how not become another animals dinner.
Again, I had my work cut out for me.
Thinking the prey would be more sensitive to direct questioning, I toned things down a bit, arming myself with as many verbal valiums as possible. I expected highly emotional answers, charged with electric profanity, hostility and I frankly believed if they were pushed too hard, I’d get a lot of hang ups.
Oh, well: NEXT!
With the NV-P’s, I knew I could go balls-to-the-wall and they would not be offended in the slightest. Knowing their ability to be both masters at pathological liars and manipulators, I was most curious to see how long it would be before they took over the whole interview. How many minutes would it take for me to become their subject of interest? Would they open both barrels, one barrel or have the accuracy of a sniper rifle while aiming their retorts like bullets squared directly at my head?
I somehow thought they wouldn’t. They being like that of Zodiac signs that so acclaimed extroversion and grand egos, have little problem telling me of their conquests and how they did it. Their motivations and perversions in the process to attain their goal. Their single minded obsessions and mindless self indulgence.
To eat and never feel a fullness that sets them apart from 96% of the population.
SO WHY WOULD I DO THIS AND HAVE INTERVIEWS?
In my opinion, I could not pass this up.
Be it either for my attempt at finding an obscure truth or to simply find what is human, an element that holds a segment of fact or one that holds an emotion that covers all races and nationalities as true and unyielding. The place where so many tribes would like to agree on yet seldom find in accord.
I am going to other places. I have and will hurt many around me in this desire to prove theories about what makes us human.
A chance like this can only find its humble beginnings as a result of cell phones and blind happenings that occur in our communication age. The full breathe of emotion, lack there of and pure thought through complete anonymity that can be displayed on the black and white world of text.
That we can further journey into a land of the utter bleak and despair to the contrasting brightest sunrises and the smelling of flowers.
To take a travel into ANOTHER LIFE.
To the Predator and Prey: The Nonviolent Psychopath
Note this: I have already made these questions and will post them and their answers when ready to be completed. No time like the present, and i have a great deal of transcribing to do.
Teaser? Yeah, i guess this is....
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Psychological Reference Books and Self Help Guides
Articles, Books and Links, Oh MY!
At the request of several people that have their works posted here, it was suggested that I throw a list of books, magazines and links. These resources span a great many decades, from a wide variety of places both from the United States and Abroad.
This list compiled is the result of my studies and that of the loyal posters that have taken their time to share their thoughts and experiences.
Though it does not exclusively delve strictly into the world of Nonviolent Psychopathy, it is nonetheless, a great list to learn psychology from. To, perhaps, gain some knowledge into the world of human behavior: breed some understanding of one another, shed some light on murky places. To learn and maybe be inspired.
This list is the result of many people. Those that cared enough to share things that made a difference to them.
Books: *hopefully by subject)
>>>>>>>>GENERAL PSYCHOLOGY<<<<<<<<<<<<
UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOR (24 volume set) 1974
PUBLISHER: Columbia House.
ASIN: B000oTPH78
This series is sometimes still available on Amazon at anywhere between $29.00 and $99.00.
AN: I was twelve when I ate this series up. It was fantastic reading. It opened doors for me, as I am sure it did many. I’ll have to read it again and see what theories have changed and what has held the test of time.
Thank you my dear sister Holly: you allowed me to read these books. Not sure what you thought of a much younger brother taking such an interest way before his time. I will always be indebted to you for this. <if I could only remember the text books you brought back from your time at CWRU, which I always read with great eagerness.>
BENEATH THE MASK - AN INTRODUCTION TO THEORIES OF PERSONALITY- (EDITION SEVEN) 2003 by Christopher Monte and Robert N. Sollod
ASIN: B001BCJN6
AMAZON: prices vary.
THE STANDARD EDITION OF THE COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKS OF SIGMUND FREUD (24 volumes) 1986. By Sigmund Freud and James Strachey.
PUBLISHER: London the Hogarth Press (August 17 1986)
ISBN-10: 0701200677 and ISBN-13: 978-0701200671
AMAZON: NEW: $5036.95 AND USED: $29.95
THE SCIENCE OF HUMAN NATURE: A PSYCHOLOGY FOR BEGINNERS. 2010
By William Henry Pyle
PUBLISHER: Kessinger Publishing, LLC (September 10, 2010
ISBN-10: 1163488607
ISBN-13: 978-1163488607
DREAM PSYCHOLOGY: 2012 by Sigmund Freud.
PUBLISHER: Empire Books (March 15, 2012)
ISBN-10: 1619491311
ISBN-13: 978-1619491311
AMAZON: ABOUT $9.99
PSYCHOLOGY, THEOLOGY, AND SPIRITUALITY IN CHRISTIAN COUNSELING (AACC LIBRARY) 1996 by Mark R. McMinn
PUBLISHER: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. (June 25, 1996)
ISBN-10: 0844235252X
ISBN-13: 978-0842352529
>>>>>>BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS<<<<<<<
STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS. 2010 by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger.
PUBLISHER: New Harbinger Publications; Second Edition (January 2, 2010)
ISBN-10: 1572246901
ISBN-13: 978-1572246904
HOW TO SPOT A BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. 2011 by Joe Navarro
PUBLISHER: (SOLD BY AMAZON DIGITAL SERVICES)
ASIN: B00550HPTK
>>>>>>>>PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
THE ANGRY SMILE: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IN FAMILIES, SCHOOLS, AND WORKPLACES. 2008 by Nicholas James Long, Jodi E. Long and Signe Whitson
PUBLISHER: Pro ed; second edition (December 31. 2008)
ISBN-10: 1416404236
ISBN-13: 978-1416404231
LIVING WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN: COPING WITH HIDDEN AGGRESSION- FROM BEDROOM TO BOARDROOM. 1993. By Scott Wetzler
PUBLISHER: Touchstone (October 1, 1993)
ISBN-10: 0671870742
ISBN-13: 978-0671870744
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>EATING DISORDERS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
GOODBYE ED, HELLO ME: RECOVER FROM EATING DISORDERS AND FALL IN LOVE WITH LIFE. 2009 By Jenni Schaefer
PUBLISHER: McGraw-Hill (August 5, 2009)
ISBN-10: 0071608877
ISBN-13: 978-0071608879
BULIMIA: A GUIDE TO RECOVERY. 2010 By Lindsey Hall and Leigh Cohn M.A.T
PUBLISHER: Gurze Books; 25 anniversary edition (November 1, 2010)
ISBN-10: 0936077514
ISBN-13: 978-0936077512
YOUNG DIETING DAUGHTER…IS SHE DYING FOR ATTENTION? 1996 by Carolyn Costin
PUBLISHER: Routledge (October 1, 1996)
ISBN-10: 0876308361
ISBN-13: 978-0876308363
>>>>>>>>ON CHILD ABUSE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
BEHOLD THE CHILD. 2010 by Harry Shannon
PUBLISHER: (Amazon Digital Services)
THE GIRL NOBODY WANTS- A SHOCKING TRUE STORY OF CHILD ABUSE IN IRELAND. 2012 by Lily O’Brien
PUBLISHER: Troubador Publishing Ltd (February 1, 2012)
ISBN-10: 1780880332
ISBN-13: 978-1780880334
SHE WASN’T ALLOWED TO GIGGLE. 2011 by Lavinia Thompson
PUBLISHER: Self-published (September 28, 2011)
ASIN: B005QTX282
CHILD MOLESTATION STORIES: VOICES OF SURVIVORS OF CHILD ABUSE (MOLESTATION, RAPE AND INCEST) 2010 by Lynn Daugherty
PUBLISHER: Cleanan Press Inc. (January 28, 2011
ASIN: B004LGRSAE
INVISIBLE TEARS: THE ABUSE THE REBELLION THE SURVIVAL AGAINST ALL ODDS. 2010 by Abigail Lawrence
PUBLISHER: Author house (April 19, 2010)
ISBN-10: 1449070027
ISBN-13: 978-1449070021
MEMOIRS OF A STRANGE LITTLE GIRL. 2007 by Sara McGrath
PUBLISHER: Sara McGrath (December 20, 2007)
ASIN: B001I912SG
Amazon Digital Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>SCHIZOPHRENIA<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
CLINICAL HANDBOOK OF SCHIZOPRENIA. 2011 by Kim T. Mueser PhD and Dilip V. Jeste MD
PUBLISHER: The Guilford Press (January 31, 2011)
ISBN-10: 1609182375
ISBN-13: 978-16091872373
GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. 2002 by Roberta Temes
PUBLISHER: New Harbinger Publications (January 10, 2002)
ISBN-10: 1572242736
ISBN-13 978-1572242739
SZ MAGAZINE: current and still publishing.
A MAGAZINE ABOUT THOSE THAT ARE AND THOSE THAT KNOW SCHIZOPHRENICS:
( I do this in broken links. Whenever I do add links, it shrinks the text of entries that follow)
VISIT : WWW (DOT) MENTALWELLNESSTODAY (DOT) COM.
AN: I have borrowed, and I use that term loosely, several copies of this magazine when waiting for my Psychiatrist appointments. Fascinating reading. Though I do not know any that suffer from SZ, or know of anyone that would admit to knowing or having a relationship with one, I kind of like having some knowledge of this subject.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>INTIMIDATION<<<<<<<<<<<<<
WINNING THROUGH INTIMIDATION. 1975 by Robert J. Ringer (author), Jack Medoff (illustrator)
PUBLISHER: Funk and Wagnalls Co; (August 1975)
ISBN-10: 0308102290
ISBN-13: 978-0309102293
AN: I was 13 when I read this book. Courtesy of my sister Holly. I so remember the chapter titled ” NIGYSOB:” <now I got you, son of a bitch> 37 years later and I still remember the principals of this book. My opinion: a must read.
TO BE OR NOT TO BE INTIMIDATED? THAT IS THE QUESTION. 2003 by Robert J. Ringer
PUBLISHER: M. Evans & Company (December 18, 2003)
ISBN-10: 1590770358
ISBN-13: 978-1590770351
THE SECRET POWER OF WORDS. 2011 by Roy Masters.
PUBLISHER: Foundation of Human Understanding (August 3, 2011)
ASIN: B005FYYEGW
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>SELF HELP BOOKS<<<<<<<<<<<
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE: SELF HELP FOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY DISORDERS, CONFIDENCE, SUCCESS AND MORE. 2011 by Dan Jones
PUBLISHER: LULU . COM (April 8, 2011)
ISBN-10: 1447546342
ISBN-13: 978-1447546344
CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL. 2001 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
PUBLISHER: HCI (July 1, 2001)
ISBN-10: 1558749209
ISBN-13: 978-15587
(THIS BOOK WENT HUGE! MANY COPIES AVAILIBLE FROM MANY SOURCES)
FRIGIDITY: AN INTELLECTUAL HISTORY (GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES IN HISTORY) 2012. By Peter Cryle and Alison Moore
PUBLISHER: Palgrave McMillan (January 17, 2012)
ISBN-10: 0230303455
ISBN-13: 978-0230303454
FRIGIDITY IN WOMAN: IN RELATION TO HER LOVE LIFE. 1953 AND 1965 (volume two) by Wilhelm Stekel
PUBLISHER: Vision Press: first UK edition (1953)
IMPOTENCE & FRIGIDITY. 1963 by Donald W. Hastings MD
PUBLISHER: Little, Brown & Co (3-printing) (1963)
>>>>>>>PSYCHOPATHY<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
WITHOUT CONSCIENCE: THE DISTRUBING WORLD OF THE PSYCHOPATHS AMOUNG US. 1999 By Robert D. Hare.
PUBLISHER: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (January 8, 1999)
ISBN-10 1572304510
ISBN-13 978-1572304512
<<<<this one was recommended by over 14 people. I have not read it yet.>>>>
MASK OF SANITY. 1982 by Hervey Cleckley
PUBLISHER: Plume; revised (May 1, 1982
ISBN-10: 0452253411
ISBN-13: 978-0452253414
<There is a PDF out there for this book> FANTASTIC READING.
THE SOCIOPATH NEXTDOOR. 2006 By Martha Stout
PUBLISHER: Three Rivers Press. (march 14, 2006)
ISBN-10: 0767915828
ISBN-13: 978-0767915823
________________________________________________________
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE: ONLINE AND SUBSCRIPTION.
Fantastic source of information on both self help and the vast topography that is the human mind.
www (dot) psychologytodat (dot) com
_____________________________________________________________________________________
WE HERE AT PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HOPE YOU CHECK THE ABOVE OUT.
The above is the list that the people of Psychopathy: Another Life have thrown down.
It is with sincere thoughts and hopes that people gain knowledge from using these books as guides, aids and useful information for the help of others in need. And maybe yourselves.
Mind-felt thanks to: Jonathon, Nancy, Donut Bitch, Sid, Amy, Aimee, Lynette-Sue, Peter the B-man, Kristie, Angie, Frankie, Johan, Kreigs-Dominion, Esperanza, Danya, Irina, Maarit, Adalgisa, Hans, Jorunn, Elise, LA-GirlZ, Barberton Punk Moms, UCLA Vandettes, MIT Midgets with HUGE FAT HEADS!, The IRA (yeah, you heard of us…), DOPH (daughters of Patty Hearst), and Jesus. (probably pronounced Hey-sues.)
Special thanks to Abigail and Catherine. They were my blogs firsts contributors. They sent me the first emails, stories and reference books. It was both Abigail and Catherine that pushed me to post this section.
To the new reader: check out the books listed here. Make a difference, learn much and most of all, GROW!
-Mark William Darus
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Songs that powered me to write
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better.
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better. They<screwed below when I say thy>
thy also screwed Holly when they asked her to leave as a mentor in the UMYF: United Methodist Youth Fellowship. Why? Something about car washes, fundraising or her handling of a situation. A girl of about 15 started her period at the house of a fellow counselor, Shearing I think his name was. She handled this cleaning, by the standards that were then, professionally. . This girl and though I clearly remember her name, wore white pants. Holly and the other guy handled this.
They fixed this girls horror. None of us kids of 13-14 laughed at her like some Stephen king novel. The blue-haired ladies of the BROOKLYN MEMORIAL UNITED METHODIST CHURCH had a different view.
Through this, I truly believe my sister Holly lost her faith in the United Methodist Church.
Can’t say I blamed her. She found no church after this, and did not talk about it much
At this church I was known as Heidis brother…
Not soon to follow, I left that place.
I dived into Psych books. Why did those of religion and faith of iant proportions do such things? Why did their god, Jesus, father of unconditional love, so held dear to their hearts, think my sister holly was so bad? She stood up to them, said what she felt, and God forbid, asked questions.
Religion, though how I tried amongst many faiths of many realms of Christianity and that of my Jesus’ father, The Jews, could not find some home and feel comfortable with.
Some learned of lives might say I felt some personal inadequacy, not living up and so forth.
I was fucking twelve or thirteen when these things came to pass.
Sure, I so failed. I should’ve wasted some school. Right?
I went docile for many years. I stepped in the world of poetry fiction. A woman named Sue taught me there was more, introducing me to Monte Python and Stephen King,.
KNOW THIS ALL OF Y0U! This woman named Sue, thought enough of me, to read to me, both phones and drive-in theatres the novel of The Stand by Stephen King. This woman fired me like no other. Taught me such things about smells, backgrounds and where did your characters come from, GIVE SOME BACKGROUND, DAMNIT.
But what inspired me?
These songs held me as I started my BLOG:
Their close rhythms ,melodies and emotions felt when they were recorded, encompass me. Many decibels and thumping bass, cut into me like placing your hand appendage into a band saw.
I cannot feel,but I can sense what those around me feel, respond to them, not much different than Spock on Star Trek, in his way, comforting Captain Kirk.
Again, I do not feel what most of you do. No regret, remorse.
The songs that worked me as I work My Blog: Most of these may surprise you:
NOTE this: some of these tunes came about from readers around the world this blog has hit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB7lt36u-w8&ob=av2e
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw
This next tune followed me over radio. Causing senses to leave the skin that is us via goose pimples.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdLovAaYzM
Step by step, fall apart, the battle wages on, for Toy Soldiers.
Bit by bit, never win, we fall apart, we all fall down,
Battle wages on, like toy soldies.
From Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, showing me this song fails in the real world. Emotions fail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH1CMCtV4to&ob=av2n
Getting to other shadows that helped me to keep on writing, this tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
I am lost, and the shadows keep on fading.
Finland hears you: Take this from out land, Mark. Keep this web world going:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFaK7UFGcNo
Thanks Abigail: great tune and you posted this on my wall. face book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSvSXz18K4&feature=fvst
this one hold big:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA2q5CxLDm4
This in my first entry to for this night
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better.
What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.
I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.
I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.
I do this with no emotion.
Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.
From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…
I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?
On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance
How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.
My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.
She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.
A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.
The Methodists weren’t much better. They<screwed below when I say thy>
thy also screwed Holly when they asked her to leave as a mentor in the UMYF: United Methodist Youth Fellowship. Why? Something about car washes, fundraising or her handling of a situation. A girl of about 15 started her period at the house of a fellow counselor, Shearing I think his name was. She handled this cleaning, by the standards that were then, professionally. . This girl and though I clearly remember her name, wore white pants. Holly and the other guy handled this.
Through this, I truly believe my sister Holly lost her faith in the United Methodist Church.
Can’t say I blamed her. She found no church after this, and did not talk about it much
At this church I was known as Heidis brother…
I dived into Psych books. Why did those of religion and faith of iant proportions do such things? Why did their god, Jesus, father of unconditional love, so held dear to their hearts, think my sister holly was so bad? She stood up to them, said what she felt, and God forbid, asked questions.
Religion, though how I tried amongst many faiths of many realms of Christianity and that of my Jesus’ father, The Jews, could not find some home and feel comfortable with.
Some learned of lives might say I felt some personal inadequacy, not living up and so forth.
I was fucking twelve or thirteen when these things came to pass.
Sure, I so failed. I should’ve wasted some school. Right?
I went docile for many years. I stepped in the world of poetry fiction. A woman named Sue taught me there was more, introducing me to Monte Python and Stephen King,.
KNOW THIS ALL OF Y0U! This woman named Sue, thought enough of me, to read to me, both phones and drive-in theatres the novel of The Stand by Stephen King. This woman fired me like no other. Taught me such things about smells, backgrounds and where did your characters come from, GIVE SOME BACKGROUND, DAMNIT.
But what inspired me?
These songs held me as I started my BLOG:
Their close rhythms ,melodies and emotions felt when they were recorded, encompass me. Many decibels and thumping bass, cut into me like placing your hand appendage into a band saw.
I cannot feel,but I can sense what those around me feel, respond to them, not much different than Spock on Star Trek, in his way, comforting Captain Kirk.
Again, I do not feel what most of you do. No regret, remorse.
The songs that worked me as I work My Blog: Most of these may surprise you:
NOTE this: some of these tunes came about from readers around the world this blog has hit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw
This next tune followed me over radio. Causing senses to leave the skin that is us via goose pimples.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdLovAaYzM
Step by step, fall apart, the battle wages on, for Toy Soldiers.
Bit by bit, never win, we fall apart, we all fall down,
Battle wages on, like toy soldies.
From Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, showing me this song fails in the real world. Emotions fail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH1CMCtV4to&ob=av2n
Getting to other shadows that helped me to keep on writing, this tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
I am lost, and the shadows keep on fading.
Finland hears you: Take this from out land, Mark. Keep this web world going:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFaK7UFGcNo
Thanks Abigail: great tune and you posted this on my wall. face book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSvSXz18K4&feature=fvst
this one hold big:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA2q5CxLDm4
This in my first entry to for this night
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Poetry: Art with Words: Emotions and their lack of.
The Poetry Contributions: Pain and Pleasure.
This section of The NV-P Blog contains poetry from the many submissions I have been honored to receive over the last month and a half via emails. They span a wide range of emotions, and their lack of, from several perspectives. Unlike like stories and comments, these convey captured thoughts that undoubtedly mattered to their authors, and hopefully, will catch an audience by them that experience and gain knowledge through their abstract nature.
I have one of my own placed here. Having written over three hundred poems since the twelfth grade, I felt obligated to throw mine into the mix. I will use an alias. I do not wish for credit in this regard.
I have written poetry since I took a creative writing class in high school: Lincoln West, Cleveland Ohio, grad of 1981. I thank a great man that inspired me as well constantly encouraged me to continue and hammer out thoughts onto paper. To put the mind onto black and white and let others sort it out. Art with Words, he called it.
Huge thanks to teacher/mentor, Mr. Merhaut. He opened a door in my life, and mind, that never closed.
If he is still alive, and reads this, I am sorry for the time I punched out and knocked the idiot headfirst into the blackboard for putting gum into my long hair. I only saw red. Then I made the dickhead see red when he came to. Looking back, it wasn’t called assault then, for that I am truly grateful.
Your comment? “write me either a short, highly detailed story or a vivid poem of what you saw versus what you did.”
I gave him both.
I served two detentions for laying that fucker out. Sure, he was much bigger than I, by about a 8 inches in height and 100 lbs in weight. It was his largeness that made a fool of him.
I also got about 4 dates as a result of girls offering to show me how to get gum out of hair without massive chops at it.
Mr. Norman Merhaut: I cannot thank you enough.
Into the breach we voyage, with either eagerness or loathing, let us go forth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wanting you:
So bold, so kind,
You took me to place
Of splendid pleasure as our bodies
Twisted
Contorted
Voices screaming
In divine ecstasy
Later shrieks of agony
As you burned my wings
And used me in a way
I so loved and hated losing
I gave you money
Trying to hold onto you like an addict needing
Never ending fixes
I took you into my body
Getting wet with the thought of you
Hours before we
Touched
Connected
Sweaty in writhing passion
You used me
And I miss you still,
Evelyn Masters-Perry
Rhode Island 2009
_____________________________________________________________________________________
And you paid for the gas:
You took me for the fastest of rides
As I climbed into your car,
Trees passing by in a blur
Speeding through the parks
Of huge trees,
Flashing sunlight thru their breaks
Blinding me so completely
The brightest of greens
Radiant sunlight through new born leaves
Vibrant shades of contrasting colors
Miles clicking as minds get closer
You took me into your body
I took you into my soul
Heat so devastating
California brush fire
Wiping out all rational thoughts
You clamped yourself around me
Tighter and tighter you gripped me
Finger nails tearing into my flesh
Blood trickling down my flanks
Sensations so complete
We came in unison
Laying sweaty and smiling
I left you the next morning
To never called you back,
Keith Wakeman-Guiffria 1994
Lakewood Ohio
______________________________________________________________________________
I, too, have teeth:
He trashed my gentle being
They thought he was good 4-me
Best friends wanting to make
My train wreck appear before them
To laugh and talk about it
Later over drinks
High-end Black Russians
White Russians
Baileys Irish Crème Coffees
Some friends they were
They knew what he was
Psychopath man about town
Sacrificing me to him
Just because he fed them drinks
Fed their addictions
As they indulged his
With me.
I have something waiting
These friends never to see
Things heading for their lives
I am now bitch
I too have teeth.
Gina White-****** 2012
East Helena Montana
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lost in your eyes, lies and your thighs:
You came on like the zephyr winds
Caught my sails
Blowing me somewhere
Taking me for a tonsil ride
Allowing me to do
Go
And shoot
You swallowed
So lost in your eyes
Lies
And your thighs
I gave you everything
You asked,
I gave
You suggested
I gave
You asked me to fuck you like no other
I gave
Was trapped
Perversions of sex
Better than the best
Nocturnal emissions
With Hollywood stars
No comparison to you
Blank checks
Debit cards and pin
To keep you by my side
I blew off friends of decades
Family paled in no time
You kept sucking me
By mouth and cunt
Faking noises of fulfillment
Sucking me
And I
Gave
Gave
Craved more and more
Lost in your eyes, lies and your thighs
Building me up
Asking for help
Telling me I was your best
Gas bill is due
Huge cock via text
How you cannot wait
Car payment is late
Meet me at Bayshire Cemetary
Love amongst the dead
Kinky
Mortgage is two months in arrears
I can help
And I did
So lost
In her eyes
Lies
And her thighs
She disappeared as fast as she came
As fast I had cum
I lost myself
Lost most of myself
Lost all who loved me
Counselor asked me
What would you do different
Not a damn thing
He said he could not help me
I left his office
Cold winter winds closed around me
So wanting one like her
So wishing to be sucked
Matthew Murphy 1998
FrankFort Kansas
________________________________________________________________________
I have a bullet with your name on it:
I fell for your bullshit
I fell for your lines
I fell
For you
So much talk
Flowers you gave
Sent them to me at work
You built your place
As coworkers were impressed
More blind than I
Cardboards friends I believed
I became so lost
Oceans beckoning my tiny boat
Further sunrises yet unseen
I’d follow your heading
To climax on distant shores
Took me to 5-stars
Made me a lady of desire
We’d coast
Rise rhythmically
Peak
Gasp desires fulfilled
Leaves changing color
Seasons pass
I am so asleep
Something grows within me
Test is positive
We’d talked of marriage
But you needed to right yourself
Financially
I helped you
When I told you of the dr’s visit
You left in 14 hours
I am about to have our child
You are gone
So coldly I look back
I should’ve known
I have a bullet with your name on it
Justification guides me
I gave you my savings
5 grand
Hopes of clearing you
Debts to be covered
So we could wed.
I bought a gun
One set of bullets
They carry your name
Annie Oakly 2011
Aleysk Russia
________________________________________________________________________
Welcome to the World:
I told you I would use you
I told you I could care less about your family and friends
I told you I’d suck you dry
Being drunk
You gave yourself to me
Because you could strut like
Animals on the Learning Channel
Sorry, dumbfuck
Just give me money
That’s what I want
Wear a strong rubber
I will take you
For everything you got
You so begged for more.
A blowjob
A latex barrier
Did you think that meant anything?
Thinking satisfied
Tossing spent cover out the window of brothers Camaro
Leaving drips on the glass
You went wet
I didn’t
But I sucked you
I used you as I said I would
A fool and his money
Sucked my clit honey
Took me into your mouth
A mouthful of my juices
My flavors
Moaning for more
You so took me into you
Never once thinking of tomorrows
Highest order of stiff cocked males
Dicks as brains that control you
Thinking of yourself first
Never thinking of yourself
In future stance
Defenseless
Your future is so limited now
time bomb growing within you
What part of rubber
You entered my pussy
Did you let your guard slip?
I gave you a present
Darling
When you took in my precious juices
Did you lose your mind?
I told you to put on a Trojan
You obliged so freely
But you went south
And sucked and licked me
I never asked you
I even said you shouldn’t
Welcome to the world of AIDS
Hope you got your bags packed…………….
Christina ******** 2008
Fiuggi Italy
________________________________________________________________________
AN: I believe these poems to be a good sample of what I have received thus far. They cover a vast range of human experience.
I will leave the critiques to you, the reader, to comment on them.
Those outside the USA, humble apologies, please use this as a guide/ help to make things easier on me.
-Mark William Darus 2012/04/29
http://translation.paralink.com/
This section of The NV-P Blog contains poetry from the many submissions I have been honored to receive over the last month and a half via emails. They span a wide range of emotions, and their lack of, from several perspectives. Unlike like stories and comments, these convey captured thoughts that undoubtedly mattered to their authors, and hopefully, will catch an audience by them that experience and gain knowledge through their abstract nature.
I have one of my own placed here. Having written over three hundred poems since the twelfth grade, I felt obligated to throw mine into the mix. I will use an alias. I do not wish for credit in this regard.
I have written poetry since I took a creative writing class in high school: Lincoln West, Cleveland Ohio, grad of 1981. I thank a great man that inspired me as well constantly encouraged me to continue and hammer out thoughts onto paper. To put the mind onto black and white and let others sort it out. Art with Words, he called it.
Huge thanks to teacher/mentor, Mr. Merhaut. He opened a door in my life, and mind, that never closed.
If he is still alive, and reads this, I am sorry for the time I punched out and knocked the idiot headfirst into the blackboard for putting gum into my long hair. I only saw red. Then I made the dickhead see red when he came to. Looking back, it wasn’t called assault then, for that I am truly grateful.
Your comment? “write me either a short, highly detailed story or a vivid poem of what you saw versus what you did.”
I gave him both.
I served two detentions for laying that fucker out. Sure, he was much bigger than I, by about a 8 inches in height and 100 lbs in weight. It was his largeness that made a fool of him.
I also got about 4 dates as a result of girls offering to show me how to get gum out of hair without massive chops at it.
Mr. Norman Merhaut: I cannot thank you enough.
Into the breach we voyage, with either eagerness or loathing, let us go forth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wanting you:
So bold, so kind,
You took me to place
Of splendid pleasure as our bodies
Twisted
Contorted
Voices screaming
In divine ecstasy
Later shrieks of agony
As you burned my wings
And used me in a way
I so loved and hated losing
I gave you money
Trying to hold onto you like an addict needing
Never ending fixes
I took you into my body
Getting wet with the thought of you
Hours before we
Touched
Connected
Sweaty in writhing passion
You used me
And I miss you still,
Evelyn Masters-Perry
Rhode Island 2009
_____________________________________________________________________________________
And you paid for the gas:
You took me for the fastest of rides
As I climbed into your car,
Trees passing by in a blur
Speeding through the parks
Of huge trees,
Flashing sunlight thru their breaks
Blinding me so completely
The brightest of greens
Radiant sunlight through new born leaves
Vibrant shades of contrasting colors
Miles clicking as minds get closer
You took me into your body
I took you into my soul
Heat so devastating
California brush fire
Wiping out all rational thoughts
You clamped yourself around me
Tighter and tighter you gripped me
Finger nails tearing into my flesh
Blood trickling down my flanks
Sensations so complete
We came in unison
Laying sweaty and smiling
I left you the next morning
To never called you back,
Keith Wakeman-Guiffria 1994
Lakewood Ohio
______________________________________________________________________________
I, too, have teeth:
He trashed my gentle being
They thought he was good 4-me
Best friends wanting to make
My train wreck appear before them
To laugh and talk about it
Later over drinks
High-end Black Russians
White Russians
Baileys Irish Crème Coffees
Some friends they were
They knew what he was
Psychopath man about town
Sacrificing me to him
Just because he fed them drinks
Fed their addictions
As they indulged his
With me.
I have something waiting
These friends never to see
Things heading for their lives
I am now bitch
I too have teeth.
Gina White-****** 2012
East Helena Montana
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lost in your eyes, lies and your thighs:
You came on like the zephyr winds
Caught my sails
Blowing me somewhere
Taking me for a tonsil ride
Allowing me to do
Go
And shoot
You swallowed
So lost in your eyes
Lies
And your thighs
I gave you everything
You asked,
I gave
You suggested
I gave
You asked me to fuck you like no other
I gave
Was trapped
Perversions of sex
Better than the best
Nocturnal emissions
With Hollywood stars
No comparison to you
Blank checks
Debit cards and pin
To keep you by my side
I blew off friends of decades
Family paled in no time
You kept sucking me
By mouth and cunt
Faking noises of fulfillment
Sucking me
And I
Gave
Gave
Craved more and more
Lost in your eyes, lies and your thighs
Building me up
Asking for help
Telling me I was your best
Gas bill is due
Huge cock via text
How you cannot wait
Car payment is late
Meet me at Bayshire Cemetary
Love amongst the dead
Kinky
Mortgage is two months in arrears
I can help
And I did
So lost
In her eyes
Lies
And her thighs
She disappeared as fast as she came
As fast I had cum
I lost myself
Lost most of myself
Lost all who loved me
Counselor asked me
What would you do different
Not a damn thing
He said he could not help me
I left his office
Cold winter winds closed around me
So wanting one like her
So wishing to be sucked
Matthew Murphy 1998
FrankFort Kansas
________________________________________________________________________
I have a bullet with your name on it:
I fell for your bullshit
I fell for your lines
I fell
For you
So much talk
Flowers you gave
Sent them to me at work
You built your place
As coworkers were impressed
More blind than I
Cardboards friends I believed
I became so lost
Oceans beckoning my tiny boat
Further sunrises yet unseen
I’d follow your heading
To climax on distant shores
Took me to 5-stars
Made me a lady of desire
We’d coast
Rise rhythmically
Peak
Gasp desires fulfilled
Leaves changing color
Seasons pass
I am so asleep
Something grows within me
Test is positive
We’d talked of marriage
But you needed to right yourself
Financially
I helped you
When I told you of the dr’s visit
You left in 14 hours
I am about to have our child
You are gone
So coldly I look back
I should’ve known
I have a bullet with your name on it
Justification guides me
I gave you my savings
5 grand
Hopes of clearing you
Debts to be covered
So we could wed.
I bought a gun
One set of bullets
They carry your name
Annie Oakly 2011
Aleysk Russia
________________________________________________________________________
Welcome to the World:
I told you I would use you
I told you I could care less about your family and friends
I told you I’d suck you dry
Being drunk
You gave yourself to me
Because you could strut like
Animals on the Learning Channel
Sorry, dumbfuck
Just give me money
That’s what I want
Wear a strong rubber
I will take you
For everything you got
You so begged for more.
A blowjob
A latex barrier
Did you think that meant anything?
Thinking satisfied
Tossing spent cover out the window of brothers Camaro
Leaving drips on the glass
You went wet
I didn’t
But I sucked you
I used you as I said I would
A fool and his money
Sucked my clit honey
Took me into your mouth
A mouthful of my juices
My flavors
Moaning for more
You so took me into you
Never once thinking of tomorrows
Highest order of stiff cocked males
Dicks as brains that control you
Thinking of yourself first
Never thinking of yourself
In future stance
Defenseless
Your future is so limited now
time bomb growing within you
What part of rubber
You entered my pussy
Did you let your guard slip?
I gave you a present
Darling
When you took in my precious juices
Did you lose your mind?
I told you to put on a Trojan
You obliged so freely
But you went south
And sucked and licked me
I never asked you
I even said you shouldn’t
Welcome to the world of AIDS
Hope you got your bags packed…………….
Christina ******** 2008
Fiuggi Italy
________________________________________________________________________
AN: I believe these poems to be a good sample of what I have received thus far. They cover a vast range of human experience.
I will leave the critiques to you, the reader, to comment on them.
Those outside the USA, humble apologies, please use this as a guide/ help to make things easier on me.
-Mark William Darus 2012/04/29
http://translation.paralink.com/
Catherine: Shiny Blue Tool Box II: last try
Catherine’s Story: Last attempt at Emotions.
Part II: The Catherine Stories.
“ONLY”
Titled by Catherine:
(this parts title comes from Catherine <author of Where’s My Fuckin’ Pliers> who
suggested listening to the Anthrax song: Only. Link not posted because it shrinks the font size for some reason>
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Last time I thought I felt love for a man was quite a while ago. I remember it fondly. I also remember how it ended.
It was my last ditch attempt to feel, have some emotion for another and try to make myself like the fuckin’ norm in this sad society. I was trying to be a part of this 96% of this population Mark talks about. Yeah, I checked his stats and according to a psychologist named Hare, Cleckley and several others, proved true.
96% not psychopathic. And only the slightest fraction of us go on killing sprees. Like .1 of that percent. And to think we nonviolent make up over 12 million people here! Fuck!
We must be the only goddamned minority in this country that can’t get recognized or get foodstamps, federal aide or job preferences over everyone else.
We may be fantastic manipulators, serious ass intimidators, cunning and self sufficient, but what does that have to do with how the USA handles minorities? Tell me, are we getting a short dick to reach an orgasm with or what? For the testosterone filled, and sexually worthless males here, some frigid bitch, probably your wife, that can’t even utter: ‘oww, baby! Ah!’ during sex.
Save this for another shitty ass rant. Sorry, man. Tangent gone mad. My bad.
His name was Cliff. I met him at some mixer coworkers took me to. He seemed okay enough. Good job, nice hair and not overly extroverted. He gave me a crapload of bullshit lines I didn’t fall and called his ass on every word.
He so cratered when nailed.
Over a few weeks, we got close. Closer than I had ever got with any man.
I so hated my fuckin’ father. That shithead, pussybitch, cunt, deserved to die, My mother, what mother, fuck her! Glad she kicked too.
Cliff and I went to parks and strolled, watched sunsets, sunrises, had what I thought the nicest of lives together. I thought I might have even felt love for this cockwad, thoughts of marriage, school girl stupid fantasy.
Fuck him.
He was my knight in rusty armor.
I told him my past. Gave him my background and this shit I went through. Details, what happened, the pain I felt every cock-sucking day. He’d hug me, tell me it was in the past. We must get on and go forward. He’d be there for me.
He told me he loved me and I believed this. His eyes, brown and clear. His embrace, so surrounding and caring. His words so sincere.
Once I told him, if only he could see my past as I did. If only he could feel what I had felt then.
If only.
Only.
We made love. It was sweet, tender in its connection and rhythm. We joined, my heart climbed higher with this man than any before him. We drifted off to sleep. I fell into dreamland with a smile I had never known.
The next morning he told me he was married and didn’t want to hurt her. He felt so guilty. So bad and crushed by what he‘d done with me. This mother fucker even had the nerve to say, please don’t think bad of me.
He then asked the most miserable question any dumbass male could pass across cunt scented lips:
“what do you think of me?”
What did I think? Oh yeah, big question there.
Thoughts of my folks crashed on me.
I thought of my father.
I thought of my mother.
I then told him I’d make us breakfast.
I made eggs and bacon and sausage. Toast and coffee.
I treated him royal.
He came to eat when I told him it was done, his silly ass came to my breakfast nook naked. Limp dick just hanging out there, smile on his face.
“glad you’re so good about this, honey,” he said. Caught him by the corner of my eye. His smirk, so fuckin’ bold. He thought he pulled one over on me.
My shinny blue toolbox was on the counter.
Before his flapping dick knew what hit him, I slashed his cock as I gave him his plate of breakfast.
Yeah, bloody pork might not be good, but it is your blood, right dickhead?
He looked shocked. I often wondered why. I could not have been the first women to try something like this. How could I be so bold to try this? Didn’t the Bobbitt incident happen? Didn’t Hillary get fucked over by the President of the United States? Weren’t men excluded from the baseball Hall of Fame for womanizing decades later than what they did and after they put their names on the walls of the place?
As he looked at his free flowing cock, he yelled: “I’ll call the cops!!!”
Calmly, still holding the ten inch butchers knife by my side, I calmly said to him. “so, you wanna this public? Make your company know this? Make your ignorant wife know what you are? Go for it! Here’s my fuckin’ cell! Give it your best shot!”
Feeling my almost lost emotionless, psychopathic abilities flood back with a massive vengeance, I added coldly: “I want at least 750 a month, or I will talk.”
Dumbass says: ‘I’ll deny everything.”
I had his house number. I had his work number. I had him by his tiny, pulling upward balls, and he slowly, fucking stupidly, began to realize it.
“what are you gonna tell her? Some absurd zipper accident when leaving the gym gave you that cut? What are you gonna tell her? Huh?”
I pulled out my small Nikon point and shoot, snapped a pic of him in his morning sadness. My kitchen in background with my walls, coffee machine, my fuckin’ Whirlpool dishwasher. He had the ego to step towards me.
Leveling my knife at chest high, I asked him if he really wanted a different outcome than the Fatal Attraction kitchen incident. Sorry, my aim is much better than that of Glenn Close.
He backed off, grabbed his clothes and split.
Did he pay me?
You betcha! It did take me two calls to his job and three calls to his wife. Sure, I left messages with receptionists and his wife about refinance options on his house. It would only cost him seven-fifty a month.
I then got cash.
Every month. I still get payments.
Women of this land! Fuck love when they fuck you over. You gave them your thoughts, deepest feelings, your faith and emotions. And all they could do was attempt to blow you off? Stand up and take matters into your hands.
Sometimes it takes a knife and an ability to actually wheeled it. Some memory and an ability to remember numbers and the names of those closest to him. Never, and I fucking mean NEVER, be without some form of digital camera with at least 5 plxls to catch the moment and keep his faux ass in check.
Remember this, my sisters: If you kill this asshole, especially after he says shit about being married, you got him. Don’t fail to call the Date Rape card. If you did drugs together, claim Roofies!
<<<AN: The Date Rape drug aka Roofies>>>
The tests for this will show for both parties. Drugs in the systems. You will so have the sympathy of all but the bastards sad ignorant wife, maybe her family, though I doubt it. You will never be brought to trial. Why? You got pics, semen samples that only a President could get away with proving , and alcohol and/or drugs on a TOX screen.
I lost all thought of love and emotions once again. It hurt me. Seriously hurt me to some psychology type core. Fuck love, fuck men and most all of like my parents taught me. Fuck Emotions!
Mr. Mark William Darus, go fuck yourself with the largest of dildos! This blog of yours has hit points that cause me sleepless nights. Flashbacks of yesterdays my shrinks would revel in!, My writings, as your blog has made me compelled to contribute to. My emails give you permission to post, but damn you!
The Prey and Predator alike? Equal ground? You have done this, some peoples GODS can only know how you keep pulling if off.
This really is Psychopathy Another Life. Another Life is quite appropriate.
Did you know where this would lead us all? Did you know you’d hit over 1200 post in a month and a half? Love it here though. In the Spirit of Tron: No problems, No compromise, ONLY solutions…
Catherine.
AN: Thanks, Catherine. I know you made the ‘dildo’ remark as a term of endearment. LOL.
I had no idea this would take off like it did. If I had a sense of pride, I have little doubt I would feel it most strongly.
Only by Antrax, good choice.
Tron: Only Solutions. One of the best Journey songs ever.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Myths, Folktales and The Evil Closest Monster
Myths, folktales and The Evil Closet Monster.
PART I: Let the hunt begin! Tallyho!
It is most easy to spot a Nonviolent Psychopath (NV-P) in a crowd of people. Go to any crowded grocery story, hopefully with 100 people or more shopping. I say a hundred or more based on the statistic that 4% of the population of the USA are psychopaths, so it should be easier for you to spot one, perhaps two. It could also be at your local Hardware store, ( guys so fall to predators at hardware stores. Must have something to do with the word Hard, in hardware.)
PART I: Out of place dude at the grocery store.
You’ve seen them and maybe thought them odd. One thing is for sure: they stand out in the crowd.
The males are the ones with near empty grocery carts, staring blankly at frozen peas, looking over their shoulders periodically to see what hottie will fall into their web. They wait so patiently like a spider that the unsuspecting fly has no clue they are even thinking anything gross or disgusting.
“Are these good frozen peas?” they may say.
“My god! There’s too many to choose from???”
“What they Hell does Orgasmic Product of the US mean?”
This quite frequently gets the woman feeling sorry for this poor schlep of a man. They smile at his poor reading abilities, “I think that says ‘Organic’…”
“Uh, sorry…” he says faking an embarrassed look. “my sick mother asked me to pick her up some peas. Christ, I didn’t know there were this many.”
“Poor baby, lost in the woods, eh?” she says, feeling a tug at her heart as this man is so frustrated trying to help his mother.
“yeah, I’ve been that way since my died two years ago. She was, (sniff sniff) hit by a bus.” He smiles, with a small, though tooth showing, expression.
“ sorry to hear that, let me help you.” She’s getting closer and closer to the sticky web he’s cast. <Okay, fine, I know how Freudian that sounds. J I couldn’t resist.>
What this woman that happened on the frozen peas section of doom didn’t see were the simple telltale signs he displayed.
And after you read this section, you will know them and not end up like her.
PART II: The ACMECOYOTE Hardware MEGA Store! She has the non-sugar walls you need to avoid.
There is this women looking bewildered, though exceptionally gorgeous, standing in front of the circular saws. Every time a store employee asks if she needs assistance, she waves them off with a sultry voice stating she’s only looking.
Enter macho man. This guy is dressed like he walked out of high school shop class. A Harley Davidson T-shirt that reads: RIDE HARD! STAY HARD! that is way too small and too tight, showing off his manly arms and bulging chest. His slightly torn Levi’s, which also happen to be two sizes too small, advertising that he really is sporting a cucumber down there.
Macho dude strolls with a swagger. He walks up to this blond babe wearing flowing brightly colored skirt and oh so tight and pink jog bra. There is a cockiness to his walk, he truly must be a woman's man, no time for talk.
Her hot pink jog bra nailed him like the outside wall at Talladega repeatedly trashes Nascar drivers at 200 miles per hour.
Watching him, his eyes locked on her twin peaks, that the jog bra do not hide, he is clearly thinking one thing. “ooga-chocka! Ooga ooga ooga-chocka, oogo ooga_ I just get this feelin’. deep inside of me…”
He’s sporting a voice like Marvin Gaye with the look of Peewee Herman riding his face as he begins to speak.
“Say, fine lady, you look lost and I’ve got your road map.”
She smiles, mouth opening halfway. Green eyes shining like polished emeralds.
“ I just don’t know which drill to pick out for my father. He’s dying of cancer and I want to get him the best one ever! You see, he wants to make his own coffin as to not burden my brothers and I with the cost of a real one.” her voice falters, eyes dropping to floor.
“Darlin’, these are saws. But any sweet thing could make this mistake. Let me show you.”
He walks her to the power drill area.
She looks at the stock before her, than, looks at his ‘stock’ and says; “so BIG! I just don’t know which to choose.”
“uh, darlin, I can help you this. I know a lot about tools” he so manly states, reaching to scratch his groin like a pro baseball player.
She’s got him now, and damn well knows it!
Yet, how did this obvious man of the world lose control and slam into her wall? <damn, the Freudian lines just keep on coming… J >
We’ll get to the so to easy to read signs soon enough.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What did part one and part two have in common?
Well, besides the obvious stupidity in the places they chose to prey, we missed much.
The half-smiles.
Had they smiled fully, the victim would’ve surely run away when they saw the massive k-9s that only a true predator can possess. Sharp fangs, pointy pointy teeth, as Monty Python so gave warnings of such things that most fail to heed.
Eyes, that may contain colour, but hold pupils as black as the pits of hell.
Other tells: When encountering anyone (especially a man) with a shopping cart that contains the following: One pack of Jimmy Deans pure pork sausage (not pre-cooked), a loaf of cheap bread, (note this: no cold-cuts or peanut butter and jelly), a pack of corned beef, (again, refer to the bread. Not rye and no cheese to compliment this) NO MUSTARD! Two boxes of Captain Crunch cereal (and no Milk), a butchers knife, a box of latex gloves, six packs of JuicyFruit gum and a cheap-ass apron.
Oh yeah, you’re what’s for dinner?
When encountering the hardware chick.
You will buy her the drill and drill bits. You’ll even have her get, and you will pay for these, the largest damn bits there is. You’ll even suggest that she get the heaviest leather tool belt they offer that gives her the most protection.
These people will kill you without giving it a moments thought!
Look at it: Latex gloves? Pork Sausage? Biggest drill bits?
So easy to figure out.
Pork sausage indicates that they are not Jewish, and perhaps maybe Nazi in background. Coupled with the butchers knife, apron and JuicyFruit gum. Juicy fruit, to cleanse their pallet after they have Hannibal Leture’d your ass, apron to dispose of as they slash you to bits with the butchers knife.
Take the time and think about it for a moment.
As far as the Fever Nights guy at the hardware extravaganza.
Well, this is easy to describe. Ever seen the movie Driller Killer? N’uff said.
Predators have flaming eyes, usually burning red with hells fire. Female Predators have flowing hair and come-fuck-me smiles and always wear flowing skirts and too revealing tops. Male predators come off like Bundy’s, acting like a dork with an attachment, like Norman Bates, to their mothers.
They all wear clothes that are out of date, have bad breath and torn fingernails. They talk like no one you ever heard before and they know how to steal your heart, soul and thoughts in milliseconds with a mere sucking in of your air.
They drive good cars, fast crotch rockets, or have a plane waiting.
They are all in league with the devil.
Welcome to the myths , folktales and Closet Monster.
From sheer sight, you cannot spot a NV-P on sight. You cannot pick them out of a crowd as one might find a bad pear in a rack with squeezing it first.
They do not have massive fangs, stares like that of Manson or Lecture, and will not use a butchers knife on you.
Homicidal Psychopaths are easier to find, perhaps using the above guidelines.
Read about Andrei Chikatilo (USSR) and his methods for further understanding. The investigator on him had him nailed years before, but got blocked by USSR parties bullshit before the walls fell. At that point, he NAILED fucker after a nervous breakdown while working the case and being accused of both madness and distortion of evidence. Movie to watch: Citizen X. Starring Donald Sutherland, Stephen Rae, Max Von Sydow . Fantastic movie! Thanks to best brother Dave Rose for showing me this years ago!
The NV-P is a casual beast that walk amongst us. They look and act like you and your friends. Though there are tells mentioned in previous posts from others and myself on my BLOG, most go without further thought to the reader. They do not carry themselves as monsters and only give to others their true selves as they leave.
Well, how do you know who is a NV-P and how isn’t?
Well, do like the styles of olde. Throw some weight on their ankles and toss them in a river. If the sink, they must be evil as wood and ducks floats and evil doesn’t. Put them on a Polygraph. Surely NV-P’s cannot pass those. They are such loathsome and emotionless characters that they could not possibly pass questions regarding emotion and remorse. Keep in mind, most covert-ops have been trained, like most members of the military, can pass those and have given their tricks for doing these so freely to the point they can be found in both books and movies, as well as the Internet.
In conclusion: They are not so easy to spot. There are, however things/actions to look for as mentioned in previous posts to look for. These came from both sides of my BLOG, the that filled their mental/ego bellies and those that were gutted both emotionally and financially.
Thanks for reading. I truly enjoyed writing this installment.
The commercials were from my mind and mine alone. All rights reserved. Implied copyright: 03:30AM on 04/26/2012 EST.
God help us, but if we do go into a Soylent Green mentality, I can handle the advertising for it with no problem whatsoever. Maybe god help me? I laugh, but you, reader, decide that for yourself.
Yours in thought, word, and most of all, writing and bowling!
Mark William Darus.
PART I: Let the hunt begin! Tallyho!
It is most easy to spot a Nonviolent Psychopath (NV-P) in a crowd of people. Go to any crowded grocery story, hopefully with 100 people or more shopping. I say a hundred or more based on the statistic that 4% of the population of the USA are psychopaths, so it should be easier for you to spot one, perhaps two. It could also be at your local Hardware store, ( guys so fall to predators at hardware stores. Must have something to do with the word Hard, in hardware.)
PART I: Out of place dude at the grocery store.
You’ve seen them and maybe thought them odd. One thing is for sure: they stand out in the crowd.
The males are the ones with near empty grocery carts, staring blankly at frozen peas, looking over their shoulders periodically to see what hottie will fall into their web. They wait so patiently like a spider that the unsuspecting fly has no clue they are even thinking anything gross or disgusting.
“Are these good frozen peas?” they may say.
“My god! There’s too many to choose from???”
“What they Hell does Orgasmic Product of the US mean?”
This quite frequently gets the woman feeling sorry for this poor schlep of a man. They smile at his poor reading abilities, “I think that says ‘Organic’…”
“Uh, sorry…” he says faking an embarrassed look. “my sick mother asked me to pick her up some peas. Christ, I didn’t know there were this many.”
“Poor baby, lost in the woods, eh?” she says, feeling a tug at her heart as this man is so frustrated trying to help his mother.
“yeah, I’ve been that way since my died two years ago. She was, (sniff sniff) hit by a bus.” He smiles, with a small, though tooth showing, expression.
“ sorry to hear that, let me help you.” She’s getting closer and closer to the sticky web he’s cast. <Okay, fine, I know how Freudian that sounds. J I couldn’t resist.>
What this woman that happened on the frozen peas section of doom didn’t see were the simple telltale signs he displayed.
And after you read this section, you will know them and not end up like her.
PART II: The ACMECOYOTE Hardware MEGA Store! She has the non-sugar walls you need to avoid.
There is this women looking bewildered, though exceptionally gorgeous, standing in front of the circular saws. Every time a store employee asks if she needs assistance, she waves them off with a sultry voice stating she’s only looking.
Enter macho man. This guy is dressed like he walked out of high school shop class. A Harley Davidson T-shirt that reads: RIDE HARD! STAY HARD! that is way too small and too tight, showing off his manly arms and bulging chest. His slightly torn Levi’s, which also happen to be two sizes too small, advertising that he really is sporting a cucumber down there.
Macho dude strolls with a swagger. He walks up to this blond babe wearing flowing brightly colored skirt and oh so tight and pink jog bra. There is a cockiness to his walk, he truly must be a woman's man, no time for talk.
Her hot pink jog bra nailed him like the outside wall at Talladega repeatedly trashes Nascar drivers at 200 miles per hour.
Watching him, his eyes locked on her twin peaks, that the jog bra do not hide, he is clearly thinking one thing. “ooga-chocka! Ooga ooga ooga-chocka, oogo ooga_ I just get this feelin’. deep inside of me…”
He’s sporting a voice like Marvin Gaye with the look of Peewee Herman riding his face as he begins to speak.
“Say, fine lady, you look lost and I’ve got your road map.”
She smiles, mouth opening halfway. Green eyes shining like polished emeralds.
“ I just don’t know which drill to pick out for my father. He’s dying of cancer and I want to get him the best one ever! You see, he wants to make his own coffin as to not burden my brothers and I with the cost of a real one.” her voice falters, eyes dropping to floor.
“Darlin’, these are saws. But any sweet thing could make this mistake. Let me show you.”
He walks her to the power drill area.
She looks at the stock before her, than, looks at his ‘stock’ and says; “so BIG! I just don’t know which to choose.”
“uh, darlin, I can help you this. I know a lot about tools” he so manly states, reaching to scratch his groin like a pro baseball player.
She’s got him now, and damn well knows it!
Yet, how did this obvious man of the world lose control and slam into her wall? <damn, the Freudian lines just keep on coming… J >
We’ll get to the so to easy to read signs soon enough.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What did part one and part two have in common?
Well, besides the obvious stupidity in the places they chose to prey, we missed much.
The half-smiles.
Had they smiled fully, the victim would’ve surely run away when they saw the massive k-9s that only a true predator can possess. Sharp fangs, pointy pointy teeth, as Monty Python so gave warnings of such things that most fail to heed.
Eyes, that may contain colour, but hold pupils as black as the pits of hell.
Other tells: When encountering anyone (especially a man) with a shopping cart that contains the following: One pack of Jimmy Deans pure pork sausage (not pre-cooked), a loaf of cheap bread, (note this: no cold-cuts or peanut butter and jelly), a pack of corned beef, (again, refer to the bread. Not rye and no cheese to compliment this) NO MUSTARD! Two boxes of Captain Crunch cereal (and no Milk), a butchers knife, a box of latex gloves, six packs of JuicyFruit gum and a cheap-ass apron.
Oh yeah, you’re what’s for dinner?
When encountering the hardware chick.
You will buy her the drill and drill bits. You’ll even have her get, and you will pay for these, the largest damn bits there is. You’ll even suggest that she get the heaviest leather tool belt they offer that gives her the most protection.
These people will kill you without giving it a moments thought!
Look at it: Latex gloves? Pork Sausage? Biggest drill bits?
So easy to figure out.
Pork sausage indicates that they are not Jewish, and perhaps maybe Nazi in background. Coupled with the butchers knife, apron and JuicyFruit gum. Juicy fruit, to cleanse their pallet after they have Hannibal Leture’d your ass, apron to dispose of as they slash you to bits with the butchers knife.
Take the time and think about it for a moment.
As far as the Fever Nights guy at the hardware extravaganza.
Well, this is easy to describe. Ever seen the movie Driller Killer? N’uff said.
Predators have flaming eyes, usually burning red with hells fire. Female Predators have flowing hair and come-fuck-me smiles and always wear flowing skirts and too revealing tops. Male predators come off like Bundy’s, acting like a dork with an attachment, like Norman Bates, to their mothers.
They all wear clothes that are out of date, have bad breath and torn fingernails. They talk like no one you ever heard before and they know how to steal your heart, soul and thoughts in milliseconds with a mere sucking in of your air.
They drive good cars, fast crotch rockets, or have a plane waiting.
They are all in league with the devil.
Welcome to the myths , folktales and Closet Monster.
From sheer sight, you cannot spot a NV-P on sight. You cannot pick them out of a crowd as one might find a bad pear in a rack with squeezing it first.
They do not have massive fangs, stares like that of Manson or Lecture, and will not use a butchers knife on you.
Homicidal Psychopaths are easier to find, perhaps using the above guidelines.
Read about Andrei Chikatilo (USSR) and his methods for further understanding. The investigator on him had him nailed years before, but got blocked by USSR parties bullshit before the walls fell. At that point, he NAILED fucker after a nervous breakdown while working the case and being accused of both madness and distortion of evidence. Movie to watch: Citizen X. Starring Donald Sutherland, Stephen Rae, Max Von Sydow . Fantastic movie! Thanks to best brother Dave Rose for showing me this years ago!
The NV-P is a casual beast that walk amongst us. They look and act like you and your friends. Though there are tells mentioned in previous posts from others and myself on my BLOG, most go without further thought to the reader. They do not carry themselves as monsters and only give to others their true selves as they leave.
Well, how do you know who is a NV-P and how isn’t?
Well, do like the styles of olde. Throw some weight on their ankles and toss them in a river. If the sink, they must be evil as wood and ducks floats and evil doesn’t. Put them on a Polygraph. Surely NV-P’s cannot pass those. They are such loathsome and emotionless characters that they could not possibly pass questions regarding emotion and remorse. Keep in mind, most covert-ops have been trained, like most members of the military, can pass those and have given their tricks for doing these so freely to the point they can be found in both books and movies, as well as the Internet.
In conclusion: They are not so easy to spot. There are, however things/actions to look for as mentioned in previous posts to look for. These came from both sides of my BLOG, the that filled their mental/ego bellies and those that were gutted both emotionally and financially.
Thanks for reading. I truly enjoyed writing this installment.
The commercials were from my mind and mine alone. All rights reserved. Implied copyright: 03:30AM on 04/26/2012 EST.
God help us, but if we do go into a Soylent Green mentality, I can handle the advertising for it with no problem whatsoever. Maybe god help me? I laugh, but you, reader, decide that for yourself.
Yours in thought, word, and most of all, writing and bowling!
Mark William Darus.
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