Seeing and catching: Wanting going backward in time.

                                          

                     Seeing and catching: Wanting going backward in time.      

                               My wishes for the Gettyburg PA, USA trip.

                                             by Mark William Darus

           

                                        Part of a letter sent to several.

 I hope you can use what I will be taking as a teaching tool as you are a history teacher.

 

I'm heading to Gettysburg next week for the 150th anniversary. I will be camping there on the 1st thru 3rd. You being a history teacher: Is there anything you would like me to shoot while I am there?

 

(I plan on heavy shooting on the 2nd from Little Round Top <Chamberlain of the 20th Maine looking down as well as the Souths futile attempt to take that high ground.> I plan on shooting from Devils Den as well. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, as well as Robert E. Lee, was my greatest hero of our Amerikan  Civil War. His sheer audacity and leadership saved the day. I am getting goosebumps writing this: Heidi: I will be on the same ground, same place one hundred and fifty years later at the same time! HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? I can't wait to photo it as my mind wanders to areas of what it must have been like for both sides during this battle.

 

My higher power/god, just think about it: Chamberlains men, out of ammo as the South keeps trying, bloody attempt after another to take the hill. Chamberlain gathers his officers together, coldly gives them orders on how to do a Closing Door maneuver and crush the Southern attempts. His officers look at him as if insane as he states, 'we're out of ammunition, what else can we do?' He then screams in desparation: "FIX BAYONETS!"

 

Imagine being a southern soldier, fighting for air as you climb the same hill for the third, perhaps fifth time after being repulsed  and see several hundred men coming at you with bayonets aimed straight at you.

 

Fight or flight?

 

At that point, undoubtedly due to exhaustion, gave up on the South on the 2nd day of this battle. Keep in mind: The temps were in the 90's, humidity very high. They wore wool uniforms and clothing underneath it. Their body temps had to be near heatstroke. These were men 150 years ago that body-proud humans of today would have a hard meagerly mirroring for a single hour before keeling over.

 

I wish to shoot from Buford's view on day one of the conflict. He knew he couldn't hold this ground, advised his officers of this and they followed him nonetheless. He was horrifically under-manned. (ironically speaking: The South usually were the same in the first two years of this war, and they won battle after battle.) I want to photo the Souths angle going toward Buford in an attempt to see how they took Day One.

 

Day Three? I plan on photographing from the South Artillery placement, General James Longstreet order, via Robert E. Lee, to have General Pickets army as they left the relative safety of the wooded area to the North's cutting them to bits with cannon, muskets and canister fire in a field of over a mile in both length and width.

 

I also plan on getting Culps Hill, pEACH oRCHERD, (sorry about the Capslock shit) and Wheatfield.

 

What, as a teacher of history, would you like me to catch? Let me know before Saturday June 29th 2013. You may think yourself not a teacher of such, yet you truly are.  

 

I so cannot wait for this chance! My cameras batteries at the ready, memory cards giving me over 2200 shots to take in the three days. My mind, well? I may not be like most of you, but so help me, I will make my words empathetic as I write about this walk into history and those affected as my thoughts catch glimpses of things. Be them glimmers of an onlooker and their thoughts to thinking of what it must have been like for those that fought the 3 days. I wish to be taken into the mind of a child that has fled his parents security to see this fighting first hand and the brutality of mankind. I wish to find myself looking down on it from the eyes of a bird, perhaps and Eagle, and wonder why. Think of the viewpoint of the civilian men and woman that buried the thousands upon thousands of dead that were never really written about.

 

      You all know I am  NOT NORMAL nor traditional in any respect. I hope to create something this trip better than any other thing I have ever done on this earth. With photos and writings based on inspiration alone, make something historically meaningful for my readers on the blog, facebook friends and anyone else that happens to wander in for whatever reason.

 

       On the other hand, maybe I am doing this selfishly. Maybe I just wish to 'feel' something, anything not sexuality related once again as I did many, many decades ago. I'm blind walking a desert on this plain with myself. Granted, I am comfortable with this place, yet I wonder if there isn't something more. I hear others exclaim to the wonders of love and happiness, to later hear them talk words of hate and wanting pain for those they spoke of love about within three months to 15 years of separation or divorcing them from their lives.

 

        Granted, being human, each situation for separation is unique, though I'd argue this as, for the most part, the song remains the same on most occasions. Allow me to say this though: You have to feel hurt when a loved one goes sideways on you, departs themselves from you, basically looks at you and says: I DON'T WANT YOU IN MY LIFE ANY FURTHER.  Been there, it sucked to some extent.

 

        Sorry for my ramblings, I do so go that way though, don't I?

 

        The 1st thru 3rd of July 2013 will be my greatest challenge to date with photography and writing ability. I cannot wait to walk and talk with strangers for their input around Gettysburg PA, USA as they view its sights and its things as it may take them elsewhere.

 

        I may be damned for my myriad of sins, but I am blessed as well. I this awesome!

 

        Mark William Darus, your brother, comrade, lover, writing, fly on the wall, and friend. You all rock in my mind!

 

 

Mark William Darus 06282013

Help Calgary: (no photos). People are going homeless in a peaceful place.

C'mon America! Dig into your pockets and help the Homeless evacuees of Calgary! Yeah, why should we do this? Well, how about the fact they sheltered and sent several Americans back to their families during the 1979 Iranian Hostage crisis. T...hat lasting 444 days for most of the hostages.

Another point: Have they ever threatened us in any way? Want another reason? Did any time in history did we ever ARM them against another and have it blast back on us? Sure, it would be the right and good thing to do. Damn, sorry for my ignorance: They are our friends already, so I guess we don't need to buy them in a crisis, right? We thanked them with increasing import taxes on pine products and cut their US tourism there with us needing passports. If you wish to help, and I urge you to do so, get info here: https://www.facebook.com/neighbourlinkcalgary

As You Exhale Freely…

                                      As You Exhale Freely…
                              Should I get a degree in Psychology?
                                      By Mark William Darus

           Imagine your words and thoughts like your escaping breath on chilly morning, taking cloudy forms, sometimes going into circles and other times into other shapes, like clouds. Yet, unlike clouds to most, carrying meaningful things you share with me as I see them.


              The sky above you goes from black to the West toward blues reaching lighter hues of orange to pinks finally splashing toward raging fiery reds to the East. Another days sun awakens as you speak to me both verbally and physically. Your tonal qualities greet my ears, your movements create pictures to my eyes as my mind mates them.

              I see what I see. I hear the things I do. I take the time to try to live in ‘your shoes’ as I process different than most of you. I believe that makes the difference with me. I’m not afraid to dive into the minds of others and toss things about. I have a strong enough sense of self that I fully know I will never lose myself again as I go toward others journeys of exploration.

              I don’t feel like most of you, but I sense things clearly, perhaps on an altered way of viewing. I know the difference between right and wrong. With myself, it is all black and white, though I understand with others this is not the case. I believe this is where I was given a gift at birth. That gift being: Seeing things from others views, taking their emotions in consideration while being honest with them and cold in that process.

             I don’t experience pain, but I know others do and it affects them profoundly. Be it the death of loved one, a coworker, and lifelong pet, I understand how people hurt when these things occur. Their lives take on a change with a passing of a close one, more often than not, going introspective. They view their time with them, how it was spent, and your god forbid: slaving endlessly over the last argument you had with them. Would you dwell on every wrong thing you said to them? Do you really wish to think of how you could have done things differently in your time with them?

                Sure, you could learn from these areas. But take that in perspective as days walk to weeks, stroll into months, and waste to years. There’s always something to learn in each moment of our lives. If you have an open mind, great.

           Most fail to look back on the happy times shared and the stupid laughter created from falling off barstools to getting seriously splashed by a car in the curb lane after a heavy rain as they walk down the street. A belch or fart at a wrong moment, heard by many. The blush after saying the word “shit” in front of others at an undesirable and corporately inappropriate moment during a speech. Saying something they found funny and watching them blow Pepsi out their nostrils as caught off guard. The best moments to look back on besides the secret connections you had with them. Gain strength in this: Yes, you miss them. Yes, right now you hurt. Right now, they are not hurting. And this is my personal favorite: If you believe in a here-after/otherness, you will be with them again. Granted, this time they’ll have the drinks waiting for you… J

            I am perceptive. I read things very well in regards to others as they talk and move about. I can tell a genuine smile from a faker at 50 to 100 feet away. (and yeah, I tested this at several venues for personal calibration: sporting events, bars, street corners and funeral homes. I simply walked up to the smiler’s and asked them a single question or said they were faking, after angling them aside: From their answers, and their stances changing, I gauged from that. Keep in mind, I’ve been doing this for decades.)

            The best part of this perceptive ability/gift is how it gives me an ability to be truthful to others without the politically correct bullshit that seems to run like a plague in the United States. Clearly, soundly and as subtle as a chainsaw performing an abortion, I do something different for others when they ask me questions about their life and how to get over or cope with certain areas they continuously suffer with/from.

           In the last nine months I have attempted to be a therapist for over 39 people across our climatically morphing blue marble. Chatted with when available, emailing firmly, phoning when workable. Granted, one augured in and killed themselves after I tried for them to seek help locally (Ukraine). People will die no matter how hard we try. Seriously, think about this: Every surgeon knows how to cut, remove, splice and save, yet survival does not always happen. That’s life, or perhaps better said, death? In that span of time, you’ve read, or maybe you haven’t, reader comments listed here.

       I try with little hope to find what makes us human, yet with each of you that send me your thoughts and desires I gain further ideas.

       I will go on.

          Should I get a worthless degree in Psychology or just keep doing as I do? There’s a time and a place to die and this ain’t it.

Mark William Darus 06262013

Blackmail: International Internet Psychopaths.

                   
                             Forgetting your instincts yet again.
                                         By Mark William Darus.

Hasn’t the internet made connecting with one another a few simple keystrokes away in virtual real time versus the old time newspaper personals with voice ads, and the cumbersome ways of simply saying ‘hello’ to a stranger to me them?

Haven’t we grown amazingly great in areas of connections with others?

Nowadays we can even do this a half planet away with our cell phones. A few told me ten years ago we’d be doing this, and I’d thought them off their rocker.

I wish I had believed them. Had I, I have little doubt I’d be rich from the stock market by now as it technology exploded toward a communication age a mere ten to fifteen years. At that point, Pagers lost their foothold to birth of cell phones.

These days, friends sit in restaurants together, yet not totally so as they all clutch smart phones in hands and blindly text others not in personal audience instead of appreciating a moment together physically with others within inches of them. I see this a great deal and am approaching a point I wish to verbally cut them in half with my tongue.

How far have we gone when reaching others?

Have we gone to areas reaching intimacy without face to face encounters?

How far has our trust in technology caused us to disregard our instincts?

How vulnerable are you as you give yourself to others so ignorantly?

Did you ever think you’d be blackmailed by trusted internet gathered others as you shared yourself with them?

　

Did they suck you into their trusting vortex to make you go naked with them online? Masturbation to climax, filming your gasps, desires and moans for more as they fueled this on with such things said as: “Oh baby! Squeeze your nipples, suck your tit, dig deeper into your cunt! You know I love you, baby!! <And that should be the catch-phrase: you know I love you, baby. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! YOU HAVE NEVER MET THEM FIRST HAND! Why should you trust them?

Apparently many do and fall victim to Western Union blackmail scams.

Granted these scams are based in the USA, as the men and women more at prey in other countries fall ‘innocent victims’ than those here in the USA with our own. Citizens of the USA are far more cynical yet oddly just as vulnerable and let allow themselves to be devoured in other ways.

Human desires without logic are based solely on emotion. Emotion makes for bad decisions.



How does this occur?

Look at your life and what you want to make happen in it.



Rule one: and I did state this over a year ago here: Predators will find you and your weaknesses and you should only trust as it is deserved and observed over time: weeks/months/years. Sorry to say this: Most emotional humans are weak and will dive toward any stranger when wanting a gap to fill in their life and thus make them vulnerable.

Rule two: listen to your closest friends and family. They have been with you a great span of time. You’ve known them decades of your life. You’ve shared with them your deepest and most coveted secrets. Yet you dismiss their words of warnings as you swim deeper into a pool without Life-rings to save you as you drown. Go ahead and let yourself drown. If they are good friends, they’ll take you back and aid in your recreation.

Rule Three: At least 4% of our population will use and eat the 96% of you as we see fit to reach our gains. How many times can I say this? I so hope you not only read the words on my blog and dig into to words/thoughts between the lines.

Humanity itself, as if through evolution, created something far variant than the difference between tadpoles and frogs, those like myself exist in your world. We appear physically like you. We can smile, laugh, mimic your frowns and sadness, yet your emotion touches nothing with us.

Yet, I can say this.

　

Ladies and gentleman: When growing in an internet relationship, and perhaps the desperate loneliness of your existence propels you to such doldrums, reconsider going naked and masterbating on a cam for someone you have never met.

.

If you have fallen to such schemes and blackmail, at least here in the USA, contact the USA CIA/FBI or Homeland Security or even the IRS for that matter as they always wish for gaining other cash flows.

Simplest way to prevent being blackmailed by American internet Blackmailers: A line said the movie The Lost Boys (about vampires). Never invite vampires into your house, silly boy! It renders you powerless!

Trust your instincts!

Mark William Darus 06222013

　

I would humbly like to thank Yvette (the Netherlands) for its inspiration. Thanks, Yvette.

Gettysburg PA, It 150th anniversary coming close.

                                           Walking into death: Gettysburg PA.
                                                 by Mark William Darus

                         Historical Note: The One hundredth fiftieth anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg PA is coming up close.

 

                 I am so glad my shop will be closed this week to give me the opportunity to photograph this event.

 

                I plan on walking Pickets charge: a mile of open ground between them (the South and the North Cannons sights.) Imagine being in their shoes, each step you take getting you closer to the last step you will ever take on this Earth. And Knowing this!)

 

               Think of a different time in our countries life, where men would do such acts of gallantry and their wives and mothers dealt with their deaths and deformities seldom written by anyone.

 

                Talk about mass suicides like Guyana and Jimmy Jones, yet these men, most hardened fighters knew too well and General Longstreet did: It would be a long and slow walk to their deaths.

 

               Close your eyes for a moment and think of you and your loved ones if they met an event such as this head-on.

 

               America is such a young country in the history of the world. We don't learn from our mistakes very well, like some stubborn child. I think Gettysburg will happen again in our history as this really needs to occur to create a change for the better for all Americans lives.

 

 

    Mark William Darus 06152012

                                

Arabian Knights start: One thousand Reads in Six day.

Ember,

Not sure how this week unfolded, yet it did.

 

You told me approximately when I broke 20,000 hits this last weekend and I thank you and your gentle kiss on my cheek when this occurred. This, thru your enthusiastic tone gave me such a mental hard-on, yet only sleep would yield an appropriate orgasm of mental satisfaction.  

 

I am an idiot. I am pleased by my minds creations thru my thoughts and photos and how its greeted by the world.

 

You are an idiot for believing in me as I can offer you no safe harbor. No sense of stability profound, little sense of your belief in your dreams of a better life. I can only give you what I am and what I do at any given point. Curve balls, sliders and my worst trait: Honesty.

 

1001 Arabian Nights, though I only have about 200 nights stories to cast this direction, I yet think it kind of cool to have created them. I have a lot to write to hit 1001 entries. At the rate I currently write, I've got about 5 more years left. Given reader desires and self thoughts, I can do this and am driving toward this challenge.

 

Tell me: Where are all the thoughts shared not deserving of my thought and publishing on my blog? Many hundreds have sent me email with comments and stories. If there were but a hundred hours in a day...

 

I love to write the ugly and disgusting of humanity. I think eventually my photography will find a ghastly point of depression.  I love to write what I believe to be the truth. I photograph as I do, write about it giving me balance, equilibrium.  Sorry, sounds like bullshit to me...

 

I write and keep pushing. I don't give two shits what anyone thinks about me as I do what I do. I do this simply because I hear a calling different from others. I am guilty of sedition on our country and let them lock me up for it.

 

Seriously: When we cast off as the bible suggest about vanity, self absorbance, and pride, (and granted on this I have two out of three strikes against me)  people should do what they can for one another.

 

I'd like to think with my blog I have been the best man that I can. With its words and stories I have tried to teach others things of life, perhaps from an odd viewpoint, yet I have tried to reach out with the help of others to teach.

 

You should do the same in your life.

 

Ember: Everyone Else on Here: Search your heart: would this hurt you so much? Would you trust me so much to toss your ass into a world so far away from you, surrendering your control to the unknown  for a single night/day? Would you do this to find something else about yourself to give to others.

 

      Ember Have an idea for you, my cherished one. You'll hate it if I can make it happen. I'm such a prick. I cause pain in others with my honesty and hurt you.   So  tell me how the earth likes to the poundings of the rain to make plants and vegetables grow from it? Water torture sucks. Chinese water torture and so forth.

 

Ember: and others:  You so desperately think as you become scared, your stomach begins to plunge to your pit. THUD, as it hits bottom with you. Experiencing panic wishing to engulf you fully, running blindly. That this is the End of you. Surely, there is only so much a life can withstand before auguring in and diving down.

 

Yet, only a fraction of you go fully and mate their earthly beings with that of the pavement.

 

 

Learn from me. I have been without a great deal in the United States Of America.

 

 I have been beaten down so much in the last year and a half as you have seen. Lack of cash, tossing an arm toward plasma money,  living a winter without gas heat, eventually having my electricity shut off for the last one and half months of winter. The gas got shut off in November of 2012. HEAP told me I did not qualify even though when I applied there I was denied unemployment from the State Of Ohio and Progressive Insurance. Progressive, via the State of Ohio called me a thief. 

 

                     I have had help from others. I did not ask for this. I think it is from this that is the true description of a friend.

 

     I got a job from my youngest daughter to gain coin.

 

                Yet I, when able, still kept posting my thoughts.

 

            If I were capable of what you call love, I might look at you this way,

Mark,

Mark William Darus. 06072013

 

 

To the people of 84 countries: My humble thanks for your support.

                  THIS IS FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU: STAND TALL AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS!!!

                          Never lose the twinkle in your eye or the  smirk on your face that pushes you forward, makes your mind wander toward the fantastic and unknown, and be happy.

                            Hold and sometimes fight to keep your mind opened fully to all this life has to give.  Dive deep into murky waters, feel the heat of the sun on exposed limbs, allow yourself the freedom to simply be you in lands that wish conformity for all. Listen to others, yet never ever lose yourself.

                             Be she alive or dead, when in doubt: Never be afraid to run to your mommy if she earned it with you. Though many of you did have bad moms, most of you had a mommy figure in your life. Take strength from their teachings.

                            Never fear being looked as an asshole before others. Make a small snowman on a brick wall for others to perhaps see and smile at when a first snowing occurs. Sure, some dickhead will knock it down before their friends. Oh well, such is life.

Try to notice innocents down every road you travel. Smiles most real, bathed in the light of the amazing, sincere. Yes, this was taken last xmas and it's subjects plastic, made, perhaps in lots of millions, yet people can be the same way sometimes in their lives.

 

(Easter Egg Hunt Girl: 2012)

 

Never forget what it was like to be a child. The world before you then, as your eyes, nose, ears and mouth took everything in as it was brand new and fresh to you. Everything was beautiful and precious.

                             

Stay alert and aware. There are predators that will always seek you out. They will use you and hurt you and leave you an empty shell. Know this: If you follow your instincts as well as your heart, you will never be used unless you truly wish to be. >many feel a need to 'pay dues' as a result of feeling guilty for using another.< Well, keep this in mind: I do not believe anyone over the age of 30 isn't guilty of using another for their own personal gain at some point. Sure, like any rule, there are exceptions to this, but frankly, the lone couple I know are an anomaly.

                    

             Eating is important. Granted, I am sorry if you are like me on this one. I tend to only eat unless I get headaches as I simply forget to eat. I've been this way for years as if you do not live with anyone to gauge this by their hunger, you simply forget. So eat. 

                               

Sleep is also important. C'mon, who amongst us hasn't had mates drift off,   their tongues hanging out while they drooled?

 

Isn't snuggling, cleaning one another important as well as all else? We can do this in so many ways, can't we? By simply being their for another, even that of a complete stranger to us, best friend, lover, mate or other desiring some small connection to make them feel less alone on our Blue Marble, any interaction can make a huge difference to another.

 

At this time, I'd like to thank everyone.

I mean everyone.

You found me from 84 Countries.

I don't know how.

I am grateful.

You've kept me alive and pushing.

 

Stand tall each and everyone of you!

 

Listed in no specific order:

 

USA
Russia
Ukraine
United Kingdom
Mexico
Brazil
Chile
Germany
Malta
Canada
Bulgaria
Sweden
Israel
Croatia
Greenland
Thailand
China
Malaysia
Belize
India
Norway
Latvia
Afghanistan
Slovakia
South Korea
Vietnam
Guam
Philippines
Japan
Cuba
Cherokee Nation <not sure how that worked>
Wales
North Korea
Switzerland
Austria
Trinidad and Tobago

　 Venezuela
Ireland
France
Scotland
Greece
Laos
Taiwan
Serbia
Finland
Algeria
New Zealand
Poland
Hungary
Guinea-Bissua
El Salvador
Democratic Republic of the Congo
Singapore
Yemen
Oman
Nepal
Iceland

Denmark

The Netherlands

Latvia

Spain

Jordan

Cambodia

Monaco

Gibraltar

Romania

Israel

Liechtenstein

Czech Republic

Egypt

Belgium

Isle of Man

Falkland Islands

Kyrgyzstan

Singapore

Iceland

Greenland

Pitcairn Islands

Senegal

I believe this capture to be one of my best. I got this from riding a Tram. I have no idea who this woman is. Her smile and the words to her left say it all in my opinion.

 

Thank you!

Mark William Darus 06052013

Go to the Borderline. Greet it with a smirk. Go further.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS_h2AR3gpg

 

 

 

 

 

                
                                   

Turning grey like a Face in the Paper:Hitting 20,000

 

Eyes Turning Grey Like a Face in the Paper.

Hitting 20,000 visits.

Credit where it so earned: Making a dream occur with me.

     
     Thank you so very much, Dearest Reader!
By Mark William Darus.

　
A dream of mine a year ago was to have 5000 visits on this blog by my birthday, that being July 26 2012. Well, that didn’t happen. Not by a long shot. On my birthday I had about 3,300.

Though not discouraged, I did as told and kept writing, digging deeper, asking questions endlessly about what makes us human. Developing an nonthreatening place where readers could submit emails to me about their lives for publishing here with total anonymity . Both the Predators (nonviolent Psychopaths) and the Prey (the victims of nonviolent Psychopaths) began sending me emails of what they wanted to share with others.
Somehow, Psychopathy: Another Life went global and I am profoundly it did, though I am clueless as to how this occurred…

I believe my sister Holly pushed me on a few things. Keep in mind, a pushing can be a really good thing if you have an open mind and clear line of vision. It was from her sharing with me her disliking for this blog that made the ‘Interview’ entries occur. Taking her extensive knowledge of writing into consideration, I created two questionnaires: one for the Predators and the other for the Prey and submitted them to her for her thoughts. She believed them well conceived and I ran from there. This was in Mid May 2012.

 

Below was my first cover

This the second.

Thanks to Ryn Cricket and Deborah Glaefke Gilbert for choosing me. I made a huge difference to me!

 

Things took off from there, yet they did so slowly.
Once again: I wanted 5000 reads/hits before my 07262012 B-day.

 

About two weeks before my fiftieth birthday, I purchased a digital Kodak Easyshare camera from Big Lots ( a store here in Ohio that gets products that just don’t sell in places like Kmart, WalMart, Best Buy and end up on their shelves about 75% off what their asking price was.) Always liking photography over the decades of my life, I got it and went digital. I soon became addicted once again to a life of capturing images of the world just I had done over the years with psychology and going over people and their situations. It was with this camera, about a month after I had it, I captured a shot that would become my first published photograph and used for a book cover. In all honesty, I did take the shot, but it was Gretchen Phillips that pointed out the anomaly to me in the first place. This shot led to a second cover shot, taken with a different camera. This second shot, eerie in its nature, is going toward other covers.

People often ask me: “What did you get paid for those first two book cover shots?”

 To that I can only answer: “Monetarily speaking? Nothing. Spiritually? They kept me alive as on August 18 2012 I was fired from Progressive Insurance. First time I was ever fired from any job. Note the time frame here. I got back into photography a mere month before the music stopped and I, left without a chair, got canned, fired, TERMINATED, SACKED (as the British would say)

Looking back, I wonder if my blog had anything to do with it? Granted, after the Progressive Insurance observed leave of absence and FMLA approved, I was diagnosed Bipolar, though when I returned, many would ask me: “Wow, what happened?” I’d either honestly tell them I was on a Mental leave or laughingly: A psycho vacation. (Let’s be honest here: What is the difference between those two statements, really? Frankly, Nothing in my opinion. Sure, some wished to know because they had their beliefs and wanted gratification, where as others sincerely wanted to know. You can seriously find those that like you and those that don’t based on their reactions.

Go on, try it and find out! If you aware, you can read them and find those you thought ‘real friends’ quickly become plastic as you view them in your rear view mirror as they fade into oblivion in your life over time.
　
Yet photography found a place with my thoughts.

Creating a peace that shoved me down other avenues.

Places that would cause me to experiment with drugs going further as realities driven to otherlands.

Let me state this : Heroin is a disgusting trip. Sure , moments of extreme euphoria followed by shitting your pants and dealing with it. Really? Tried it twice months ago. Not worth it. Booze is better, and even then the lack with beer as a gateway. Allergic to weed, so this avenue is a closed steel fence.

 

The entries after figuring how to post my photographs and words seemed to hit better.

　

Well, we somehow hit 20,000 reads, you and I. We did this together.

I’m so glad I’m not what others see as normal. I'm so glad I don't belong!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yWUyuTFxsc


                 Through their words/thoughts, so many wish me to be dead. Like that won't become a reality someday. Their words, like a fire extinguisher, hoping vanquish before things spread.

                   Sorry to say this to you: You can learn from evil as easily as you can from goodness if you have a sense of the god you hold so high in your life and what it teaches you.

                   Of all the organized religions out there, Christianity and their self proclaimed servants of Christ find me most evil and a child of Satan. Most often in their emails to me, they'd misspell things and call me a child of Santa. I'd ask them if they meant The Grinch, and they'd spew their most disgusting of wishes.  I thought it cool/kewl on most lines.  

              So many of these Christians wanted me to experience castration without sedatives, alcohol and to no further infect the gene pool. They became more infuriated when I told them I had a vasectomy after my second daughter was born. It was then they attacked one I held most loyal and still do ever after over 20 years of divorce. She is stronger now as I still speak to hear periodically. Like only 3 others in my life, her being the forth quarter, I'd be totally incomplete. They called her so many names decades ago in regards to kids being with me. The further I explained this to these utter fucking idiots, they didn't get it: I explained she is finishing school, finding herself as she didn't have a chance to long ago, dig in,m grow, get strength of self,  THESE SO CALLED CHRISTIANS wanted to fry her ass like a witch in colonial Boston Mass (probably not historically correct, but you get my meaning,.)


                  Religion is what you may hold as the back stop to your heart and mind. That is a good thing as you hold it firmly in your life. Carry on, carry on.... Does your religion and faith breed Hatred against others? If it does, perhaps you should reconsider things in you heart and mind as your parents taught you otherwise. Sure, question things as they appear to you. Christ in Christianity gave us free will. Yet, take it a step further if you can.

               I have friends that are held over decades in sound standing, gay, whores, stupid and wise, serious sinners and psychopaths, drug addicts, saints, enlightened, educated and uneducated and ignorant and totally windswept of sincere guidance. Because they chose a different crossroad in their lives  as any of us, are they any less worthy  of finding  a light bulb shinning in their heads?  >> as I edited this paragraph, I had to thank an angel of my past, Winky. The first editor I ever had. She's gone on and amazing. I am grateful for the time I had with her.   One of the most truly amazing women I have ever been graced by knowing and sharing a phase of life with<<

 pPgeon hole you in relation to those you hold most high in your life, memories of them standing by you at your worst, or their disclaimers about themselves while sharing the starkest of things about themselves? And whilst they stood by your side, if their sexual preference for a mate was shared with you, would you  have wished them eternal fires of Damnation if it differed from your parents teachings/churches programmings?

          And if you did, turned your back to one so close in your life, as they shared a love you could not understand, could it be considered an honest fault on your behalf?

                    Could you have done a "LOYALTY 180" and made yourself a fucking idiot totally while feel justified for doing so if you were not a psychopath? I bet most of you did and will continue to do so.

                   Programming is the strongest tool of church backgrounds from our youth, this being a  gift from our parents. Their words, shared  ,we are taught 'mommy and and daddy' and words/phrases like: "I/we love you! and "Don't, Stop!"

                    Like it's not a MindScramble as we get older and interpret for ourselves, to explain questions further.,

                   This could  also explain the increasing number of those gaining Social Security Disability checks under the age of 25 years old in the glorious land of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Yeah, let's freely give to those that  TRULY NEVER GAVE A DIME TO A SYSTEM AND DENY EVERY SINGLE TINY LITTLE MOTHER FUCKER THAT EARNS LESS THAN 10 DOLLARS AN HOUR TO SUPPORT THOSE THAT NEVER TRIED honestly,  A RIGHT FOR IT AFTER WHILE MILLIONS WORKED 20-30-40 YEARS FEEDING IT. Yeah, when those that work for decades apply for disability, it is as they are nothing more than a dairy cow claiming their last tit fell off to prove worthy.

Think about it and email me either at my email anonymously or toss your guts out their in a facebook email. Either way, if you don't want your name out there, you know IT WON'T BE. I WILL ALWAYS RESPECT THAT WHICH YOU DO WANT DISPLAYED, YET, AT YOUR WISH, POST YOUR DESIRES WITH A FAKE NAME AND PLACE.


             You read me, my thoughts  reaching you as you continuously visit. I am amazed by this. You go deeper  as you send me your stories and happenings and questions push me further into areas I am happy to do so, of arenas both fiercely disgusting and amazingly brilliant.

              Those that take to time to read me.

                        You propel me with your visits/hits on Psychopathy: Another Life.
                         
                       To those that comment with approval for this place created: Stand tall for what you wanted posted here and what I was able to do.  You are both Predator and Prey in this digital realm I created not much over a year ago.

            Call me an idiot, perhaps a sincere Predator thatlearned from being Prey, tell me how we do not need one another to exist completely.

             Well, I need to shut this entry down and find photographs for it.

             I did not hit over 20,000 hits without help.

             Though there is an obscure order, pay it no attention.

             To the bringer of both darkness and light to me and what I can learn from them both in every aspect of my small life. I owe everything I do to you and gifts you bring me.

             A few days ago, I had a f-book friend that described me for having 'tenacity' with my photography. I'd share that opinion in regards to my words and life in general.

                                                    My Humble Thanks:

             To the Rose family. Well, don't any of you ever hesitate to call me as Dave won't when he'd like help. He's an Alpha male. Like I care about that! I will always and continously do so help him at any point in his families life.

                     He and I are not friends.

                     David and I are not brothers.

                     I cannot say I love this man.

                     I would freely, without question, die for he or his family

                     Toss out kidney, lung, blood

                      that they could live.

                      I would have died decades ago without them.....

                      I hold he and his family highest in my life.


                    To Winky. My first editor, best friend over decades with so few in my fall-outs proving themselves worthy to me.

             To my Children: Learn things faster than I did. Expand your mind and freely ask questions. Work hard to achieve your desires and most importantly, your dreams!

                  My sister: You've always been somewhat supportive of me, yet still. Holly, I cooked a dinner for you and your man a year Feb 2012 and as a result of an email I sent to, having a Masters in Communication, I have tried and failed for months to cook for you. I know I do not suck as a cook. Still, I thank you nonetheless for the blog 20,000 reads.

                In all honesty: my sister Heidi doesn't like my blog. In truth, she really has nothing to share about this with me.

                Michelle K: you are mostly quiet on the blog. I know you don't like it.

               Dave T: Thanks for asking me questions about Tara.

               Gretchen:  You don't understand it yet you know it means something to me: THANKS FOR TELLING ME WHEN I BROKE THE 20 THOUSAND BARRIER!  \

                    Gretchen: you did this knowing full well i do not love you or anyone else. You just did as you did. You have managed to do that long enough with me that cut a hole in me.

                 You, an idiot.

                 Me with a grand immune system and also an idiot.

                You taught and hammered home something I have a difficult time with , though I freely exclaim it; Human beings are replacable!

                   In this world, we are actor and fakers to one another. We either do this willingly or foolishly, yet we do it nonetheless.,

                      I have no love in me.

                      but still i have hope...

                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EezQX8_QPRQ

                          I would like to thank the people of this world that have taken the time to read words and see my photographs and continuously do so. You've given me a reason to believe in humanity once again.
                     Mark William Darus 0602052013

Sonnet Of Love Lost. by Anonymous

Sonnet of Love Lost: Love Found

As I layeth here in the solitude of my own room

There comes a heaviness over my Body and Soul

A grief so great, I fear, as my Heart doth threaten to break

Even so, Love rends apart my Spirit and Soul.

Thou Lov'st elsewhere, and therefore, Fly'st from Me.

One Year Ago, My Love Began, and now, is this the end?

I tell Thee that though, All my friends prayed me a boon.

Thou shoulds't not have the thing that Thou dos't hope

When the end comes, recall how it began,

for a woman's, weaker than a Man.

He needs Me, Calls Me, Loves Me: LET ME GO!!

Now My Heart is heavy for Him that I have sent away

And, If Thou can, then keep thyself from me.

I feel the dagger in my side, Oh hate me not my heart,

it IS burning me, God is my witness, that I will not yield.

And Now at once give Joy to all my grief.

Let My soul fly and my Mind be set Free.

Oh how fickle a Woman, Thou must think of me

Yet Look in the Mirror, Tell Me what You See!

I might command my case:

Except what proves that I Belong to Me.

Because My Heart, with inmost Love doth Sigh,

An Important Meeting of the Mind.

I Bare and Share All that I Am

Learn then that I shall give of my Heart Purely

Tomorrow early in the morn, I Shall know, What Thou Art
And if this place be real, or Nothings Worth.

I Shall dwell in my condition through Love.

Be justified and set in order, because My Heart is the Friend that Warmeth

When My soul Stands with all acts reviewed, then may I Plead:

As Though from He, Thee came.

No real comparison is truly made, for one is not like the other.

I Hear in every space, New Verses finding Voice:

From every branch around and above,

The birds contend in song.

My Heart will pant and yearn, a THING is in my mind.

To feel my joy again, that which I Almost put away

I liken to a room of mirrors, Looking, Seeing, Peering,

To what was in front, to the side and behind

Now I see within my Mind, I can Smile Again.

Oh how Wondrous is the warmth of the Sun

Upon My Face, for so long, I had none.

My Heart is Burning Me, I seem So Brave and Gay.

Remember the Sweet Rhymes Our Lips Make on this Day.

I felt a Spirit of Kinship begin to stir,

Within My Mind, Longtime unfed till now.

And saw Love coming towards me, Fair and Fain,

(That I knew him in his joyful face!)

Saying: "Be Now Indeed My Worshipper!

And in His speech, he laugh'd and laugh'd again.

Then While it was His Pleasure to Remain

I changed at the look, and way he had drawn Near

And even now as my memory speaketh this,

Love spake it then: This second Love, He is So Like ME!

OH Earth to show me a miracle for sure

Give Me something to Believe in

Merely the site of Him, Made my Head Bow

I thought to be forever separate

Alas! My Soul within my Heart doth find,

A strange ecstasy that rains upon my Mind,

That I Say: Sir, I Am Wholly Thine.

 

 

by Anonynmous. (I don't have her permission to post her name)

 

 

 

 

As I go elsewhere, seeking more, doing what I do.

                    As I go elsewhere, seeking more, doing what I do.
                                        by Mark William Darus.

Amber: You are with me, always. Every step I go, down every dark pathway, to areas disgusting and beautiful at the same time. You are most high with me.

Fleicia: You and I are learning about one another. This aspect in my life my higher power said I must do. What ever occurs between you and I and what we will learn from one another will either happen or not in its own time. If you are my mirror, you'll either understand this or you won't. Your call. I don't hold 'love' the way 96% of our population have twisted it. With me, Loyalty holds the most. It is not that I hold you less than others in my life, but time and its tests are the descriptions of what we are made of.



I am being pulled. Yanked sideways as my blog grows. As my brainchild goes on and on. Once again, my words are making a difference to some. These are the crying children of a god most share, they are in pain that I think i can make a positive change grow in their lives.

　

In the last 90 minutes I had a chat with an abused woman in another country. Her and I will try to Skype each other as talking is way easier than typing. She said my words helped her, my blog is making a difference in her life.

I still cannot believe anything I could share might make this happen for anyone. Yet is has nonetheless, and I sift through emails getting larger all the time as I read through them daily.

In all honesty I am not sure what I can give of myself to any one person can ever be normal in nature. I am called by my god: Hurt no one unless you think they may grow from it. >and my god, spiritual father, helped me kill my emotions for me to be this way, for the benefit of others that would enter my life. A disciple in the modern age. < Yeah, some might say it: "sucks to be Mark." I don't think that way. I was made different for a reason. I was leveled out for a reason, at that point in my life and time, and understand myself to begin something and continue it.

I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist.

　

But my god has given me a place of peace and serenity and the grit to do what I believe I can do best. Fear nothing nor no one as I try to find just what makes us human/ hooman. And most importantly: Help others without emotion clouding things and fucking them up. And to do this FREELY! Give my time and thoughts to them without judgement or demeaning actions.

Amber knows this about me, Felicia. She's known me for over a decade. You don't, though. I'd like to face myself in your eyes. You and I can learn a great deal about ourselves by knowing one another. That choice is yours alone.

I am ever changing anymore. I see things differently, photograph them and write about shit as I do.

My writing is Black and White while my photography is colourful/hopeful. Yeah, welcome to my world. lol

Amber, meet Felicia. Felicia, Meet Amber.

I cannot say where my life will take me. Frankly, I don't really want to know. I do as I am told.

I am Mark William Darus, son of Marion and Theodore. I can only be myself and I am grateful I have found this place.

You can be in my world or not.

That choice is always yours alone.

 

Mark William Darus: 05292013
 

Like I'm Floating Through Life: By Sonia J.

                                 Like I'm Floating Through Life.
                                               by Sonia J.


I thought to myself I’ve never written before

But

something is driving me to Write….

what should I Write about

should I just make up a story that would draw people to read

And

maybe I could strike it rich

should I Write what I feel

what I desire

my thoughts about life

as I see it now…

or how I feel so different than anyone else

sort of like I don’t belong

like I’m floating through life

should I write how its suppose to be written

written with rules and regulations

as society expects you too

.. Or should I just write

And

express to the world

as I see the truth with no hesitation?

After all I’m not a writer...

does it really matter if people read my story?

Or if I have a best seller

or is it more important to me

and helpful for me

to just Write

not hold anything back

because just maybe

Just

Maybe

there are others who feel as I do …

everything happens for a reason

but can’t explain or understand why

even now the reason I’m writing is the reason why your reading this,

the reason why I’m who I am and you are who you are….

Life leaves you with many unexplained questions

sometimes you don’t ask as to not be different

or weird sometimes

you have answers without a question being asked

I guess that can be weird ….

I feel what I feel because I am alive

filled with life…

I write what I write merely to express what I see with my eyes and soul

my hopes that maybe someone could maybe reflect on my thoughts

explain the theory to me

Or

Just

maybe as I express myself I’m explaining it to you ..

you see there’s really no secret

I believe everything every day

every second

that passes

Situations

that occur good or bad

have a reason

a purpose

an outcome …

we determine that out come

through our actions and reactions

how we handle the obstacles

The situations

transpire in our lives

it’s not our job to question why

yet it is our job to learn how to manage

situations so that we can get the outcome

t we require for a better tomorrow

bottom line

our actions determine our outcome in our lives.

Sonia J.

Sent to me 05182013

Authors Note: Sonia: thank you once again for sharing your mind with us. I think you have much to give as you write and express things that your mind catches hold of.