Suicide letters from those left to find by those loved them and carried emotions.
THEIR KIN, CLAN AND FRIENDS THEY LEFT BEHIND:
This goes to the families, friends and others that you loved, cared about or had thoughts about the one that killed themselves and held a place in your live with most sincere of hearts. Be it from the pain of being used or the crash that sometimes hit’s the nonviolent psychopath.
These two crossroads sometimes breed the same outcome. The victim and predator do have a second meeting point, which I find most interesting.
That final, most total act of self-absorption.
So desolate these Angels and Devils, running freely, playing freely, jumping happily, hungry to eat and tear apart, those contented by attention, some feeling a final encounter or those that wish to have a final audience with: Waste themselves either by being used or the depths of their using people as merely propellants for their mental, financial gains.
A curtain closing moments slightly prior to the point of being that worthy of Shakespeare. Before eyes shut eternal ending painful thoughts intentionally shut down by conscious wishes for some sense of peace and tranquility: to atone, feel so some sense of grace and forgiveness for flagrant stupidity and ignorance. To say they were wrong to the ones that cared, loved and believed them to be ones worthwhile.
As they die, both by their own hands and those worrying about a here-after.
For the prey: The victim: Enough being way more than enough. Time to end and once again be free, new in innocents splendor and be reborn . Been used enough. Been embarrassed sadly by their own weakness and failed understanding to loved ones that warned them, albeit repeatedly, with both open hearts and sincere honesty. To close their eyes and sleep eternal. Some finding one that would slay them, meeting a physical killer half-way. To find their heaven. Their guiltless place from being physically wasted, killed and thus, blown away. To reach Heaven promised them in the Bible. Not committing suicide yet reaching the same outcome.
Finding peace.
That being death.
For the Predator: Finding one like themselves and comprehending the ghastly ugliness of their action, their essence, their actions and seeing a profound sickness in their being and lives. Usually after embracing one that accepts them and points out what they are. To the predator, finally finding one of equal cadence, one like them, displaying sheer sensations, thoughts and desires. Slapping them as their mothers would, bringing them to some sad embrace of both reality and humanities sake. Years, decades perhaps, the nonviolent psychopath, by their own thoughts and desires took them away. No longer wishing to feel, to be hurt or used. Reaching some place, some neverland when all crashed down. To the point they once again realize.
To point they once again allow themselves to feel.
This being a point of equality. A juncture of convergence. Sad, rejoiceful meets happy and depressing.
The crossroads seeking forgiveness.
A road where they die.
<Authors note>
Once again, and I so find myself saying this a great deal, thank you for sending me these wondrous letters born of experience and its fallout. Thank you for sharing both your pain and most importantly, some area to teach others.
You have done this selflessly, perhaps to express warnings to others, perhaps to share grief’s felt on your behalf and free them, or to free ghosts of loved ones you’ve known.
These are the letters prior to their deaths. Both found at scenes or found in pockets as some deaths were sought by foreign hands.
Cry if you will. Free yourself to do so.
What could possibly be more human than to let your eyes leak? Gasp and find hardness in holding, sustaining vital air in your lungs.
Find some humanity in the now dead with their final written words.
The way written without editing, typos corrected, honor to their words.
Le Bel Age:
To the families of loved ones deaths: I cannot find words to express thanks.
No Froms or To’s will given here. I do this to honor both those that killed themselves and you the families and friends. They that passed know who they are.
You that survived and pursue know whom you are.
No disgrace, no remorse, only final words and your thoughts eventually given proper justice on this blog.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Le Bel Age:
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I kill myself this alone night. I am not sorry to end this agony that fills me. I must end this madness and regrets of heart and minds,
I am so ever sorry for what I have made my famly and friends feel and sadness great to their lives. I was fooled and humiliated, for this I can no longer stand in eyes of myself. I failed to see truths given me. So ashamed,
Mother and father, please forgive the child you gave birth to. Sorry to diregard what you taughts me.
I given much words from others. Those give me hopes to find brightness and happynous to sustain me.
You did not fail me.
I love you all so much.
Wrists slit. bathtub warm water, that of birth.
Falling to peaceful droughsynous
Must end
Love you so ver
____________________________________________________________________________________
I have trashd so many.
Wasted thooose that asked for it. Took their money and minds emotions to give me somethings. Grant me gaynes, and steroes…
Pills fuckings wurds. If I cud be sory.
If cud feeeeels, I wood tri.
I kant do shit,
Womns plygrnds 4 sx nt gns
Diings nws.
Gnghts n srys,
Sistrs,
I fld u’sss.
SORRRREEESSSSS.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Christ, where two begin areas I made nistakes?
Meeeting her?
To daze of serhing waks on beeches for waurm sunnsets. Rms in ams kisings.
This is diiing andits ok. Tiredes is I.
Pleze fohgives kme.
Killing thoughtss of you all??>
I soo bevlived in her. So wisheddd to be wti hur. She made me fels aliv and needsed.
I amn trashed nds wsted now. Sorry to hurts you alll so mcchu.
I dids nt 2 whis t hrts uou’’’’s
I fucks uyp.
Sry
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I once, for the first time in about three decades feel sorry for what I have done to women. I feel both pain and sorrow. I used women repeatedly, with no sense of guilt or remorse. I gained oral satisfactions and from a single finger to three fingerts over time to penetrate that anally.
Most would grant me enemas on them. I’d sickly watch pressure build, watching discomfort press both eyes and breathing. I so appreciated the pain felt by weaker fools of humanity.
I got a sense of strength of from bending, making them feel my will and them succumbing to their own weak self worth.
Such a rush! Such a feeling of dominance! I was special. I was strong
I was God!
What crshaed me to finally end this”?
I was visited my grndpants that I lovedd before, splliting lifes.
Dreems… druigs and alcohol an failed blue penz fumbllings wit vraoyoins
Diiiiiing nbiow,
Flls facccccing shttti.
Wrmth s nicee ddeth tks mmmme
Sweat Geeshus, ddjnt men thurxz sssss
_____________________________________________________________________________________
I was used by this guy and
fuck that. I know be3tter.
Mons, dads, bruthers warned me about ,.
Dn0oe fourtths
U gvs shitt llils hominine fstrrrr
Jess zrry gives meeee
Diings,,,\
Gnjnma cuiaz smone to klli em. Ihpoes thye illwezs.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What can be said of someone as smart and educated as I before killing themselves? I am not, should not be considered a ignorant nor stupid woman. I have grown to affluence and stature. I have done this through both using men and keeping my shape from bulimia. Master of illusion and confidence of men that refuse to see and wish to have a trophy wife and blind themselves to all else.
What do you want?
I have debased, ashamed and degraded them from both pushing to get vasectomies to the point of sleeping with their friends.
I have no regrets on this.
I am simply bored.
There is something else and I wish to find it.
No regrets.
Jacuzzi, warm water.
Slitting wrists elongated, no suturing there….
Good day.
____________________________________________________________________________________
This is the end of me. Place neeeedlews finlas in emmeee.
Ahhhhssss.
So tyrd and sadd. Sorries to friends as ur all tht I hhad.
Plls. Fuciking dwoners crashing eplicsing …
Hhroin vians
Can flkly
Tu sys pn fllls don’t wnt cryumns
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What can I say as a fat female, weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds plus? I so wanted to be just loved and wanted and dare I say, admired. I wanted to be accepted by a man and not simply used for sex as I had before.
Deer god!
I evens did right. Got married four times in front of uy0o to kill guilt on my p[art.
Don’t get me wrong, as this is my death note. I did try to gain attention from men through years suing the size of my tits and willingness to be laid.
No9t wishing alonenous hatting my father. Shit he gave me being fat, sad and unwanted.
Lord, forgive me. I wanted so t be wanted I would let them have me. Cars, abandoned house, cemetaries, giving blowjobs behind mons house.
Sorry jesus.
Manic deprsiive they said I am. Got away froms you and mendicated. din't help.////
Failed at killing myself before
Will prevail this time.
Damn… finding it harders to seplel write.
Ooverrdsoe gppring
Flee no giult Mrak.
Tish nto yrou dnoing
dornwing drowins, ddrowning.
\]shit, mARK....
diiying.
mzzi uoy...
On thoer esid ess ouy.
ruoy erohs
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii\
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
rys
_____________________________________________________________________________________
AUTHORS NOTE:
This is part of the many recent letters sent to me by both family members and friends alike and their beloved departed.
Keep this singular truth in mind: At no point did I ever ask for these things to be sent to me, nor did I ever wish for such abrasive endings of lives or sadness by those left in the harsh wakes of death.
If I could cry, I have little doubt I would at their last words. Tears are so gone from me now. Sadness is, to me, a life left behind in dust. I find solace on god paintings in the sky. To stare at the clouds and view wondrous sights: an elephant, image white against sharp blue. Horses crossing one another, and snapping turtle going toward nothing with mouth open. I view to the sky for happiness as most things on this Earth fail in comparison to God, Jesus, and life beyond lies, compromise and plastic tears.
I can only be objective to things where this blog is concerned.
Humble apologies: I do not wish to state submissions you have given through both heart and soul as mere ’things’. They are not such as you most sadly feel them, and I, so grateful you would share them. Some things on my part I shall not edit. For this, apologies.
I will, in due time, place your comments as those left behind by those leaving you, departing from all of us, your emotions, thoughts and hopes wish to place here, in this blog.
I cannot do this without placing my wishes and keeping anonymity on your part. I said I would do this many entries ago. I have to have some peace in this blog created and sustained by me and three others and respect all that submit here without backgrounds they wished to give.
In simple truth: the bereaved far to openly travel to lands they regret later on. So raw in emotion, so hoping to seek truth, affirmation for things that have little or no explanation they can drive themselves to the gates of madness.
Sorry, I will not help you on this trip. I will post your thoughts. I will do this with no bearing on anything posted or your connection thereof.
In conclusion to this entry: To those left in the murky waters yet white-capping on shores you hold close: The ones you loved that have passed futures are based on what you believe in in your mind. The memories, your memories , are what you hold as true. Do you hold happiness shared with them? Do you hold sadness of things they brought to your doorstep?
Do you embrace this one, or cast them off, with fake shit you display at their funeral to save face?
This is neither directed at no one nor any people of any land based on race, creed or heritage.
With thanks, embraces as well as milk and kisses,
-Mark William Darus.
This site is to inform people about the 4% of our population that are nonviolent-Psychopaths. It will also go into areas of those suffering various and serious mental illness' that share the Earth with all of us. Going into areas of human depression, hopelessness and happiness seen over time. Email me: Socialsniperzzz@gmail.com Or find me as Mark William Darus on FaceBook with questions or concerns.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
2nd set of Phone interviews.
The second part of the Phone Interviews.
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 51
Race: White
Body Style: Slim
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Masters in communication, LISW and
Library Science.
Location: hiding from him in Canada.
Interview name: Priscilla
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Pris: You must mean to ask. <she gasped for air. Sounding almost faint.> How could someone so educated like me be so self-screwed?
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Pris: I was all about learning. Didn’t matter what. I was diagnosed Obsessive/Compulsive after all.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Pris: What you mean to ask is this. <Agitated and angry> How could you be so ignorant? Right?
Me: No. I asked that in the first question. Continue, please.
Pris: NO!
AN: Authors Note: With that, the interview ended, most abruptly. A highly audible ‘CLICK’ leading to a busy signal.
________________________________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 33
Race: White
Body Style: Skinny as hell.
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Masters: literature
Location: New Your City: New York
Name: Ellen.
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Ellen: Most definitely! Is this a segway to better questions? I do hope so.
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Ellen: 5, maybe 7 years old.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Ellen: Bothered? Not in any respect. I liked controlling my parents.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Ellen: Learn this from how I handled my parents. Mom had two still births before I popped out.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Ellen: when I didn’t get my way. If crying didn’t work, I’d have major tantrums. I’d smash shit, break vases, cause all sorts of embarrassments to my parents.
Me: Let me clarify: At what age?
Ellen: 12 or so.
Me: How did you catch this?
Ellen: I watched their facial responces. Granted, I did not know what the term was then. I’d pick up on their looks of shame and horror. And I would run with it to their giving in to me. They shut me up by giving me my way. Is that enough?
Me: Yes, thank you.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?
Ellen: No sir! They had other things to worry about. Upper middle class whites worry more about social status than fucked up kids.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?
Ellen: Honestly, Mark, no. I think it was quite the opposite in later years.
Me; How’s that? Would you care to explain and if not, I understand.
Ellen: Thanks for asking, Mark. I’d be happy to explain. I was 14-15 and I wanted to spend the weekend with my 20 year old boyfriend. His folks had this cabin. Nice seclusion. I wanted him to get me a car and knew I needed to put out. He thought I was much older than I was. A few kinky photos, enough people seeing us hugging, kissing, asking them to take photos of us and BLAM! I’d have his ass.
Mom stood up to me and said no.
I told her she better do as I say or else/
She said go for it.
I did. I called an abuse Hotline. I told them she tried to sexually assault me. Within 12 hours they shot me away to a safe house. With one hour at the safe house, I split, called my boyfriend and had my weekend.
Me: So you conned these professionals that believed in you?
Ellen: Mark, it wasn’t that hard. They didn’t even call the cops til I was 48 hours from splitting the safe house. < in a voice sounding sympathetic, she mimics: She’s so troubled… must have a hard time dealing with things. Needs her space… I laughed at their ignorance! These people with degrees in social work and psychology. Those with educations so much higher than mine. I so owned them.
Mark: How did this make you feel, Ellen?
Ellen: Way fucking superior, that’s how.
Mark: So you felt happiness?
Ellen: NO! I felt bigger than them.
Mark: How so?
Ellen: They were like tiny ants under my size 12. First a glimpse of shadow, than squish. Mark, you must know the feeling of winning a head-game. I cannot believe you could start a blog like yours and not know this.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Ellen: Neither. I guess you could call it a learned response.
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Ellen: I heard the theme of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Sesame Street. That’s what I heard.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?
ElleN: HUH? I didn't hear or see a damn thing.
Mark: at what age did you feel you were differant than those around you?
Ellen: At what age? Mark, that is far too advanced for any child 5-7 years old. C’mon.
Me: Sorry. Just going thru the questions.
Ellen: No sorry needed. I understand.
Me: humph.
Ellen: may we continue?
Me: Yes. Let us do so.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Ellen: When I nailed my mom and manipulated a whole county of protectors. I thought: If with so little effort I could cause mom the quake as officials crashed the house and how I con the educated without practical knowledge of kids I could do anything. Sorry, I must come off as a monster. But they did make it easy for me.
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Ellen: Of course it did! In one weekend, I got my mom to obey me, a county to feel sorry for me and an asshole to buy me a car.
Me: If you could state it simply, how would you describe this?
Ellen: Mark, gotta love ya. I did this with looks of sheet ANGER at my mom, sobs and whimpers on the call the could and expressions of the same during the face to face with the country. The 20 year old, sorry, I don’t even remember what his name was. I gave him a sultry come hither glance I’d seen in many movies. He fell like a North Carolina coast house during a hurricane when I told him my real age.
Me: So this made you feel powerful over others?
Ellen: I know you are not a complete idiot. Of course it did! Christ, Mark. I know you have your answer. What’s this about?
Me; Would you care to expand? Did you scream to yourself? Explode vocally far away from others as if in the woods or such?
Ellen: FUCK YES, I DID! Who wouldn’t? They were twice my age and I toppled them!
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Ellen: <laughing and even snorting> Read over the last two questions, dearest Mark.
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Ellen: That first weekend with my mom, county and boyfriend taught me the basics. The rest is just repetition with slight variations.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Ellen: I did! In fact five times.
Me: Five times?
Ellen: Of course! Gotta love prenupts. I haven’t worked a day with what assholes will sign before marriage.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Ellen: Whoa, Sherlock. Two questions at once? Trying to throw the mind scramble, aren’t you? One at a time, please.
Me: Than go for it.
Ellen: I got married for gain. Mostly monetary and social status. I saw female friends pic lesser fools for love. I simply wanted money. This equals not having to work, bow down to others or be made to feel frightened.
Me: But you bowed down to these husbands. What was that about?
Ellen: Mark, you are baiting me, aren’t you?
Me: I’m a master at it.
Ellen: I could so nail you with a joke. I will not do so.
Me: I think you just did. <laughing>
Ellen: Sure, I sexually played these men. Why not? I saw what my friends had. Fools, all of them. I made these guys sign prenupts they thought would protect them… <low chuckle from her> Idiots, all of them.
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Ellen: What would you think?
Me: I think you must be. You seem to be most satisfied judging by your expressions and words.
Ellen: I am. I made my life on MY TERMS. My likes and dislikes.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Ellen: Mark, did you really ask me this question? There is no satisfying my hunger.
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?
Ellen: Dearest, Mark. Yes, I did. I found I am not alone in my ambitions and desires. I’m not a killer. I am a user, abuser and sucker of those that are stupid and weak.
<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>
Me: You sound like a Twisted Sister song.
Ellen. <laughing, doing Dee Snyder> We’rrrrre not gonna take it!… <laughing louder, yet with a tone less edgy> Thank you for your blog, Mark. I somehow think you are giving warnings to others with words of myself and others. OHHHHH, BEWARE US! WE WILL EAT YOU, SUCK YOU LIKE A VAMPIRE AND CAST YOU TO THE CURB. KNOW US, FOR WE ARE MANY!
Me: thanks.
Ellen: Zo, Mark, <asking with a mock German accent> Vat kind of women do you like?
Me: I really have no type. I do go towards those with long hair.
Ellen: And vi is dis?
Me: uhh, something about long flowing hair crossing over shoulders, covering chests?
Ellen: Please, continue! Go forth!
Me: I like long hair.
Ellen: Favorite food?
Me: Chinese. But I like to try different things.
Ellen: What is the oddest thing you have eaten?
Me: Duck-blood soup. I can’t remember the proper speeling: Chi Neenah? My family watched me eat this. I loved it. I also like my steak rare.
Ellen: So, you like blood?
Me: I guess I do. I liked that soup much the same as a rare steak.
Ellen: I see. Can we continue without recording>
Me: Of course! You are most pleasant to talk to…
AN(authors note) and her and I spoke for about two hours. She became a contact of mine on FaceBook.
Thanks, Ellen. Hope you like the Americanized name….
_____________________________________________________________________________________
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Male
Age: 49
Race: Black
Body Style: Chubby, but I got muscles.
Highest level of education at the time of incident: College dropout
Location: Santa Claus Indiana
Name: Shaft
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Shaft: I was a stupid mother fucker. I like chunky white bitches. I owned their asses. Owned them, got it you pasty faced white fucker!
Me: Got it, loud and clear. Please don’t yell. It causes distortion.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Shaft: I was a baller. I got them to do what I said. Chubby white women are stupid. I had my way with them, usually the first night.
Me: So you found their cravings for attention and dove at it?
Shaft: No, bro! I gave them some attention. I bought them drinks, danced with them. Told them what they wanted to hear. I did them a public service, you know? White guys wouldn’t give their hangin’ mudflaps a second glance, so I homed in on them like a missile headed for Bagdad. Ya feel me?
Me: I have an idea. Sure.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Shaft: Fuck no, bro! I thought I had the bitch.
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Shaft: 20-fuckin’ 7.
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Shaft: Fuck. Way too goddamned long.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)
Shaft: No way. I didn’t have women meet my friends. They’d try to go after them to fuck with me? Ya know? Take my bitch and make me look like a loser.
AN<due to his answers, many questions omited. Call this learning interviews, but they seemed totally irrelevant to ask>
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Shaft: When my friends said I hadn’t seen them, hung with them, in like weeks. Didn’t know this shit happened, bro.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Shaft: Felt like shit. These are my friends. It was like I didn’t know who there were anymore.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)
Shaft: Fuck no. No bitch is worth that.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Shaft: Yeah I did! I sent some locals to step on her.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Shaft: When? My bank accounts got drained, mother fucker!
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Shaft: Romantic relationships, <mocking my voice> What the fuck are those?
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Shaft: She played my dick! Her mouth did the saxophone on me! Her pussy smelled like sweet butter. She knew what to say to me. I didn’t have to say shit to her. She just did it.
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Shaft: Fuck yeah! I read about bitches that do this shit. They ain’t gonna fuck with me again!
Me: After all the women you used, did you ever think you had this coming?
Shaft: What the fuck you mean?
Me: Like, say, Karma?
Shaft: Fuck you!
CLICK!
AN<and that was that>
_____________________________________________________________________________________
These three interviews, now totaling 8 to appear on this blog, took much time in transcribing to give them justice. Unlike the first set placed here, these required a great deal of back-tracking, to add both the subtleties of tonal inflection and attitude by those answering. These three took me about 7 hours to place out to typed words.
Call this a labor to the task: Gaining information without judgment, most happy with the results.
Thanks to those of these three.
Humbly,
Mark Willaim Darus.
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 51
Race: White
Body Style: Slim
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Masters in communication, LISW and
Library Science.
Location: hiding from him in Canada.
Interview name: Priscilla
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Pris: You must mean to ask. <she gasped for air. Sounding almost faint.> How could someone so educated like me be so self-screwed?
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Pris: I was all about learning. Didn’t matter what. I was diagnosed Obsessive/Compulsive after all.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Pris: What you mean to ask is this. <Agitated and angry> How could you be so ignorant? Right?
Me: No. I asked that in the first question. Continue, please.
Pris: NO!
AN: Authors Note: With that, the interview ended, most abruptly. A highly audible ‘CLICK’ leading to a busy signal.
________________________________________________________________________________
QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Female
Age: 33
Race: White
Body Style: Skinny as hell.
Highest level of education at the time of incident: Masters: literature
Location: New Your City: New York
Name: Ellen.
1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?
Ellen: Most definitely! Is this a segway to better questions? I do hope so.
2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?
Ellen: 5, maybe 7 years old.
3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?
Ellen: Bothered? Not in any respect. I liked controlling my parents.
4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?
Ellen: Learn this from how I handled my parents. Mom had two still births before I popped out.
5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?
Ellen: when I didn’t get my way. If crying didn’t work, I’d have major tantrums. I’d smash shit, break vases, cause all sorts of embarrassments to my parents.
Me: Let me clarify: At what age?
Ellen: 12 or so.
Me: How did you catch this?
Ellen: I watched their facial responces. Granted, I did not know what the term was then. I’d pick up on their looks of shame and horror. And I would run with it to their giving in to me. They shut me up by giving me my way. Is that enough?
Me: Yes, thank you.
6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?
Ellen: No sir! They had other things to worry about. Upper middle class whites worry more about social status than fucked up kids.
7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?
Ellen: Honestly, Mark, no. I think it was quite the opposite in later years.
Me; How’s that? Would you care to explain and if not, I understand.
Ellen: Thanks for asking, Mark. I’d be happy to explain. I was 14-15 and I wanted to spend the weekend with my 20 year old boyfriend. His folks had this cabin. Nice seclusion. I wanted him to get me a car and knew I needed to put out. He thought I was much older than I was. A few kinky photos, enough people seeing us hugging, kissing, asking them to take photos of us and BLAM! I’d have his ass.
Mom stood up to me and said no.
I told her she better do as I say or else/
She said go for it.
I did. I called an abuse Hotline. I told them she tried to sexually assault me. Within 12 hours they shot me away to a safe house. With one hour at the safe house, I split, called my boyfriend and had my weekend.
Me: So you conned these professionals that believed in you?
Ellen: Mark, it wasn’t that hard. They didn’t even call the cops til I was 48 hours from splitting the safe house. < in a voice sounding sympathetic, she mimics: She’s so troubled… must have a hard time dealing with things. Needs her space… I laughed at their ignorance! These people with degrees in social work and psychology. Those with educations so much higher than mine. I so owned them.
Mark: How did this make you feel, Ellen?
Ellen: Way fucking superior, that’s how.
Mark: So you felt happiness?
Ellen: NO! I felt bigger than them.
Mark: How so?
Ellen: They were like tiny ants under my size 12. First a glimpse of shadow, than squish. Mark, you must know the feeling of winning a head-game. I cannot believe you could start a blog like yours and not know this.
8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?
Ellen: Neither. I guess you could call it a learned response.
9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?
Ellen: I heard the theme of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood and Sesame Street. That’s what I heard.
10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?
ElleN: HUH? I didn't hear or see a damn thing.
Mark: at what age did you feel you were differant than those around you?
Ellen: At what age? Mark, that is far too advanced for any child 5-7 years old. C’mon.
Me: Sorry. Just going thru the questions.
Ellen: No sorry needed. I understand.
Me: humph.
Ellen: may we continue?
Me: Yes. Let us do so.
11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?
Ellen: When I nailed my mom and manipulated a whole county of protectors. I thought: If with so little effort I could cause mom the quake as officials crashed the house and how I con the educated without practical knowledge of kids I could do anything. Sorry, I must come off as a monster. But they did make it easy for me.
12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?
Ellen: Of course it did! In one weekend, I got my mom to obey me, a county to feel sorry for me and an asshole to buy me a car.
Me: If you could state it simply, how would you describe this?
Ellen: Mark, gotta love ya. I did this with looks of sheet ANGER at my mom, sobs and whimpers on the call the could and expressions of the same during the face to face with the country. The 20 year old, sorry, I don’t even remember what his name was. I gave him a sultry come hither glance I’d seen in many movies. He fell like a North Carolina coast house during a hurricane when I told him my real age.
Me: So this made you feel powerful over others?
Ellen: I know you are not a complete idiot. Of course it did! Christ, Mark. I know you have your answer. What’s this about?
Me; Would you care to expand? Did you scream to yourself? Explode vocally far away from others as if in the woods or such?
Ellen: FUCK YES, I DID! Who wouldn’t? They were twice my age and I toppled them!
13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>
Ellen: <laughing and even snorting> Read over the last two questions, dearest Mark.
14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?
Ellen: That first weekend with my mom, county and boyfriend taught me the basics. The rest is just repetition with slight variations.
15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?
Ellen: I did! In fact five times.
Me: Five times?
Ellen: Of course! Gotta love prenupts. I haven’t worked a day with what assholes will sign before marriage.
16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?
Ellen: Whoa, Sherlock. Two questions at once? Trying to throw the mind scramble, aren’t you? One at a time, please.
Me: Than go for it.
Ellen: I got married for gain. Mostly monetary and social status. I saw female friends pic lesser fools for love. I simply wanted money. This equals not having to work, bow down to others or be made to feel frightened.
Me: But you bowed down to these husbands. What was that about?
Ellen: Mark, you are baiting me, aren’t you?
Me: I’m a master at it.
Ellen: I could so nail you with a joke. I will not do so.
Me: I think you just did. <laughing>
Ellen: Sure, I sexually played these men. Why not? I saw what my friends had. Fools, all of them. I made these guys sign prenupts they thought would protect them… <low chuckle from her> Idiots, all of them.
17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?
Ellen: What would you think?
Me: I think you must be. You seem to be most satisfied judging by your expressions and words.
Ellen: I am. I made my life on MY TERMS. My likes and dislikes.
18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?
Ellen: Mark, did you really ask me this question? There is no satisfying my hunger.
19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?
Ellen: Dearest, Mark. Yes, I did. I found I am not alone in my ambitions and desires. I’m not a killer. I am a user, abuser and sucker of those that are stupid and weak.
<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>
Me: You sound like a Twisted Sister song.
Ellen. <laughing, doing Dee Snyder> We’rrrrre not gonna take it!… <laughing louder, yet with a tone less edgy> Thank you for your blog, Mark. I somehow think you are giving warnings to others with words of myself and others. OHHHHH, BEWARE US! WE WILL EAT YOU, SUCK YOU LIKE A VAMPIRE AND CAST YOU TO THE CURB. KNOW US, FOR WE ARE MANY!
Me: thanks.
Ellen: Zo, Mark, <asking with a mock German accent> Vat kind of women do you like?
Me: I really have no type. I do go towards those with long hair.
Ellen: And vi is dis?
Me: uhh, something about long flowing hair crossing over shoulders, covering chests?
Ellen: Please, continue! Go forth!
Me: I like long hair.
Ellen: Favorite food?
Me: Chinese. But I like to try different things.
Ellen: What is the oddest thing you have eaten?
Me: Duck-blood soup. I can’t remember the proper speeling: Chi Neenah? My family watched me eat this. I loved it. I also like my steak rare.
Ellen: So, you like blood?
Me: I guess I do. I liked that soup much the same as a rare steak.
Ellen: I see. Can we continue without recording>
Me: Of course! You are most pleasant to talk to…
AN(authors note) and her and I spoke for about two hours. She became a contact of mine on FaceBook.
Thanks, Ellen. Hope you like the Americanized name….
_____________________________________________________________________________________
THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)
<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>
General Information.
Sex: Male
Age: 49
Race: Black
Body Style: Chubby, but I got muscles.
Highest level of education at the time of incident: College dropout
Location: Santa Claus Indiana
Name: Shaft
1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)
Shaft: I was a stupid mother fucker. I like chunky white bitches. I owned their asses. Owned them, got it you pasty faced white fucker!
Me: Got it, loud and clear. Please don’t yell. It causes distortion.
2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:
Shaft: I was a baller. I got them to do what I said. Chubby white women are stupid. I had my way with them, usually the first night.
Me: So you found their cravings for attention and dove at it?
Shaft: No, bro! I gave them some attention. I bought them drinks, danced with them. Told them what they wanted to hear. I did them a public service, you know? White guys wouldn’t give their hangin’ mudflaps a second glance, so I homed in on them like a missile headed for Bagdad. Ya feel me?
Me: I have an idea. Sure.
3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?
Shaft: Fuck no, bro! I thought I had the bitch.
4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?
Shaft: 20-fuckin’ 7.
5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?
Shaft: Fuck. Way too goddamned long.
6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)
Shaft: No way. I didn’t have women meet my friends. They’d try to go after them to fuck with me? Ya know? Take my bitch and make me look like a loser.
AN<due to his answers, many questions omited. Call this learning interviews, but they seemed totally irrelevant to ask>
9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?
Shaft: When my friends said I hadn’t seen them, hung with them, in like weeks. Didn’t know this shit happened, bro.
10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?
Shaft: Felt like shit. These are my friends. It was like I didn’t know who there were anymore.
11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)
Shaft: Fuck no. No bitch is worth that.
12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?
Shaft: Yeah I did! I sent some locals to step on her.
13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?
Shaft: When? My bank accounts got drained, mother fucker!
14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?
Shaft: Romantic relationships, <mocking my voice> What the fuck are those?
15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.
Shaft: She played my dick! Her mouth did the saxophone on me! Her pussy smelled like sweet butter. She knew what to say to me. I didn’t have to say shit to her. She just did it.
16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?
Shaft: Fuck yeah! I read about bitches that do this shit. They ain’t gonna fuck with me again!
Me: After all the women you used, did you ever think you had this coming?
Shaft: What the fuck you mean?
Me: Like, say, Karma?
Shaft: Fuck you!
CLICK!
AN<and that was that>
_____________________________________________________________________________________
These three interviews, now totaling 8 to appear on this blog, took much time in transcribing to give them justice. Unlike the first set placed here, these required a great deal of back-tracking, to add both the subtleties of tonal inflection and attitude by those answering. These three took me about 7 hours to place out to typed words.
Call this a labor to the task: Gaining information without judgment, most happy with the results.
Thanks to those of these three.
Humbly,
Mark Willaim Darus.
Monday, June 4, 2012
To The Visitors, Contributors, and People of this Earth. Thank you!.
To you, This Not Gentle Planet Earth.
Where to begin…
When I started this place: Psychopathy: Another life, I had no idea nor hopes it would ever reach the places it has. Like a tiny snowball descending down some mountain pass. It seems to keep growing as it moves and picks up speed.
The tiny snowflakes adding to the whole, joining, expanding, reaching out and going further. The people of many lands read and pass to friends, coworkers and family, creating a momentum that surpasses my wildest dreams and imagination in both scope, size and sheer range. I am blown away by this.
I wish to give thanks to you who have visited the Psychopathy: Another Life I started a mere three months ago today. To the people that have visited, commented, emailed and shared their lives with me. To those that humbled me with phone interviews, where questions ansered with voices and emotions were given freely to me in hopes by them to share and teach others.
There are far too many of you to name individually, and I wouldn’t based on my anonymity guidelines unless seriously pressed to do so.
Still, to give honor and thanks, let me do so to the lands you speak proud of with boldness, inner strength and audacity. You do your homelands proud! I list your countries in order of appearance. (or at least I will try to. I have been known to sometimes fail on such details. Humble apologies on my part. )
I bow to all of you!
29 Countries in all. So far.
The United States of America
Russia
Ukraine
Germany
Canada
United Kingdom
Sweden
South Africa
Australia
India
Latvia
Bulgaria
Czech Republic
Japan
Austria
South Korea
Tanzania
Columbia
Norway
Finland
Romania
Italy
New Zealand
Ireland
Venezuela
France
Hungary
Israel
Wales
China
Thank you so very much!
In the last week I ventured to two bookstores, searching for more information on the subject of my fascination, Apparently, a subject that others wish to learn about as well. I found nothing in regards to nonviolent psychopaths. I found this odd. I can only think of two professionals that have given any illumination on this land that carries one of the darkest minefields of the mind. To those that cunningly place them under gentle grounds and those that so innocently tread on them.
To Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley: I can’t possibly express gratitude enough to tell you how you have re-fired a mind that sat dormant for decades: the mind sitting like an idle schoolboy impatiently waiting for the right teacher to make things matter. To make sense ito a mind that dwelled on chaos and confusion and not knowing why.
For possibly the first time in my life, approaching age 50, I feel I have actually done something that mattered in broad scope.
For this: I bow and curtsy to you, the people of the Earth.
Mark William Darus: June 3 and 4 of this 2012.
Where to begin…
When I started this place: Psychopathy: Another life, I had no idea nor hopes it would ever reach the places it has. Like a tiny snowball descending down some mountain pass. It seems to keep growing as it moves and picks up speed.
The tiny snowflakes adding to the whole, joining, expanding, reaching out and going further. The people of many lands read and pass to friends, coworkers and family, creating a momentum that surpasses my wildest dreams and imagination in both scope, size and sheer range. I am blown away by this.
I wish to give thanks to you who have visited the Psychopathy: Another Life I started a mere three months ago today. To the people that have visited, commented, emailed and shared their lives with me. To those that humbled me with phone interviews, where questions ansered with voices and emotions were given freely to me in hopes by them to share and teach others.
There are far too many of you to name individually, and I wouldn’t based on my anonymity guidelines unless seriously pressed to do so.
Still, to give honor and thanks, let me do so to the lands you speak proud of with boldness, inner strength and audacity. You do your homelands proud! I list your countries in order of appearance. (or at least I will try to. I have been known to sometimes fail on such details. Humble apologies on my part. )
I bow to all of you!
29 Countries in all. So far.
The United States of America
Russia
Ukraine
Germany
Canada
United Kingdom
Sweden
South Africa
Australia
India
Latvia
Bulgaria
Czech Republic
Japan
Austria
South Korea
Tanzania
Columbia
Norway
Finland
Romania
Italy
New Zealand
Ireland
Venezuela
France
Hungary
Israel
Wales
China
Thank you so very much!
In the last week I ventured to two bookstores, searching for more information on the subject of my fascination, Apparently, a subject that others wish to learn about as well. I found nothing in regards to nonviolent psychopaths. I found this odd. I can only think of two professionals that have given any illumination on this land that carries one of the darkest minefields of the mind. To those that cunningly place them under gentle grounds and those that so innocently tread on them.
To Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley: I can’t possibly express gratitude enough to tell you how you have re-fired a mind that sat dormant for decades: the mind sitting like an idle schoolboy impatiently waiting for the right teacher to make things matter. To make sense ito a mind that dwelled on chaos and confusion and not knowing why.
For possibly the first time in my life, approaching age 50, I feel I have actually done something that mattered in broad scope.
For this: I bow and curtsy to you, the people of the Earth.
Mark William Darus: June 3 and 4 of this 2012.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Global Mental Health: You are not alone on this EARTH.
Inspired by both Facebook chats and emails from others.
I offer a point of assistance in locating help for things troubling both mind and spirit.
I say again: I am NOT a trained professional in the world of psychology.
I will be glad to give locations that may help you, friends or family members in need of help in the depths of the mind. If asked questions of a personal, private note, I will respect you anonymity and either email you or call you at your request if given a number to reach you. I will get a headset, thus making internet conversations more affordable. I will post this announcement when it occurs. That day will occur soon. It is so cumbersome to type when talking is much more effective. More human, hearing inflections of voice and sensing, perceiving things that can only occur during human personal connections.
For example: Help in the UK
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/contact-us/our-offices/
For China:
http://www.cmha.org.uk/
For Canada:
http://www.mentalhealthcanada.com/
If you can’t find help, I humbly will give it my best shot to assist you no matter what part of our ever shrinking planet you live in. In time, I may attempt a suicide hotline, but that is sometime off in the future.
I will NEVER ask for a donation or credit card number. I will never ask for anything of a financial nature.
What I will ask you for is honesty when you email/speak to me. I ask you to expect rough questions that will aid you down your road.
Note This: I am blunt and to a huge, distasteful point. I can be looked at as cold, insensitive and uncaring. Through those gifts I can be objective in your situation.
Please keep this in mind: I will NEVER post anything in my blog that you do not wish to be posted. I will not use aliases in reference to your concerns whatsoever to further this blog in any way, shape or form.
If you hadn’t read the posts in the beginning:
I am not a trained mental health professional.
I am not a trained counselor.
I am not a doctor.
What I am is someone who does things others neither will not try nor attempt to assist with without money.
I do not believe my Higher Power gave me the tools to help for personal gain. I look at my brain/mind and thought processes as a gift from above.
To help others regardless of disagreements of beliefs, race or genders. To do things we can for others in the plain truth to help.
I am one that believes in doing no harm, either physically or mentally to anyone seeking help.
I will be honest and blunt.
Mark William Darus.
I offer a point of assistance in locating help for things troubling both mind and spirit.
I say again: I am NOT a trained professional in the world of psychology.
I will be glad to give locations that may help you, friends or family members in need of help in the depths of the mind. If asked questions of a personal, private note, I will respect you anonymity and either email you or call you at your request if given a number to reach you. I will get a headset, thus making internet conversations more affordable. I will post this announcement when it occurs. That day will occur soon. It is so cumbersome to type when talking is much more effective. More human, hearing inflections of voice and sensing, perceiving things that can only occur during human personal connections.
For example: Help in the UK
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/contact-us/our-offices/
For China:
http://www.cmha.org.uk/
For Canada:
http://www.mentalhealthcanada.com/
If you can’t find help, I humbly will give it my best shot to assist you no matter what part of our ever shrinking planet you live in. In time, I may attempt a suicide hotline, but that is sometime off in the future.
I will NEVER ask for a donation or credit card number. I will never ask for anything of a financial nature.
What I will ask you for is honesty when you email/speak to me. I ask you to expect rough questions that will aid you down your road.
Note This: I am blunt and to a huge, distasteful point. I can be looked at as cold, insensitive and uncaring. Through those gifts I can be objective in your situation.
Please keep this in mind: I will NEVER post anything in my blog that you do not wish to be posted. I will not use aliases in reference to your concerns whatsoever to further this blog in any way, shape or form.
If you hadn’t read the posts in the beginning:
I am not a trained mental health professional.
I am not a trained counselor.
I am not a doctor.
What I am is someone who does things others neither will not try nor attempt to assist with without money.
I do not believe my Higher Power gave me the tools to help for personal gain. I look at my brain/mind and thought processes as a gift from above.
To help others regardless of disagreements of beliefs, race or genders. To do things we can for others in the plain truth to help.
I am one that believes in doing no harm, either physically or mentally to anyone seeking help.
I will be honest and blunt.
Mark William Darus.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Allow me to introduce myself to you. I am not so well in English writings. Be kind.
I am Irina Spektor.
I write tonight for Mark as needs rest from his blog. He has been doing much writing to make this happen and he is weary. He said to me he was fried-out and it bothered him much.
I am now in Odessa Ukraine. I was born child of Pripyat but we fled home in April 1986 after horrible mistake. I can still hear sounds of men over raspy hand horns telling us to enter buses and leave.
I thank him for trusting me to aide him. Trusting me to enter place so special and dear to him. His private secret place in his heart.
I found this place expiencing boredom and sailing web. I still have memories of day when I discovered this place of teaching. I type psychopathy in googles after reading about Andrei Chikatilo and I found here.
I felt much as I read and cried through his words. Such madness in people at people to serve self. I read stories of animals of human forms digesting others. What it was like to be digested. I thought of many men known through life and thought many terrible delights. I was captured and told friends of this place.
When he changed greenwords on blog by adding Facebook searched find. I friended him he accepted my wish to be with this man who writes of desparations.
Thinking in veins of blog, I have been used by many men over years been hurt and sad. These men liked looks of me and messed with mind to gather things that were mine. I felt grief as they left my life and said how they sorried me.
I gave earned Hryvnia to aide them in troubled times. I of gentle heart would aide with no question. I may have dumbs in emotions on this.
I have learned in past months to watch and concerns with. Follow heart still with watchfull eyes to thought provoke self.
Had many shared things with friends I shared with this place. They told me things of lifes I cannot put here whith no permissions.
So I end first entry here.
большая любовь, Марк
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzgViS4Rpf8
I am Irina Spektor.
I write tonight for Mark as needs rest from his blog. He has been doing much writing to make this happen and he is weary. He said to me he was fried-out and it bothered him much.
I am now in Odessa Ukraine. I was born child of Pripyat but we fled home in April 1986 after horrible mistake. I can still hear sounds of men over raspy hand horns telling us to enter buses and leave.
I thank him for trusting me to aide him. Trusting me to enter place so special and dear to him. His private secret place in his heart.
I found this place expiencing boredom and sailing web. I still have memories of day when I discovered this place of teaching. I type psychopathy in googles after reading about Andrei Chikatilo and I found here.
I felt much as I read and cried through his words. Such madness in people at people to serve self. I read stories of animals of human forms digesting others. What it was like to be digested. I thought of many men known through life and thought many terrible delights. I was captured and told friends of this place.
When he changed greenwords on blog by adding Facebook searched find. I friended him he accepted my wish to be with this man who writes of desparations.
Thinking in veins of blog, I have been used by many men over years been hurt and sad. These men liked looks of me and messed with mind to gather things that were mine. I felt grief as they left my life and said how they sorried me.
I gave earned Hryvnia to aide them in troubled times. I of gentle heart would aide with no question. I may have dumbs in emotions on this.
I have learned in past months to watch and concerns with. Follow heart still with watchfull eyes to thought provoke self.
Had many shared things with friends I shared with this place. They told me things of lifes I cannot put here whith no permissions.
So I end first entry here.
большая любовь, Марк
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzgViS4Rpf8
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Moment of pause: Explanation.
Going forward and hopefully not in reverse.
I will over the next several pages post both reader comments and interviews I have had
When I did the phone interviews.
It is my hope you do not look at this as a rip-off from original thoughts. I do need a moment of pause to recharge the batteries of the mind. I feel a tad fried at this point.
Thank you for your understanding in this regard.
I hope you like the next two posts. Thank you all.
-Mark William Darus.
I will over the next several pages post both reader comments and interviews I have had
When I did the phone interviews.
It is my hope you do not look at this as a rip-off from original thoughts. I do need a moment of pause to recharge the batteries of the mind. I feel a tad fried at this point.
Thank you for your understanding in this regard.
I hope you like the next two posts. Thank you all.
-Mark William Darus.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
ANTHEMS FROM MANY LANDS. REACHING ANOTHER LIFE
Where do we all come from and what do we have tp share?
My blog has been visited by many a proud land, I have been touched by this joining of minds and hearts. Thanks to internet translator programs, I can get a slight glimpse os what people have to say. I am quite thankful to the homelands you have so proudly placed on my sight.\
In no particular order:
I respect everyone from every land that hit my blog
I would humbly ask for your respect going further. Turn cell phones of and such.
STAND PROUD: RESPECT THE PRIDE OF MANY HOMELANDS THAT MET ME HALFWAY VISITING THE BLOG OF PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE AND NAILING ME ON FACEBOOK.
We are proud people from areas of this globe we share and call Earth.
And if you never heard of this country, give these lands as much respect you would any other.
Teach me what humanity is.
Just rock to the wondrous sounds of many lands!
Please put your hands together for JIMI! The only phucker that got it right,….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMhq1L0cJf0
Proud anthem of Malta:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6O-K9gbJkM
Anthem of Sweden:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAlu-bZLVww
Anthem of Norway: Northwestern fishing vessel:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1h_wIvwhzI
Anthem of Latvia
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxjdcvraOSM
Anthem of Malaysia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhRjCCWZ9Cc
Anthem of Bulgaria:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLSeWlqDV2c
Anthem of Australia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCQLmteikdM
Anthem of china:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35zfVKqjS0o
Anthem of Belgium::
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkS85LPQpfM
Anthem of Italy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7pmy-u1awI
Anthem of Greenland: not officially, the sounds and pictures intercourse each other makes grand sense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7u0km5VVYYg
Anthem of Belize:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJa0OlHi19w
Anthem of Mexico:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QiWGz5SBO1s
Anthem of Portugal :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkSQ6_XhvjQ
Anthem of Mother of many lands.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVlADGdb7ik
The Ukraine: Lands of my ancestors. I wish to go home to lands I have never seen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzgViS4Rpf8
A Ukrainian Interview with me in the Crosshairs.
The gentle warriors of a United States gone insane through greed.
A solemn wish for the madness to stop, with the reality that wish will fail totally.
Welcome to what many of have asked for: The picking of my brain. So many of you have asked me questions about why I started a blog on such a dismal subject, sometimes going highly political and posting things both pro and con that would elate others and so bother many more.
As if I I hadn’t already covered such things in posts before…
Yet, they asked me questions of the same caliber that I had asked those during the phone interviews. Their questions had so much more personal bearing than those that I ask. As I had painted with broad strokes, the ones questioning me had more directed brushes, finely honed skills and better competency. If I fail on this post, I am quite sure I will piss off several countries far and away that what I live with here.
It is much easier to punch a cinderblock wall with bare fist in anguish than to truly face ourselves when faced with aspects of mind held so dear and precious to us. We do not wish to explore those avenues. We, those like me, walk down vast areas of darkness seeking knowledge and justify ourselves with results. Places where shadows cover lands that only the insane would travel, where the cries of women screaming, blue-to-red-white strobes bank off houses, friends faces and the trees of this once-known Gentle Earth are bathed in the light of Police cars after bullets ripped and people lay dead on mother Earth.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Let’s just get this over with…
Why do you choose a subject like this?
Me: because it occurred to me to do so. I began reading about psychopaths after the Chardon Killings and one thing lead to another. I had no idea I would go into nonviolent psychopathy as I had no idea such a world even existed. I started reading about childhood psychopathy, Columbine, Amish School slayings and so forth, C’mon, to me, it is easy to understand violent psychopaths. They follow a pattern, a profile if you will, that makes them easy to spot if you have enough intuition or gifts and an undying passion for the truth,
Please see a movie called: Citizen X. Where before the wall came down, one investigator worked for years, much against the USSR’s belief and propaganda that ‘serial killings’ came as a result of a decadent Western philosophy. This brave man nailed Andrei Chikatilo, who later confessed to 56 killings.
She: You keep avoiding the question, Sir.
Me: Who’s avoiding anything? I am just telling what captured my thoughts as they occurred to
Me: Wat the fuck do you want? When did I come up with the idea to start my own blog? Is that what you’re asking me? The what, the time, place?
She: Yes. What caused you to build a land of fallen dominoes?
Me: I was curious,. Okay? Nice words though: fallen dominoes. Wish I thought of that.
She: continue, please.
Me: Fine. I was at work. It was slow on a Saturday and hit the NET. I did a search for psychopaths and I hit a Google blog about psychopaths. At the upper edge, I saw the words: Start your Own Blog. I clicked the tab and began this walk with strangers. It has not been three months, and I still sense the excitement I felt when I started this. It keeps growing with each post and all the emails I get.
She: So you are OCD? Interesting…
Me: NO! I am not OCD. Keep trying.
She: Then why continue this trying of theories of things you wish to prove?
Me: You are an idiot. Do you know this?
She: I am. You fail to answer the question.
Me: Do you seek the method to the madness? What caused me to hit the worst parts of human behavior imaginable without knives, guns and bombs? Where no blood is shed besides that of a menstral period and messed sheets? I drank blood from such places from ones most trusted. Iron, accept no substitute. Aren’t we all about Green-sources here these days?
She: Gross. Keep going. You were bored at work and so forth.
Me: YES! When I got home that Saturday. I only thought of letting my dogs out, feeding them and DAS POOHYAN, and hitting my computer and learning MicroSoft Word. There was so much trial and error, so much content lost from me hitting wrong prompts and such.
\ I was the King Turd in Assholivia!
I began thinking and typing and doing this repeatedly. I posted and posted thoughts over and over. I heard music playing in my head, kept posting and writing. I just kept doing what my head kept telling to do .
She: So you heard voices, no?
Me: not in the mental-problemish realm. No, I heard no voices.
She: Yet you heard things. In your head if not your mind? What did you hear then?
Me: Songs from my childhood and growing up with two older sisters.
She: Then what did you hear?
Me: I heard the fucking Cowsills, okay? The song: rain in the park and other things smashed me in the nuts, and I played it over and over again as I wrote…
Yeah, pretty messed up, isn’t it?
She: Continue, please.
Me: I had such fine memories of my sisters and I waking up. Holly, the eldest, would crank tunes that blanketed the whole upstairs. The Cowsills, besides Yes, Elp,. Genesis, and others. With Heidi’s love of America, and fantastic bands like Second Chapter Of Acts. All these influences, not to mention the volume when Holly was around, made for a great places to embrace music the way my sisters did yet mom and dad had nothing familiar with.
When I sat down and wrote my minds chapters, I had music via the NET and the wondrous things christ would have me write about. Call it a sense of insane shores, god knows, my sisters and I knew this area where water hits mainland from many ER visits and hopes that countless/faceless nurses would tell us about hope and such. I cannot say my elder sisters began stopping of emotion, but I did.
She: What did those things make you?
Me: It made me a prick. I could understand friends when stress hit them, you know? They’d have a dad or mom or cousin, whatever, de in some state of illness not as bad as a heart-attack. I would just listen and tell them them how to beat the hospital security of the late 70’s and early 80’s. By that point, I was truly numb. I could emulate emotions and such. Know how to give a face to equal statements by others and such. I felt nothing.
You must think me a monster.
She: нет,, N0. Keep going, Mark.
Me: I could comfort those in pain. I could help them. I just couldn’t feel what they did. I don’t any of them knew or sensed this. And what is so wrong with that? I’d help them when asked and offer when they didn’t.
Sure, I can also lie like the best of used car salesman. Give people enough detail, or like Hitler said: the bigger the lie, the more the people will believe it.
She: cutting you off- does this mean you became one of what you write about back in early teens?
Me: No. Well, not completely. I had what I thought was the ‘love emotion’, but it was quite shallow in depth. Kind of like swan diving into a 2 foot pool. I had desire, though I believe this to be mostly sexually dictated looking back.
She: So, what did you hope to gain from girls you dated as a teen?
Me: To get laid? C’mon, really, what are you seriously asking?
She: You were not that shallow in depth. You made the pool that others wished to dive. You did this with patience and time. You knew they’d plunge into Markland. What did you gain from this?
Me: I gained a further understanding into the workings of females. It wasn’t so much about getting laid as it was what rituals one had to meet in order to reach such places.
She: eloquently put. So you used their emotions to teach you?
Me: yes. I did.
She: are you ashamed of this?
Me: not in the slightest.
She: why is this?
Me: How many decades does this go back?
She: to the here and now?
Me: no comment.
She: Why would you say no comment?
Me: are you dense? Read the blog…
She: I have. So, why do you write your mind in this place?
Me: to get words and thoughts of the fucking and fucked. Some with to be used and others with to be the users. Tell me! Can you find another place that caters to both sides of human life in this aspect?
She: No. This what brought me here to your, our land, from half a world away, Mark.
I just didn’t seriously asking you questions as I could. It this hurts you, my hearts weeps and I wish to embrace you.
Me: Thanks. Can we please change the subject now?
She: Yes. Shall we?
___________________________________________________________________________________
Это прибыло в результате Ирины Спектор, берущей интервью у меня.
Я пропускаю тон вашего голоса и нежного способа, которым Вы имеете
Я могу играть с безумием, поскольку Вы делаете?
Much Love,
Irina.
Come home.
A solemn wish for the madness to stop, with the reality that wish will fail totally.
Welcome to what many of have asked for: The picking of my brain. So many of you have asked me questions about why I started a blog on such a dismal subject, sometimes going highly political and posting things both pro and con that would elate others and so bother many more.
As if I I hadn’t already covered such things in posts before…
Yet, they asked me questions of the same caliber that I had asked those during the phone interviews. Their questions had so much more personal bearing than those that I ask. As I had painted with broad strokes, the ones questioning me had more directed brushes, finely honed skills and better competency. If I fail on this post, I am quite sure I will piss off several countries far and away that what I live with here.
It is much easier to punch a cinderblock wall with bare fist in anguish than to truly face ourselves when faced with aspects of mind held so dear and precious to us. We do not wish to explore those avenues. We, those like me, walk down vast areas of darkness seeking knowledge and justify ourselves with results. Places where shadows cover lands that only the insane would travel, where the cries of women screaming, blue-to-red-white strobes bank off houses, friends faces and the trees of this once-known Gentle Earth are bathed in the light of Police cars after bullets ripped and people lay dead on mother Earth.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Let’s just get this over with…
Why do you choose a subject like this?
Me: because it occurred to me to do so. I began reading about psychopaths after the Chardon Killings and one thing lead to another. I had no idea I would go into nonviolent psychopathy as I had no idea such a world even existed. I started reading about childhood psychopathy, Columbine, Amish School slayings and so forth, C’mon, to me, it is easy to understand violent psychopaths. They follow a pattern, a profile if you will, that makes them easy to spot if you have enough intuition or gifts and an undying passion for the truth,
Please see a movie called: Citizen X. Where before the wall came down, one investigator worked for years, much against the USSR’s belief and propaganda that ‘serial killings’ came as a result of a decadent Western philosophy. This brave man nailed Andrei Chikatilo, who later confessed to 56 killings.
She: You keep avoiding the question, Sir.
Me: Who’s avoiding anything? I am just telling what captured my thoughts as they occurred to
Me: Wat the fuck do you want? When did I come up with the idea to start my own blog? Is that what you’re asking me? The what, the time, place?
She: Yes. What caused you to build a land of fallen dominoes?
Me: I was curious,. Okay? Nice words though: fallen dominoes. Wish I thought of that.
She: continue, please.
Me: Fine. I was at work. It was slow on a Saturday and hit the NET. I did a search for psychopaths and I hit a Google blog about psychopaths. At the upper edge, I saw the words: Start your Own Blog. I clicked the tab and began this walk with strangers. It has not been three months, and I still sense the excitement I felt when I started this. It keeps growing with each post and all the emails I get.
She: So you are OCD? Interesting…
Me: NO! I am not OCD. Keep trying.
She: Then why continue this trying of theories of things you wish to prove?
Me: You are an idiot. Do you know this?
She: I am. You fail to answer the question.
Me: Do you seek the method to the madness? What caused me to hit the worst parts of human behavior imaginable without knives, guns and bombs? Where no blood is shed besides that of a menstral period and messed sheets? I drank blood from such places from ones most trusted. Iron, accept no substitute. Aren’t we all about Green-sources here these days?
She: Gross. Keep going. You were bored at work and so forth.
Me: YES! When I got home that Saturday. I only thought of letting my dogs out, feeding them and DAS POOHYAN, and hitting my computer and learning MicroSoft Word. There was so much trial and error, so much content lost from me hitting wrong prompts and such.
\ I was the King Turd in Assholivia!
I began thinking and typing and doing this repeatedly. I posted and posted thoughts over and over. I heard music playing in my head, kept posting and writing. I just kept doing what my head kept telling to do .
She: So you heard voices, no?
Me: not in the mental-problemish realm. No, I heard no voices.
She: Yet you heard things. In your head if not your mind? What did you hear then?
Me: Songs from my childhood and growing up with two older sisters.
She: Then what did you hear?
Me: I heard the fucking Cowsills, okay? The song: rain in the park and other things smashed me in the nuts, and I played it over and over again as I wrote…
Yeah, pretty messed up, isn’t it?
She: Continue, please.
Me: I had such fine memories of my sisters and I waking up. Holly, the eldest, would crank tunes that blanketed the whole upstairs. The Cowsills, besides Yes, Elp,. Genesis, and others. With Heidi’s love of America, and fantastic bands like Second Chapter Of Acts. All these influences, not to mention the volume when Holly was around, made for a great places to embrace music the way my sisters did yet mom and dad had nothing familiar with.
When I sat down and wrote my minds chapters, I had music via the NET and the wondrous things christ would have me write about. Call it a sense of insane shores, god knows, my sisters and I knew this area where water hits mainland from many ER visits and hopes that countless/faceless nurses would tell us about hope and such. I cannot say my elder sisters began stopping of emotion, but I did.
She: What did those things make you?
Me: It made me a prick. I could understand friends when stress hit them, you know? They’d have a dad or mom or cousin, whatever, de in some state of illness not as bad as a heart-attack. I would just listen and tell them them how to beat the hospital security of the late 70’s and early 80’s. By that point, I was truly numb. I could emulate emotions and such. Know how to give a face to equal statements by others and such. I felt nothing.
You must think me a monster.
She: нет,, N0. Keep going, Mark.
Me: I could comfort those in pain. I could help them. I just couldn’t feel what they did. I don’t any of them knew or sensed this. And what is so wrong with that? I’d help them when asked and offer when they didn’t.
Sure, I can also lie like the best of used car salesman. Give people enough detail, or like Hitler said: the bigger the lie, the more the people will believe it.
She: cutting you off- does this mean you became one of what you write about back in early teens?
Me: No. Well, not completely. I had what I thought was the ‘love emotion’, but it was quite shallow in depth. Kind of like swan diving into a 2 foot pool. I had desire, though I believe this to be mostly sexually dictated looking back.
She: So, what did you hope to gain from girls you dated as a teen?
Me: To get laid? C’mon, really, what are you seriously asking?
She: You were not that shallow in depth. You made the pool that others wished to dive. You did this with patience and time. You knew they’d plunge into Markland. What did you gain from this?
Me: I gained a further understanding into the workings of females. It wasn’t so much about getting laid as it was what rituals one had to meet in order to reach such places.
She: eloquently put. So you used their emotions to teach you?
Me: yes. I did.
She: are you ashamed of this?
Me: not in the slightest.
She: why is this?
Me: How many decades does this go back?
She: to the here and now?
Me: no comment.
She: Why would you say no comment?
Me: are you dense? Read the blog…
She: I have. So, why do you write your mind in this place?
Me: to get words and thoughts of the fucking and fucked. Some with to be used and others with to be the users. Tell me! Can you find another place that caters to both sides of human life in this aspect?
She: No. This what brought me here to your, our land, from half a world away, Mark.
I just didn’t seriously asking you questions as I could. It this hurts you, my hearts weeps and I wish to embrace you.
Me: Thanks. Can we please change the subject now?
She: Yes. Shall we?
___________________________________________________________________________________
Это прибыло в результате Ирины Спектор, берущей интервью у меня.
Я пропускаю тон вашего голоса и нежного способа, которым Вы имеете
Я могу играть с безумием, поскольку Вы делаете?
Much Love,
Irina.
Come home.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Political, Military and Corporate psychopathy: War. a dedication to my Father.
I dedicate this chapter to the memory of my father and Grandfather.
Dad, you taught me the ways of the peaceful warrior. I have never forgotten the things you taught me though many times I cannot do as you did. You, as Grandpa did, told me how the country you both fought for would become obsessed with greed. How we may have won a battle in WWII, but the Japanese would win the war. I learned what you both meant over time, when America would begin to make nothing and other countries car, technological and products manufacturing power would become greater than our own.
I thank you both so very much and remember every single word on the future you said would come to be after your passing’s.
When Zenith was the last maker of TV’s in US decided to move to Mexico, around 1985: my father said: “I don’t envy your future, Mark. This country isn’t making anything anymore except debt. It's selling it self off."
My father and grandpa,
I hope my words make you proud.
Ps. Dad, when I pass, I cannot wait to bowl with you again!
-Mark
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Let’s chat about bullets, planes and Howitzers, OH MY! And those that choose to fire, drop bombs, crank out artillery and build the toys that kill. And for most, it is not their fault that they become killers. They just did what they were told.
How we as a society embrace, fund and train psychopaths, both the violent and nonviolent alike.
It is very easy to understand how killers can be made. They call it Basic Training for a reason. I have personally never gone through Basic Training, but I do know plenty that have. My own father went through basic at Paris Island during WWII. Even when I was an adult with children of my own he would not share with me what he was taught. I thought that most odd until I talked to those that did similar training in many branches of our Armed Forces.
My father was the gentlest of men I have ever known. Looking back, and it’s been 19 years since his passing, I cannot think of another soul as gentle, trusting and kind as him. His sense of conscience was beyond most.
Frankly, I think the reason he never shared his Paris Island experiences with me was because he felt embarrassed by both what he learned and the things he’d have to do had he hit the grounds of Germany or Japan. He dropped out of high school to enlist in the Marine Corp. He must’ve wanted to go to war and why not? He felt he needed to do his part and so forth.
Yet what caused him to never talk about the things he’d learned in Basic? What caused a pride in country and self to build a wall so thick he could not share this?
I was about 14 when I happened on his footlocker in the attic. Of course I opened it. I went through is certifications, loves letters from mom and such. Then I found The Book. I don’t clearly remember the name of it, but it was something like: 200 ways to kill your enemy with your bare hands. I read it, fascinated by it’s content which showed graphic displays of various options to dispatch those that would kill you if you did not learn them and master them.
This book had evil looking Germans, most with Hitler ‘staches and Japanese soldiers with overly slanted eyes and super thick glasses. It described the ‘two fingered death method’, how to kill with a simple Newspaper, and numerous ways to blind your advisory with common chemicals and fingers.
Back when, I thought it was amazing.
I asked him about the book and he went pale.
I wanted to know what his Marine stuff was like.
All he would say was this: It was horrible and I am not going to tell you anything.
It was then we went to Bosaks dairy and got milk. He always knew I liked rides in the car with him and soon forgot what I wanted to know.
At some point, I saw the 1970 movie Tribes, with Jan Michael Vincent. It was about Marine Basic training during the Vietnam (police action). It was fairly ghastly. It showed many ways to kill or get killed. It showed the breaking down process ordinary men would have to go through to become Unnaturally Born Killers. The forgetting of important conducts that mothers, fathers and members of religious faiths had so instilled in them in regards to respect, humanity and being unconditionally loving to all. A total and complete reversal of all most had known prior to joining up.
Imagine, in the mere space of weeks, being trained, albeit, reprogrammed to believe just the opposite of those you love and trust had filled your head, your heart with since birth. How does one cast off those years worth of teachings? How can you so easily blow away the stern, yet gentle things your mother taught you? How do you forget the teachings of Jesus, <and many other faiths> about the importance of turning the other cheek? How do you go from the squeamish kid in Biology class at the thought of dissecting a frog to a justifiable killer of humans by shooting, bombing or gutting them?
How?
Is it from sense of threat to country, loved ones or life as we know that it crosses mental barriers, mental lines in the heads of those being trained? A new awakening of defense, building and expanding on shores where killing is not only right, but admirable and honorable?
Granted, WWII was somewhat different. We were attacked by Japan. We were warned of the planes heading toward Pearl and so easily, perhaps by arrogance, disregarded those radar sightings as folly? Didn’t Roosevelt have us already helping Britain via the Lend-Lease Act way before any declarations of war happened to the USA? Didn’t he, and the powers that were back-when, know the importance it would give us as a people to join WWII? America, it’s people, wanted nothing to do with either the conflicts in Japan and China or the Germans and Britain. The subject of war most sincerely bothered Americans then. They saw the fallout of the men that came back and wanted no part of the thought of it.
Politically speaking, praising war was a major buzz kill to any group with an agenda.
And so, with radar sightings confirmed, we get attacked on American soil.
Within 48 hours of this attack, Germany declared war against the USA. This is a hotly debated event. This debate comes from many sides going so far to say: Did Germany really make such a declaration and why? I will not go into this further. I will leave that for another time entirely.
It is my belief we had to let ourselves be attacked in order to justify us going to war in the eyes of the America it was then.
Why did the Japanese bomb Pearl? Well, we had blockades between them and China. They felt squelched and struck back.
Enough with WWII, shall we continue?
The Cold War between the USA and USSR:
Patton did not trust the Russians one bit. The Allied Military damn near castrated him for his beliefs on this. Was there not a scramble to get Germanys best rocket scientists and bomb makers between both and the USSR? Was there a sense of urgency to gather them up before Russia did? Absolutely there was. So by that, why was Patton looked down on when he so clearly saw the future?
He knew one simple truth: Kill them before they kill you.
Sadly, what Patton didn’t see was this: There is much more profit in belief that war ‘could’ strike out at any moment than simply acting on it and stopping it before further actions are needed.
And so a Profit-Sense-Mind is formed in the United States of America by those in power. War can make a country rich, so what would a threat be worth? How can we prevent us from being invaded again and turn bullets into gold in the process?
<<Keep this in mind: there was only one ground occupation of US soil during WWII, and that was around Dutch Harbor, Alaska. The Japanese split way before US troops responded realizing the US would waste time and material to thwart it. It was a nice diversion on their part and it worked.>>
We do this by creating a belief in our society that there is evil in other lands and we best protect ourselves against them before they best us.
Why did the USA get into Vietnam?
Why did, and continuously still do, get involved in wars in the Middle East? Did we not learn the futility of such affairs from our inclusions/intrusions in both Korea and Vietnam? How many Americans know of the First Indochina War and how the French had been fighting from roughly 1946 to 1960’s? How many know we initially backed the French as a way to fight communism? We had sent troops there for over 5 years to aid them: the Cold War was alive and well and geared for profit in some circles. The first official US combat units were deployed in 1965.
The JFK time: source: The John F. Kennedy archives. Presidential Library
American foreign policy after World War II was based on the goal of containing Communism and the assumptions of the so-called "domino theory"—if one country fell to Communism, the surrounding countries would fall, like dominoes. In response to that threat, the Southeast Asia Treaty Organization (SEATO) was formed in 1955 to prevent Communist expansion, and President Dwight D. Eisenhower sent some 700 military personnel as well as military and economic aid to the government of South Vietnam. The effort was foundering when John F. Kennedy became president.
Corruption, religious differences, and mounting successes by the Vietcong guerrillas weakened the South Vietnamese government of Ngo Dinh Diem. Diem was Catholic, and public protests over the repression of Buddhists threatened the stability of his regime. Kennedy accelerated the flow of American aid and gradually increased U.S. military advisers to more than 16,000. At the same time, he pressed the Diem government to clean house and institute long-overdue political and economic reforms.
The situation did not improve. In September of 1963, President Kennedy declared in an interview, "In the final analysis, it is their war. They are the ones who have to win it or lose it. We can help them, we can give them equipment, we can send our men out there as advisers, but they have to win it, the people of Vietnam, against the Communists. . . . But I don't agree with those who say we should withdraw. That would be a great mistake. . . . [The United States] made this effort to defend Europe. Now Europe is quite secure. We also have to participate—we may not like it—in the defense of Asia.
On 11/22/1963 JFK gets assassinated.
United States military aid to Vietnam increased during 1964. By 1965, President Johnson authorized U.S. troops to begin military offensives and started the systematic bombing of North Vietnam. By 1968, the number of U.S. forces surpassed 500,000. During that year's presidential campaign, Americans were deeply divided by the deteriorating military and political situation in Vietnam.
In May 1968, President Johnson announced that formal peace talks would soon begin in Paris. The talks stalled during the last eight months of Johnson's presidency, and the deadlock continued during the early years of Richard Nixon's administration. Finally, in January 1973, an agreement was reached, and President Nixon ordered an end to all U.S. offensive actions against North Vietnam.
In January 1975, North Vietnam began massive invasions of South Vietnam. A few months later, the North Vietnamese captured the capital city of Saigon, and the last Americans were evacuated from the U.S. embassy. The American war in Vietnam was over. More than 3 million Vietnamese and 58,000 Americans had lost their lives.
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After WWII:
Was the threat of communism that great or was it simply what people of my fathers generation were simply fed to keep up a fear level?
Was it to keep the war machine thriving in the wake of its economic downturn that would occur immediately after WWII ended? Granted, the steel and auto industry boomed immediately after WWII and why not? The war had annihilated both Germanys and Japans industrial complex to they point they could no longer produce simple toys, watches or clothing. Small wonder we most quickly became to major producer of virtually anything any country could want. Keep in mind, most industrial producing countries in Europe were either wasted by the Nazi’s or bombed by the US and Britain during their occupation of them.
Did the United States rebuild Japan? Was this out of guilt for bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki and killing some estimated 400,000 people, military personnel, but mostly civilians? Was this an attempt to win the hearts and minds of a country we’d blown to bits? Of course, they did attack Pearl first, killing 2,402 and wounding some 1,282 Americans.
Frankly, We The People, The United States Military and Congressional powers seemed to think this way: If you got a lot of knives and forks, you have to cut something. So having a new toy, we played with it, thus showing the world who their daddy truly is.
Sure, we could’ve nuked Germany and why not? Look at the holocaust and all the exterminations that caused. We could have justified that, right? Yet we didn’t nuke them.
And while I am at it: Why didn’t we throw German Americans into internment camps when Hitler <supposedly> declared war on the Untied States as we did the Japanese not long after Pearl? That would make sense, wouldn’t it? Why didn’t we take their US homes, businesses and strip their lives of dignity and disregard them even though they were just as much US citizens as the Japanese Americans?
It is my sincere belief we did not do this because Germans are White people. Wouldn’t that have totally infuriated Europe as a whole?
Racism was very much alive and well in the United States at that time. Weren’t the Blacks, Chinese and Hispanics still looked at as Second Class citizens and still to this day in many circles? Wasn’t segregation very much apparent here and more the normal than the abnormal way of life then?
When Italy sided with the Germans, did we put Italian Americans into internment camps?
Think about it.
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The United States in the Middle East.
Bottom line: Through war, there is a huge profit to be made by some. Hell, imagine what the US economy would be right now if we weren’t in the Middle East? If there was no war, could we possibly justify having a military the size we have? Could we possibly afford weapons production, research and development? Defense of the homeland? We would only think this way as our economy spirals further downward because we let US based companies move jobs abroad to benefit shareholders.
Think about the ripple effect that would occur right here and now if we stopped it all and brought our troops home. What could we possibly pay these brave women and men for if they have no clear job at hand? There are no jobs here for them to sustain themselves and their families alive.
And what of the companies that get government contracts to feed, entertain <satelite TV, video games, music or the tax write-offs they get as a result> ? The ones that control these companies have lots of funding money to seed future political campaigns with and keep this going on.
I would love to say the products sent to the troops are American made, but even I could not believe such rubbish. Even I with my vast imagination could not crank a spin on it to make it remotely believable to anyone.
Then again…
I recently saw a billboard, laughed and said to one I was with: “Jesus Christ, I really do need to consider a future in advertising”: it said something to the effect of “buy this and will we send x-number of things to our troops. Support our troops, we will’. And this FUCKING company hasn’t had anything produced in the United States in over fifteen years! So whom are we supporting? Our troops, some country that makes the items that their people get 2, maybe 3 bucks an hour, or some huge conglomerate that makes megabucks in their quest for undying greed. Their desire to live Capitalism to its fullest to one day have their future go south at some point and have out tax dollars bail them out.
And sadly, we will let this happen. Won’t we?
Think about this for a moment:
What would you call someone/company that profits from death and destruction and their ability and resources to rebuild those things destroyed for a profit? Both ends against the middle?
Is this not Psychopathic behavior, both the violent in reference to those that do the actual killing and destroying for pay and those nonviolent psychopaths that sit back and make billions as the result and give the trained, justified killers a meager hand out? Hey, we gave you an Z-Pod! Didn’t we send your wife a case of diapers for you? Why are you grateful? Look what we’ve done for your family?
Is this not like the days before Unions changed things. <and I do personally not like Unions>
When an employee would work long hours for little pay and were so cowed they’d be happy to get a smile and an attaboy from the owner and maybe a turkey each thanksgiving. When said employee was killed or injured it was just too bad, his mistake, fuck your family. You lose.
In American history, weren’t the unions the only thing that protected the individual and their families after decades of abuses?
Didn’t corporate America (nonviolent psychopaths and their disregard for others , their lack of remorse, feelings and empathy to appease shareholders as themselves) along with the power politicians control create the mess we as a people are in right now? Those same justify it by saying: “It’s what’s best for the company/country.” The company is king and you silly workers that believe in more are fools and can easily be replaced. And the worse the economy gets, we can get two or three for the price of you. It’s nothing personal, it’s for the best of the company.
We keep sucking it down like some beginner porn actor.
In conclusion:
Did we, the People of the United States, have any say or vote on the events I have written this morning?
When was the last time we as a people ever voted for war? When did we allow our jobs to be outsourced to other countries or have any say in this matter? Why do we still believe in politicians when we know the outcomes no matter what happens?
Is it hope?
Is it faith in your higher powers purpose?
Why do we as a country fail to learn from our own past?
We, The People of the United States, from a historical stance, have not been around that long.
Rome Fell….
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