Sunday, April 8, 2012

Taking your husband and you so gave him to me.

                                   Female predators eating their best friends.
                       Ever wonder how a woman can take her best friends husband?

                                               Mark William Darus

You and your husband have been happily married for years, perhaps decades. He buys you flowers, jewelry to show his appreciation. He is a most stable hunter, bringing in good money, tending to the kids so you could nap on weekends. Sometimes, when good weather sets, he’ll take the kids to playground so their noise don’t disturb your private time.

You don’t have much private time as your stay-at-home-mom chores keep you quite busy, wearing you out after the 24/7 duties you carry at least five days a week. All the vacuuming, cleaning, running the little ones to play dates, feeding them, washing clothes, not to mention making dinners and listening to your good man talk about his day-to-days with his job. Then you put the kids to bed, perhaps telling them a story that you repeat every week because it’s their favorite. 

               This Amy Grant song may fit you most well:
                Amy Grant: Hats

       You feel beat up after months, years of the same thing day in and day out. Seldom do you give your man the attention he wants and desires in you. You may think: what does he expect from me? Isn’t it enough that I take care of everything for him and his kids? I don’t even want sex anymore!

       You are lucky. You have friends you can confide in. They sometimes come over during the day to talk to you, what you may call a ‘sanity check’ to give you adult conversation, perhaps over a few glasses of wine or 'other' things/drugs. You tell these friends all you hearts secrets about your life, your man and where you think you are stuck for the rest of your life. Truth be known, you love your man with all your being and cherish each day with the kids.

         Your man knows your friends as you know his. Occasionally going out with them to a bar or bowling. You may have them over for dinner when without a babysitter. He tries to set up his friends with your friends and you do the same. Most of your combined friends are single that have no kids, no strings and no one to please or account but themselves. Sometimes, vastly tired, you are too tired to dance and place his energy with a trusted friend.

        Perhaps you fall into a mild depression over time as you feel you energy levels being constantly drained like a long used car battery refuses to recharge. No matter what you do, you just can’t seem to get back to where you once were. Your appearance slips, washing your hair less often, caring less about yourself then your family.

        You man notices this and responds by taking the kids more, either to playgrounds, Chuckie Cheese, a movie or maybe a jaunt to the mall. He does this with good intentions.

You confide more and more in your friends about what is going on with you and how you feel helpless more and more. You good friends advise to get help, seek a counselor or your minister to aide you. You blow this off as you have no time to do such things.

          Authors Note: Never disregard nor dismiss such advice. It will lead to Marriage-Death!

        Your best friend, however, says she’ll help your husband while you need time to gather yourself. She may even say things like: I can help him. I love your kids and would like more time with them. You need more rest.

This best friend may even be bold enough to add: Besides, I could be in worse company than your husband. He’s such a good one, you’re lucky to have him.

             In your exhaustion, you could easily say something casually amusing to most: Take him off my hands if he’s so good a catch, (chuckling all the while with trusted friend,)  I just want to some sleep. You say this with so little life in your eyes though a small smile crosses your lips.

            You trust this person unlike any other. She is nothing like the rest of your friends and isn’t shoving psychological help down your throat. This friend has been with you through thick and thin. You’ve shared life and her lost loves as she had searched and , at least to you, failed in every relationship she’s had. You’ve shared laughs at those lost loves and how she always seemed to get something of value from all those men she knew. A new car. Six months of house payments, credit card debt being wiped out, or having utility bills paid in advance, before these men failed and killed the relationship. You even share with your husband how he should never let his friends around her as she is a man-eater. You do, however, feel quite sad as she just can’t seem to find that ‘right man’ for her that love will win and be lasting.

You don’t notice how your best friend meets up with your husband at playgrounds on a regular basis, to give him a ‘sanity-break’ with adult conversation. Granted, she told you she would do so. She may have even said she’d guard him against ‘those dreadful women that prey on a man wearing a wedding ring’. She’d protect him and thus protect her, maybe even acting as a jealous wife.

      He would go along with this ruse and why not. It is just an act, after all. They may share intense glances as they play this part your best friend created. Why not? It’s all in good fun, right?

         The playgrounds turn to Chuckie Cheese or the mall when the weather causes retreats to better climates. This entire time, he shares with her his thoughts, feelings and dreams. He also shares his concern for you, but will tell her not to say anything for fear you might take such thoughts as doubts in your abilities, making you feel far worse than you already do. She confides to him with her thoughts about you, maybe suggesting counseling to him, knowing full well that you have told him about your other friends that force feed you these things. He’ll look down at the ground and say he cannot do this as he already knows how you feel and it is totally out of the question.

           Your best friend takes his hands into hers; Then this will be our little secret then. Mums the word. She may give him a hug if all senses seem right to her. If he embraces her back, she knows it’s just a matter of time and proper working on her part.

Time marches on.

You can’t remember when the last time you had his friends and your friends over for dinner. You have no recall of the last time your friends and his friends went to a movie or bowling.

Over a period of time, with the energy she gives him with the kids, perhaps the housecleaning as she aids your downward spiral, enabling you to rest more and more. To become weaker still.

‘If he loves you, he will understand your lack of drive to please him,’

All the while, they get closer, their hugs grow longer and longer in length.

You feel grateful for having such a great friend. So helpful in taking care of your family while you can’t seem to do so. One who is not preachy and totally understanding of you.

Telling the things you wish to hear. Not telling what you need to hear as your now gone good friends had advised you to do. The friends you no longer have time for because you do not want to hear their words: I am too busy, kids have the flu, I am just too tired…

And she is plotting your downfall the entire time.

In the space of several months, he leaves you for her. He may even take the kids with him and join her. This leaves you upset, angry and most depressed.

He files for divorce on the grounds of emotional abandonment. You refused to get help with your problems and the kids were neglected in the process.

Didn’t your best friend have to clean the house, tend the kids and help your husband after he had worked all day because you just couldn’t cope so well?

He has grounds, and far worse, witnesses to prove this, ie, your friends who gave you advice you would not heed. He has your best friend that was so helpful in trying to keep your family on safe ground while you were ‘out of it’.

How could your best friend do this to you?

Chances are, he was yet another conquest for her. Perhaps due to her keen sense of recording events most take for granted. He, by long term proof, has proven himself to be a great hunter/provider. He has proven that he is loyal and trustworthy as he never broke the promise they had made months before. He has shown that he is understanding. He loves his kids as he would love her, the predator, with equal cadence. She has stayed at his side, through thick and thin. She has shown him her worth. She did this by doing very little on her part. Vacuuming, kid watching, keeping hubby from other women at the playground. Small morsels of spent energy by her standards, though displaying huge amounts to emotional thinking people.

She supports him during the divorce, though staying close to her. She tells her she is better of without him. Stupidly, this woman who cannot prove infidelity on his part, still listens to her.

She has just lost. This is only the beginning though and things get far worse for her as her children say: I miss *******, she was fun. YOU JUST SLEEP, MOMMY….

The cunning predator played both sides against the middle in her game to attain this man. To her, this was a win/win situation. If her friends husband does not take her for his, she has successfully broken them up for good as she has played him from the moment his wife allowed it. Encouraged it to be. If he does appreciate this kind and gentle woman for her efforts, takes her as his own, she still wins.

She played the game like the master manipulator she is. She sucked up to the tired wife and boldly said the complete opposite to what her other friends had said. She was so willing to aid her by helping the family. She was so kind to the bewildered husband and laughed and played with the kids. This is how she won confidence and favor from all sides of this.

She built he ego, told him of his great parenting and all the while, so subtly convincing him he deserved better.

As their hugs grew longer in duration, so did his desire for this woman. He would not admit this until the judge clapped the gabble, killing this marriage and having the predator suggest lunch as he ‘needs to keep his strength up for the kids.”

Men can be stupid this way.

There is a 78% chance he will marry the women that ‘Amtrak’d’ his marriage. This woman that fed his ego, filled him with understanding and concern about his ex-wife and did this all by mimicking normal human emotion and reaction to gain this conquest.

She is the heart of the worst of the Nonviolent Psychopathic female there is. One that displays to another how she gains from relationships that fail. She flaunts this to a best friend she has manipulated from day one. This best friend doesn’t get that this could cause her own failure.

Is it trust, exhaustion, or gullibility on the wife’s part this occurs? Is it the fault of the husband and his actions responding to both his wife’s wishes and wanting help in dealing with her? Truthfully, it is difficult to say one way or another.

In this scenario, both the wife and husband met this predator more than halfway.

AUTHORS NOTE: I heard about nine stories quite similar to this in my 1.5 years in Parents Without Partners over 19 years ago. PWOP was a great source of stories that I logged into memory as people so willingly spilled their hearts out to me. In the last 5 years, I’ve been told about eight such tales regarding this subject matter.

Why did I log such things? I studied psychology for decades at that point. Information is everything in regards to the human condition. What makes one think, act, respond to their situations? Call me a cold hearted bastard, but I had a sense of objectivity in remembering everything any person shared with me. I did not look at them as weak minded, stupid or naïve. They were a chance to learn, further my knowledge and growth in a field I loved so much. This must make me look like a monster. So be it then. Everything to me is a study in something and has some meaning. My Blog is an example of this: Hopefully some learn and protect themselves whilst others learn to manipulate and strength their skills.


PWOP Women told me, over many Chivas and soda‘s, their stories of best friends taking their man, and in some cases, their kids, from them. Men told me about their being fooled by some evil harlot, on in the vein of Southpark, were taken in by a evil ‘Succubus’, that caused them to go astray.

I was thirty years old on the playing field of the forty plus set. I had a long, full head of hair at that time and totally stood out from the normal. Somehow my mind recorded all the conversations at the bar of the PWOP dances at the Quality Inn on Brookpark rd. I remember the shy, mouth to ear whispered stories during slow dances that these seriously bombed women would tell me.

Wildly, more often than not, their stories went way beyond the length of the slow dance song. The Electric Slide or Def Leopards Photograph would blare and I’d smell either whiffs of cheap bourbon or really nasty wine as they still clutched me, filling me with their thoughts of both sadness and how they had hoped to butt fuck this man in court. Their lawyers always, AND I DO MEAN ALWAYS, according to them, had blown the case making them lose in front of a judge.

They told me their stories, asked me to go to someplace ‘a bit more private’. Sometimes I would, more often than not, I’d decline citing a leg cramp or some other lie depending on my instincts at the time regarding the story teller.

I always trusted my instincts regarding the face to face tellers of such stories when inebriation played a part. Sure, such close slow dances with what are now considered MILF’s , had no such meaning 19 years ago. These were great ego boost for a guy having just had a marriage dissolve a few months previous.

I still cannot forget the final event in this part of my life at that time.

I was thirty years old and necking, as well as great many other things, in a parking lot facing Brookpark road. I did such things in high school. It was acceptable when you are 16-18 years old. NOT THIRTY!

Sorry to dispel the belief that a stiff dick has no conscience. Mine did, I asked her to stop what she was doing and lift her head up. This was the last PWOP dance I went to. I do thank them for the stories though regarding this part of my Nonviolent Psychopath BLOG. There are others they told me about matters that do fit my BLOG, but not in the capacity of this installment.

Do you know anyone that fell to this scenario? If this happened to you, please answer anonymously or email me to share your stories.

Mark William Darus