Tuesday, February 19, 2013

A photo apology.... I am sorry.



         Dear reader,
          I am having system issues.
          I am having issues transferring entries from Microsoft Word to this blog. When I first attempted to transfer it, all the text was backward.
          That is why yesterdays entry was so short and why it just stopped the way it did. 
           Sorry...
           Currently trying to get this corrected.
           Thanks,
            -Mark
Please accept these photos taken over the last few months as a form of apology.

Listen to this song as you review these photos. Having heard this song the first time last weekend, falling for its beauty, I thought of my photography as I listened to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UQPlwVxiRs

Taken 11-15-2012
 
Taken 10-22-2012 Cleveland Ohio, USA from Edgewater park
 
Taken 10-22-2012 Bear cub resting on it's mom. Cleveland Zoo.
 
10-18-2012
 
9-15-2012 Edgewater park.
 
08-17-2012 Edgewater
 

                                                         The two shots above taken 02-09-2013. Cleveland Botanical Gardens.

01-26-2012 Conneaut Lake Park, PA, USA.
 
09-24-2012 Taken from my backyard with a Fujifilm S4200.
 
                                              09-21-2012: Cleveland MetroParks.

08-17-2012
09-21-2012
10-28-2012 Edgewater Park.
9-17-2012 Riverside Cemetary, Cleveland Ohio, USA.
 
9-11-2012. Cleveland Metroparks.
 
                                                        09092012

9-06-2012 First time I caught lightening.
 
                                                      09-01-2012

8-13-2012
 
                                                9-3-2012 Zoar Ohio, USA.
7-13-2012. One of the first digital shots I took. Taken in my cubicle from a former life gladly not missed.
 
08-27-2012. Mr. Squirrel says: WTF?!?!?!
 
08-27-2012
 
09-5-2012
 
9-26-2012
 
09-04-2012
 
9-1-2012 Mittal Steel: Cleveland Ohio. Made me think of the intro to Blade Runner.
9-1-2012. taken from Clark Field, Cleveland. Cleveland Airshow: Blue Angels.
9-1-2012. Clark Field: Cleveland Ohio. This little bugger was growing from a crack in the asphalt. How cool is that?
 
9-1-2012. Garbage Can Colours. Clark Field.
 
9-1-2012
 
9-1-2012. Clark Field. This guy was amazing to watch!
 
8-30-2012
 
8-29-2012 That's right, the Moon is Private Property. As if! lol
 
8-29-2012. On the wasted lands of a polluted steel plant, tell me how this isn't beautiful. Sure, it's a weed, but no different than the rest of us, does it not wish to live and reach the warmth of sunlight?
 
9-9-2012 Aurora Premium Outlet; Aurora Ohio.
The above and several below were from a clambake: Fall 2012. I find it odd how I didn't make a Facebook album of these people shots.
The host: Dave P. I know about 7 Daves very well and all of them are great men.

 
 
 
Smiles, laughter, hope for humanity.
The two men in the center are father and son. Nice.
 
 
The Captain (host in yellow and the DJ in grey: Rockin' the outdoor kitchen and doin' it grand!
 
I think this the luckiest shot I got that night. There is something about this one that I felt so lucky to have captured of this man.
 

 
Such a great woman. So full of energy and life. I'm blessed to know her and her eager hugs when she sees me.
 
 
 
Totally out of focus, yes, yet this childs smile beams so innocently and sincere.
 
OH MY GOD! MY FACE IS MELTING LIKE A RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK VILLIAN!!! :)
 
 
Night time Corh Hole Tourney wind-down. Ass's to the camera idiot! lol
 
 
 
 

10-3-2012
 
10-3-2012
 
9-30-2012 My bestest friend and his wife: 25 years of marriage renewing thier vows. They are execeptional. First time married's and renewing.
The next shots came from this event.
Their daughter. Double Major in college, currently a senior with honors. My friend and his good lady gave me the chance to watch their children grow over the years.
Their son. Fearless, enthusiastic and a roller coaster fanatic.
 

                                                            My bestest friend, David R.  I have no clue why you put up with me and my bizare ways. Yet you do and I am profoundly grateful for this.

                                           Cleveland Zoo and several below this.
Baby and mom Rhino's snuggling.  Loving this endangered animal, I am glad the Cleveland Zoo keeps having these babes born here.
 
Mentor Headlands Ohio.
Mentor Headlands Ohio.

Akron Zoo, Akron Ohio, USA.

Taken 9-28-2012. I consider this to be one of the best shots I have taken to date. A friend of my eldest daughter. She calls me dad after knowing her for some 16 plus years.
 
 
The lyrics to Stars. <the song link I posted at the beginning of the photos.
 
It's funny when you find
What you want was by your side
The whole time

I couldn't quite believe it
But suddenly I see it
And you saw me

I saw stars
I saw sky
I saw everything inside
You saw me

Now I am not afraid
You can't make me turn away
This time
I couldn't quite believe it
But suddenly I see it
And you saw me

I saw stars
I saw sky
I saw everything inside
You saw me
Light from dark
Shine on night
Solar-systems open wide
You saw me

And you're opening my eyes
And you're leading me on
And I'm following the light
That you shone on me

I saw stars
I saw sky
I saw everything inside
You saw me
Light from dark
Shine on night
Solar-systems open wide
You saw me
 
As I write this, rain is turning to snowflakes.
The song Stars fits me. Something causes me to write and photograph what I do. My higher power, perhaps. I have no complaints.
 
Mark William Darus 02192012
 
 
 
                                                  
 
                                                   
 
 
 


 
 
 
                                                            
                                                     
                                                

                                                

                                         
 
                                                  
 
 
                                                         
 


 

                                                         
 
 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 
                                                         
 


 
 
 
                                                        
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
                                                         

 
                                                      
 

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Prostitution: Part one.


                   Prostitution: Many Forms Bringing Varied Results.
                                     By Mark William Darus.

 

 

“Hey, baby, want a date?” she asked as I walked toward her by the corner of West 25 street and Clark avenue. She was wearing tattered jeans and pink tank top, braless underneath it. The street lights occasionally flicker about as traffic roars by. This night is a warm July event, humid and stifling. Night sounds being a mixture of ambulance siren song and an occasional wailing baby from open over head windows. As we met I could smell her failing perfume as it was being over taken by sweat.

 

“Would you care for some company, sir?” a tall lanky well dressed brunette asked me as I sipped my Stone Ruination IPA while leaning against a magnificent mahogany bar at a 4-star hotel lounge in downtown Cleveland Ohio. Madonna’s Tale to Tell was playing over the Peavey Amp as a few couples strolled toward the dance floor arm in arm.

 

“Okay, cunt, why’d you wanna meet me with?” a very large black man dressed in more gold than clothes said as two of his guards shield him as I reached to shake his hand and introduce myself. “This better be good or you’ll be hurt.”

“Sit my son, please. How can I help you?” the man in black with a white collar asked me. His face was calm and reassuring. His office was filled with huge oak bookshelves and the scents of fresh roses, carnations and orchids. Indirect lighting so incredibly done all things seen cast no shadows.

In the park one brilliant sunset by Lake Erie: “Nice camera ya have there,” a short woman with one of the prettiest smiles I have ever seen said.

“thanks, it’s a Fuji. Love it!”

“My name’s Jennifer.” She extended her hand and I took it into mine.

“I’m Mark. Can I take your picture?”

“Sure! And for a few bucks, I’ll let you do more than that.”

 



Prostitution, to me, has to be the simplest way of making money for those that can do it. It is not a job for everyone, but for those that can, the possibilities are limitless.

Let’s face facts: If there was no need for it, it would not exist. Period. It would die a economic death similar to most of the manufacturing jobs in the United States.

What exactly is prostitution? Is it merely the difference between consensual adults having sex after a few drinks in a bar after meeting or the fact that money simply exchanged hands before or after it?

Is it that it is considered morally wrong because payment was involved for services rendered? That being the biggest issue I encountered I had to ask: So when we go to work every day, aren’t we charging for services rendered in exchange for our talents?

The first Pro I talked to seemed very open with her thoughts.

Chloe: I became sex-for-hire after a few bad relationships. I thought, why should I give it out for nothing. Granted, my start was all that good. I got hit a few times, but I learned. >laughing, she added< after a while, they would ask me to hit them. I always see to it they wear protection or I don’t do anything. Zilch.”

“Okay, but what if they get funny.”

She then pulled out a .38 handgun, saying, “this makes them understand. I’d also tell them I have a friend that watches out. Most times that last was a bluff.”

“so even with oral sex you made them strap-on?”

“Absolutely! More people catch sick from oral than anything else."

Friday, February 15, 2013

Mixed bag: A sorry, Obituary and a song given from a reader.


                 Sorry for the delay in uploading the Prostitution entry.
           
                 This last week has been physically busy. The shortest work daynitemorn (yep, that's my word for the shift I work, When you start your work day 4PM and have it end between 3-4:30 AM , doing the life things after it, laying your head down at sunrise,) was getting out at 3AM after a my partner chopped off a hunk of a knuckle on a key way.

                I got sidetracked by the death of a former coworker whose obituary never appeared in a any newspaper I checked. I did get a call from a former coworker telling me the funeral was near Akron Ohio (city about twenty miles south of me) and that it was the next morning (which was Thursday 14.) He did not give an address nor a funeral parlor name. He said he couldn't go because of work. Considering he'd worked with Tommy for over ten years, hearing the sound in his voice which was not good, I had to wonder...

              Amongst other things, i received a nice Comment in regards to the Closing of Last Year entry from a reader named Kate in Iceland. She shared with me a band from her Country she thought I might like. Like? I haven't heard music like of Monsters and Men since the Cranberries. Instant liking, just add dancing and jumping about like a kid in a candy store. As she shared with me, I wish to do the same with you. Thanks Kate, full hugs on!


             But I'd first like to say to a fallen Comrade: Tommy, you were 4 years younger than me, you didn't drink nor smoke. I never saw you in a foul mood and were always willing to help others without regard to how your STATS would be affected. I know where you worked most well and how it was once an almost magical place to spend a third of your life and enjoy it. It changed profoundly in the last two years,  which must have been hell for a good man like you.
            
              I didn't know you well enough to call you 'friend' as we had different likes and dislikes, but I respected you whole heartedly, which is high above what I can say about most of the people I worked with there.

              Sad that you left so soon, I cannot find it in myself to call it totally tragic and dismal.

               You are now playing with Thomas the Tank Engine trains with your kid that left a few years back. You, no doubt, taking all the time in whatever here-after there is with your kid unhindered by leaving for work or having to figure out bills and such.

                Many miss you, Tommy, but that's okay. We will all meet again, somewhere/someday and won't it be great without needing a job and simply liking the things we can do for free for others!

                 Til we meet again, Tommy...
           
                 A song from Kate in Iceland:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mB2dMGux5Fc
                  Mountain Sound:

I heard them calling in the distance
So I packed my things and ran
Far away from all the trouble
I had caused with my two hands

Alone we traveled
Armed with nothing but a shadow
We fled far away

[Chorus]
Hold your horses now
(We sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran
(Deep into the mountain sound)
Hold your horses now
(Sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran

Some had scars and some had scratches
It made me wonder about their past
And as I looked around I began to notice
That we were nothing like the rest

[Chorus]
Hold your horses now
(We sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran
(Deep into the mountain sound)
Hold your horses now
(Sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran

Whoa-oh-oh-oh-OH
We sleep until the sun goes down
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
We sleep until the sun goes down

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
We sleep until the sun goes down

[Chorus]
Hold your horses now
(We sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran
(Deep into the mountain sound)
Hold your horses now
(Sleep until the sun goes down)
Through the woods we ran

La la la, whoa-oh-oh-oh-OH
La la la, we sleep until the sun goes down
La la la, whoa-oh, whoa-oh
La la la, we sleep until the sun goes

 by Of Monsters and Men

Kate: You nailed me on this song.... Thanks!!!

Authors Note: the Prostitution entry WILL be placed here no later than this coming Sunday.

Mark William Darus 02152013

               







Sunday, February 10, 2013

Progressive takes another life.


                                    Progressive takes another life.
                                          By Mark William Darus.
                 >>> as this entry may requirer scrolling, i am sorry.<<<

 

In my time working for the company known as Progressive Insurance I’d seen a near never ending flow (cough-cough, I said Flo,) of EMS units stream down its driveways, enter its hallowed art and glass walls and sweep many away for medical rescue as hearts failed, kidneys faltered and brains exploded via strokes.

So easily labeled as life-choices for these outcomes, passing the buck of work pressures during a failing economy and a corporations desire to stretch their stock as far as it can.
A coworker I had the pleasure of working with for ten years is now dead.
I received several Facebook emails about his passing and one voicemail after work Saturday morning at about 4AM.
His passing made me angry as I had heard of several instances he’d experienced in the last 2-3 months. His work record was immaculate in every respect. He had an attention to detail that so surpassed most.

In the last several months after I was shit-canned unjustly by them, He found himself after a meeting with his manager on a Final Written Warning. Well, he took this up with Human Resources (yeah, like any non-union corporate entity will fight for any employee..)

Not long after going to HR, he was given other final warnings without prior infractions.

We all living in the USA that have work experience means less than nothing in a bad economy. Most know full well that an employee of 10 plus years is easily covered by part timers after a few weeks training at a FRACTION of the cost.
Most companies that share this so positive Share-holder friendly attitude will cut and chop any way they can.

In the American Corporate world, the longer you stay with a company, the more expendable you are with every raise in pay.

Isn’t that comfortating? Doesn’t that breed loyalty in your hearts and make you warm and fuzzy all over?


Whether he died of a massive heart attack, stroke or suicide, one thing I think is true, and this goes back to an old saying: You are the company you keep.

He worked for the same company that fired me and many others, Progressive Insurance. Unlike him, most of us didn’t trust HR and didn’t go there. He held such a trust...

Looking back and my life now, I guess I am not anywhere near the Nonviolent Psychopathic managers that place and fosters and grants bonuses for the benefit of 1/2500 of a percent in stock rising.
Thom, know this: You had a child die years ago. You are with them now. Be at peace.

Mark William Darus 02102013

Friday, February 8, 2013

An email sent by me to the physically closest around me.



                         An Email to Family and close Friends.
                                by Mark William Darus.


                  I send this to Gretchen, Holly, Heidi (and their Davids as I forward this to two other Davids besides David T, and a few others.


Tomorrow: well, my tomorrow which will be Sat at anywhere between 2-5 AM will be busy after work as I place an entry to my blog I've worked on for many seasons. This entry, albeit about Prostitution, was a mind-fuck to capture the way I wished to describe it. Even in my wildest dreams I didn't think I'd get the enlightenment I recieved.


Gretchen, when I am very late to see you Saturday, you can either forgive or not. I can accept either response from you and deal with it. I am not tossing you to the curb by any means. Our schedules, based on my employment, make things tough. I understand this. I am not sure why you accept my explanations for seeing you late on Saturdays. I have tried to call both Heidi and Holly to set up a cook time (I'd like to make them dinner at either of their houses, but they don't call me back. I even have a difficult time seeing Dave T next door in the last two months or so. Go figure where some are concerned: look at my work schedule differing from thier lives. I understand this totally. Yet, why no callbacks from others? Has the last twelve months caused them so much strain as I found myself that they feel a sense of revulsion? That I have to leave about 10 messages to get one response from them surely says somethings over a period of weeks.


I have come to one conclusion: The more you tell those that percieve themselves closest to you that you're okay, the less they believe you. In its heart and soul, that is pretty cool when you seriously look at it, dissasemble it, and search their hearts possible thought processes for believing it.


To Holly: An anniversary is coming up for you and I. That was the last weekend of Feb of 2012. I cooked for you and your great man, David. Holly, amongst hours of talking between us and other things, you better than anyone must know what started my blog and my understanding of myself. I would like to cook for you both, and any others you'd wish to invite like we did a year ago.


To my sister Holly: To me, this is more important/meaningful to me than anything else I can think of. I can cook, we could rock to Yes: Tales of the Topographic Oceans or early Todd. It was from our conversation mixed with evaluations that helped me come to grips with myself and what I am.


You even said when I sent you a huge email several hours after I got home how somehow I felt at peace with myself in your opinion.


Holly: The last Saturday of this Feb, please let me cook for you and YOURS in your kitchen.


Holly: I know you hate, dislike, are disgusted by my writings/Psycopathy blog more than anyone else, yet iroinically had the largest single hand in creating it. I cannot thank you enough as it has fired an aspect in me long lost in decades of hibernation to once again feel the heat of life and meet it Full-Mind-thought-to-expression areas causing my wheels to turn once again.

Sorry I caused you a sense of Disney's Fantasia with the mops...


If Holly declines me, I hope she doesn't, will any of you take me up on my offer to cook for you?


-Mark
Mark William Darus 02082013

Intro to Prostitution: Many Forms Bringing Varied Results.


               Intro to Prostitution: Many Forms Bringing Varied Results.
                                       By Mark William Darus.

        Sundays completed entry has been on my mind for quite a while now, perhaps decades in duration. It has taken me some time to collect my thoughts on this subject. I wished to give it the attention it deserves and the time it took to write it out to the fullest of my ability.

       I believe my thoughts on this subject go beyond the traditional, so-called, rational way of viewing a type of ‘work’ that has been around since the dawn of mankind itself.

       As I was writing this coming Sundays entry, I felt as if I was being magnetically pulled, drawn like a moth to the light of an open flame. While I wrote other Psychopathy: Another Life entries, the subject of prostitution never left my mind and more often than not, nagged at me like a dutiful spouse either wanting the trash taken out after the sixth day of trying or the piled clean laundry sorted and stowed away.

      Tomorrows entry: Prostitution: Many Forms Bringing Varied Results is the compilation of many seasons of research in the field that took me to the dank and gloomy alleys of Cleveland Ohio USA, (which sounds more sensational than it really is as I live next to such an alley,) to the brightly lit and highly elegant 4-5 star hotels not far from me and many a fantastic stop in-between.
 
 

      In this journey of such a long-standing trade, I was given, either freely or for a few bucks, and chance to talk to its rank-and-file hourly workers, their handlers (Pimps), the OnCall-services they use, various Police officers from a tri-city radius, hotel/motel clerks, as well as many others including pastors, priests and atheists.

       I thank you for your patience since my last post and am delighted by your continued reading. I’ve been most busy lately between happily working 50 plus hours a week, shooting photos and doing what I believe I do best, being myself and loving it.

Mark William Darus 02082013

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Cleveland Ohio, USA: Home of bipolar weather.

                                  
                        The bipolar weather of Northeastern Ohio.
                                 by Mark William Darus.
                      

                         You have to love the winds of change if you've stayed in Cleveland Ohio for more than twenty years. Twenty, thirty even forty degree temperature changes are not abnormal here.

                           This was just two days ago: The Temp sat at about 18 degrees F.
 
And here was yesterday: 65 plus degrees F. Snow, nowhere to be seen.
 
Spin-out, roll-over. Somebody had a real bad day.

 
 
 
There's always something cool about a place called The Beach Club with a frosty overhang!
                                                    The Beach Club (bleach club?) against a very frozen Conneaut Lake, PA USA. 2013.

                            There is now snow to be found now. Less than 48 hours has changed all that.

                           People are like the weather. There are few consistencies as we live in the here and now.

                           I've learned patience with the weather being a lifetime resident here. I've found the same patience with people over the decades.
                           At least now I don't have to fake appologies for shit I had nothing to do with for an income.

                            Maybe there's a correlation there???

Mark William Darus 01302013

                              


                                               
 

                                  
 
 


 
 
 
                                           
 
 
 
                


                                    

Saturday, January 26, 2013

The Sniper and the Florist.


          Addictions and Passions: Heroin and other Clarities: Part two.
                                 The Sniper and the Florist.
                                    By Mark William Darus.


                           >a song to listen to while reading<
                           http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21mEVQMxDmE


 

You are doing your job, clocking hours, earning coin. You spend your eight, ten or twelve hours whoring yourself out to maintain food for the stomach, volts for the house, water to bath with. Perhaps you have other mouths to feed or clothe that keeps you digging deep to work harder, longer. You laugh or complain with those you spend a third or more of your life with on a daily basis that you quickly dismiss as quick as you can clock-out.

You run your errands, fill the gas tank, pay some bills. Maybe you give a longing glance to a plane in flight, a speeding freight train, a brilliant sun playing peek-a-boo as it dances through white puffy clouds against a dazzling blue sky or the moon in its various shapes.

You notice things many don’t give a second glance to. This recharges your batteries with your knowledge of a simple fact: Anything you take a moment to notice in the outside world is NEVER duplicated in your memory.

You possess a hyper-awareness of all around you. You take every situation as a learning experience, unique and memorable; never cast off nor forgotten in your mind.

You work to keep yourself alive in a merely physical sense.

You live for what fires your brain, satisfies your desire to go further each and every day far above and beyond what most know you as.

Sometimes you get massive headaches to eventually reach the conclusion from personal examination: When was the last time I ate or slept?

You are propelled by the intangible. No one can truly see what makes you what you know yourself to be as they think you quirky or mad. The gearing in your head always turning: Your thoughts never silent even when exhausted.

You are constantly on OVERLOAD and it doesn’t bother you in the slightest.

Face it.

You’re an addict in one form or another…

Take a sniper as an example: What made this person feel the need to gain an ability to kill a single human from one mile away with a single headshot instead of simply slaying a deer at 100 yards for dinner?

Take a florist as another example: Flowers are flowers, though a great florist can create art by not-so-simply placing them in proper order that melts women’s hearts and wets them at the same time when delivered sealing either an apology over a slight or a guaranteed great weekend.

With some of us, we live for extremes.

When a limit is hit, most merely say: “Yes! I did it!” After that realization, they back off and smile.

With those like me, and I believe a great number of the readers here, when the limit (extreme) is met, we think: ‘Okay. Now what?’

So quickly do we get bored. We have to snag that something else to reach a higher level, like that of a video game.

We’re always hungry regardless of how much we eat. We’re dying of thirst while we guzzle gallons of water.

We want more and will always throw ourselves out there for the gain of a hearts fulfillment that will never ever realize actualization as long as we live.

I believe us to be the most fortunate amongst others that lack this edge.

We have the ability to view, hear or think about something from a completely different angle and the freedom of mind to explore it, study it, take it in to ourselves without a care as to what others think about us. We learn and grow because of this insatiable desire while others grow stagnant with tons of regrets as they get older.

Take a look at the works of Shakespeare, Poe, Sigmund Freud or Mozart. They were all addicts in one form or another. One thing they all held constant: a passion, a fire for a life that they alone could see as they did what they did to eventually share with others.

Imagine what any of them would have reached had they had global internet access…

I like to push things as far as I can.

I am not alone in this desire.

These words describe us best.

"Adrenaline"


You don't feel the pain

Too much is not enough
Nobody said this stuff makes any sense
We're hooked again

Point of no return
See how the buildings burn
Light up the night
Such pretty sight

Adrenaline keeps me in the game
Adrenaline you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes
It takes adrenaline
(You don't feel the pain)

Sail through an empty night
It's only you and I who understand
There is no plan

Get closer to the thrill
Only time will kill
What's in your eyes
Is so alive

Adrenaline keeps me in the game
Adrenaline you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes
It takes adrenaline

Run through the speed of sound
Every thing slows you down
And all color that surrounds you
Are bleeding to the walls
All the things you really need
Just wait to find the speed
Then you will achieve
Escape velocity

Too much is not enough
Nobody gave it up
Im not the kind
To lay down and die

Adrenaline
keeps me in the game
Adrenaline
you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes
It takes adrenaline

Adrenaline
Screaming out your name
Adrenaline
you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes
It takes adrenaline

(Adrenaline)

You don't even feel the pain
You don't even feel the pain
I'm going to extremes
There is nothing in between
You don't even feel the pain
You don't even feel the pain
You don't even feel the pain
You don't even feel the pain

Gavin Rossdale.

 

Have a great weekend and never stop pushing things outward!

Growth is simply a mind-step away.



Mark William Darus 01262013

Friday, January 25, 2013

Damn, You're Fucked up! Reader comments for the last 6 weeks.



                                    Damn, you’re Fucked Up!
                                     Recent reader comments.
                                    By Mark William Darus.

 

These are some of the comments that were sent to me from readers in the last month and a half via emails.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mark, you are beyond fucked up, my friend. The fact you’ve had twelve thousand hits on this piece of shit blog is scary. If you’re not on a ‘Watch List’, you should be…

Jeffie M, Haviland Kansas, USA

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Mr. Darus,

I find Psychopathy: Another Life to be a great place for learning and self exploration. Your viewpoint is both fresh and most raw.

Love your photographic work! Since adding pics to your entries, you gave it another dimension to run with.

Some of your entries make me cry while others make me very angry. A few have made me laugh. They all have one grand thing in common: They make me think.

Thank you for what you share and never stop!

Kelly Anne G, Montgomery Alabama, USA.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nice to know I am not alone, Mark.

I embrace you with heart and soul.

Lillian S, Cuenca, Spain.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------\


Mark,

The Closing of last year was a great work of inspirational thoughts. It made me cry and cheer simultaneously. I found that rare.



A friend of mine shared it with me and I was lured in. I’m still reading over your whole blog entry by entry since you started it. I am fascinated by it.

You must be most resourceful to survive and maintain going such negative events keeping the type of attitude you write about.

I’d like to meet you someday as you do not think like anyone I know.

Patricia Heather F, Meadville Pennsylvania, USA.

_______________________________________________________________________

Dickface,

My sister killed herself after knowing a fucking psycho. I hope you die, cocksucker!

Sword of the Creator, ( I assume somewhere in the Bible-Belt, USA.)

__________________________________________________________________________

 

On Heroin and Other Clarities.

Good words placed.

So what is the other addiction you had?

Francis P, Stromsburg Nebraska USA.

_________________________________________________________________________

 

Mark W. Darus,

Mother Ukraine calls to you! Do you feel us as we read your words? I think you do. Visit here. Stay for the rest of your life.

Uliana, Odessa, Ukraine

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sir,

I love your work.

Have you ever thought of adding audio to your blog for the benefit of those with fading sight?

I hope you would consider this in the future.

My eyes are failing me further still after spending countless thousands of dollars to prevent this.

Please consider those like me.

David Eric H. Oslo, Norway.

AUTHORS NOTE: I am considering this. I’m trying to figure out how to do so. Thank you for pointing this out to me and fueling me further as my blog approaches it first anniversary.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fuck Progressive Insurance for firing you!

As you once told a mutual friend, ‘guess it was my turn for the music to stop and be left without a chair.’ No shit, you got that right. I had 14 years there when they fired me over a ‘connection with a caller’ some tin-fuck manager thought inappropriate.

I’m sorry but I think all the good level one managers split long ago and all that is left are nothing more that hatchet men aiding the company bottom line by filling gaps with part timers they don’t have to offer medical benefits to.

I too, was denied Unemployment in Ohio from their views.

Angie, Cleveland Heights Ohio, USA.

_______________________________________________________________________

You thrive on turmoil as you seek beauty in mind and personal sight from photography.

I hate what you write.

I love what you express.

Fuck you, Mr Mark William Darus.

You matter in my life as you give it balance.

I would like to smack your face and gently kiss its redness soon after.

You touched my life in ways I didn’t know possible.

Skye V, Los Angeles, California, USA.

______________________________________________________________________________



Authors Note:

I have always loved to read the words all have taken to time to share.

I think their feelings behind their words to be sincere in nature.

I hope I never stop getting comments.

Mark William Darus 01252013

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Can this Cure my pain?


                                       Can this cure my pain?
                                Surgery said needed, but is it really?
                                            by Mark William Darus.






I got this from Amanda (name changed) and am utterly confused....



To me, this sounds like the surgery you had a few years ago...

here's what she sent me:

it was not good news for me, I need to see a spine surgeon for my lower back, it seems there is actually 4 things messed up by the tail bone and bottom vertebrates,and disks.

After that is fixed I will be fitted with what is like a pace maker for the bladder nerves. all together I'm looking at three surgeries at the least. For the bladder they hook up this box and wires for one week to make sure it will work and i don't reject it. then if all goes well a week later the permanent devise will be placed inside . The nerves operating the bladder wall are shot and if I do not get the devise to do there work I will continually get worse till i have absolutely no control, then the injury to my back from years ago has made part of my lower spine move forward and press on the back of my bladder and other organs. I've had back pain off and on since the first fall in 92 but never paid it much attention. then i fell again in 2004 then the last time 10/2010 getting out of the tub. I never would of thought those had anything to do with the bladder problems.

Everyone: I'm no diagnostician, and when it comes to medical health, I'm no HOuse. But I did read Greys anatomy, took in volumes of cause and affect as bodily parts create havoc with one another.



I saw this woman a week ago and all seemed good and healthy. Granted, given my family history I know full well how things can change in a New York minute. But still....

Between us: Besides Amanda's incredible talent to cut or chop herself when given any object imaginable from cutting lettuce to cutting a coupon.

I think her to be a Munchausen. What is the the difference between the standard "Munchausen' diagnosis is having sound medical benefits in place and those that don't?

Dr. Suess' Sneetches comes to mind: Having firm medical insurance intact, she so has a 'star on thars,' and can be cut into and stitched for profit, a valuable target. Like those on the county-coin, ie: Anne's back surgery done on county cash benefited nothing to the individual. When on the benefit and anti-benefit programs, you should heed these words said to me by a doctor after spine surgery did no good: beware of men in masks....

Why is it more women go under the cold light of a surgical table than men every year when given the same prospects?

Sure, men may be of denser stock or denial. Yet, one has to wonder in the long run.

To date: I have been in the company of 16 women in the last 8 years that surgery made their pain far worse than better. Oddly, not only did their pain amplify on the originally afflicted area but it spread to other areas in their extremities.

I don’t mean to be sexist, but I guess I am going to be here.

Let’s be serious here. When a doctor tells a female patient something causing distress, the woman feels something emotional attached to it. She leans toward the knives and recuperations.



More often than not, in the areas of longevity promises, men don’t.

When men were told the same the things, they’d dismiss it and just deal with the pain on its ground.


Studies do seem to bare credence to the beliefs in reference to ‘mind over matter’. With men and testosterone females high, it’s as if this statement holds true when it comes to personal, professional pain: If you don’t mind, it really doesn’t matter. These people can dismiss any and all hurt and move on and live lifetimes on or above the average.
Let me clarify my thoughts on my statement ‘on and live lifetimes on or above the average.’ The length of time we place into seconds of gasping breathe and desires toward material objects is totally personal in nature. Ask anyone that ever experienced a ‘near-death’ experience. Some see their lives flash into of them as others see the last time they got righteously fucked.
On surgery:
If you are a woman in the USA, holding either good med benefits on no benefits, get a third opinion or fourth for that matter. Men, well, you’ll do as you do. In all honesty with me, and I know you will all hate this: Just suck it up, take a finger up your ass ever few years above 45 or so.
 
I’m still pondering a connection between bladder control and the need of pacemaker.
Hmnmmm, a pacemaker controls the rhythm and control of a heart muscle, right? Okay, this does also control other areas of vital organs of existence. The Liver, Kidneys, lungs, etc.
You read my sarcasm here and will do further research.
In my cold hearted beliefs, I would not elect for any surgery given what she gave me knowing her background.
What do you think?

Mark William Darus 01052012

Fortune Telling. By Ryn Cricket.


                                                Fortune Telling.
                                                by Ryn Cricket.                                           

“Someone close to you died a while back
…an older woman…
…a mother figure…
…She knows you think about her…”


So I said to him that there was
This great opportunity in China…
“It’s dangerous.”
The money is four times what I’m making now…
“People disappear.”
I’m being actively recruited…
“The state department has travel warnings.”
I will have a prestigious position in a huge company
With amazing benefits…
“You’re not thinking about your daughters.”
OK. GLOVES OFF.
What?

Explain anything you just said
That doesn’t apply to America
–or anywhere.
I have been sexually assaulted –twice,
Robbed in my sleep,
And beaten right in my hometown.
I have had my wallet, 2 bikes, a TV, camera, 2 phones, and lots of money stolen.
I know 2 college boys who have mysteriously disappeared,
Different years, different states, different circumstances.
There have been three mass school shootings in the metro area.
And it’s the state department’s job to issue warnings
For EVERY country:
Pick-pockets, internet scams, faulty contracts…Cookie cutter
Every country says the same
Except the UK –check that one out.
Three times the warnings…
(Note to self –don’t go to the UK —oops, too late!)

“I thought you said Thailand was going to be all
‘wine and roses.’” He said.
This position, this possibility, this opportunity wasn’t even
In my realm of understanding.
And it’s being handed to me.
And then, my closest, oldest friend of about 35 years
unfriended me.

What I really wanted to say was “take the plank out of your own eye
Before you try to fix the speck in mine.”

But instead, I say this:
“Hold out your hand.
One day, you will be given a gift,
A complete surprise, that will bring you joy.
Be ready to accept it.”

Ryn Cricket: 10092012

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Gone Missing.


                               

                                    An Event: Gone Missing.
                                      By Mark William Darus.

Okay, Friday the 18 being my second full 50 hour week of employment at my new job, celebrating my first month there, I feel a need to reflect and share.

Like every other aspect of my life, it’s been a wondrous and odd journey.

The contrast of working nearly twenty years with computers and phones and being politically correct to go back to the world of manufacturing, loud noises, freely swearing and bad jokes has been an absolute joy to me.

This last week went a bit odd.

My partner, the man who trained me, went missing. He was there Monday, but Tuesday we didn’t hear from him when he no/call no/showed. He’s 61 years of age and to say the last several years of his life hasn’t been a tragedy would be putting it mildly.

Several years ago, he had the worst day imaginable: What would you do if you received a call from a hospital saying your mom is dead? And, when driving to the hospital, you get a call saying a drunk driver crossed a double-yellow and wasted your wife and two children?

Ponder the avenues your mind would scream down.

You go from zero to four funerals in the span of an hour.

Where would your mind travel during such events occurring in less than 60 minutes?

What emotions would you feel?

You’re driving a car, that from the first call, you’re seeing everything in an eerie light scheme. You can focus enough to keep you from rear-ending the car in front of you, but all in your peripheral vision is speeding blur to your sides.

Work received a call Wednesday from his sister wondering when he left work. Imagine her shock when she was told he never came that Tuesday.

Those of us at work asked questions about seeing him that Monday.

He seemed distracted, but I didn’t know him well enough. I did sense something wasn’t right though.

So you still keep driving to your mothers hospital to see her dead, knowing you have another place to go to see your dead wife and children.

Would your mind snap then?

Would you go to booze or drugs for balance?

Or like a good Scotch, would you let these feelings and thoughts ferment?

He was found in a motel room. Alive.

I know nothing further, but I wish him well and will help him any way I can…


Mark William Darus: 01192013

Monday, January 14, 2013

Heroin and other clarities. Part one.


                                    Heroin and other clarities. Part one.
                                              By Mark William Darus

 

              How many of us haven’t known and addict or two? Surely most work with them and never notice it. Many places give ‘random drug tests, but how many seriously get busted for other than blood pressure meds or a fondness for poppy seed bagels? I’ve only known of one person to lose a job as a result of Pot usage and even then they did the ‘hair’ test to prove it.

              Don’t get me wrong, in my fifty years, I’ve had my own share of addictions. One always shifted to another more from a desire to learn about it than any other reason. To be honest, boredom did play a factor in this journey. I’ve been to Rehab twice in my life. Everyone that knows me in the physical world only knows of one of those ‘trips’, so-to-speak, and that was for alcohol.

            Addicts, like nonviolent psychopaths, are all around us. Most hold down successful jobs or are perhaps successful housewives or mates maintaining all things domestic with the kitchen, kids and sexual lies they give their men to keep their cover intact. That is until either their addiction takes total control of their lives or their self abused bodies falter. As for the sex-thing with women, let’s be honest here. The way to a mans heart, and keep it there is a full stomach and empty balls. Think about it…

           What does your normal day consist of?

             When you wake up each day/night, your eyes slowly open, their lids edges caked with dried ‘sleepers’ while a single, tiny yawn escapes your widely expanding mouth. This yawn gives birth to the stretching of your arms, legs and fingers as your body goes into an instinctive response to change as it takes inventory of its physical working parts.

           As your day/nighttime world hits you, what is your first thought? What is your first desire? What is the one thing you need to get you moving and functional and simply start your hours both awake and working?



            Is it the desire for strong coffee, a cigarette, two or three Red Bulls chugged as you blankly stare at floor not vacuumed for weeks or sex with the mate or your right hand as most men awaken with the trusty ‘stiffy’?

          Alignment is what humans search for as they regain control of themselves as their slumber worlds fall to the so-called real world as false lighting cuts their eyes wide open, sobering them. A reason to be, some sense of justice in awakening their bodies. A purpose to keep going. One of so many deep breaths taken as they throw their legs over the side of a bed to connect with cold flooring as their feet say ‘OUCH“ on a winter morn.

 

             “When I got up, all I wanted was another shot. You know, a half shot of ‘H’ to make me level. So the fuckers I crashed with refused me this constantly. Some of these men would ask me to eat metal objects for twenty bucks. I’d do it…”

          “Metal?” I asked.

               She stared blankly at the corner of my living room wall, sitting on my couch with her left sagging breast and erect nipple pointing out. She spoke as one would about a flat tire needing a change.

“’Verts! These fuckers would love to watch me suck down metal nuts and shit. They said they liked to watch it fall down my neck.”

“and did they pass okay from your body?” I asked.

 

“yeah, it did and it didn’t. It depended on when I was wasted, okay? I guess it depended on what I ate. I sometimes had bloody craps.”

      “fair answer,”


        “You’re a fucker! You know that! I’ve been with you an hour and not once have you asked me to suck your dick.” She is highly agitated, unknown to her, the hairs on her arms are standing on end.

           I see her tell tales, and proceed with my line of questioning about her day.

         “When I paid you, I said I would not physically fuck you. Shall we continue?”

         "I hate you!"

          "Nice. I didn't pass my load into your mouth and your offended by this."

           "Do you at least have fucking coffee, dickhead?"

Mark William Darus 01142012

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Rest Period.

 
                                                 
                                              Rest Period.
                            Well, from the Internet anyway.
                                    By Mark William Darus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n08JRxVLKLE


        Looks like I am going to lose my internet service for a a few weeks.

         Having just recently reentered the work world I have many bills to get caught up on.

         Know this, dear reader: I will continue to write about life stuff as it gets caught in my mind-filter compelling me to say something. I will also continue with my photography.

         I plan on doing a ton of reading, mainly Dr, Robert Hare’s Without Conscience as well as several other psychology books I’ve wanted to devour.

         So take good care of yourselves and one another, Hasta que nos encontremos otra vez,
直到我们再是。, Sakemm ahna napprovaw huma., jusqu'à ce que nous nous rencontrions de nouveau, bis wir uns wieder treffen, До ми збираємось знов, Do czasu kiedy ponownie spotka, Tills vi möts igen, Til vi møtes igjen, Než se znovu sejdeme, Until we meet again.

Peace and other insanities,

Mark William Darus 01122013