Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Phone Interviews: Prey and Predator alike.

                      WELCOME BACK MY FRIENDS TO THE SHOW\
                       THAT NEVER ENDS. SO GLAD YOU COULD ATTEND.
                        COME INSIDE COME INSIDE.


                        PHONE INTERVIEWS: VOLUME ONE.

                      
                      When sent emails with phone numbers from those that wished to speak with me, I was compelled to either dismiss them, or actually call them. I opted for a PrePaid Burner. What harm in talking to people in pain or creating such for others?. I do this all day long and have for over 16 years across two jobs.
                     These emails came from across our small planet.

                      I was quite surprised with what they had to share with me. An openness of both heart and mind, fragility and hunger. The white and the black, oddly getting more  obscured with each ones words and tonal inflections.
                     Keeping objectivity.
                     Respecting what they had to say.
                     Doing the best I can: Giving them equal ground.

                     Please take into mind from my previous entry: The first question principal.


                      Here is Volume One: Phone Interviews.


THE QUESTIONS FOR THE PREY)

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>



General Information.

Sex: Female

Current Age: 37

Race: Caucasian

Body Style: Tall and skinny

Highest level of education at the time of incident: College Grad.

Location: Midwestern USA

“JESSICA”

 

 

1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)

Jessica: Huh? That’s a bit rough, don’t you think? Well, I guess I was naïve. I didn’t date much in high school. Went to a lot of parties in college and was so wasted, it’s hard to say who used who, ya know? I guess I thought what being used was. I was stupid.

2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:

Jessica: It was normal, ya know. I trusted men much easier then. I was a fool for a hard luck story, but it was nothing major.

3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?

Jessica: No, not at all. Things seemed normal. He bought me things, ya know, pewter dragons and stuff. Sometimes flowers, but never roses until much later if he was sorry for standing me up or something. Like he’d say he had to work late, car troubles, visit a sick family member. We’d go out on dates, sometimes he’d forget his wallet at home and I cover dinner, movies, baseballs games, whatever. I’d give him gas money if he was low on cash because his check was short from some company foul up.

I guess it pretty normal. It’s not like guys hadn’t me out when dating them.

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?

Jessica: 26

5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?

Jessica: About three years. Looking back, seems like it was longer.

6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated)

Jessica: Of course! Why wouldn’t I? I thought I had the real one, ya know?

6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?

Jessica: We all met at this seafood place. God, that place had the best damn lobster!

 

 

7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?

Jessica: He seemed, I don’t know? Bigger, more outgoing. Friendlier. He was always quite charming, but even that, looking back, seemed amplified. Exaggerated. I even asked him about it later that night after we had sex and he said he was just trying to make a good impression.

8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT? (if yes, proceed to the questions below)

Jessica: Some did, some didn’t.

8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?

Jessica: Some thought he was the best thing to happen to me. Good looking, smart and a good talker.

Others just said they didn’t know, but they had a funny feeling and something wasn’t right with him.



8b. DID THEY LOOK CONCERNED?

Jessica: Again, some did and some didn’t. Fuck, what’s your next question: did you check their pulse? Jeez.

 

8c. DID THEY, AT ANY POINT WHEN YOU TOLD THEM THEY WERE WRONG, EITHER SAY YOU WERE CRAZY OR IN NEED OF HELP?

Jessica: One actually did. My friend <Jeff> said he got the creeps when he met him. He felt worried for me, scared. He couldn’t say anything specific though, so I blew him off.

9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

Jessica: About two and half years into it. His stories just didn’t make sense after a while, ya know? In all that time I never did know where he worked. I never met his family or friends no matter how many times I pressed him to. When he moved in after we’d been dating a few months, he never said where we moved from.

10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?

Jessica: Toward the end, I felt weak and sick most of the time. My stomach always hurt, tons of headaches and muscle pain. Didn’t sleep much and when I did, I got no real rest at all. Depressed. I became a zombie at work. I’d catch people staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I guess maybe a little paranoid. I felt like I was dying. Saw my doc a lot, but he didn’t find anything wrong with me.

11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF? (if the indication is YES, proceed below)

Jessica: Yes, I did. I thought about it many times when extremely exhausted.

11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?

Jessica: I felt so tired. Drained. Like I had no energy at all, ya know.

11b. DID YOU CALL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND IF NOT, WHY?

Jessica: I tried calling Jeff, but his girlfriend always said he was busy.

12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?

Jessica: No. But I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t fantasized about it.

13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?

Jessica: Maybe four years after he left. After two years with a psych who pushed me to break through and see it as it was, ya know. He made me think, dig deep. Make me see? Not sure if that’s the right words.

14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

Jessica: To never trust anyone that hasn’t earned it first. Never just toss out money. Move slower, ya know. Keep my eyes open. To question shit that just doesn’t make sense as soon as something arises. To be more firm. And if some guy forgets his wallet after dinner, make him scrub dishes and look like a fool.

I guess the biggest thing I leared was to no be so damned blind and listen to friends.

15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.

Jessica: I don’t know? Don’t let love make an ass out of you? Find out where they work? Trust no one?

 

16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?

Jessica: Definitely. Some of the entries made perfect sense to me. I looked back over that time and things seemed clearer. Hearing others talk about their lives made a big difference. I wasn’t alone. The predators and prey that told their stories were like lessons to be learned. This type of thing should be taught in high school. I mean, shit, they teach us math, how to cook, even what it’s like to have a baby to take care of 24/7 for a week or so. But how not to be used by another? Yeah, right.

At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.

Jessica: So what, besides writing about psychos do you like to do?

Me: I like to bowl and write a lot. I get a kick out of cooking for people.

Jessica: What do you do you cook?

Me: pretty much anything. I got into cooking chicken friend steak from scratch. Owww, it came out great every time! Way better than restaurant cooking.

Jessica: What would you suggest for me in the future?

Me: good question. Find a man that cooks for you? Ask him for references before things get too serious? Just kidding on that one.

Jessica: I do not think you were kidding at all. Makes sense to me.

Me: I wish you well, Jessica and don’t hesitate to email me again..

Jessica: I shall! Thank you.


__________________________________________________________

QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>

 

General Information.

Sex: Female

Age: 48

Race: Causation

Body Style: BBW: Busty

Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED

Location: West Coast USA

“CARRIE”

 

 

1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?

Carrie: Fuck you! It’s not like I’m Columbine Kid or something. I just used the sad assholes that let me!

 

2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?

Carrie: Pretty young, actually. I was about 15. I so learned to pout real good. I got what I wanted, and learned to get it every time. Gave family and friends the big’cow’eyes, they’d feel sorry for me. When that failed, I gave them the ‘nobody likes me cuz I’m overweight bullshit, not worth a damn. Can’t get a date cuz I’m fat and ugly. <I knew I was fat, but I was not ugly. I knew I could get layed and did many times most satisfactory for me.> They’d crater, man. Weaklings that they were.

3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?

Carrie: Bother me? You must be joking, man. I got what I wanted, like almost every time, and learned from mistakes when I messed up.

3a: WHAT MISTAKES DID YOU MAKE?

Carrie: Well, I overplayed my hand. Like I’d get too dramatic way too soon and blow it. As soon as I saw their expressions, I knew it was over.

3b: SO HOW DID YOU EXPLAIN THIS AND SAVE YOURSELF?

Carrie: I’d simply pawn it off on PMS or a really bad period. Shit, man! People always fell for that crap.

4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?

Carrie: Uh, didn’t I already answer that already? C’mon. Enough with the canned questions, Mark. You’re starting to sound like some mid-level psych book. Really, you do need to challenge me.

5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?

Carrie: Nice one! There you go! I learned this at the second job I had. I was working for ******** fast food. Sucky place to work. Hated it. I saw what got the bosses attention. Coworkers, with better bodies than mine, would go to clock in and walk by him. I saw the way he watched their asses. I can add and put two and two together. I started going to work in street clothes and change in the john. I’d get there about 20 minutes before my shift started. I’d say hi to him and coworkers as I walked by. I’d then head out the back door for a smoke. He always followed right after me. Why? I’d wear low-cut tops and give out my awesome cleavage. Men are such assholes for big tits! Seriously, to this day, that never fails to amaze me. Show them the crack of jogs and they will be yours.

5a: HOW DID THIS WORK TO YOUR ADVANTAGE?

Carrie: Ow, man. It was so easy. I told my family, friends and a few teachers about the way this turd would stare at my tits., and that I needed this job and all. They were so angry and outraged by this. One of my teachers suggested setting him up in front of witnesses. That being said, and I so knew someone would, I ran with it. I told them when I worked next and told them to watch out back, the area were we smoked. Maybe watch what happens when I ran the front line in full puritan dress. They came out in total. Two of them even had camcorders.

The next day I worked, I told him I had his ass on tape and he best cough up some cash. He thought me a fool and just laughed. Dumbfuck even had the nerve to fire me! Well, I thought that was a possibility, so I sent copies of the tapes to the headquarters. At first, they thought I was bluffing, like: ’what does a 17 yr old know?’ I had my dad call them and say I would hit the media and sue them. Still, those macho assholes in Chicago thought I was bluffing. A teacher said I should take my tapes to a feminist group and let them run with it. They ran with it and had their Chicago branch take it. Still, and I could not believe it, they dismissed me. Fuckers! With the financial help of friends and family, I went to the corporate headquarters and stormed a board meeting. I wore semi revealing clothes, nice high heals and a wire the fine dyke ladies in Chicago clad me with. They looked at me and asked who the fuck I was. I told them my name and why I was there. Got to love a room full of males, staring at tits and ass, making fat 7-figure greenbacks and how it makes their egos rise their worthless, tiny dicks. ‘Oh, you’re that bitch!’ The chairman laughed and said ‘ you are so trailer trash, looking for check, aren’t you slut?’.

Two of the lower end of their food chain stood up and walked toward me. <I so felt I was so close I could taste it. It was electric, man. I knew one of them would do what ego full males would do.>

He put a hand on me. I smiled and screamed: RAPE!

That’s all it took for the sisterhood to crash the building.

I pulled away from the slimy fuck, smiling, and pulled out the wire I had under my right boob.

The chairman got really white, like paper white, and said: We’ll settle with you!

Sorry, too late! I gave you how many chances?

It only saw the filed suit go to the courts. They cratered.

I made just under two million to not mention the name of their company. The sweetest of gag-settlements! I know you will not publish the company name. You are a smart guy, Mark. You know I’d sue your ass in a heartbeat if you did.

6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to questions below)

Carrie: not at all. They just wrote me off as the chunky girl of hard luck: can’t get a steady date, problems at work. They had no clue.

 

 

7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP? (If yes, proceed to questions below)

Carrie: Not in the slightest. I wasn’t born in West Virginia! I was fat. Unless a fat girl puts herself out there, she will not get a fuck no matter what.

 

 

 

8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?

Carrie: I was a quick learner. I saw what worked and what didn’t and simply adjusted.

It happened fast. After years of being laughed at: Fat Carrie, ugly Carrie, four eyes. I got tired of feeling hurt, man. I thought: I will fuck all of you!

9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?

Carrie: Nice, Mark. No click. I did hear some odd-ass hissing sound. You know, like a steam heat system venting. It wasn’t loud or nothing major. Maybe like a snake hissing, like in the movies. Not huge, just messed up cuz I looked all over when it happened and didn’t see a thing. It messed with me for few hours and I sent it out my head.

10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER?

Carrie: Yeah, I did! (she laughs, sincerely) I thought you were lame as hell in the beginning of this, man.

I saw people, lots of people. Like hordes! They were being walked into places called showers. Herded like animals to the slaughter houses that make steaks and beef and veal. Man, I could not just see it, I could fucking smell it. I smelled the iron of blood, burning hair. I threw up! Seriously, I heaved my guts out. I remembered my parents saying I had big, wide, brown cow eyes.

Gas chambers like the Jews.

I puked for god knows how long. My stomach muscles seemed to be coming out my mouth with each hurl. A good night at Olive Garden followed by Baskin Robbins splashing into the toilet.

I thought: whatta fuckin waste! Good food getting chucked. At that point, laughing in my head, I believed I was going insane. What the fuck makes someone think about Baskin Robbins and gas chambers at the same time, right?

I turned when getting a drink of water and saw myself in the mirror.

Boom! I would be a cow going to slaughter. I am not Jewish and this may seem like Nazi Germany when it comes to fat people, but I AM better than this.

11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?

Carrie: I saw that after the fast food thing. After puking my soul into oblivion, I thought emotions are the fallbacks of the weak and trusting. Weaknesses, really. I knew I was stronger than most of them, mentally. They’d so easily think of me with a sad, wanting to be desperately to be fucked and used, they’d give their asses up to me.

Keep this in mind: I had all the money in the world to work with.

Males became my playground. I had slides, monkey bars, spinning things. And I took them for a ride. I still do.

Me: okay. When did you catch this? What age? C’mon, when?

Carrie: I was about 20 then. I bombed high school and what kid wouldn’t have? I had long green. Didn’t need for anything. My parents were bummed, so I made them happy by buying myself a GED for just under 2 grand.

Fucker, you are pushy aren’t you? When did you do something of worth?

Me: Let’s continue, shall we?



12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?

Carrie: Stupid question! Again, you need to think before you come up with these freshman questions. Mark, you let me down. What was your childhood like? Did you wear glasses, if so, were you picked on?

Me: Sweet, nice deflection. Truly, grand evade. Why would you evade a simple question?

Carrie: OF COURSE I FELT AND AM MORE SUPERIOR THAN OTHERS! WHY? <low toned chuckle going into brash and loud laughter> AND DON’T YOU WRITE THIS OFF AS SOME WEAKLING POOR SELF-ESTEEM BULLSHIT, COCKSUCKER! I AM BETTER! I AM POWERFUL!

Me: <giving her time to settle after many explicative’s, she calmly came back.>

Carrie: Sorry, man. Sort of lost it there. I won’t do that again. Must be PMS.

Me: like you conned others? Won’t work with me. Keep going. You failed to answer the ‘WHY’ part of the question.

Carrie: Cuz people want to be used, that’s why! They are so easily struck by appearances that they fuckin’ want to be deceived. They are asking for it. Suck up to me, give me lines that work on others and I will twist you and make you smile til your balls get crushed by the ‘sad little lady you bought a few drinks for.’ One slow dance and you will be mine, prick!

13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>

Carrie. Cat and toy thing? Yeah, right, like means donut hole to me. They were more than toys. Call these men a toy like by brothers had, except I’d call them Erection Sets. Build them up and I would make them rust and decay. Toys? I guess. They’d so think they were in charge. I’d let them think this, draw them in with my body and screw them blind. I’d screw them alright. They never knew what hit them when I was done and bored with them. In front of their friends I would crush them. They had a small dick, cum too quick, and sucked in bed. I’d knock them down so bad they’d wished they’d never met me.

With that, either they’d pull me aside and break up with me or I’d break up with them in front of their friends.

Either way, I won. Gotta love that. Months worth of good dates, a fair amount of decent sex and bills they’d pay for me. I have to salute the men of this country. Get a chunky woman with a pretty face and you will be so fucked by those us that saw you coming way before you’d cum in us!

14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?

Carrie: Duh! Did you not hear my previous answers? Did I not make tons of cash and didn’t have idiots pay my bills for me?

You are making me sleepy.

15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?

Carrie: Why would I? I would have nothing legal with any man.

16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?

Carrie: Do you read these questions before you ask them? Are you trying to catch me in a lie?

17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?

Carrie: Absolutely I am! I have made more money than anyone I know. I continue to do so to this day. Sex is good or great. Bills being paid are better than me paying for myself.

I am most content.

18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?

Carrie: I am content. But I don’t see a day when I won’t be hungry. Every bar is a buffet for me. Yeah, okay, cut the fat jokes. I see men that are weak. I see idiots. I have bills to pay, though I can do this myself. It is so much sweeter taking some guy for a ride.

Stiff dick has no conscious? I not only live on that, I eat on it!

19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:

Carrie: I do. You gave me a chance to talk plainly. I thought some of your questions most tiresome, sort of dumming down the massive subject you write about. I still like your counters. I also like the way you didn’t let me derail you.

You give us a chance to take the time and smell the roses. Or <with a deep chuckle> a chance to remember about the ones we’ve wasted and trashed and how they had it coming.

You go to both sides though. I’m not sure how you do that. I think you must be sick in the head but smart, intelligent about it. I read your Brief Introduction and Beginning entries on March 3. March? I gotta laugh. You march alright. I do believe you are not shrink or psych. I do think you are someone gaining speed and picking up altitude. I’ll Friend you on FaceBook when you post this. I want to see what you do with it.

 

<<<At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.>>>

Me: So what’s your favorite colour? Mines purple and blue.

Carrie: <laughing, she does Mick> and I want it painted bla-ack! No, I actually favor hot pink. It seems to fit me, both in blush and halters. Can I ask you a question?

Me: Of course. I am not saying you will get an answer though.

Carrie: I understand your interests in psychopaths with school killings and stuff, god knows I’d never kill anyone physically, but what made you start a blog about us nonviolent types?

Me: Well, being able to read again, I was curious about the Chardon Ohio shootings. I thought of that with both Columbine and the Amish Country Ohio slayings. I delved into psychopathy and learned about others that fell into that realm but weren’t killers. I remembered an episode of HOUSE called REMORSE. His team hit on a psychopath that was nonviolent. Through reading, studying, research and personal counseling for bipolar and the questions given to me, I became aware of the other, Another Life, where psychopaths coexist with people of everyday lives.

I began to read the works of Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Hervey Cleckley and found this ‘other life’. To me, found their writings and theories amazing.

I ran with that, and have never looked back or second guessed myself.

Carrie: And what did your family, friends and coworkers think about this?

Me: You are as subtle as a chainsaw, aren’t you? <I laugh. She has me with my own questions. You have to love manipulators. Well, maybe you don‘t. I do though.>

Carrie: Stop Deflecting, House!

Me: Fine! It bothered them. It was like, we’d talk for a while. I’d bring up the blog and the countries it was read at, and they’d have a serious change in their tone. To me it was like I had said something like: I ripped off Walmart off! They scanned a 20 buck game and it came up 5 to them. I told them the scan was wrong and they’d robotically tell me the system is never wrong <with an almost contemptuous tone> “yeah, that’s nice.” : adding a long sigh, followed with: “and how are you really?”

I thought: END OF LINE and went on to lesser aspects of life knowing they were disturbed by this passion I felt.

Carrie: All of them? Sorry, don’t believe you on this.

Me: No, not all of them. There are two that won’t judge me. One that knows me well enough to know that I mean no harm major harm and other that simply takes me as I am. These are friends that have known me for 18 and 37 years. I have nothing but respect for them.

Carrie: 18 and 37 years? Odd to me. Nothing with a recent or middle ground?

Me: working on this. Building relationships with people is not that easy for me. I’ve got this thing when it comes to sensing being used. I sense that and you are history to me. Period.

I learned to build relationships with friends.

I became a part of a team. When I crashed, I did not let them know anything . I did not want concern or sympathy. I wanted to earn my place in their eyes. This started last August and it’s been building ever since. They didn’t even know I was on leave from work until I went back to it. Some three and half months later. They earned my respect and in that humble process, I earned theirs, going from a 141 average to a 182 after a 12 yr absence from bowling.

Carrie. Wow. You have both good friends and the makings off. Building, as you say. Mark, you have made many cyber friends across the country and the globe.

Me: thanks.

 

We talked for a bit about favorite foods and such. Told each other to email each other at any time and if needs be, to call one another.



____________________________________________________________



THE QUESTIONS: (THE PREY)

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>

 

General Information.

Sex: male

Age: 31

Race: black

Body Style: athletic

Highest level of education at the time of incident: GED

Location: Ohio, USA <his stipulation that the state be said>

“Adam”

 

 

1. HOW COULD YOU BE SO BLIND AND NOT TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS? (this question being the POWER QUESTION to provoke responses, stir emotions and push them for a truthful answer)

Adam: Fuckin’ bastard! Did you call me to ridicule me? I trusted you. I gave you my number for Christ’s sake.

Me: You can hang up on me if you like. Always an option for you. I told you this before we started.

Adam: It’s embarrassing. I know you won’t use my real name and all, but still. Harsh.

Me: I understand you’re still raw about it. Sorry if I side-swiped you, ‘Adam’.

Adam: it’so kay. I was dumb, okay? I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed, as my father would tell me. Time and time again he’d say this to me. Glad he’s dead.

2. DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE BEFORE YOU BECAME A VICTIM:

Adam: Normal. Well as normal a boy could be with an overbearing cocksucker like my dad was.

Me: You paused. How bad was it, Adam?

Adam: Did you watch The Breakfast Club? I was the Judd Nelson guy.

Me: Cigars burns and shit?

Adam: Yeah. And I did good in shop classes. He was an accountant, oh so smart. Like I’d fix his car and save him tons in repair charges. You know what he’d say to? “ at least you’re good at something.”

3. AS THE RELATIONSHIP STARTED, DID YOU FEEL ANYTHING THAT WOULD INDICATE TO YOU THAT YOU MAY BE ABOUT TO BE USED?

Adam: No. I spent most of the time ragging on my dad. She listened to me and never cut me off. She’s the only one that was like that. She listened and hugged me. Man, that sounds so fuckin’ sad. But everyone needs someone to talk to right?

4. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN THIS RELATIONSHIP STARTED?

Adam: I try real hard not to remember. Maybe 20.

5. HOW LONG DID IT LAST?

Adam: 6 months.

6. AS THE RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSED, DID YOU INVITE FRIENDS OR FAMI,Y MEMBERS TO SHARE IT WITH YOU? (if yes, proceed to question below until answer is stated

Adam: Friends only. Shit, like I’d have my dad or mom there.

6a. WAS THE FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH THE OTHERS AT A RESTAURANT OR DID YOU INVITE THEM OVER DINNER?

Adam: no.

6b. DID YOU MEET THEM AT A BAR, NIGHTCLUB, BASEBALL GAME, BOWLING ALLEY OR OTHER PLACE WHERE ALCOHOL WAS SERVED?

Adam: Bar. I figured it would be a good way to loosen people up. Nothing makes people more accepting that booze, right?

 

7. DID YOUR DATE ACT DIFFERENT AROUND THEM? IF SO, HOW?

Adam: Not at all. Like, if I went to the john or hit the bar for more drinks, she’d tell my friends what a nice guy I was. Given my upbringing, to her this was amazing.

8. AFTER THIS MEETING, DID YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY WARN YOU IN ANY WAY ABOUT YOUR NEW FOUND FRIEND AND THE THINGS THEY FELT?

Adam: No. She snowed them bigtime!

8a. WHAT DID THEY SAY?

Adam: They thought she was great. Must’ve been the booze talking.



9. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF?

Adam: I didn’t til it was over. And even then, it took two weeks for it to sink in.

10. HOW DID YOU FEEL?

Adam: Suicidal.

11. DID YOU WISH TO KILL YOURSELF?

Adam: Fuck! Didn’t I just tell you that?

11a. WHY WOULD KILL YOURSELF OVER THIS RELATIONSHIP VERSUS ANY OTHER FAILED RELATIONSHIP?

Adam: I was so ashamed. I gave her my PIN numbers, gave her my Credit Cards. Cosigned on a car loan.

12. DID YOU ATTEMPT AN ACT OF VENGEANCE IN ANY FORM?

Adam: Why? That would only draw more attention to my dumbness.

13. WHEN DID YOU LEVEL OUT?

Adam: About 27 or so. <lowering voice> Dad did say I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the pack.

14. WHAT DID YOU LEARN AND HAS IT CHANGED YOUR VIEW OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

Adam: That I’m a fuckin’ asshole.

Yeah, it changed everything. I learned to never trust women again. Ever! And I am so glad my dad it dead.

 

15. WHAT WOULD LIKE TO ADD? (freeform conversation that would initiate) let them speaking their mind.

Adam: I went gay after that. It was good for me. I was a fool to think women would be the end all and be all.

16. DO YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL?

Adam: It did. Not sure why though. I must’ve been depressed or something when I found your blog.

At this point, go into idle conversation in areas they would choose to explore. Give them a chance at a Q&A about the BLOG and so forth. Show them respect.

Me: Do you have any questions you’d like to ask of me?

Adam: Are you single? You got a nice voice, Mark.

Me: No comment.

Adam: You fuckin’ tease! <Laughing>

Me: Do you like to cook?

Adam: Nah, he does that. I fix the cars though. Tend the garden. He works harder than me. I red about four Chiltons to service his cars.

What do you like to do? I mean, when you aren’t gathering intel on the worst of humanity?

Me: I cook, bowl and pretty much study and write.

Adam: Thanks for talking to me, man.

Me: You are most welcome.

Adam: Keep in touch, brother!

Me. I will.

Authors note: <hence the AN>

AN:if there could be such a thing as a handshake over the phone, I think Adam and I had this at the end of this interview.

_____________________________________________________________


QUESTIONS FOR THE PREDATORS:

<Advise caller their name is not needed as this is a blind survey. Their surveys will be assigned a random name for categorization purposes only>

 

General Information.

Sex: Female

Age: 40

Race: Caucasian

Body Style: 5’ 10’, 142lbs

Highest level of education at the time of incident: Technical School Grad

Location: Odessa Ukraine (currently on holiday in Alaska)

“Katerina”

 

 

 

1. HAVE YOU ALWAYS BEEN THE SICK FUCKER OTHERS VIEW YOU AS BEING?

Katerina: Just because you’re American does not mean you can speak to me that way! I do not look at myself as sick. If you call me a ‘fucker’ again, I will disconnect you. Others view me as they do. I have no power over what masses think and do not give it thought.

2. WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PEOPLE?

Katerina: I was not the different one, they were. If they do not behave and do as I do, that’s their weakness, not mine.

3. DID THIS BOTHER YOU IN ANYWAY, AND IF SO, HOW?

Katerina: Why should it bother me? What does ‘bother me’ mean? To be bothered is to feel irritated. I get bored with people a great deal and just move on.

4. AS YOU PROGRESSED IN LIFE, HOW DID YOU LEARN TO MANIPULATE OTHERS?

Katerina: I was very good at sports, which are taught young in my country. Boys were easy to play with me. I would challenge them to something, like, I race you and if you best me, I give you sex. If I win I want gifts. It was easier to let them win, give them best sex and hook them. They helped me cheat on tests all through school and university. I still got gifts when I threatened to leave them. I made them forget friends to be with me. I’d want to play sports with friends and I’d pout and say I will spend time with someone I knew they not like. They always saw things my way. Always.

5. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS?

Katerina: If I did not get my way, I would have something to extort them with. In my country, boys and men are much afraid of their mothers or grandmothers. I would say I would tell mother and she would tell their mother or grandmothers.

6. DID YOUR FAMILY KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU?

Katerina: If parents want you to be labeled defective and spend much time in sanitarium, make themselves look inferior, bad citizen, they’d take notice. People in my country do not do such things. Unlike other countries afraid of shame, here as in most Soviet countries say nothing out of fear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

7. WERE YOU SEXUALLY, EMOTIONALLY ABUSED BY YOUR FAMILY WHILE GROWING UP?

Katerina: No. I understand this happens much in your country though. Very sad and horrible. And you call me sick in your first line of interrogation! Are parents like those called psychopaths? They should be so.

8. AS YOU SLIPPED INTO WHAT MADE YOU BECAME, DID IT HAPPEN SLOWLY OR FAST?

Katerina: I think I was always this way. In my country, if you were stupid female, you got pregnant fast and stuck. My older sisters through their misbehaviors and terrible lives that came taught me. They would say: ’Katerina, don’t make same mistake made like me.’ Both were married by 18 and most sad. I was 9 or 10 then.

9. AS IT OCCURRED, DID YOU HEAR VOICES, AN AUDIBLE SOUND LIKE THAT OF A CLOCK THAT MADE A SINGLE ‘CLICK’ OR ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU REALIZE YOU WERE CROSSING A TERMINATING POINT IN YOUR LIFE?

Katerina: Yes, voices when I head toward sleep. My sisters voices, most scary, every night for weeks. Each night, same thing in before sleep and whole during dreams. I learned well from those.

10. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING WHEN CROSSING THIS SUBCONCIOUS/MENTAL LINE? (if asked: what do you mean? counter them with probing questions: DID YOU SEE BELOVED GRANDPARENTS, AUNTS/ UNCLES, SIBLINGS FADING FROM YOUR MINDS EYE, DISAPEARING INTO A BLACK, DESOLATE BACKGROUND ? DID YOU SEE ANYTHING LIKE DEER RUNNING ACROSS A FREEWAY GETTING NAILED BY CARS OR TRUCKS. A CHILD FALLING FROM A FIFTH STORY BALCONY? WATCHING A BROWN FALL LEAF FALLING SLOWLY FROM A TREE IN HIGH WINTER OR SUMMER? (let them answer fully. Let them form their own answers with NO GUIDANCE or leading.)

Katerina: DA! (yes). Sisters faces tears. I would see them during school when they weren’t there and when sleep came. So many times I would wake, sweat during winter when normally cold from inferior heat and meager bed coverings.

During holidays I would see them, sad smiles, fake eyes. Their husbands ordering them like time spent in military, calling sisters names not their own. Unclean, filthy, disgusting. I would see them and. Mind no further.

I could not stop things seen with eyes open and away from them and things with closed eyes.

11. WHEN DID YOU LOOK AT OTHER HUMANS AS BEING A LESSER FORM, OR AS SOME WOULD SAY “A SPECIES APART” FROM YOU?

Katerina: I do not understand question?


Me: AT WHAT AGE DID YOU SEE YOU WERE NOT LIKE OTHERS IN YOUR LAND? THAT THEY WERE SMALLER IN MIND THAN YOU?

Katerina: I answer that two (answers) ago. 9 or 10.

12. DID THIS KNOWLEDGE MAKE YOU MORE POWERFUL THAN OTHERS? AND IF SO, WHY?

Katerina: DA! Much power over them. Don’t you mean ‘how’?

Me: Yes, sorry. How?

Katerina: They had hearts and thoughts of sadness weakness and sense of pain. Not to self but to others. They fear God. Most fear mothers look at them. Unlike your country all looking for themselves, caring not what family think, most care in my land. What your peoples would call ‘keep face’ to their closest means much in my land.

Me: Yet you didn’t care what your family thought of you?

Katerina: Momma did not secretly in her heart want me to be as my sisters. Not bold enough to trouble dad with such trivial matters said nothing. I believe she saw me as she wanted to visit on her self in memory. Momma saw I had no true heart toward others. She saw me unlike her getting my way. You’d say she was jealous. She love me and I still embrace her grave. From deaths land she sees me, feels much pride.

13. DO YOU LOOK AT HUMANS AS TOYS? <<<adding: AND I WON’T MAKE YOU GROVEL OVER THE CAT TOYING WITH THE MOUSE QUESTION>>>

Katerina: Most da! American males are most dumb in mind and big conscious of groin. I was like panther to young sheep. (she laughs with the glee of child opening a Christmas present)

I was taken from Ukraine with marriage to American. Given American rights and such. I live in nice place in outside Baltimore for one year. I then go home with much dollars and he could do nothing.

Me: So you whored yourself for citizenship?

Katerina: No! He gave this to me. I only slept with him 22 times after marriage. Many sucks before marriage. Why Americans believes this means something? He much satisfied with my cooking and cleaning things. Why is it American men love dusted television before friends come over? I got much tired of bringing beer to him with friends? Beer, most vile. Give me vodka!

14. ARE YOU PERSONALLY SUCCESFUL WITH MANIPULATING, INTIMIDATING AND USING OTHERS FOR YOUR GAIN?

Katerina: In United States of Amerika most yes! He had great moneys I took when I left America. My English was not so good them but banks in Baltimore had many interpreters. I had papers to close accounts and visa to go home. Like your California leader would say in movies: ostilluh visa baby!

Me: How much was your take?

Katerina: I do not understand?

Me: How much money did you take from him?

Katerina: Much! Over a million in dollars.

Me: What is that in the Ukraine?

Katerina: Huge house with good heat and much land. Houses for family and comrades on land. Queen being with much generosity.

15. DID YOU GET MARRIED AND IF SO, WHY?

Katerina: Did I not answer this?

Me:? Allow me to humbly rephrase. Given your previous answer, did you remarry in the Ukraine?

Katerina: Why? No need for such things. Money much, I could buy sex when wanted. A man is worth little else.

16. IF BEING MARRIED, WHY DID YOU CHOSE THIS PERSON? IF HAVING CHILDREN WITH THIS SPOUSE, WHAT WOULD YOU TEACH YOUR CHILDREN?

Katerina: Nyet, no children. Embraced American doctors for this. Your pill is most powerful. I told you why I got married already.

17. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH YOUR LIFE AT THIS POINT?

Katerina: Of course After pappa died, I gave mom pleasant land to live. I tried to have sisters abandon husbands, but I failed in this. Past friends did move on my land in dwellings I had made. Peace with pond, heat with winter and internet. Grand fields to grow and have meat from animals. What Americans call a cult, it is home to them. What you call a paradise, we call living and working for the collective good of us.

Americans only care about their selves. Put sick parents into camps for dying without being troubled and seeing them weaken. Money makes them blind.

18. IF NOT CONTENT, DO YOU THINK YOUR HUNGER WILL EVER SUBSIDE?

Katerina: I control my lands. Do what I say or be gone from here.

Me: How is that any different from dictator or Czar?

Katerina: Did I say I was different? I do not believe so. Are your so called elected leaders any different than me? Nyet. They lie to peoples of your land. Biggest ones, your president. You have no control of who is elected. College vote controls all in your land. Your vote means nothing!

Me: So you command all you see?

Katerina: I see far beyond my lands and extorted officials here. Find officials weakness, picture this from angles with many cameras and as you Americans love to say: have them by balls. Give those of my land digital cameras set them to task. Target to follow and they discover much.

My lands grow in size all the time.

 

19. DID YOU FIND PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HELPFUL IN ANYWAY?:

Katerina: Your site is much discussion here. Your last name, much shrunken, hit us here. I send you emails and you respond. Those emails said your pappas family came from here. You say you not know what his last name truly was. Where from? What land in my country? You said this was before Germany took Austria much like Russia took Ukraine. Documents of none from that time. Most got burned through revolts.



CONVERSATIONS AFTER INTERVIEWS:

Katerina: I think you wish visit here. I think you desire spend time in lands grandparents saw before big war crossed world in 1930’s.

Da! You hit lands with blog. Never seeing victims in ways I read in blog, I think I could be generous to underlings in my lands. They work for keep, pay me nothing and do bidding as summoned to them.

Me: I have been thinking along those lines. I have often wondered what my fathers people saw. Most of white Americans Americanized here prior to the occupations that occurred before the early 1940’s have so little knowledge of our pasts and lands known by grandparents. Most of us simply conclude things worrying more about the here and now, the status quo, than where our people came from. My moms family came from many lands. She was a mutt, if you will with no disrespect to her and hers: Scottish, Irish, German, Holland Dutch and England.

In short, I am at least 50% Ukrainian and know so little about it. I could venture to Parma Ohio and solicit more knowledge, and perhaps I will. My knowledge of the Ukraine is Easter eggs and perrrogies (sp?) . I am using an IM Translator to FaceBook you and friends amongst others from Russia and the Czech republic and probably failing epically.

Katerina: But you attempt. We contacted you from your blog and expect not perfections. We decipher meanings and words you place.

Why did you start such blog?

Me: Why do you think?

Katerina: You trying to find place. I do not believe you to be typical American ass going for shameless self promotion. You must be outcast in your land and peoples. I had time your lands to know things frowned at. You bother many close to you. Cause them to see motives created by them. Look at things done by hands they own and not admit to.



Me: I think I have.

Katerina: You, like most Canadian and American psychologists like to place things into orders for dissection. Unlike most, you give place to speak mind and cleanse spirit. I like you, what you have done. I am in Canada, do you have a visa to meet me?

/ Me: Nope. And I really don’t wish to have one while my country chooses to be asses to the borders of a people that got many of our hostages out of Iran prior to Reagan being put into the Whitehouse. Hey, you, technically are an American citizen, right? If you truly are, come here and meet me.

Katerina: You could take me to this Parma place, no? Eat Americanized food from my land?

Me: I’d be glad to. Honored to do so. Hell, you could be my translator.

Katerina: I would fell your belly after going to market and make stomach happy.

Me: I am sorry. I am running out of minutes. I have to stop on an embracing moment.

Katerina: I have your email. You get proper phone and I will call you from home, Mother Ukraine. She is calling you, Mark Wilhelm Daruzsch.

Me: Thank you for being part of my Life at this point. I bow to you.

Katerina: No, it is I and comrades that gesture with bended backs to you. Nice to place voice to blank words with meaning.

Me: I embrace you with minds eye.

 

AN: out of minutes, the call hit oblivion. Glad for the KORG company and their fine line of digital recorders.


____________________________________________________________


            AUTHORS NOTE:
    
             I found these interviews to be most enlightening. Placing sounds to words  is always interesting, in my opinion. Do the voices match the written word they sent me? High or low tones? Simply put: What do the emailers sound like?
             Hearing raw emotions in memories past, hunger of the insatiable  in the present, and the mixture of the two throughout each. I sincerely got more drawn into the subject of my blog.
            To my theory of Another Life.

              I can also see why learned psychologists and psychiatrist alike do not wish to treat both forms of  psychopaths:  the nonviolent and homicidal alike.
              There is a major fascination to those that live outside the  normal guidelines 96% of people adhere to. The minds of some of the most educated swim into this whirlpool and get sucked down. Changing their own thought patterns to get a better glimpse, and thus, lose themselves in the process. Many of them wind up in therapy themselves. They become little more than a moth being drawn toward the light, heat, to have their wings get torched and die. They become Nomads. (see the movie Nomads, starring Pierce Brosnan and Adam Ant: great movie that fits this scenario to a  tee).


             Where do I fit in this subject?
             Why do I continue to write about this?

            Because I can, that's why. I do not care who it bothers.


            

           



Sunday, May 6, 2012

Walking with Strangers: Intro to Interviews.

       WALKING WITH STRANGERS: PHONE INTERVIEWS; PART I.

       FAIR WARNING TO THOSE ABOUT TO BE INTERVIEWED.

       (the incredible value of a prepaid burner)

 

I was sent phone numbers by several readers. They were curious if I’d be willing to talk with them about their experiences, both past and present, and if I would add these interviews into the BLOG.

I was quite excited by the opportunity. I sent emails back to them indicating I’d be happy to talk to them.

I haven’t done interviews since about 1993. For a social work class, we were asked to interview 5 people with greatly diverse backgrounds, fields and incomes. We had a list of about 40 questions to choose from, having to pick 5 for each subject to answer.

The completed paper had to be no less than 5 single space pages typed.

In my paper I interviewed 10 people, asking them around 10 questions each. I covered a spectrum of people: A Catholic priest, Methodist Minister, Regional Manager of a large Fast Food Chain, an hourly worker for the same restaurant, Teacher, professor, prostitute (that I gladly paid her 15 bucks for her time and info) and several others.

My paper ended at just over 20 pages, single spaced. I nailed an ‘A’ on it, getting 100-100 point scale.

I can only say that so many missed the single fact this instructor posted and stated each class, so prominently displayed on the blackboard : minimum 5 pages single space typed. He failed all but four of us in a class of 75 that gave him papers that were four pages double spaced and so forth. Collegiate selection in full gear. They so deserved to fail. The four of us that didn’t? The smallest paper amongst all of us was 12 pages singled.

I remember the importance of having specific questions to solicit responses, noting how those questioned spoke their answers in regards to the body language they expressed. The tilt of a shoulder, hands clinched at hips, lips clinched with no display of parted lips opposing words given and emotional responses to be attained.

Remembering those things, knowing I would not have physical expressions to fall back on during telephone conversations, I would close my eyes and remember average expressions. From those things I would gather a sense.

 

Never having done interviews like the ones I would be doing, I had to work on creating questions relating to the subject matter of the BLOG. I contacted two of my former professors in the hopes they could give me a few starting points. I gave them the link to the BLOG. Three days later they called me back and gave me two questions to throw in the middle of each one. They suggested to start each interview with a strong question to provoke a difficult to answer. One that would get either thoughts or emotions pumped up.

The subject being what it is, I knew I’d have my work cut out for me. Gearing questions that would equally cater to the predators and prey alike posed the biggest challenge. They are such opposing parts in the spectrum of light, that in my minds eye, it would be similar to that of interviewing a hawk and possum about their eating habits and how not become another animals dinner.

Again, I had my work cut out for me.



Thinking the prey would be more sensitive to direct questioning, I toned things down a bit, arming myself with as many verbal valiums as possible. I expected highly emotional answers, charged with electric profanity, hostility and I frankly believed if they were pushed too hard, I’d get a lot of hang ups.

Oh, well: NEXT!



With the NV-P’s, I knew I could go balls-to-the-wall and they would not be offended in the slightest. Knowing their ability to be both masters at pathological liars and manipulators, I was most curious to see how long it would be before they took over the whole interview. How many minutes would it take for me to become their subject of interest? Would they open both barrels, one barrel or have the accuracy of a sniper rifle while aiming their retorts like bullets squared directly at my head?

I somehow thought they wouldn’t. They being like that of Zodiac signs that so acclaimed extroversion and grand egos, have little problem telling me of their conquests and how they did it. Their motivations and perversions in the process to attain their goal. Their single minded obsessions and mindless self indulgence.

To eat and never feel a fullness that sets them apart from 96% of the population.

SO WHY WOULD I DO THIS AND HAVE INTERVIEWS?



In my opinion, I could not pass this up.

Be it either for my attempt at finding an obscure truth or to simply find what is human, an element that holds a segment of fact or one that holds an emotion that covers all races and nationalities as true and unyielding. The place where so many tribes would like to agree on yet seldom find in accord.

 

I am going to other places. I have and will hurt many around me in this desire to prove theories about what makes us human.



A chance like this can only find its humble beginnings as a result of cell phones and blind happenings that occur in our communication age. The full breathe of emotion, lack there of and pure thought through complete anonymity that can be displayed on the black and white world of text.

That we can further journey into a land of the utter bleak and despair to the contrasting brightest sunrises and the smelling of flowers.

To take a travel into ANOTHER LIFE.

To the Predator and Prey: The Nonviolent Psychopath



Note this: I have already made these questions and will post them  and their answers  when ready to be completed. No time like the present, and i have a great deal of transcribing to do.
    Teaser? Yeah, i guess this is....


Thursday, May 3, 2012

Psychological Reference Books and Self Help Guides

         
                 Articles, Books and Links, Oh MY!

 

At the request of several people that have their works posted here, it was suggested that I throw a list of books, magazines and links. These resources span a great many decades, from a wide variety of places both from the United States and Abroad.

This list compiled is the result of my studies and that of the loyal posters that have taken their time to share their thoughts and experiences.

Though it does not exclusively delve strictly into the world of Nonviolent Psychopathy, it is nonetheless, a great list to learn psychology from. To, perhaps, gain some knowledge into the world of human behavior: breed some understanding of one another, shed some light on murky places. To learn and maybe be inspired.

This list is the result of many people. Those that cared enough to share things that made a difference to them.

 

Books: *hopefully by subject)

>>>>>>>>GENERAL PSYCHOLOGY<<<<<<<<<<<<



UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEHAVIOR (24 volume set) 1974

PUBLISHER: Columbia House.

ASIN: B000oTPH78



This series is sometimes still available on Amazon at anywhere between $29.00 and $99.00.

AN: I was twelve when I ate this series up. It was fantastic reading. It opened doors for me, as I am sure it did many. I’ll have to read it again and see what theories have changed and what has held the test of time.

Thank you my dear sister Holly: you allowed me to read these books. Not sure what you thought of a much younger brother taking such an interest way before his time. I will always be indebted to you for this. <if I could only remember the text books you brought back from your time at CWRU, which I always read with great eagerness.>







BENEATH THE MASK - AN INTRODUCTION TO THEORIES OF PERSONALITY- (EDITION SEVEN) 2003 by Christopher Monte and Robert N. Sollod

ASIN: B001BCJN6

AMAZON: prices vary.





THE STANDARD EDITION OF THE COMPLETE PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKS OF SIGMUND FREUD (24 volumes) 1986. By Sigmund Freud and James Strachey.

PUBLISHER: London the Hogarth Press (August 17 1986)

ISBN-10: 0701200677 and ISBN-13: 978-0701200671

AMAZON: NEW: $5036.95 AND USED: $29.95

 





 



THE SCIENCE OF HUMAN NATURE: A PSYCHOLOGY FOR BEGINNERS. 2010

By William Henry Pyle

PUBLISHER: Kessinger Publishing, LLC (September 10, 2010

ISBN-10: 1163488607

ISBN-13: 978-1163488607



 

DREAM PSYCHOLOGY: 2012 by Sigmund Freud.

PUBLISHER: Empire Books (March 15, 2012)

ISBN-10: 1619491311

ISBN-13: 978-1619491311

AMAZON: ABOUT $9.99



 



PSYCHOLOGY, THEOLOGY, AND SPIRITUALITY IN CHRISTIAN COUNSELING (AACC LIBRARY) 1996 by Mark R. McMinn

PUBLISHER: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. (June 25, 1996)

ISBN-10: 0844235252X

ISBN-13: 978-0842352529

 





 



>>>>>>BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS<<<<<<<

 

 

STOP WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: TAKING YOUR LIFE BACK WHEN SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDERS. 2010 by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger.

PUBLISHER: New Harbinger Publications; Second Edition (January 2, 2010)

ISBN-10: 1572246901

ISBN-13: 978-1572246904



 

HOW TO SPOT A BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER. 2011 by Joe Navarro

PUBLISHER: (SOLD BY AMAZON DIGITAL SERVICES)

ASIN: B00550HPTK



 

 

>>>>>>>>PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

 

THE ANGRY SMILE: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR IN FAMILIES, SCHOOLS, AND WORKPLACES. 2008 by Nicholas James Long, Jodi E. Long and Signe Whitson

PUBLISHER: Pro ed; second edition (December 31. 2008)

ISBN-10: 1416404236

ISBN-13: 978-1416404231



 

LIVING WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN: COPING WITH HIDDEN AGGRESSION- FROM BEDROOM TO BOARDROOM. 1993. By Scott Wetzler

PUBLISHER: Touchstone (October 1, 1993)

ISBN-10: 0671870742

ISBN-13: 978-0671870744



 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>EATING DISORDERS<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

GOODBYE ED, HELLO ME: RECOVER FROM EATING DISORDERS AND FALL IN LOVE WITH LIFE. 2009 By Jenni Schaefer

PUBLISHER: McGraw-Hill (August 5, 2009)

ISBN-10: 0071608877

ISBN-13: 978-0071608879



BULIMIA: A GUIDE TO RECOVERY. 2010 By Lindsey Hall and Leigh Cohn M.A.T

PUBLISHER: Gurze Books; 25 anniversary edition (November 1, 2010)

ISBN-10: 0936077514

ISBN-13: 978-0936077512




 

YOUNG DIETING DAUGHTER…IS SHE DYING FOR ATTENTION? 1996 by Carolyn Costin

PUBLISHER: Routledge (October 1, 1996)

ISBN-10: 0876308361

ISBN-13: 978-0876308363

 

 

 

>>>>>>>>ON CHILD ABUSE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

 

BEHOLD THE CHILD. 2010 by Harry Shannon

PUBLISHER: (Amazon Digital Services)



 

THE GIRL NOBODY WANTS- A SHOCKING TRUE STORY OF CHILD ABUSE IN IRELAND. 2012 by Lily O’Brien

PUBLISHER: Troubador Publishing Ltd (February 1, 2012)

ISBN-10: 1780880332

ISBN-13: 978-1780880334



 

SHE WASN’T ALLOWED TO GIGGLE. 2011 by Lavinia Thompson

PUBLISHER: Self-published (September 28, 2011)

ASIN: B005QTX282



 

CHILD MOLESTATION STORIES: VOICES OF SURVIVORS OF CHILD ABUSE (MOLESTATION, RAPE AND INCEST) 2010 by Lynn Daugherty

PUBLISHER: Cleanan Press Inc. (January 28, 2011

ASIN: B004LGRSAE



 

INVISIBLE TEARS: THE ABUSE THE REBELLION THE SURVIVAL AGAINST ALL ODDS. 2010 by Abigail Lawrence

PUBLISHER: Author house (April 19, 2010)

ISBN-10: 1449070027

ISBN-13: 978-1449070021



 

MEMOIRS OF A STRANGE LITTLE GIRL. 2007 by Sara McGrath

PUBLISHER: Sara McGrath (December 20, 2007)

ASIN: B001I912SG

Amazon Digital Services.



 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>SCHIZOPHRENIA<<<<<<<<<<<<<<



CLINICAL HANDBOOK OF SCHIZOPRENIA. 2011 by Kim T. Mueser PhD and Dilip V. Jeste MD

PUBLISHER: The Guilford Press (January 31, 2011)

ISBN-10: 1609182375

ISBN-13: 978-16091872373



 

GETTING YOUR LIFE BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. 2002 by Roberta Temes

PUBLISHER: New Harbinger Publications (January 10, 2002)

ISBN-10: 1572242736

ISBN-13 978-1572242739



 

SZ MAGAZINE: current and still publishing.

A MAGAZINE ABOUT THOSE THAT ARE AND THOSE THAT KNOW SCHIZOPHRENICS:

( I do this in broken links. Whenever I do add links, it shrinks the text of entries that follow)

VISIT : WWW (DOT) MENTALWELLNESSTODAY (DOT) COM.

AN: I have borrowed, and I use that term loosely, several copies of this magazine when waiting for my Psychiatrist appointments. Fascinating reading. Though I do not know any that suffer from SZ, or know of anyone that would admit to knowing or having a relationship with one, I kind of like having some knowledge of this subject.



 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>INTIMIDATION<<<<<<<<<<<<<

 

WINNING THROUGH INTIMIDATION. 1975 by Robert J. Ringer (author), Jack Medoff (illustrator)

PUBLISHER: Funk and Wagnalls Co; (August 1975)

ISBN-10: 0308102290

ISBN-13: 978-0309102293

AN: I was 13 when I read this book. Courtesy of my sister Holly. I so remember the chapter titled ” NIGYSOB:” <now I got you, son of a bitch> 37 years later and I still remember the principals of this book. My opinion: a must read.


 

 

TO BE OR NOT TO BE INTIMIDATED? THAT IS THE QUESTION. 2003 by Robert J. Ringer

PUBLISHER: M. Evans & Company (December 18, 2003)

ISBN-10: 1590770358

ISBN-13: 978-1590770351



 

THE SECRET POWER OF WORDS. 2011 by Roy Masters.

PUBLISHER: Foundation of Human Understanding (August 3, 2011)

ASIN: B005FYYEGW

 

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>SELF HELP BOOKS<<<<<<<<<<<
 

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE: SELF HELP FOR DEPRESSION, ANXIETY DISORDERS, CONFIDENCE, SUCCESS AND MORE. 2011 by Dan Jones

PUBLISHER: LULU . COM (April 8, 2011)

ISBN-10: 1447546342

ISBN-13: 978-1447546344





CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL. 2001 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

PUBLISHER: HCI (July 1, 2001)

ISBN-10: 1558749209

ISBN-13: 978-15587

(THIS BOOK WENT HUGE! MANY COPIES AVAILIBLE FROM MANY SOURCES)





FRIGIDITY: AN INTELLECTUAL HISTORY (GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES IN HISTORY) 2012. By Peter Cryle and Alison Moore

PUBLISHER: Palgrave McMillan (January 17, 2012)

ISBN-10: 0230303455

ISBN-13: 978-0230303454



 

FRIGIDITY IN WOMAN: IN RELATION TO HER LOVE LIFE. 1953 AND 1965 (volume two) by Wilhelm Stekel

PUBLISHER: Vision Press: first UK edition (1953)

 

IMPOTENCE & FRIGIDITY. 1963 by Donald W. Hastings MD

PUBLISHER: Little, Brown & Co (3-printing) (1963)



 

 



>>>>>>>PSYCHOPATHY<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

WITHOUT CONSCIENCE: THE DISTRUBING WORLD OF THE PSYCHOPATHS AMOUNG US. 1999 By Robert D. Hare.

PUBLISHER: The Guilford Press; 1 edition (January 8, 1999)

ISBN-10 1572304510

ISBN-13 978-1572304512

<<<<this one was recommended by over 14 people. I have not read it yet.>>>>





MASK OF SANITY. 1982 by Hervey Cleckley

PUBLISHER: Plume; revised (May 1, 1982

ISBN-10: 0452253411

ISBN-13: 978-0452253414

<There is a PDF out there for this book> FANTASTIC READING.


 



THE SOCIOPATH NEXTDOOR. 2006 By Martha Stout

PUBLISHER: Three Rivers Press. (march 14, 2006)

ISBN-10: 0767915828

ISBN-13: 978-0767915823



________________________________________________________

           PSYCHOLOGY TODAY MAGAZINE: ONLINE AND SUBSCRIPTION.
Fantastic source of information on both self help and the vast topography that is the human mind.
www (dot) psychologytodat (dot) com

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

WE HERE AT PSYCHOPATHY: ANOTHER LIFE HOPE YOU CHECK THE ABOVE OUT.

The above is the list that the people of Psychopathy: Another Life have thrown down.

It is with sincere thoughts and hopes that people gain knowledge from using these books as guides, aids and useful information for the help of others in need. And maybe yourselves.

Mind-felt thanks to: Jonathon, Nancy, Donut Bitch, Sid, Amy, Aimee, Lynette-Sue, Peter the B-man, Kristie, Angie, Frankie, Johan, Kreigs-Dominion, Esperanza, Danya, Irina, Maarit, Adalgisa, Hans, Jorunn, Elise, LA-GirlZ, Barberton Punk Moms, UCLA Vandettes, MIT Midgets with HUGE FAT HEADS!, The IRA (yeah, you heard of us…), DOPH (daughters of Patty Hearst), and Jesus. (probably pronounced Hey-sues.)

Special thanks to Abigail and Catherine. They were my blogs firsts contributors. They sent me the first emails, stories and reference books. It was both Abigail and Catherine that pushed me to post this section.

To the new reader: check out the books listed here. Make a difference, learn much and most of all, GROW!

-Mark William Darus

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Songs that powered me to write

What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.

 

 

I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.

I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.

I do this with no emotion.

Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.

From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…



I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?

On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance

How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.

My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.

She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.

A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.

The Methodists weren’t much better.

What kept me on a constant North: Songs and inspirations that made a difference.

 

 

I was asked more than a few times what kept me posting, following some True Northern star course. Knowing this subject being both unpopular and vastly dark in both meaning and its sheer emotional bearing. I go into points that most what neither wish to face nor wish to explore.

I simply wrote what I have from some imbedded sense of going for and studying what makes us both human, and more importantly, what makes humans so incredibly different from the animals that share their ever dwindling area with us.

I do this with no emotion.

Emotion clouds most issues, based on both background and attitudes personally developed over years of life.

From ER’s due to my dads heart attacks, I grew up as a child, with older sisters, learning a sort of gallows humor. Like these scenarios and others so concerned about loved ones: Wow, he got rose thorn stuck in him. My dad has had his 8th heart attack. I am sure he’ll live. You mean this happened 36 hours ago and his swelled like bratwurst? No sweat. He can live without that finger. Don’t believe them. It will grow back…



I learned these things by age thirteen. Small wonder when others parents died I failed in giving them comfort and aid they so deserved. How can one do this with a lack of emotion?

On another hand: how could I give points to the not be fucked over by sisters and brothers going for inheritance

How fucking cold is that? That I could say something like that to someone so obviously in pain, pretty damn bad.

My dads brothers and sisters paid for my mom and dads anniversary. To My sister Holly’s’ credit, she did say, at maybe 20 yrs of age, that something was wrong with this. They really could not stand us and mostly hated mom: expect Marty. Holly knew this.

She was right and as sharp as an uppercut to the chin. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.

A decade or so later, Holly, through the clear and sincere balancing of books on dads part, told holly and us that his brother Joe admitted to this: It was with dads inheritance from his moms passing that made their anniversary party possible. In short. MY MOM AND DAD, WITHOUT THEIR KNOWING PAID FOR THEIR OWN ANNIVERSARY PARTY? Such good Catholics they were.

The Methodists weren’t much better. They<screwed below when I say thy>

thy also screwed Holly when they asked her to leave as a mentor in the UMYF: United Methodist Youth Fellowship. Why? Something about car washes, fundraising or her handling of a situation. A girl of about 15 started her period at the house of a fellow counselor, Shearing I think his name was. She handled this cleaning, by the standards that were then, professionally. . This girl and though I clearly remember her name, wore white pants. Holly and the other guy handled this.


They fixed this girls horror. None of us kids of 13-14 laughed at her like some Stephen king novel. The blue-haired ladies of the BROOKLYN MEMORIAL UNITED METHODIST CHURCH had a different view.

Through this, I truly believe my sister Holly lost her faith in the United Methodist Church.
Can’t say I blamed her. She found no church after this, and did not talk about it much
At this church I was known as Heidis brother…
Not soon to follow, I left that place.

I dived into Psych books. Why did those of religion and faith of iant proportions do such things? Why did their god, Jesus, father of unconditional love, so held dear to their hearts, think my sister holly was so bad? She stood up to them, said what she felt, and God forbid, asked questions.
Religion, though how I tried amongst many faiths of many realms of Christianity and that of my Jesus’ father, The Jews, could not find some home and feel comfortable with.
Some learned of lives might say I felt some personal inadequacy, not living up and so forth.
I was fucking twelve or thirteen when these things came to pass.
Sure, I so failed. I should’ve wasted some school. Right?
 
I went docile for many years. I stepped in the world of poetry fiction. A woman named Sue taught me there was more, introducing me to Monte Python and Stephen King,.
KNOW THIS ALL OF Y0U! This woman named Sue, thought enough of me, to read to me, both phones and drive-in theatres the novel of The Stand by Stephen King. This woman fired me like no other. Taught me such things about smells, backgrounds and where did your characters come from, GIVE SOME BACKGROUND, DAMNIT.

But what inspired me?
These songs held me as I started my BLOG:
Their close rhythms ,melodies and emotions felt when they were recorded, encompass me. Many decibels and thumping bass, cut into me like placing your hand appendage into a band saw.
I cannot feel,but I can sense what those around me feel, respond to them, not much different than Spock on Star Trek, in his way, comforting Captain Kirk.

Again, I do not feel what most of you do. No regret, remorse.
The songs that worked me as I work My Blog: Most of these may surprise you:

NOTE this: some of these tunes came about from readers around the world this blog has hit.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB7lt36u-w8&ob=av2e
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWIADZKU9dw
This next tune followed me over radio. Causing senses to leave the skin that is us via goose pimples.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvdLovAaYzM
Step by step, fall apart, the battle wages on, for Toy Soldiers.
Bit by bit, never win, we fall apart, we all fall down,
Battle wages on, like toy soldies.
From Bryan Ferry, Roxy Music, showing me this song fails in the real world. Emotions fail.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH1CMCtV4to&ob=av2n
Getting to other shadows that helped me to keep on writing, this tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3lBF2h-Pl0
I am lost, and the shadows keep on fading.
 
 
Finland hears you: Take this from out land, Mark. Keep this web world going:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFaK7UFGcNo

Thanks Abigail: great tune and you posted this on my wall. face book:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGuJ3tvKgo8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXSvSXz18K4&feature=fvst

this one hold big:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZA2q5CxLDm4




 


 


This in my first entry to for this night 


Sunday, April 29, 2012

Poetry: Art with Words: Emotions and their lack of.

The Poetry Contributions: Pain and Pleasure.

 

 

This section of The NV-P Blog contains poetry from the many submissions I have been honored to receive over the last month and a half via emails. They span a wide range of emotions, and their lack of, from several perspectives. Unlike like stories and comments, these convey captured thoughts that undoubtedly mattered to their authors, and hopefully, will catch an audience by them that experience and gain knowledge through their  abstract nature.

I have one of my own placed here. Having written over three hundred poems since the twelfth grade, I felt obligated to throw mine into the mix. I will use an alias. I do not wish for credit in this regard.

I have written poetry since I took a creative writing class in high school: Lincoln West, Cleveland Ohio, grad of 1981. I thank a great man that inspired me as well constantly encouraged me to continue and hammer out thoughts onto paper. To put the mind onto black and white and let others sort it out. Art with Words, he called it.

Huge thanks to teacher/mentor, Mr. Merhaut. He opened a door in my life, and mind, that never closed.

If he is still alive, and reads this, I am sorry for the time I punched out and knocked the idiot headfirst into the blackboard for putting gum into my long hair. I only saw red. Then I made the dickhead see red when he came to. Looking back, it wasn’t called assault then, for that I am truly grateful.

Your comment? “write me either a short, highly detailed story or a vivid poem of what you saw versus what you did.”

I gave him both.

I served two detentions for laying that fucker out. Sure, he was much bigger than I, by about a 8 inches in height and 100 lbs in weight. It was his largeness that made a fool of him.

I also got about 4 dates as a result of girls offering to show me how to get gum out of hair without massive chops at it.

Mr. Norman Merhaut: I cannot thank you enough.

 

Into the breach we voyage, with either eagerness or loathing, let us go forth.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wanting you:





So bold, so kind,

You took me to place

Of splendid pleasure as our bodies

Twisted

Contorted

Voices screaming

In divine ecstasy

Later shrieks of agony

As you burned my wings

And used me in a way

I so loved and hated losing

I gave you money

Trying to hold onto you like an addict needing

Never ending fixes

I took you into my body

Getting wet with the thought of you

Hours before we

Touched

Connected

Sweaty in writhing passion

You used me

And I miss you still,

Evelyn Masters-Perry

Rhode Island 2009

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

And you paid for the gas:

 

You took me for the fastest of rides

As I climbed into your car,

Trees passing by in a blur

Speeding through the parks

Of huge trees,

Flashing sunlight thru their breaks

Blinding me so completely

The brightest of greens

Radiant sunlight through new born leaves

Vibrant shades of contrasting colors

Miles clicking as minds get closer

You took me into your body

I took you into my soul

Heat so devastating

California brush fire

Wiping out all rational thoughts

You clamped yourself around me

Tighter and tighter you gripped me

Finger nails tearing into my flesh

Blood trickling down my flanks

Sensations so complete

We came in unison

Laying sweaty and smiling

I left you the next morning

To never called you back,

Keith Wakeman-Guiffria 1994

Lakewood Ohio

 

______________________________________________________________________________

 

I, too, have teeth:

He trashed my gentle being

They thought he was good 4-me

Best friends wanting to make

My train wreck appear before them

To laugh and talk about it

Later over drinks

High-end Black Russians

White Russians

Baileys Irish Crème Coffees



Some friends they were

They knew what he was

Psychopath man about town

Sacrificing me to him

Just because he fed them drinks

Fed their addictions

As they indulged his

With me.



I have something waiting

These friends never to see

Things heading for their lives

I am now bitch

I too have teeth.

Gina White-****** 2012

East Helena Montana



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Lost in your eyes, lies and your thighs:

You came on like the zephyr winds

Caught my sails

Blowing me somewhere

Taking me for a tonsil ride

Allowing me to do

Go

And shoot

You swallowed



So lost in your eyes

Lies

And your thighs

I gave you everything

You asked,

I gave

You suggested

I gave

You asked me to fuck you like no other

I gave

Was trapped

Perversions of sex

Better than the best

Nocturnal emissions

With Hollywood stars

No comparison to you

Blank checks

Debit cards and pin



To keep you by my side

I blew off friends of decades

Family paled in no time

You kept sucking me

By mouth and cunt

Faking noises of fulfillment

Sucking me

And I

Gave

Gave

Craved more and more



Lost in your eyes, lies and your thighs



Building me up

Asking for help

Telling me I was your best

Gas bill is due

Huge cock via text

How you cannot wait

Car payment is late

Meet me at Bayshire Cemetary

Love amongst the dead

Kinky

Mortgage is two months in arrears

I can help

And I did

So lost

In her eyes

Lies

And her thighs

She disappeared as fast as she came

As fast I had cum



I lost myself

Lost most of myself

Lost all who loved me



Counselor asked me

What would you do different

Not a damn thing

He said he could not help me

I left his office

Cold winter winds closed around me

So wanting one like her



So wishing to be sucked



Matthew Murphy 1998

FrankFort Kansas



________________________________________________________________________





I have a bullet with your name on it:



I fell for your bullshit

I fell for your lines

I fell

For you



So much talk

Flowers you gave

Sent them to me at work

You built your place

As coworkers were impressed

More blind than I

Cardboards friends I believed



I became so lost

Oceans beckoning my tiny boat

Further sunrises yet unseen

I’d follow your heading

To climax on distant shores

Took me to 5-stars

Made me a lady of desire

We’d coast

Rise rhythmically

Peak

Gasp desires fulfilled



Leaves changing color

Seasons pass

I am so asleep

Something grows within me

Test is positive

We’d talked of marriage

But you needed to right yourself

Financially

I helped you

When I told you of the dr’s visit

You left in 14 hours

I am about to have our child

You are gone

So coldly I look back

I should’ve known

I have a bullet with your name on it

Justification guides me

I gave you my savings

5 grand

Hopes of clearing you

Debts to be covered

So we could wed.



I bought a gun

One set of bullets

They carry your name

Annie Oakly 2011

Aleysk Russia



________________________________________________________________________





Welcome to the World:



I told you I would use you

I told you I could care less about your family and friends

I told you I’d suck you dry



Being drunk

You gave yourself to me

Because you could strut like

Animals on the Learning Channel



Sorry, dumbfuck

Just give me money

That’s what I want

Wear a strong rubber

I will take you

For everything you got

You so begged for more.



A blowjob

A latex barrier

Did you think that meant anything?

Thinking satisfied

Tossing spent cover out the window of brothers Camaro

Leaving drips on the glass

You went wet

I didn’t

But I sucked you

I used you as I said I would



A fool and his money

Sucked my clit honey

Took me into your mouth

A mouthful of my juices

My flavors

Moaning for more

You so took me into you



Never once thinking of tomorrows



Highest order of stiff cocked males

Dicks as brains that control you

Thinking of yourself first

Never thinking of yourself

In future stance

Defenseless

Your future is so limited now

time bomb growing within you

What part of rubber

You entered my pussy

Did you let your guard slip?



I gave you a present



Darling



When you took in my precious juices

Did you lose your mind?

I told you to put on a Trojan

You obliged so freely

But you went south

And sucked and licked me

I never asked you

I even said you shouldn’t



Welcome to the world of AIDS

Hope you got your bags packed…………….





Christina ******** 2008

Fiuggi Italy





________________________________________________________________________

AN: I believe these poems to be a good sample of what I have received thus far. They cover a vast range of human experience.

I will leave the critiques to you, the reader, to comment on them.

Those outside the USA, humble apologies, please use this as a guide/ help to make things easier on me.

-Mark William Darus 2012/04/29

http://translation.paralink.com/